Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,918
- Points
- 38
I'm in my 80s now and live alone. Even so, it gives me such a warm feeling to know I haven't been forgotten! That there's someone out there who really cares and calls me every day without fail! So touching! So considerate! And so helpful! The guy is super concerned about my car warranty!
Q: What's the difference between gray and grey?
A: Gray is a color. Grey is a colour.
I live alone except for my two dogs, both of whom I've named Miles. That may seem odd, but there's a reason... I like being able to tell folks that every day I walk Miles and Miles.
"My brother's heading for a breakdown!"
"Good Lord! Will his job take care of that?"
"His job's responsible for it!"
"Seriously? What does he do?"
"He's a tow-truck driver."
My sister-in-law wanted to seduce me; I refused to participate because it's unnatural, unethical and immoral. I chose to participate because it's kinky as hell.
Dracula: "Both my cousins have been cursed as werewolves!"
Frankenstein: "But they're cured now, right?"
Dracula" No, they still have the affliction."
Frankenstein: "Doesn't that make them am-wolves?"
I've created a website that caters to werewolves! Lycan subscribe!
The inventor of the umbrella never really wanted that name; he planned to call it simply the "brella". Shows you the value of planning ahead; it was a mistake to clear his throat at the patent office.
Blonde: "Hey, I see you got an email promising a million dollars just by clicking on the link!"
Brunette: "Yeah, I saw that. But I don't trust it."
Blonde: "Only one way to find out of it's any good: open it!"
Brunette: "Don't you understand? It might be corrupted!"
Blonde: "Okay, then! Bribe it!"
While in Florida, I noticed a car with a bumper sticker stating, "I Miss New York!". So I broke out the window, stole the radio and left a note that read, 'Hope this helps'".
Brunette: "Did you know that if you took all the mosquitos in the world and stacked them one on top of the next, they'd form a line that would reach the moon?"
Blonde: "Hey! What a clever plan for getting rid of them!"
Having sex is like taking a high-school exam: just because you finish first doesn't mean you get to leave. Best to just put your head down until everyone else is done.
Having sex is like taking a high-school exam: many's the unfortunate who's choked during the orals.
Tonight I'm taking in a movie called "The Killer Carpet". May not sound scary, but I understand the monster is a looming threat.
This winter, thousands of pelicans have migrated from New York to Mexico. That's because they've developed enormous bills.
Interesting fact: migrating birds invariably fly over chili cookoffs. They appreciate the strong tailwind.
If you order a drink at the Playboy Club, make sure it's a beer. Bunnies go for hops.
Her whole life long, my mom's been plagued with a kleptomania disorder. Finally though, she seems to be coming to terms with the condition; she claims she's been taking something for it.
The wonderland of the internet chatroom! That magic place where men are little boys, women are men and children are the FBI!
He: "Honey, I left all the defective condoms on the couch."
She: "Stop calling them that! Our kids have names, you know!"
A couple going through a divorce have reached an impasse: seems that they've got three kids and can't figure out an equitable way to divide them. So, to solve the problem they decided to get together one more time so that there'd be an even number. Nine months later, and they're still at an impasse. They had twins.
Brunette: "According to this article, over 70% of women admit to having used sex toys!"
Blonde: "I guess I'm in the minority, then. I always buy mine new."
* * *
Q: What's the difference between gray and grey?
A: Gray is a color. Grey is a colour.
* * *
I live alone except for my two dogs, both of whom I've named Miles. That may seem odd, but there's a reason... I like being able to tell folks that every day I walk Miles and Miles.
* * *
"My brother's heading for a breakdown!"
"Good Lord! Will his job take care of that?"
"His job's responsible for it!"
"Seriously? What does he do?"
"He's a tow-truck driver."
* * *
My sister-in-law wanted to seduce me; I refused to participate because it's unnatural, unethical and immoral. I chose to participate because it's kinky as hell.
* * *
Dracula: "Both my cousins have been cursed as werewolves!"
Frankenstein: "But they're cured now, right?"
Dracula" No, they still have the affliction."
Frankenstein: "Doesn't that make them am-wolves?"
* * *
I've created a website that caters to werewolves! Lycan subscribe!
* * *
The inventor of the umbrella never really wanted that name; he planned to call it simply the "brella". Shows you the value of planning ahead; it was a mistake to clear his throat at the patent office.
* * *
Blonde: "Hey, I see you got an email promising a million dollars just by clicking on the link!"
Brunette: "Yeah, I saw that. But I don't trust it."
Blonde: "Only one way to find out of it's any good: open it!"
Brunette: "Don't you understand? It might be corrupted!"
Blonde: "Okay, then! Bribe it!"
* * *
While in Florida, I noticed a car with a bumper sticker stating, "I Miss New York!". So I broke out the window, stole the radio and left a note that read, 'Hope this helps'".
* * *
Brunette: "Did you know that if you took all the mosquitos in the world and stacked them one on top of the next, they'd form a line that would reach the moon?"
Blonde: "Hey! What a clever plan for getting rid of them!"
* * *
Having sex is like taking a high-school exam: just because you finish first doesn't mean you get to leave. Best to just put your head down until everyone else is done.
* * *
Having sex is like taking a high-school exam: many's the unfortunate who's choked during the orals.
* * *
Tonight I'm taking in a movie called "The Killer Carpet". May not sound scary, but I understand the monster is a looming threat.
* * *
This winter, thousands of pelicans have migrated from New York to Mexico. That's because they've developed enormous bills.
* * *
Interesting fact: migrating birds invariably fly over chili cookoffs. They appreciate the strong tailwind.
* * *
If you order a drink at the Playboy Club, make sure it's a beer. Bunnies go for hops.
* * *
Her whole life long, my mom's been plagued with a kleptomania disorder. Finally though, she seems to be coming to terms with the condition; she claims she's been taking something for it.
* * *
The wonderland of the internet chatroom! That magic place where men are little boys, women are men and children are the FBI!
* * *
He: "Honey, I left all the defective condoms on the couch."
She: "Stop calling them that! Our kids have names, you know!"
* * *
A couple going through a divorce have reached an impasse: seems that they've got three kids and can't figure out an equitable way to divide them. So, to solve the problem they decided to get together one more time so that there'd be an even number. Nine months later, and they're still at an impasse. They had twins.
* * *
Brunette: "According to this article, over 70% of women admit to having used sex toys!"
Blonde: "I guess I'm in the minority, then. I always buy mine new."
