On a lighter note...
UNDERSTANDING THE MARKET
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 24 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst - The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets
between themselves.
Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction - The day after you buy your stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before email.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
CISCO - Sidekick of Pancho. (you have to be over 50 for this one.)
Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker at $240 per share.
Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past-years' investor who is now locked up in the nuthouse.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan - God.
Had enough? How about these?
THE TRUTH ABOUT INVESTMENT
STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.
BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.")
COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.
YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.
And finally:
http://encarta.msn.com/column/whyarestocksworthanything.asp
Enjoy!
Strelnikov