FetLife...a good or bad thing?

[Persephone]

So recently my friend finally convinced me to just go for it and make a fetlife. What can it hurt? I have heard both the negative and positive aspects of having a FetLife. However, I won't really know what something is like unless I experience it for myself, right? It has taken a lot for me to gain the confidence to join FetLife. It has taken several years for me to get comfortable with my tickling fetish, so now to add my interest into the bdsm culture into the mix, it's a hard pill to swallow.

I am not so much uncomfortable with my interest in bdsm...as I am curious. I guess you could say I am completely vanilla when it comes to first hand experience of bdsm. I have never had a real dom or "master." However I do know that I am completely submissive...I don't feel like I have a dominant bone in my body, unless I am just goofing around.

Anyway I felt like FetLife might be a good place to make some friends (maybe even luckily enough local people) who share my interest in bdsm, are new to it, still nervous yet curious...and that kind of thing. I haven't met anyone completely new yet...most of my "friends" on FetLife are people I know either from the TMF or TT. That is where the negative aspect of it pops in.

I know with any fetish related sight there will be creepy people sending inappropriate messages by PM...because when the message is private they can act like a big shot *rolls eyes.* Mostly it's just from doms nearby who are usually midage and so forth, with pictures of their cocks as the main picture on FetLife...and that totally turns me off, LOL.

I don't mean to complain about FetLife...but I do see the bad and good sides of it. It's a delicate balance and I just have to take it with a grain of salt. I just wondered what everyone else thought of FetLife? Good? Bad?

And why is it so hard to find a normal dom...even just a mentor? LOL.

 

[Snail Shell]

FetLife is what you make of it. If you put time into it, join groups, join conversations and take the time to PM people who sound interesting or have compatible interests, you will find those people.

Now granted, there will be assholes and jerks and morons who are going to want to talk to you. It's the internet. Ignore them and you'll be fine.

FetLife lead me to general munches in my area, at which I made new friends and learned as much (or as little) about various aspects of BDSM as I wanted. Ultimately, I learned a great deal and ended up teaching a pair of classes on the subject (Intro to BDSM and Homemade Toys). I've also had people look me up randomly. We chatted a bit and arranged to meet for coffee. Sometimes it never amounted to much. Sometimes it lead to casual play. Sometimes it lead to a good friendship.

As for why it's so hard to find a normal dom, that's because if you're a good, well-rounded, caring dominant who's knowledgable on many aspects of the lifestyle, you are in a buyer's market. Most dominants that have all those skills that submissives want get swamped with people asking (begging, pleading) to be their submissive. Especially if that dominant is female.

In your position, I would recommend using FetLife to find out about munches, even general kink ones, in your area. Go with the mindset of meeting people and asking questions. You'll find that most who have the answers are willing to share that knowledge. You may not find a D/s relationship, or even a mentor, but you will find folks who are willing to answer your questions and help you test the water, so to speak.

Happy hunting!

Snail Shell

 

[Artoo]

It's a good thing, when it's combined with actually meeting local people in the scene.
You'll often find that the Doms with cockshots don't go out much due to their family commitments.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

It's tough to find a real Dominant due to the fact that there are so few out there that give a damn about the growth of a bond between a sub and their self. I have spent a lot of time on different BDSM social network sites and have seen more about male Doms (and even many female ones) who are on those sites for the purposes of finding a sex toy or getting money out of the deal.

I've been looking for a honest female Dominant for a long time, and I find one or two among the dozens that just want to exercise power over another, either through cuckolding, their wallet or just beating a guy while he's tied. And, as my luck would have it, the few Dominants who care about their submissive, enjoy the spiritual as well as the physical experience and don't want to be paid for their efforts have given up looking.

But, understand that there ARE real Dominants out there. Mistress Aura is a prime example of a female Dominant who takes her role seriously. The Dominant you need is out there, and I wish you the best in finding him.

 

[Adam]

Well, personally, I enjoy Fetlife. I have been building a solid foundation of local friends who are into BDSM and even attending some events. But from your perspective, I can see what you mean. You're new to exploring that side of you in a more open way, so the creepers are going to come out. Your best bet may be to search the site for groups that hold regular munches or something of that nature, as Snail mentioned. The group I belong to, for example, holds a regular happy hour every other Wednesday. An equal number of men and women seem to show up to these things, so the girls are never left to fend for themselves. I can't speak for the other groups out there, but it might be worth checking out. Intimidating as it may seem, at least then you'll begin to get a solid basis for who you can rely on. Sorry if this seems like token advice. There is truth to it, though. I wish you the best, Persephone.

 

[Carsomyr]

Snail basically said what I was going to say.

The good aspects clearly outweighs the bad, and had I only lived in North America then FetLife would basically be my second favorite website after the TMF. As it is now, there's not a whole lot of Swedes, or even Scandinavians on there to talk to, so I go on posting sprees in the SSF instead.

And you can always ignore the bad PM's, and that will be the end of it.

 

[Aimee]

I've gotten nothing out of FetLife to be honest.
It was fun at first to look through all of the different fetishes... and that was pretty much it.



Have fun with it though, and be careful.
Lots of creepers on there.

 

[arion30]

best place to meet people is outside of your house. unless its the cute pizza delivery chick and your name is Ross.

 

[Filthyweasel]

A vanilla friend of mine just found me on Fetlife within the last 20 minutes. He's likely followed the link to here and is reading this right now...um...

 

[tkpatience]

I've gotten nothing out of FetLife to be honest.
It was fun at first to look through all of the different fetishes... and that was pretty much it.



Have fun with it though, and be careful.
Lots of creepers on there.

This.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I love it for the different groups. There's a group for just about
everything. I like posting questions and participating in discussions
within relevant groups and get relevant feedback. I get messages
all the time from idiots with cock shots as their main profile picture,
but you just learn to weed them out.

 

[nylonsnfeet]

I agree with cloudgazer & Bright. There are "good" Doms out there. Ones that care about "subs" as "people" too. Just takes some time to weed them out. Patience is a key element. Explore, learn, while still young. Wish I had done so sooner myself

I have enjoyed being there. Has helped me "grow' fine tune some of my bdsm kinks. I enjoy the many groups, as Bright stated. Quite a variety of topics & discussions to read & post questions.

 

[venray]

*Note to self* Remove "cockshot pic*

 

[CrazyLikeAFox]

What about shirtless pics? Ladies luv teh shirtles pics amirite?

 

[Adam]

A vanilla friend of mine just found me on Fetlife within the last 20 minutes. He's likely followed the link to here and is reading this right now...um...

Thing is, if he just happened to stumble onto your Fetlife profile, he probably isn't as vanilla as you think.

 

[Strider]

It can definitely be useful in terms of finding out what's going on in your local community. The internet has been a tremendous boon in that area over the past 15 years or so. The flip side is that you get a disproportionate number of creeps coming after you. That's not to say creeps don't exist in the community in general, because they absolutely do, but there's not as many of them, and because the community is so small, word tends to get around relatively quick. My advice would be go to local munches and talk to people, find out what semi-private clubs (or fetish clubs, if you're into that aspect of things) are around in your area. It can be intimidating to go to these places alone when you're new, and having guides can help you.

As far as finding a Dom, it's really important that you know what you want out of this lifestyle. What sort of sub (or slave) are you interested in being? Or do you just want somebody to talk to who's more knowledgeable than you currently are?

 

[Artoo]

*Note to self* Remove "cockshot pic*

Pfft. Fuck that.

 

[Oddjob0226]

I'm kind of like you, Persephone, I've find it kind of pointless. There's so much that I already put my time and energy into - now there's something else?

There's so few people in my area into this tickling thing, at least who are willing to put themselves out there about, 'publically', even within the rather large D/FW BDSM communty. It's just kind of turned into a kiny version of Myspace, or Xanga, or Live Journal - with lots more single guys....

 

[Flatfoot]

I created an account out of curiosity, but as I expected, I don't really need another social network site. I'm not really into much outside of tickling, so there's not really a reason to talk to all the people on here someplace else, and I'm not trying to meet any play partners. I rarely go there.

 

[Leo tickles]

I don't know about FL in particular, but I can tell you about overall BDSM experience on the net.

If you are a female anything, everybody wants you.

Everything else? Not so much.

I've had plenty of encounters with submissive women that I met though, but only because I put ample time into the whole thing.

Your first few messages will probably be bad, but if you really want it and don't give up, the least you'll get out of it all is a friend.

 

[Mike3355]

Fetlife is like Facebook for your fetish