Biggles of 266
1st Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2001
- Messages
- 1,128
- Points
- 36
GENERAL OVERVIEW
Australia is a large foreign country situated somewhere else. Despite not being an important member of the world community, it still thinks it is. It is surrounded by thousands of tiny island nations, some of which belong to Australia but aren’t very happy about it. The country itself is old, but white settlers have only been shooting the natives for around 200 years. Among Australian cultural treasures are the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney (the largest in the world) and a large sheep-dip on Bruce’s place. Very large concrete monuments to food dominates the highways, so do not be afraid if you suddenly come across a Big Banana, Big Pineapple or Big Prawn. In some ways Australia is modern, such as its attitude towards foreigners (treating them equally by locking all of the bastards up in the desert). Most Australians speak English, although not a dialect easily recognisable to Americans. Never call anyone ‘cobber’, ever.
THE PEOPLE
Australia has a population of 19.7 million people. Of these, .7 million people actually work outdoors, wear hats, fight cattle and get covered in dust. The remaining 19 million just tell foreigners that’s what they do for a living. The Australian people in general can be compared to a large Labrador. Friendly and always cheerful, but likely to knock things over at parties and dribble on the carpet. Although there is no dominant Australian religion, George Gregan and Mat Rogers feature heavily in prayers around the time of trans-Tasman tests. Young men have names like Bruce and Bill, older males are always ceremonially re-christened Reg on their 60th birthday. American travelers are advised not to laugh.
SAFETY
A very safe country. Bombed once or twice by Japanese planes that had lost their way and thought they were over Washington. Try not to arrive by leaky boat, or fleeing for your life, as the government takes a dim view of this, and will lock you up in the desert.
HISTORY
Australia was populated 40,000 years ago by foreigners until the arrival of the first Australians in 1788, being shortly followed by every English person who wasn’t an inbred lord, count, viceroy or duke. It has long been considered a tactical error by the British to send their most cunning and intelligent citizens to live on a beach in the sun. These thugs, murderers and bread thieves have since formed the Australian Rugby League and Union teams and commit licenced slaughter of English teams regularly. All famous Australian explorers have never been seen since taking their first lonely and fateful steps into the desert. Many poems and statues have been created in their honour.
GOVERNMENT
The Australian form of government is democratic and colourful. Politicians call each other scumbags and liars without fear of retribution. Elections are held every 4 years, the main benefit being that journalists are given license to write long and boring articles. Voting is compulsory and failure to vote results in a large fine and transportation back to the mother country. This is seen to be punishment enough. Nobody understands how parliament works, so the system is something like a magic box. Money goes in, laws come out. The Liberals are conservative, and Labor is liberal. There are also the Greens, who are only there to make up the numbers, and the Democrats, who use the slogan ‘Keep the Bastards Honest’. The Prime Minister has always and will always be a small bald man who wears a hat in the country to appear more down to earth. His prime occupation is to kiss the buttocks of visiting Heads of State, on the grounds that their country is all that will protect us from any sort of invasion. During World War Two, the plan was for all those who lived in the top half of the country, to come down the bottom and let the Japanese keep the desert.
CULTURE
An opera house and a man in khaki do not a vibrant social culture make. The only famous Australian movies involve drag queens (Crikey!), Mad Max and some buffalo-hypnotising weirdo.
CUISINE
Meat. Cooked over fire. Fire and Meat good! Only girls eat fresh vegetables. Real men get scurvy.
ECONOMY
Australia has a large economy, solely based on the fact that no other country in the world would be caught dead growing their own food. Farmers grow wheat, sheep and cattle. These are the principal exports, followed by loud backpackers heading to Earl’s Court in London. Australia does make wine that is apparently regarded highly overseas, but not drunk here for obvious reasons.
PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
Australia has no public holidays. Workers call in sick at random and spend the day in bed with a beer, celebrating on their own. The day Australia won the America’s Cup is still informally celebrated with a beer in bed, as is Australia Day, the anniversary of the first English jackboot on the beaches. Australia Day is celebrated with a beer and meat pie in bed.
CONCLUSION
At least it's not New Zealand.
Australia is a large foreign country situated somewhere else. Despite not being an important member of the world community, it still thinks it is. It is surrounded by thousands of tiny island nations, some of which belong to Australia but aren’t very happy about it. The country itself is old, but white settlers have only been shooting the natives for around 200 years. Among Australian cultural treasures are the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney (the largest in the world) and a large sheep-dip on Bruce’s place. Very large concrete monuments to food dominates the highways, so do not be afraid if you suddenly come across a Big Banana, Big Pineapple or Big Prawn. In some ways Australia is modern, such as its attitude towards foreigners (treating them equally by locking all of the bastards up in the desert). Most Australians speak English, although not a dialect easily recognisable to Americans. Never call anyone ‘cobber’, ever.
THE PEOPLE
Australia has a population of 19.7 million people. Of these, .7 million people actually work outdoors, wear hats, fight cattle and get covered in dust. The remaining 19 million just tell foreigners that’s what they do for a living. The Australian people in general can be compared to a large Labrador. Friendly and always cheerful, but likely to knock things over at parties and dribble on the carpet. Although there is no dominant Australian religion, George Gregan and Mat Rogers feature heavily in prayers around the time of trans-Tasman tests. Young men have names like Bruce and Bill, older males are always ceremonially re-christened Reg on their 60th birthday. American travelers are advised not to laugh.
SAFETY
A very safe country. Bombed once or twice by Japanese planes that had lost their way and thought they were over Washington. Try not to arrive by leaky boat, or fleeing for your life, as the government takes a dim view of this, and will lock you up in the desert.
HISTORY
Australia was populated 40,000 years ago by foreigners until the arrival of the first Australians in 1788, being shortly followed by every English person who wasn’t an inbred lord, count, viceroy or duke. It has long been considered a tactical error by the British to send their most cunning and intelligent citizens to live on a beach in the sun. These thugs, murderers and bread thieves have since formed the Australian Rugby League and Union teams and commit licenced slaughter of English teams regularly. All famous Australian explorers have never been seen since taking their first lonely and fateful steps into the desert. Many poems and statues have been created in their honour.
GOVERNMENT
The Australian form of government is democratic and colourful. Politicians call each other scumbags and liars without fear of retribution. Elections are held every 4 years, the main benefit being that journalists are given license to write long and boring articles. Voting is compulsory and failure to vote results in a large fine and transportation back to the mother country. This is seen to be punishment enough. Nobody understands how parliament works, so the system is something like a magic box. Money goes in, laws come out. The Liberals are conservative, and Labor is liberal. There are also the Greens, who are only there to make up the numbers, and the Democrats, who use the slogan ‘Keep the Bastards Honest’. The Prime Minister has always and will always be a small bald man who wears a hat in the country to appear more down to earth. His prime occupation is to kiss the buttocks of visiting Heads of State, on the grounds that their country is all that will protect us from any sort of invasion. During World War Two, the plan was for all those who lived in the top half of the country, to come down the bottom and let the Japanese keep the desert.
CULTURE
An opera house and a man in khaki do not a vibrant social culture make. The only famous Australian movies involve drag queens (Crikey!), Mad Max and some buffalo-hypnotising weirdo.
CUISINE
Meat. Cooked over fire. Fire and Meat good! Only girls eat fresh vegetables. Real men get scurvy.
ECONOMY
Australia has a large economy, solely based on the fact that no other country in the world would be caught dead growing their own food. Farmers grow wheat, sheep and cattle. These are the principal exports, followed by loud backpackers heading to Earl’s Court in London. Australia does make wine that is apparently regarded highly overseas, but not drunk here for obvious reasons.
PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
Australia has no public holidays. Workers call in sick at random and spend the day in bed with a beer, celebrating on their own. The day Australia won the America’s Cup is still informally celebrated with a beer in bed, as is Australia Day, the anniversary of the first English jackboot on the beaches. Australia Day is celebrated with a beer and meat pie in bed.
CONCLUSION
At least it's not New Zealand.
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