I’ve had such a love/hate relationship with tickling over the years. I’ve always thought tickling is the greatest phenomenon in the world. On the other hand, i’ve always been jealous of the fact that this seemingly universal notion of being ticklish had eluded me.
How could it be that my mind loved and craved tickling so much, but my body ignored the sensations?
After years of experiencing my fetish only through seeing pictures or videos, I finally took a big step for myself and joined this forum. The main reason behind taking that big leap was the introduction of therapy in my life. Through therapy, I started to write down my questions and thoughts about certain topics more analytically. As I am still closeted about my fetish in real life, writing it down was the only real outlet I had to express it to other people.
As I had hatched the idea of writing about my experiences in being tickled, I started to become more present and open-minded in the sessions that I was having with my wife. She doesn’t have the fetish, so she doesn’t tickle me often, but I felt more comfortable to ask for more frequent sessions.
Through those sessions, I’ve found out almost in real time that I’m actually ticklish, and perhaps even very ticklish in certain areas.
But the revelation of the experience has made me delve further into my fetish. In the right spots and circumstance, I’m ticklish. But why do I like being ticklish so much?
I could be tickled for hours. I could talk about it for days. I would love to tickle more people. I have so many questions about being ticklish.
In addition to learning that I’m ticklish, I’ve also come to truly appreciate my tendency to be more submissive during sessions. I grew up always wanting to be a ler, but have found that I wish I could be a lee so much more than I am. I think if my wife had the fetish, I would get tickled daily, and that would be utopian.
In my persistence of exploration, I think I’ve started to realize two components of my life that have taken my love of being tickled into overdrive.
Anxiety and abandonment.
I think I’ve had high levels of anxiety for most of my life, but I don’t think I recognized how much anxiety impacted me until working through therapy. Generally, when I’m anxious, I don’t like to be touched. I won’t want a hug, I won’t want to talk, and I find it so difficult to calm down.
My managing of my anxiety has changed a great deal over the years. I am much better than I used to be at regulating and recognizing it completely for what it is.
For my thoughts on abandonment, without going to much into my personal history, I’ve often felt let down by people close to me. Some of them have resulted in distanced relationships, and some of them have left my life altogether, at times when I’ve needed them most.
As a result, I’ve had difficulty expressing myself at times, building very close relationships, or being completely open in some of those relationships. I tend to self isolate more than I should, and I’m very protective of my vulnerabilities.
If I compound my anxiety and abandonment fears, I see no reason why I should like being submissive, or enjoy feeling ticklish at all.
But that’s only on the surface, and it’s a huge reason that I love this phenomenon as much as I do.
Tickling is anti-abandonment for me. I’m not necessarily talking about a quick poke in the sides, or skittering fingers on an outstretched foot, which is funny because neither of those things produce any reaction from me at all. They don’t register, and I don’t feel them. If those reactions gauged ticklishness, I would be a flat zero on the scale.
I’m talking about sessions. Exposing your vulnerabilities, and being a willing participant to someone that is specifically there to tickle you. It usually takes some time and patience for me to feel ticklish, like a delicate puzzle that gets closer and closer to resolving with each gentle movement.
In a session scenario, I feel wanted. I feel attractive. I feel seen.
Somebody has to take their time to intimately interact with you. To put their fingers in places that you might not normally get touched such as your feet or your armpits. To hone in on how much my tummy quivers with a light touch. To look at my face while they touch my sides, or ribs, or knees, or hips, to see if my reactions are changing. So they can base their next movement on those same reactions.
I might shake in a way that makes my belly jiggle slightly. I might let out a little sound or giggle that feels unexpected. I might not look tough or sexy as my body succumbs to a couple of delicate fingers.
But this is part of the beauty in tickling. In those moments, someone wants to tickle me. Someone wants my tickle spots, and my reactions, and I can’t isolate or run away. And neither do they. They want me in that moment.
This in turn, relieves my anxiety. I don’t have to be something I’m not. I can give into feelings that are being created by somebody else. I can give up control. I can be in someone else’s care. They can guide me, and hold me there.
I don’t think anyone could “tickle torture” me. I have no judgment for people that find that part of the fetish beautiful, but it’s not what pulls me in. I genuinely enjoy being tickled. I find it freeing and pleasurable.
I think I like being ticklish so much because it means that someone is trying to actively tickle me. Just me. Just for me. Just with me. To see me.
How could it be that my mind loved and craved tickling so much, but my body ignored the sensations?
After years of experiencing my fetish only through seeing pictures or videos, I finally took a big step for myself and joined this forum. The main reason behind taking that big leap was the introduction of therapy in my life. Through therapy, I started to write down my questions and thoughts about certain topics more analytically. As I am still closeted about my fetish in real life, writing it down was the only real outlet I had to express it to other people.
As I had hatched the idea of writing about my experiences in being tickled, I started to become more present and open-minded in the sessions that I was having with my wife. She doesn’t have the fetish, so she doesn’t tickle me often, but I felt more comfortable to ask for more frequent sessions.
Through those sessions, I’ve found out almost in real time that I’m actually ticklish, and perhaps even very ticklish in certain areas.
But the revelation of the experience has made me delve further into my fetish. In the right spots and circumstance, I’m ticklish. But why do I like being ticklish so much?
I could be tickled for hours. I could talk about it for days. I would love to tickle more people. I have so many questions about being ticklish.
In addition to learning that I’m ticklish, I’ve also come to truly appreciate my tendency to be more submissive during sessions. I grew up always wanting to be a ler, but have found that I wish I could be a lee so much more than I am. I think if my wife had the fetish, I would get tickled daily, and that would be utopian.
In my persistence of exploration, I think I’ve started to realize two components of my life that have taken my love of being tickled into overdrive.
Anxiety and abandonment.
I think I’ve had high levels of anxiety for most of my life, but I don’t think I recognized how much anxiety impacted me until working through therapy. Generally, when I’m anxious, I don’t like to be touched. I won’t want a hug, I won’t want to talk, and I find it so difficult to calm down.
My managing of my anxiety has changed a great deal over the years. I am much better than I used to be at regulating and recognizing it completely for what it is.
For my thoughts on abandonment, without going to much into my personal history, I’ve often felt let down by people close to me. Some of them have resulted in distanced relationships, and some of them have left my life altogether, at times when I’ve needed them most.
As a result, I’ve had difficulty expressing myself at times, building very close relationships, or being completely open in some of those relationships. I tend to self isolate more than I should, and I’m very protective of my vulnerabilities.
If I compound my anxiety and abandonment fears, I see no reason why I should like being submissive, or enjoy feeling ticklish at all.
But that’s only on the surface, and it’s a huge reason that I love this phenomenon as much as I do.
Tickling is anti-abandonment for me. I’m not necessarily talking about a quick poke in the sides, or skittering fingers on an outstretched foot, which is funny because neither of those things produce any reaction from me at all. They don’t register, and I don’t feel them. If those reactions gauged ticklishness, I would be a flat zero on the scale.
I’m talking about sessions. Exposing your vulnerabilities, and being a willing participant to someone that is specifically there to tickle you. It usually takes some time and patience for me to feel ticklish, like a delicate puzzle that gets closer and closer to resolving with each gentle movement.
In a session scenario, I feel wanted. I feel attractive. I feel seen.
Somebody has to take their time to intimately interact with you. To put their fingers in places that you might not normally get touched such as your feet or your armpits. To hone in on how much my tummy quivers with a light touch. To look at my face while they touch my sides, or ribs, or knees, or hips, to see if my reactions are changing. So they can base their next movement on those same reactions.
I might shake in a way that makes my belly jiggle slightly. I might let out a little sound or giggle that feels unexpected. I might not look tough or sexy as my body succumbs to a couple of delicate fingers.
But this is part of the beauty in tickling. In those moments, someone wants to tickle me. Someone wants my tickle spots, and my reactions, and I can’t isolate or run away. And neither do they. They want me in that moment.
This in turn, relieves my anxiety. I don’t have to be something I’m not. I can give into feelings that are being created by somebody else. I can give up control. I can be in someone else’s care. They can guide me, and hold me there.
I don’t think anyone could “tickle torture” me. I have no judgment for people that find that part of the fetish beautiful, but it’s not what pulls me in. I genuinely enjoy being tickled. I find it freeing and pleasurable.
I think I like being ticklish so much because it means that someone is trying to actively tickle me. Just me. Just for me. Just with me. To see me.
