Advice please

[ticklechambers]

I'm with a guy who is amazing so amazing and kind, and everything almost perfect except that he lives four hours away from me and i don't feel that 'excited-nervous' buzz when i think about him. Things were generally going well until a crush from my past reappeared in my life. He was not in the country for 6months! But now he is back (with pretty good excuses for why we lost contact) and he wants to see me again. I had really intense feelings for him... but i just started a relationship with a near perfect guy who seems to really care for me.

Is it a futile question to ask if there is a way i can take the time to figure out who i want without hurting anyone's feelings?

 

[BrightEyes1082]

Nope. Take the time. I wish I had done that before I got married
(I'm now divorced - moved out 10 months after our wedding). That
isn't to say nobody's feelings will get hurt, but it's worth not wasting
your time or either of theirs.

 

[bri908]

Nope. Take the time. I wish I had done that before I got married
(I'm now divorced - moved out 10 months after our wedding). That
isn't to say nobody's feelings will get hurt, but it's worth not wasting
your time or either of theirs.

-------------------------------------

sorry things didnt work out for you -but- at least you got out before you were in too deep

 

[jhop220]

First off...Be honest and up front with both guys. That will save you and them a lot of drama and heartache.

Make sure this crush isn't just that...a crush. Intense emotions shouldn't block sound judgement.

Since you are in a committed relationship (even though it is long distance)...you have dug yourself into a hole. You have to understand that commitment that made to the other guy. This crush that reappeared in your life will test how committed you are to the other fella.

This is an early test to the relationship you are in, and it is important to see if you feel like it is worth it. Now since you know this guy who reappeared and he wants to see you....be sure you know under what terms that will be. Have coffee or lunch and make it as unromantic really as you can, so it is like meeting with a friend more than anything.

Like I said first...you have to be up front with both people especially your new fella. He should hear the truth more than anyone. It will help you in the long run and maybe build a foundation to a stable and long lasting relationship

 

[ticklechambers]

Thanks everyone for your replies You know, i think i was just shocked and put off by his sudden return. The guy i'm with now is better for me in every way. In fact i'm seeing him tomorrow It may not be a silly excitable girly crush thing... and the long distance doesn't help that... but I really care about him and can see it working with him in the long run.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Thanks everyone for your replies You know, i think i was just shocked and put off by his sudden return. The guy i'm with now is better for me in every way. In fact i'm seeing him tomorrow It may not be a silly excitable girly crush thing... and the long distance doesn't help that... but I really care about him and can see it working with him in the long run.

The only advise I can offer, is to follow your instincts'. By reading this post, you are doing just that...

 

[t.bone5863]

As hard as is, the best thing to do is take yourself out of the moment (how you feel right now) and instead try to imagine the repercussions of each decision. In other words, try to picture yourself a year from now, should you choose one over the other. Intense feelings are like a white-hot flame; they don't last. That doesn't mean that your feelings won't mature into something more substantial, just don't expect the intensity to remain.

On the other hand, if you don't feel that 'excited-nervous' buzz by this time, you most likely won't. However, true affection (i.e., love) doesn't have to strike like lightning. It can grow like a flower (hopefully, not like a weed).

The bottom line is, no matter which choice you make, you will always wonder if it was the right decision. That's what makes life so interesting.

 

[TickVix]

It sounds as if you have made a good decision and the man your with now sounds like a gem. I know how the long distance thing must make you feel. It's tough, but I'm sure eventually you both will work something out so that it won't be so much of an issue. Plus you get to miss each other more . I wish you both tge best of luck and if you know in your heart that he's the one, don't allow anything or anyone to come between that. There is a lot of temptation in the world, but if you love someone none of that wont even phase you. Once again good luck to you.

 

[tickles4fun]

I was wondering how you made out with this?
I say take the time, but don't take too much time, or you may lose both.

 

[ticklechambers]

Chose the new guy Thanks for all the support guys! You're all very smart people xo