Moscow- Defying US and Russian authorities, and the shadowy cabal of global power-brokers in league with both, fugitive spy Edward Snowden slipped his government handlers early Tuesday morning and has been leading pursuers in an city-spanning chase through the Moscow transit system ever since.
At approximately 6AM, security personnel assigned to Snowden responded to a fire alarm in the luxurious Ararat Park Hyatt hotel in which Snowden has been sequestered since his much-publicized flight from Hong Kong in June of this year. Snowden’s room was found to be deserted, and the building was immediately locked down as hundreds of security personnel converged on the scene. Snowden is believed to have set off the alarm himself, and was later determined to have used the resultant confusion to disguise himself as a Moscow firefighter and escape by stealing an emergency vehicle.
Snowden, whose revelations of a massive domestic spying operation by the NSA have prompted widespread public outcry and criticism of President Barack Obama, was cornered minutes later on the platform of the Lubyanka subway station, but escaped by disabling a subway driver and commandeering a train; subsequent attempts to capture Snowden at the end of the line revealed that the NSA hacker had, in fact, jumped from the train moments after leaving Lubyanka station and was somewhere at large in the Moscow Metro’s 200 miles of sprawling underground tunnels.
Reached for comment while fly-fishing in the Ural Mountains, Russian President Vladmir Putin described the celebrity hacker Snowden as ‘a renegade,’ whose exploits were ‘a clear threat to Russian security and the friendship between the Russian and American people.’ He authorized security personnel to use ‘any and all means’ to neutralize the fugitive Snowden.
Moments after the announcement, President Putin flew by helicopter to a private meeting with Roman Abramovich, Russian business tycoon and billionaire, aboard the latter’s 500-foot missile-defense equipped yacht, to discuss ‘personal matters.’
Snowden was later spotted driving a 1988 Lada, fleeing from a pursuing convoy of twenty-four Moscow police cars, fourteen black SUV’s, three FSB helicopters, and a tractor-trailer driven by a lone individual of unknown affiliation. Snowden was reportedly able to shake all but the last pursuer, who forced Snowden’s vehicle off the Khimkinsky Bridge and into the Moscow Canal at approximately 7PM. Snowden was later spotted clinging to the hull of a passing garbage barge before disappearing back into the canal. Divers have been unable to locate any trace of the 30 year old American, fuelling suspicions that he is still at large.
President Obama could not be reached for comment. However, unnamed sources within the White House confirmed that key CIA assets in Eastern Europe have "[been] woken up" in the past twenty-four hours.
“You have no idea how deep this goes,” said the source, who spoke on the condition of absolute anonymity. “We need to clean this thing up. If we don’t, we will burn. We will all of us burn.”
As of press time Snowden’s whereabouts were unknown, although US authorities have grounded all air traffic to and from Russian airspace, citing ‘terrorism concerns.’
