Perspective is everything, Jude.
Everything.
Now, envision that you're a woman. To this view, you must apply the concepts of meeting a person you don't know. Let's start with the online perspective. You need, for this, to talk to some of the women who have made themselves known in our community.
Ask a few if they've received any of the following:
a) a flood of "wannas"
b) accusations of their immorality
c) criticisms of their appearance
This, from men that have yet to actually SEE them.
Now, am I "killing it" for you? No. Women are more communicative, but require some safeties. Our gender will rush forward, boldly or foolishly, depending on the outcome. Women don't tend towards that.
This was true BEFORE the TMF. This is true in general, socially, in western culture.
How do you, then, motivate primary contact?
You can try to communicate in a safe fashion.
Or you can criticize their caution. Declaring their intent, and throwing out an emoticon with it, is interpretable as a negative perspective. At that point, you could be a tall, muscular, young, motorcycle-riding stud that's gentle and sensitive IRL, with fingers to DIE for. You just peeved your reading audience unknowingly, and closed their eyes to you.
Now, a guy reads your post and sympathizes. Does this online. You get support, as you will, as many men are frustrated by the difficulty in meeting this elusive breed known as the female ticklephile. Now there's more than one of you on the outside looking in.
Am I picking on you? No. I'm *trying* to show you where your path is going towards online isolation for every woman that visits this forum. Our of 12,000 registered users, that's a few.
It's not necessary.
Back to those women. They meet those of us that don't squick them. The few of them that take this chance, do, anyway. More, still, meet men via gatherings & munches, or other social events, as these offer more anonymity for them. More safety to observe without consequence. Some of us play by their rules, give them the benefit of what they need so they FEEL safe, FEEL comfortable. Is anyone truly safe? I don't know. I do know that I've met dozens of women in this community, coast to coast and nation to nation.
I married one of us.
I've been organizing gatherings for near a decade.
In that time I've gotten mail from SO many women, and a few men, with their worries, their concerns.
I'm *trying* to help you, by sharing perspective. You don't HAVE to take my perspective. You can, in fact, "fight the power" here. Rage against the machine. Tell me I'm wrong, and argue that the women are something negative for not appeasing a man's desire to have them communicate more conveniently.
That'll accomplish a lot. How long have you been looking?
It's wicked difficult social alchemy, getting a cool woman into the same physical space as you. Harder still to go, one by one, through the women in this community to find "the one." The one that believes as you believe, has no issue with your politic, appreciates your physical appearance, appeals to your desire. The list goes on and on.
To do this, you HAVE to meet them. HAVE to know them. HAVE to talk to them, unless you're going to accept simple physical appearance from someone.
Means you gotta reach a neutral ground for BOTH of you. Means you HAVE to find a way to approach them, those wiley, elusive and oh-so-delightful women, and communicate.
Negative motivation doesn't work well with adult women. Didn't work so well in high school. Still won't, largely.
So what do you do?
a) give up, knock them for your successes, and stay isolated
b) figure out what THEY want, and decide to achieve communication in a means that they'll appreciate, respond to, and enjoy.
I see so many of these sorts of angry responses, and remember basic Psych 101 from college. As a gender, women respond really well to CERTAIN emotional honesty. Anger isn't one of those appreciated emotions. Sorrow from a stranger isn't appreciated, in general, either.
There are other ways. Personals can be a difficult path. If you're not finding anyone this way, try another way. Either a different approach in the personals, or attending of events, which occur all over the country. Make FRIENDS with the women here. You likely have some friends already. Ask THEM if I'm talkin' outta my posterior, as they'll have an even BETTER perspective than mine, 'cause their WOMEN.
Try anything other than the negative attention approach you're doing. It's GOING to earn you a lot of silence.
That sucks. No man needs that. No man wants that for long. Better to find the One.
dvnc