BrightEyes1082
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- Joined
- Sep 18, 2001
- Messages
- 5,103
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Ok, I guess I took long enough to get started on this.
The beginning:
I'm Amanda. I'm 26. I was born in Duluth, MN, and grew up in Ironwood, MI,
which is in the upper peninsula. I moved to Summerville, SC with my family
when I was 11. I was a total band nerd, but definitely one of the cooler ones. ^^
My parents divorced when I was 13. That gave me some daddy
issues. Yeah, I still carry those around. I hope to let them go someday.
I'll skip my high-school pregnancy that was the result of abuse, and the
ugly mess that was, and the many boyfriends who ended up being selfish
jerks. I got saved when I was 16 at a Rebecca St. James concert. I
backslid bigtime from about 18 until I turned 22.
Some history:
I spent some time away from home in college, but came back because I
wanted to live on my own and work for awhile. I did that for about a year
before moving back home so I could go to school (and kept working full-
time). I was working for an airline, which is where I met my husband. He
was a sexy pilot, and boy did I love a man in uniform! He was the first man
in my life to be nice to me. What he didn't tell me (until after I'd fallen hard
for him) was that he was not just going through a divorce at the time, but
that he was facing felony child abuse charges for shaking his 6 month old
daughter. She was 16 months old when I met him. It was an accident, she
was choking on her formula. Well, I was 21 and not wise, and I bought the
whole spiel hook, line and sinker.
Fast-forward about 6 months and he had his final court hearing, and was
sentenced to 20 years in prison, 15 of them suspended. I knew I had to
stand by him. His divorce was finalized while he was in prison. I visited him
faithfully every other month. I was making so little money that I sold my
plasma (which caused me to vomit the entire time I was at the clinic) so
that I could afford to go visit him. I even drove once through Hurricane Rita
from Memphis to central Mississippi so that I wouldn't miss his visitation. He
proposed to me Christmas Eve 2005 over the phone, and had had his
parents buy the ring with his money, and send it to my mom. I said yes, and
planned and paid for our January 2007 wedding.
Oh, it gets worse:
He was so clingy and insecure after his 11/2006 release that I couldn't stand him,
but I chalked it all up to being in prison for 2.5 years. He refused to seek any
counseling, and I managed to get him a job right away using my connections,
and after only two months there, scored him a really good job at our local
airport in rental car sales with full benefits. If it wasn't bad enough putting
up with the incredible insecurity and his constant accusations of me not ever
loving him, when he was violent with both me and then our puppy, my eyes
were opened to the fact that he didn't shake his daughter on accident. It
was pure rage because she wouldn't stop crying. It was then that I knew I
could never have a family with this man. Ever. So I left. That was November
27, 2007.
I'm struggling now with whether to file for divorce. I am a hardcore believer,
and I don't have Biblical grounds to file. But I can't stay married to him. Not
many of my friends are believers, and so don't seem to understand, but it's
a real struggle for me, although I'm sure the solution seems obvious. Even so,
my husband refuses to sign a divorce. All of my assets were protected when
I immediately filed for legal separation right after I moved out. We spent some
time in counseling, and he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
To this day, he insists that the doctor said he was curable. I wonder if we
were really sitting in the same office.
Things get better:
In January of 2007, I accidentally sent an IM to LeeAllure. I felt like such an
idiot. But we ended up talking quite a bit. We talked about what we were
into, about NEST, and everything in between. We talked about me being
collared to her during NEST only, and I ended up going up to meet her in NH
in March. That's where she ended up collaring me permanently. She was then,
and still is now, my owner. I belong to her. There are not words that can
adequetely describe what she means to me. I am a complete mess anytime
she's disappointed in me. I am on cloud 9 when she is pleased with me. You
can read about all of our ups and downs on our blog, http://leesmandy.blogspot.com
I moved to New Hampshire in August of 2008 after applying and receiving a
transfer with my company to our Cambridge, Mass office. That's been a huge
challenge, as I loved my old job and boss. But I'm trying hard to make this
new thing work.
I'm not sure what else to add right now. I miss my friends and family, but so
far my two wiener dogs and I are doing okay.
Love:
Do not love:
The beginning:
I'm Amanda. I'm 26. I was born in Duluth, MN, and grew up in Ironwood, MI,
which is in the upper peninsula. I moved to Summerville, SC with my family
when I was 11. I was a total band nerd, but definitely one of the cooler ones. ^^
My parents divorced when I was 13. That gave me some daddy
issues. Yeah, I still carry those around. I hope to let them go someday.
I'll skip my high-school pregnancy that was the result of abuse, and the
ugly mess that was, and the many boyfriends who ended up being selfish
jerks. I got saved when I was 16 at a Rebecca St. James concert. I
backslid bigtime from about 18 until I turned 22.
Some history:
I spent some time away from home in college, but came back because I
wanted to live on my own and work for awhile. I did that for about a year
before moving back home so I could go to school (and kept working full-
time). I was working for an airline, which is where I met my husband. He
was a sexy pilot, and boy did I love a man in uniform! He was the first man
in my life to be nice to me. What he didn't tell me (until after I'd fallen hard
for him) was that he was not just going through a divorce at the time, but
that he was facing felony child abuse charges for shaking his 6 month old
daughter. She was 16 months old when I met him. It was an accident, she
was choking on her formula. Well, I was 21 and not wise, and I bought the
whole spiel hook, line and sinker.
Fast-forward about 6 months and he had his final court hearing, and was
sentenced to 20 years in prison, 15 of them suspended. I knew I had to
stand by him. His divorce was finalized while he was in prison. I visited him
faithfully every other month. I was making so little money that I sold my
plasma (which caused me to vomit the entire time I was at the clinic) so
that I could afford to go visit him. I even drove once through Hurricane Rita
from Memphis to central Mississippi so that I wouldn't miss his visitation. He
proposed to me Christmas Eve 2005 over the phone, and had had his
parents buy the ring with his money, and send it to my mom. I said yes, and
planned and paid for our January 2007 wedding.
Oh, it gets worse:
He was so clingy and insecure after his 11/2006 release that I couldn't stand him,
but I chalked it all up to being in prison for 2.5 years. He refused to seek any
counseling, and I managed to get him a job right away using my connections,
and after only two months there, scored him a really good job at our local
airport in rental car sales with full benefits. If it wasn't bad enough putting
up with the incredible insecurity and his constant accusations of me not ever
loving him, when he was violent with both me and then our puppy, my eyes
were opened to the fact that he didn't shake his daughter on accident. It
was pure rage because she wouldn't stop crying. It was then that I knew I
could never have a family with this man. Ever. So I left. That was November
27, 2007.
I'm struggling now with whether to file for divorce. I am a hardcore believer,
and I don't have Biblical grounds to file. But I can't stay married to him. Not
many of my friends are believers, and so don't seem to understand, but it's
a real struggle for me, although I'm sure the solution seems obvious. Even so,
my husband refuses to sign a divorce. All of my assets were protected when
I immediately filed for legal separation right after I moved out. We spent some
time in counseling, and he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
To this day, he insists that the doctor said he was curable. I wonder if we
were really sitting in the same office.
Things get better:
In January of 2007, I accidentally sent an IM to LeeAllure. I felt like such an
idiot. But we ended up talking quite a bit. We talked about what we were
into, about NEST, and everything in between. We talked about me being
collared to her during NEST only, and I ended up going up to meet her in NH
in March. That's where she ended up collaring me permanently. She was then,
and still is now, my owner. I belong to her. There are not words that can
adequetely describe what she means to me. I am a complete mess anytime
she's disappointed in me. I am on cloud 9 when she is pleased with me. You
can read about all of our ups and downs on our blog, http://leesmandy.blogspot.com
I moved to New Hampshire in August of 2008 after applying and receiving a
transfer with my company to our Cambridge, Mass office. That's been a huge
challenge, as I loved my old job and boss. But I'm trying hard to make this
new thing work.
I'm not sure what else to add right now. I miss my friends and family, but so
far my two wiener dogs and I are doing okay.
Love:
- snuggling with my Domme
- Friday lunches with Jeff
- epic nonsensical amazing and deep conversations with Jo (CrystalLight to you)
- spending all day on IM with my closest friends
- making WAJ jokes with Jay (Kraziedog to you)
- TMF Radio
- my nuk
- having naughty conversations with my Daddy (Max Speer to you)
- Jesus
- my weens
- sleeping in
- strawberry lemonade
- raspberry mudslides (mmm)
- munches
- watching slapstick and stupid comedies until my stomach burns
- sugar and candy and junk food and moar sugar!
- icanhascheezburger.com
- writing
- arguing (and subsequently winning)
- researching and studying BDSM
- being tickled til I cry
- watering and growing my masochistic side
- traveling for fun
- Diet Coke
- pwning with Jo (YOU know...)
- victoriassecret.com
- shanalogic.com
- sick jokes
- AVALON! And yes, I've met them.
- microplush blankets
Do not love:
- traffic jams
- loud angry music
- disappointment (by me or in me)
- onions
- feeling stupid
