Experiences with telling significant other about your fetish

[helplessandhappy]

It's cheating. You know it is.

 

[Davy Jones]

It's cheating. You know it is.

Maybe it is, I won't give the typical excuse because its tired, to be honest.

But you shouldn't forget that tickling has a dynamic that's very unique to each individual. Some people cannot play if they arent comfortable,intimate,etc with the other person. Personally, I don't have that barrier, so why would I waste my time trying to incorporate it into my personal relationships, baring in mind how small the chance is of actually being compatible with someone while having the same passion for this fetish and expecting the same results and feelings from that experience. Id say chances are pretty damn low, i dont know about you!

 

[SpeedyCar]

I dated a girl who a few years ago kind of put the pieces together because it is hard not to when I was tickling her as much as I was! However she was really into it as well and it was a lot of fun, unfortunately sharing those moments wasn't enough to sustain a relationship but I look back on those memories fondly

 

[OmaeWa]

Told my partner about it, seemed fine with it, then eventually came to even like it (so he said, or maybe he pretended because I did.)

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

my wife knows of my tickling fetish and for womens feet it hasn't changed her opinion of me. We've been together for 15 years and will be married 13 years come this September, I've tried to tickle her feet gently by gliding my fingers up and down the soles of her feet and even inside her belly button with no reaction because with my love for tickling and womens feet its probably best that she isn't ticklish because whos to say she would stay if she was ticklish and I took advantage of the situation she might leave me then

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Personally I have never shared this with any of my past girlfriends. Tho I could tell pretty early on whether or not they enjoyed that type of thing or no by their reaction to some tickles here and there. a small Part of me not sharing that is that I wouldnt have any idea how to start or get deep into a conversation like that. A bigger part however is the fact that I like the fact that this part of my life is private and only explored with strangers , since I play about once every 2 months or so(As a Ler and a Lee) in paid encounters. Some might consider this cheating, I try not to think about it too much.

If you're having sex in these paid encounters, then yes it would be cheating. If it's just tickling, then it's only cheating if you've mutually agreed with your significant other that it is.

Since you don't mention this interest with your significant others, I'm going to assume there's no such agreement. Therefore, it's not cheating. You are good to go.

 

[Lostcause13]

If you have to hide what you're doing and your Significant other isn't ok with you being with other people, it's cheating. You not mentioning it doesn't change that you're doing something sexual with someone else, it just means your SO doesn't know what you're doing is sexual. Dontask I'm sorry but your whole line of reasoning just reeks of dishonesty on every level. I would be pissed if an SO used it on me, so I still disagree.

 

[Davy Jones]

If you're having sex in these paid encounters, then yes it would be cheating. If it's just tickling, then it's only cheating if you've mutually agreed with your significant other that it is.

Since you don't mention this interest with your significant others, I'm going to assume there's no such agreement. Therefore, it's not cheating. You are good to go.

No there was never any sex involved, nor is there any opportunity for it since the women have a strict code of no sex and not even any sexual talk or advances is allowed. Its just tickling and once the time is up you re out of there. And to answer ur question, ive never set forth what is cheating and what is not, but im pretty sure past gf's would have consider it cheating no matter how I try to spin it. I just try not to think about it until im in a relationship I feel is worth changing for!

 

[helplessandhappy]

And to answer ur question, ive never set forth what is cheating and what is not, but im pretty sure past gf's would have consider it cheating no matter how I try to spin it.

Of course they would. Most people are not going to expect to have to sit down and list out exactly what is considered cheating in order to have their partner not do those things. It should be obvious what is cheating or not, as long as someone is using their head and not trying to use some ridiculous loophole as an excuse (which is extremely sketchy).

It would be like saying, "Oh, I'm sorry honey. You never specified that you didn't want me having sex with cross-dressing prostitutes. I mean, I knew you didn't want me with other women, but come on! It's a dude!"

Please.

 

[ticklesndimes]

I just feel like if you can't communicate openly within the relationship it just messes things up and confuses what cheating is,what you really want, what hurts etc. I don't get into relationships often and the kind of guy I usually do say yes to I KNOW is the type that would tickle the living daylights out of me, so I find that by me not saying anything I miss out. The closest I have came to telling a guy I liked it was him saying/teasing that I did indeed like it and my reaction either being dead silent and blushing because I was caught off guard or me over-denying it.

That was in the beginning stages though I won't go into how much I like it without getting nervous but I have no problem saying "hmm yeah I like it" or "I think it's fun". I'm more comfortable now and I'm more open about simply saying I enjoy because hell I like it and it's not weird and gee I don't know maybe I WANT YOU TO TICKLE ME. So will you ? Or not. -_- Liiiike if we can't even indulge playfully in tickle fights or cuddles etc...mmmmmm no thanks. That's why communication is so important to me, but usually the guys I decide to get in a relationship with have their kinks surprisingly so I don't feel as uncomfortable.

That's just my little 10 cents on the subject

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

No there was never any sex involved, nor is there any opportunity for it since the women have a strict code of no sex and not even any sexual talk or advances is allowed. Its just tickling and once the time is up you re out of there. And to answer ur question, ive never set forth what is cheating and what is not, but im pretty sure past gf's would have consider it cheating no matter how I try to spin it. I just try not to think about it until im in a relationship I feel is worth changing for!

It sounds to me like you've got a pretty reasonable outlook on it.

The problem with the concept of cheating is that people have many different ideas about what qualifies as cheating. Some feel it's a violation to even look at somebody of the opposite sex. Others feel that having lunch with a co-worker is a violation. Many of us feel that neither of these scenarios constitutes cheating, and that people who are convinced otherwise are suffering from a profound case of insecurity.

So then comes the issue. If my significant other feels it's a violation for me to have lunch with a female co-worker, does that automatically oblige me to abstain from doing so? Well, technically no, but pragmatically? Well that's also no. Because once I change my behavior, it's like signing an agreement that yes, it's cheating. Actions speaking louder than words, so to speak.

My point here is that beyond sex and/or romance outside your relationship, there's little to no behavior that is a clear example of cheating...it's all personal opinion. So, if there's something outside of sex or romance you feel qualifies as cheating, or you've deemed as a deal-breaker, it's up to YOU to initiate that conversation with your significant other and get your partner to agree to place that behavior in the category of "things we're not permitted to do."

Tickling definitely falls into this category. If there's no agreement between the two of you that it's not cool, you can tickle or be tickled, guilt free. Of course, if this leads to the removal of clothing and the exposure of private parts, you've shifted over into a sexual situation, which is by default, cheating.

So when somebody here on the TMF tells you that tickling another woman is definitely cheating, she's basically asserting her personal standards of conduct as universal and applicable to everybody. A posture I find most uncool, though hardly uncommon.

 

[helplessandhappy]

You don't get it DAJT. Of COURSE people define cheating differently, and of course it's fine to tickle another person if your partner enjoys it and allows it. I am not "asserting my personal standards" on anyone-- I think people can have healthy relationships with all sorts of different boundaries and varying shared experiences allowed. Just because I'm strictly monogamous doesn't mean I think everyone has to be. There are plenty of people on this forum alone who seem to have healthy and happy couplings that involve playing with people outside of the relationship. THAT is fine.

What you're talking about is dishonesty, which SHOULD be against ANYONE'S personal standard of conduct. You said very clearly that a guy with a tickle fetish should keep it a SECRET (dishonesty) from his partner so that he could still enjoy tickling experiences with random people (dishonesty--and creepy as hell) without the woman in his life knowing or having a problem with him getting off on it. If you don't see what's wrong with that, I don't even know...

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

You don't get it DAJT. Of COURSE people define cheating differently, and of course it's fine to tickle another person if your partner enjoys it and allows it. I am not "asserting my personal standards" on anyone-- I think people can have healthy relationships with all sorts of different boundaries and varying shared experiences allowed. Just because I'm strictly monogamous doesn't mean I think everyone has to be. There are plenty of people on this forum alone who seem to have healthy and happy couplings that involve playing with people outside of the relationship. THAT is fine.

*applause*

Now if you had stopped there, you just might have come off as genuinely live-and-let-live as you claim.

But unfortunately...

What you're talking about is dishonesty, which SHOULD be against ANYONE'S personal standard of conduct.

H², that is pure Bullshit with a capital B. My advice was simply to not broadcast your fetish, since it's nobody's business what excites you but your own. I never advocated denying your fetish if asked about it.

You said very clearly that a guy with a tickle fetish should keep it a SECRET (dishonesty) from his partner so that he could still enjoy tickling experiences with random people (dishonesty--and creepy as hell) without the woman in his life knowing or having a problem with him getting off on it.

I've got news for you, H². Keeping a secret is in no way synonymous with dishonesty. This is the huge flaw in your thinking. That somehow we're all obligated to spill our guts about each and every thing that thrills or excites us, because if we don't, we're guilty of "dishonesty" by telling a "lie of omission."

Honey, just so you know, I really get a thrill watching women's tennis, you know especially when the wind is blowing. I...uh...I also get turned on when your sister wears those stretch pants. Yeah, you probably don't want to hear about it but hey, I'm just "being honest" here. Oh, and when Dr. Judy checked out my prostate, that was sooooo hawt although next time I hope she ditches the nitrile glove....Hey, what's the matter? Why are you getting upset? I'm just being "honest." I'm doing the "right thing" here by fully disclosing that which excites and/or thrills me! That's what I'm supposed to do. I know, because I read it on the TMF!​

I would love to know what kind of control freak needs to have such an in-depth inventory of their partner's mind. It's staggering to consider the depths of emotional insecurity that would make such information so crucial.

In case you're actually considering coming back with the predictable objection, "I never said he's obligated to tell EVERYTHING that excites him," I'll just go ahead and preclude such an argument.

You said that "keeping secrets" is dishonesty. That can only be true if honesty is contingent not just on accuracy, but also on full disclosure (keeping no secrets). By your thinking, he's not honest if he keeps anything secret from her. Of course anything he doesn't tell her will be a secret and therefore render him guilty of dishonesty by your definition. So yes, even though you didn't come out and say the words, by your own definition, he's dishonest unless he keeps nothing secret from her.

I'm here to tell you that's just not reasonable. Nobody outside of a court of law is obligated to full disclosure. And thankfully, most people (at least those who are emotionally healthy) wouldn't want full disclosure, TMI being what it is. Nobody is obligated to divulge their fetish to their significant other, and to expect such disclosure is absurd, unreasonable, and indicative of emotionally needy insecurity.

 

[Lostcause13]

*applause*

Now if you had stopped there, you just might have come off as genuinely live-and-let-live as you claim.

But unfortunately...
H², that is pure Bullshit with a capital B. My advice was simply to not broadcast your fetish, since it's nobody's business what excites you but your own. I never advocated denying your fetish if asked about it.

I've got news for you, H². Keeping a secret is in no way synonymous with dishonesty. This is the huge flaw in your thinking. That somehow we're all obligated to spill our guts about each and every thing that thrills or excites us, because if we don't, we're guilty of "dishonesty" by telling a "lie of omission."

Honey, just so you know, I really get a thrill watching women's tennis, you know especially when the wind is blowing. I...uh...I also get turned on when your sister wears those stretch pants. Yeah, you probably don't want to hear about it but hey, I'm just "being honest" here. Oh, and when Dr. Judy checked out my prostate, that was sooooo hawt although next time I hope she ditches the nitrile glove....Hey, what's the matter? Why are you getting upset? I'm just being "honest." I'm doing the "right thing" here by fully disclosing that which excites and/or thrills me! That's what I'm supposed to do. I know, because I read it on the TMF!​

I would love to know what kind of control freak needs to have such an in-depth inventory of their partner's mind. It's staggering to consider the depths of emotional insecurity that would make such information so crucial.

In case you're actually considering coming back with the predictable objection, "I never said he's obligated to tell EVERYTHING that excites him," I'll just go ahead and preclude such an argument.

You said that "keeping secrets" is dishonesty. That can only be true if honesty is contingent not just on accuracy, but also on full disclosure (keeping no secrets). By your thinking, he's not honest if he keeps anything secret from her. Of course anything he doesn't tell her will be a secret and therefore render him guilty of dishonesty by your definition. So yes, even though you didn't come out and say the words, by your own definition, he's dishonest unless he keeps nothing secret from her.

I'm here to tell you that's just not reasonable. Nobody outside of a court of law is obligated to full disclosure. And thankfully, most people (at least those who are emotionally healthy) wouldn't want full disclosure, TMI being what it is. Nobody is obligated to divulge their fetish to their significant other, and to expect such disclosure is absurd, unreasonable, and indicative of emotionally needy insecurity.

Dontask keeping the secret isn't the dishonest part, you're keeping it a secret because you know what you're doing isn't ok within the relationship and you think not bringing it up makes it ok. If your SO was ok with you fooling around with others in any capacity, keeping that secret wouldn't be dishonesty, but keeping it so you can do something they wouldn't be ok with is dishonesty.

 

[the tickleshow]

These are all very informative replies. I have had to tell multiple partners not only of my tickling fetish, but of my work as a tickling producer. I told a girlfriend in 2003 about the fetish and she replied with,"That's it?? THAT'S what you were nervous to tell me about?". I was glad she was accepting, but she never let me tickle her. That ended that. When I got married in 2005, my wife, who actively participated in my fetish when we were dating, did a 180 and MADE a psych appt for me and said this"illness" needed to be dealt with if I wanted to be in a happy marriage. She wouldn't divorce me, she was just going to make my life miserable if i didn't do it. Things got worse in 2009, when I told her I was producing material. We have been divorced for 3 years.
I've had experiences telling women about the fetish and they literally stood up and walked away. Luckily, the three or four women I really liked over the last few years didn't think anything of my love for tickling. None of them got upset if I tickled someone else, playfully in front of them. They knew there was a difference. I recently told one about the video work and she said she's heard much worse and would actually like to see my work.
Those are my experiences with telling someone.

 

[OscarTheMonkey]

Told every woman I was with after 16 about tickling, foot stuff,etc. Only one did not let me tickle her- but she was game with foot related activities.Last girlfriend prior to getting married loved it but was not really ticklish, although she wanted to recruit friends of hers to get tickled by us. My wife of many years is the love of my life, and she likes foot play but is only interested in being tickled occasionally, but let's me drive her absolutely crazy with ruthless tickling when I do. She is also receptive to our recent discussions of recruiting another guy to help tickle her. And- she will watch all types of fetish porn with me.

While I have suffered with paranoia and worry about my sexual preferences being revealed like almost everyone here has at some point, it was largely about the "public at large" finding out. I enjoy what I like too much not to repress these things with any women I've been with for any extended period of time, and I guess I consider myself lucky to have not had the hardships (lack of acceptance, disdain, total repression ) that many others have had. And- while I don't announce what I enjoy to everyone- I could give a fuck less what anyone thinks anymore.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Dontask keeping the secret isn't the dishonest part

Well you know that, and I know that. I'm thinking H² hasn't yet gotten the memo.

you're keeping it a secret because you know what you're doing isn't ok within the relationship and you think not bringing it up makes it ok.

Whoa, buddy. Gear down there, big shifter. You're making gross assumptions there, my geographically challenged friend. It's not a case of "knowing what you're doing isn't okay within the relationship." I don't know where you're getting that. After all, he gets as much say-so as she as to what's "okay" in the relationship. He can decide that tickling is okay, but he must remember that if it's okay for him to tickle or get tickled outside the relationship, it's also okay for her to do likewise. Otherwise you'll have a double standard, and you'll be knee deep in hypocrisy.

If your SO was ok with you fooling around with others in any capacity, keeping that secret wouldn't be dishonesty, but keeping it so you can do something they wouldn't be ok with is dishonesty.

It's really amazing to see all the various definitions of "honesty." In this latest rendition, honesty is now linked to adhering to behavioral directives determined by one's partner.

In the real world, however, where most of us are in vanilla relationships, people don't think of tickling as a sexual or romantic activity, and so they wouldn't consider it cheating. So we keep quiet about it. After all, there's nothing shameful nor dishonest in a little discretionary withholding of personal information.

Ultimately, tickling opportunities arise, and we can indulge, guilt free. Everybody wins. There's no dishonesty. No cheating.

 

[bassman34472]

When I first laid my eyes on my wife to be I was really excited about her bubbly and flirtatious personality. I also noticed how tiny her feet were in shoes. When she slipped off one of her shoes, I saw her pink toenails which drove me nuts. I have a major foot and tickling fetish and I always wondered if she was "the one". The first time we got intimate, I slowly ran my tongue up her soles and sucked her toes on her size 4 feet. She said it was the most erotic thing that was ever done to her. The next time we got intimate I brought along some feathers and didn't know how she was going to react to tickling. It just so happened that she LOVED having her feet tickled because it got her wet and "in the mood". She has always been told since a little kid that she has very pretty feet but nobody ever lavished the attention that I did. We have been married for 25 years and she exploits my foot and tickling fetish whenever she can. I am married to a true foot goddess who loves tickling and everything that goes with it. I am for sure one of the "lucky ones".

 

[Emishticklish]

In my past, I've been with accepting and not so accepting women in regards to my tickling fetish. I'm dating my Best Friend from Russia currently, and she took it surprisingly well. She indulges my fantasies the very few times we've met in person during our year of correspondence. I'm very lucky. I was getting tired of the fearful or even weirded out responses. I'm twenty five years old, I don't have time to try and make things work out with a girl who isn't accepting my my sexual fetishes. Which isn't to say they are bad people, however, I know what I want at this point in my life and won't settle.

 

[obama666]

Bad thing about telling your significant other about your fetish, when things go south it 's the first thing they are likely to throw in your face.

 

[helplessandhappy]

Because having a harmless sexual preference is insulting?

That'd be like saying...fuck you bitch! You like onions on your pizza!

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

It took me a while to tell my b/f about my fetish. He was okay with it because his other fetish is getting playfully spanked. I know this is a little personal to say on here, but when I think about myself being tickle tortured, I get sexually aroused.

 

[duderino84]

It's always either hostile or accepting. There's not much of a middle ground.

 

[FootballGuy]

I actually just told my girlfriend. I can't report at the moment how it'll affect our relationship but she didn't call me a freak and run away so I'd say it's a win so far!

I know this is a little personal to say on here, but when I think about myself being tickle tortured, I get sexually aroused.

Naaah, by all means continue and feel free to be as graphic as possible.