Am I asexual?

[violetsarered]

I’m a male with a tickle fetish and it’s directed at women only. I would say tickling is sexual for me but penetration/intercourse isn’t really a turn on for me. I thought I was straight because I like to tickle hot women but I’ve seen people identify as asexual because they don’t like intercourse but like tickling instead. I’m kind of in a crisis right now so help. I still like women and want to tickle them. But does my dislike for actual sex make me asexual?

 

[Libertine]

How old are you, first and foremost? And have you ever actually had sex?

Or do you avoid making passes at women simply because the inevitable rejections which can and so often do occur at every possible stage of a seduction are so painful?

While actually very rare, the thought of being asexual/heavily alphabetised is terribly fashionable nowadays, especially with young women who feel that being penetrated is somehow anti-feminist, or younger men who listen to younger women being neurotic.

Cutting to the chase, for the overwhelming majority of people on this forum tickling is simply Sex Lite. And if you're interested in tickling women, you're a straight guy who, when the time's right, will very probably have a perfectly nice sex life with a few giggles and a bit of rope thrown in to differentiate you from the dreary mainstream of men that woman usually encounter.

So learn to relax, learn to socialise and learn to be convivial.

All three take practice but the rewards are very pleasant indeed.

Good luck.

 

[Wolf]

I’m a male with a tickle fetish and it’s directed at women only. I would say tickling is sexual for me but penetration/intercourse isn’t really a turn on for me. I thought I was straight because I like to tickle hot women but I’ve seen people identify as asexual because they don’t like intercourse but like tickling instead. I’m kind of in a crisis right now so help. I still like women and want to tickle them. But does my dislike for actual sex make me asexual?

No. Asexual means you have no sexual desire, for person or an activity.

 

[dskodj]

You are not Asexual. You are just someone with a very strong tickle fetish, very much like myself

 

[4Pawz]

Hi, non-binary demisexual here. First, asexual is not all encompassing. There are various levels. Demisexual is within the asexual category.

Please don't be dismissive of this person. Unless you understand this type of sexuality, comments should only be encouraging. No one should be assigning a sexuality, that is for them to figure out. And don't tell them their sexuality or they don't have enough experience. Their experience and journey is their own.

Asexuality can include attraction, romantic feelings, and actual desire for intercourse/oral/etc. There is also "Questioning". All of this is natural and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. We can all explore our sexual desires and attractions, even in adulthood. Sexuality can be quite fluid.

You don't have to assign a label to it. You don't have to explain it to anyone, if you don't want to. I recommend both the HRC and Trevor Project websites. Both can be helpful with information I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Feel free to PM me if you need any more support or have more questions.

 

[Libertine]

Male and female sexuality are polar opposites- women can be paid for sex, for one thing -and at the risk of offending (this being all the rage nowadays) I really think that this man needs advice from other men.

 

[lostphilosopher]

To the OP, I'm in a similar boat and honestly feel like I defy categorization.

Also, I think 4Pawz has some solid advice.

 

[violetsarered]

I haven’t had sex yet and i’m 18. I’ve just questioned i’m asexual after seeing people with this fetish say they are because they prefer tickling over sex. I will always take tickling over sex but I thought I was straight still because I like women in every way shape or form. Shouldn’t tickling count as sex if you have the fetish? Because it’s sexual? Hm

 

[Libertine]

I haven’t had sex yet and i’m 18. I’ve just questioned i’m asexual after seeing people with this fetish say they are because they prefer tickling over sex. I will always take tickling over sex but I thought I was straight still because I like women in every way shape or form. Shouldn’t tickling count as sex if you have the fetish? Because it’s sexual? Hm

I stand by my previous advice. Finding someone to sleep with is never easy for a straight guy, but force yourself to get into situations where you're going to meet and chat to women, be decent about it and see how things go. And don't rely on the Net for a social life because so much of it is complete bullshit.

Trying to sort yourself out sexually is boring, rife with rejection and generally unpleasant. But I'm afraid that's what you'll have to do if you want to grow up to be a halfway normal person. If you are attending university you are three quarters of the way there already, simply because you are surrounded by young women your own age. It's the way of the world that most of them aren't going to be terribly pleasant to you, but that's something that you simply have to overcome.

All I can say is get out there, get chatting to women, be open to new experiences and ignore the incels because they're a bunch of pathetic losers.

Good luck

 

[CapturedDoll]

For me tickling is sexual. You may not have intercourse but that doesn't mean you don't masturbate to it. If you don't it doesn't mean your asexual. But... you may be so just take your time and don't rush your feelings. Life is a marathon not a sprint. No rush.

 

[Wolf]

If you're comfortable with you are, as long as you're up front about it with anyone you're considering a relationship with (casual play partners notwithstanding), you can call yourself whatever you want. No one else's opinions matter, including mine. If you need a term to make it easier to explain, use it.

 

[duderino84]

Libertine is correct. Being a guy in the dating market has all sorts of steps, responsibilities, and formalities that make dating a lot more like a job interview. And tickling is caught in a whole storm of argument of whether or not it's legitimate. My advice? Savor your freedom

 

[Wolf]

Libertine is correct. Being a guy in the dating market has all sorts of steps, responsibilities, and formalities that make dating a lot more like a job interview. And tickling is caught in a whole storm of argument of whether or not it's legitimate. My advice? Savor your freedom

The OP didn't indicate they had any trouble in the dating market.

 

[Libertine]

I haven’t had sex yet and i’m 18...I like women in every way shape or form.

Strikes me that the gentleman IS having trouble in the dating market, just like any normal guy does.

I stand by my previous advice. We've all been there.

Best of luck, OP, for an improvement, but that'll take some work.

Keep pitching and consider it a labour of love.

 

[duderino84]

The OP didn't indicate they had any trouble in the dating market.

No, he just didn't want to screw anyone. Happens to the best of us, me included. That's not being asexual, that's wanting to not sign a life- changing contract. Sorry, got caught up in Libertine posting.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

Oh man, lots of discourse here. I’m asexual and consider myself to have a tickle fetish, so maybe I can weigh in.

The big question is: Do you experience sexual attraction? If yes, you are not asexual. If not, you are asexual. As for what sexual attraction actually is… I guess, do you ever look at someone and desire to engage in sexual acts with them? Including but not limited to, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, hand jobs, foot jobs, using a hitachi on her clit?

Now this may confuse a lot of people, but actions don’t necessarily equal orientation. There are many asexuals who still enjoy the physical act of sex, just without any attraction to the actual person (so essentially they’re using them as a walking dildo). So it’s entirely possible that you’re heterosexual with a preference for fetish acts instead of sex.

Personally, I don’t enjoy sex at all. Yes I have tried it, and it was a horrible experience that I’m glad I don’t have to put up with anymore. This was consensual sexual, not assault, but I still found it unpleasant. Sometimes I do get aroused from being tickled, but this never extends to wanting to fuck the person or even wanting an orgasm. I did experience romantic attraction in the past, but rarely do so now. Hookup culture confuses me. Growing up, I wasn’t aware that it was normal to desire sex, or to fantasise about sex with specific people, because I never did.

This is all just my personal experience. Asexuality exists on a spectrum, so the only person that can truly determine whether or not you are, is you. The others are correct that you’re still young and your desires may change and evolve until your brain has finished developing.

Hope this helped.

 

[violetsarered]

The big question is: Do you experience sexual attraction? If yes, you are not asexual. If not, you are asexual. As for what sexual attraction actually is… I guess, do you ever look at someone and desire to engage in sexual acts with them? Including but not limited to, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, hand jobs, foot jobs, using a hitachi on her clit?

When I see a hot girl I want to get tickled by her and her to make me orgasm. But never penetrative sex. I guess that still counts as sexual attraction I’ve just seen people count it only as actual intercourse sex.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Jezebel Lee]

When I see a hot girl I want to get tickled by her and her to make me orgasm. But never penetrative sex. I guess that still counts as sexual attraction I’ve just seen people count it only as actual intercourse sex.

I won’t lie, I have seen a few people do all sorts of mental gymnastics in order to label themselves as asexual or some other queer identity. For example, those who insist on mutual orgasms during every tickle session with specific genders only, but still label themselves asexual just because they don’t enjoy vaginal penetration. But I digress…

In your case, it does sound like you’re heterosexual with a preference for no penetrative sex. That’s perfectly okay. Ultimately though, it’s up to you how you wish to identify.

 

[violetsarered]

For example, those who insist on mutual orgasms during every tickle session with specific genders only, but still label themselves asexual just because they don’t enjoy vaginal penetration. But I digress…

That’s what kind of annoys me. It’s also that hetero people will call it asexual and then asexuals with call it hetero. You have made the most sense here and I am realizing now that sex really is shared sexual pleasure with someone no matter how it’s done. But some people think different i guess. Thanks for the help.

 

[Jezebel Lee]

That’s what kind of annoys me. It’s also that hetero people will call it asexual and then asexuals with call it hetero. You have made the most sense here and I am realizing now that sex really is shared sexual pleasure with someone no matter how it’s done. But some people think different i guess. Thanks for the help.

Sexuality is confusing and never black and white. Glad I could help provide some insight!

 

[Libertine]

As a last contribution before bowing out of this discussion, I read this many years ago as an advert on a tube train in London, and jotted it down. I had to jot it down, children, because this occurred in that dinosaur-infested Dark Age before smartphones with integral camera were invented.

Anyway, that night I inscribed it (in cursive script, with a pen and ink!) in the book of interesting quotations I was compiling over the years, and to which I still add on rare occasions.

'There is nothing like sexuality for making a mockery of our self-knowledge. In our erotic lives, our preferences do not always accord with our standards. We are excited by the oddest things, and sometimes the oddest people.'

 

[ChicagoDavid]

I was curious and did some reading. The term asexual has different permutations. Some dislike anything remotely sexual. Some like foreplay or cuddling but do not like intercourse. (So, straight and asexual.) Some like foreplay and find intercourse repulsive. Just figure out what is you -- not so you know which label applies, but rather, so you know what you want and can pursue same.

You will hear many say what Libertine says. "This 'asexual and you find girls attractive' stuff is all BS, go out there and be a man, etc." (Sorry, Libertine, I usually really enjoy your comments.). It is possible that he is right in your instance and that influences around you have caused you to jump to a conclusion. But it also is possible that you like tickling yet don't like intercourse. The important thing is, evaluate yourself honestly and nonjudgmentally to figure yourself out. Don't judge yourself and if others judge you, the error is theirs, not yours.

 

[violetsarered]

Well, when I say I “dont like intercourse” i’m meaning I don’t get turned on by it like I do with tickling. I’m not repulsed by it at all. I am attracted to women’s bodies. To be honest, I think it’s just easier to say I’m straight but need tickling to get me going. The whole asexual but likes women thing is just so confusing and wouldn’t make sense to anyone. Not even me LOL.

 

[ChicagoDavid]

So, I saw roughly the first page of responses, started reading about asexuality, got distracted by work, finished my post, and after typing my post, I saw a bunch more posts. Jezebel Lee's are particularly interesting - I think my reading makes me a novice on the labels aspect of this. (And I like Libertine's quote in his final message.)

For example, for the guy who finds particular women attractive, wants to tickle them, and does not want intercourse. Is he "heterosexual with a preference for no intercourse?" Or is he, "hetero and asexual," per the source I read? I think that is a warning against working too hard on finding the right label. If different people have different ideas in mind for what a label means, that kinda ruins the label!

 

[ChicagoDavid]

Well, when I say I “dont like intercourse” i’m meaning I don’t get turned on by it like I do with tickling. I’m not repulsed by it at all. I am attracted to women’s bodies. To be honest, I think it’s just easier to say I’m straight but need tickling to get me going. The whole asexual but likes women thing is just so confusing and wouldn’t make sense to anyone. Not even me LOL.

But that is an actual thing - whatever the label -- the guy who does not want sexual intercourse and in fact, finds it repulsive, but gets hard when he sees a Victoria secret model and wants to tickle her. So, if you ever get talking with such a guy, be careful not to judge him!