Ever thought about using a safeword during your sessions? Do you refuse to use them? Find them useless? Is it a crucial element of play for you? Maybe you are like me in that, they are good to have in your back pocket in case you need to use one, but you’d really rather not.
Whatever category you fall under, I think one thing is certain – safewords are to be respected at all times. It is something that should be clearly laid out before a session begins along with one’s soft and hard limits – what do you want and even more so, what don’t you want to have happen during your session? Are certain places off limits? Do you prefer one tickle technique over the other? Tools or “no thank you” to them?
Trust is a huge factor in our community, obviously, as it often involves bondage and helplessly being at the hands of another person – whether it’s for some gentle tickling or extreme torture and pushing your limits. Although I personally enjoy many aspects of tickling, I like to linger more often near the torturous side of tickling – to see how much I can handle, provided it continues to remain fun!
I’ve had the opportunity to session many times and with many people – sometimes several people at once! It is a real rush to be tickled senseless. I have reached the point at least once that I can remember where I was drunk on giddiness. This usually only happens when I am sleepy. My defenses are down and I am less able to control my giggles. It’s a strange, euphoric feeling – one that doesn’t come over me too often.
Here’s the thing though. What constitutes a safeword? Until recently, in my own mind, a safeword was what you used when you couldn’t handle anymore tickling; and that if you safeworded, your Ler, in essence had won! They had broken you and thus were given the rights to bragging. I prefer to tickle for the pure fun of it – that’s what it is to me – pure fun! Something to do to open up, let loose, and something that feels good at the same time whilst harming no one. I can handle a lot of intense tickling and I can also be a stubborn Lee. Someone once said to me, “Your stoicism is maddening!” Was it their goal to break me? Did they want to tickle me so bad in order to force a safeword out of me? What if I did? Would they then brag about it from here on out? I know a lot of people who session – that is their goal. They laugh at the fact that they got to break someone – it makes them feel confident as a Ler. So I don’t safeword. I rarely ever do. I’m stubborn that way. I don’t want that Ler to “hold it over my head” until the end of time.
But at a recent session, I had a Ler who discovered that when nibbling on a certain part of my body would send me into hysterics! So he continued to do so until it got to the point where that part of my body was seriously starting to hurt! Like little “pinches” all over that I could have sworn was going to leave bruising or some kind of marks – but I didn’t safeword. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to admit defeat. Then I got thinking afterwards. There had to be some way to differentiate between giving up from “too much tickling”, (as if!! Some would say, eh?), and being in a certain amount of discomfort. Looking back on it, if I could use a safeword that saved me from the discomfort, but let my Ler know that I wasn’t “giving up” or declaring that he had broken me – and that I was, in fact, still eager for more tickles – then I probably would have used it. I was still having fun. I wasn’t ready to admit defeat from the tickles; but at the same time, that particular body part in which he insisted on tickling continually had had enough.
Most people say their safeword is “Red”. In fact, I think as far as play goes – those are one of the rules: Green is good, Yellow is cautionary – “I need a break for a second” and Red meaning stop altogether! When I began to session with people, I decided that I was going to come up with my own “cute” safeword. I didn’t like boring old, “Red”, so I decided that I was going to use the word “Ladybug”. It was cute, fun, not like I’d ever need it. And as I said before, I am stubborn and didn’t want to concede to defeat, so I don’t use it. But because of that recent session, I decided that I am going to change the way I view safewords. I am not going to be afraid to use “Red” if I am in any sort of discomfort and I will reserve my own “Ladybug” for the Ler that is actually able to, or trying to, break me.
I personally think that whenever you enter into a session with anyone in our fetish, or any fetish for that matter, where bondage or pushing one’s physical limits is involved, a safeword must be present – whether you believe in them or not – and must be respected and obeyed at all times. Trust is a big deal. In order for a session to be fun, you need to trust the person you are playing with so that there is never any doubt that they will do something you do not appreciate.
And coming from this shy girl, never be afraid to use your voice! If you don’t like something – say so! If you want to session with someone, but don’t feel altogether comfortable going alone, then ask if it’s okay to take along a trusted friend if it makes you feel better. This is a little cautionary note as people head into NEST coming up in May! I am glad they are making orientation mandatory for everyone – it’s important that everyone knows the rules so that we can all have fun! Because tickling IS fun! Safewords are important!
~ Shygirl aka The Barefoot Maiden
Whatever category you fall under, I think one thing is certain – safewords are to be respected at all times. It is something that should be clearly laid out before a session begins along with one’s soft and hard limits – what do you want and even more so, what don’t you want to have happen during your session? Are certain places off limits? Do you prefer one tickle technique over the other? Tools or “no thank you” to them?
Trust is a huge factor in our community, obviously, as it often involves bondage and helplessly being at the hands of another person – whether it’s for some gentle tickling or extreme torture and pushing your limits. Although I personally enjoy many aspects of tickling, I like to linger more often near the torturous side of tickling – to see how much I can handle, provided it continues to remain fun!
I’ve had the opportunity to session many times and with many people – sometimes several people at once! It is a real rush to be tickled senseless. I have reached the point at least once that I can remember where I was drunk on giddiness. This usually only happens when I am sleepy. My defenses are down and I am less able to control my giggles. It’s a strange, euphoric feeling – one that doesn’t come over me too often.
Here’s the thing though. What constitutes a safeword? Until recently, in my own mind, a safeword was what you used when you couldn’t handle anymore tickling; and that if you safeworded, your Ler, in essence had won! They had broken you and thus were given the rights to bragging. I prefer to tickle for the pure fun of it – that’s what it is to me – pure fun! Something to do to open up, let loose, and something that feels good at the same time whilst harming no one. I can handle a lot of intense tickling and I can also be a stubborn Lee. Someone once said to me, “Your stoicism is maddening!” Was it their goal to break me? Did they want to tickle me so bad in order to force a safeword out of me? What if I did? Would they then brag about it from here on out? I know a lot of people who session – that is their goal. They laugh at the fact that they got to break someone – it makes them feel confident as a Ler. So I don’t safeword. I rarely ever do. I’m stubborn that way. I don’t want that Ler to “hold it over my head” until the end of time.
But at a recent session, I had a Ler who discovered that when nibbling on a certain part of my body would send me into hysterics! So he continued to do so until it got to the point where that part of my body was seriously starting to hurt! Like little “pinches” all over that I could have sworn was going to leave bruising or some kind of marks – but I didn’t safeword. I wanted to, but I didn’t want to admit defeat. Then I got thinking afterwards. There had to be some way to differentiate between giving up from “too much tickling”, (as if!! Some would say, eh?), and being in a certain amount of discomfort. Looking back on it, if I could use a safeword that saved me from the discomfort, but let my Ler know that I wasn’t “giving up” or declaring that he had broken me – and that I was, in fact, still eager for more tickles – then I probably would have used it. I was still having fun. I wasn’t ready to admit defeat from the tickles; but at the same time, that particular body part in which he insisted on tickling continually had had enough.
Most people say their safeword is “Red”. In fact, I think as far as play goes – those are one of the rules: Green is good, Yellow is cautionary – “I need a break for a second” and Red meaning stop altogether! When I began to session with people, I decided that I was going to come up with my own “cute” safeword. I didn’t like boring old, “Red”, so I decided that I was going to use the word “Ladybug”. It was cute, fun, not like I’d ever need it. And as I said before, I am stubborn and didn’t want to concede to defeat, so I don’t use it. But because of that recent session, I decided that I am going to change the way I view safewords. I am not going to be afraid to use “Red” if I am in any sort of discomfort and I will reserve my own “Ladybug” for the Ler that is actually able to, or trying to, break me.
I personally think that whenever you enter into a session with anyone in our fetish, or any fetish for that matter, where bondage or pushing one’s physical limits is involved, a safeword must be present – whether you believe in them or not – and must be respected and obeyed at all times. Trust is a big deal. In order for a session to be fun, you need to trust the person you are playing with so that there is never any doubt that they will do something you do not appreciate.
And coming from this shy girl, never be afraid to use your voice! If you don’t like something – say so! If you want to session with someone, but don’t feel altogether comfortable going alone, then ask if it’s okay to take along a trusted friend if it makes you feel better. This is a little cautionary note as people head into NEST coming up in May! I am glad they are making orientation mandatory for everyone – it’s important that everyone knows the rules so that we can all have fun! Because tickling IS fun! Safewords are important!
~ Shygirl aka The Barefoot Maiden
