In public bathrooms I will sometimes use the "children's urinal" in order to feel like a giant.
If no one's around, I'm likely to sing along with Aretha Franklin's version of "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman," but not the Carole King version.
I've never understood why anyone would bother making a porn movie that lasts longer than ten minutes.
I often pretend that the person standing next to me in an elevator is an unwitting carrier of a deadly airborne disease unleashed by terrorists who hate our freedom. This, of course, forces me to hold my breath until the doors open.
Ten years ago I measured my penis with a wood ruler. The irony was lost on me.
Sometimes sex just seems like a lot of work.
There are mornings when, for no percievable reason, I turn into a teenage girl and repeatedly change my outfit.
I floss so that my dentist will be proud of me.
Even when asked, I have never been able to "talk dirty" to a woman without feeling like a complete idiot.
My one attempt at manscaping ended in bloodshed.
If no one's around, I'm likely to sing along with Aretha Franklin's version of "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman," but not the Carole King version.
I've never understood why anyone would bother making a porn movie that lasts longer than ten minutes.
I often pretend that the person standing next to me in an elevator is an unwitting carrier of a deadly airborne disease unleashed by terrorists who hate our freedom. This, of course, forces me to hold my breath until the doors open.
Ten years ago I measured my penis with a wood ruler. The irony was lost on me.
Sometimes sex just seems like a lot of work.
There are mornings when, for no percievable reason, I turn into a teenage girl and repeatedly change my outfit.
I floss so that my dentist will be proud of me.
Even when asked, I have never been able to "talk dirty" to a woman without feeling like a complete idiot.
My one attempt at manscaping ended in bloodshed.
