Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,918
- Points
- 38
Justice is a dish best served cold. It has to be; any higher temperature and it's justwater.
I went to school in a bad area of the city. How tough was it? Our first class assignment was to write a report: What I Want To Be If I Grow Up.
Hear about the blond Mormon? He heard it took a woman nine months to make a baby; he therefore got himself nine wives so it would only take one month.
I could never become a window washer. I don't mind heights, but I understand the pane is endless.
Brunette: "Get help! I'm tripping on mushrooms!"
Blonde: "Dang, are they growing in the hallway now? We really need to clean this place!"
Why wear loafers? Why knot!
Q: MMA contestants never do anal before a big fight. Why is that?
A: They're saving it for makeup sex.
I always go to our local bar on Paraplegic Ladies Drink Free night! The place is crawling with women!
Q: Which invention represents a key turning point in history?
A: The lock.
Father Merrin arrested Pazuzu and took him into custody. The charge: possession of heroine.
CHP Officer: "I've had my lights and siren going for five minutes! I know you saw me; why didn't you pull over?"
Driver: "Officer, I have an excuse. You see, my wife just ran off with a cop."
Officer: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Driver: "I thought you might be bringing her back!"
Have you seen the new cartoon series about a police pup who's transferred to the bomb squad? It's called "Ker-Bluey".
She: "You promised you'd give me an orgasm!"
He: "And you got one! It's not my fault you spit it out!"
Contrary to reports, I haven't written a tree-hugging testament. I only contributed the pro log.
A couple turn in for the night; the husband starts to get intimate, but his wife stops him.
"Sorry dear," she insists. "I have a gynecology appointment tomorrow and I want to stay pristine for the examination."
The man settles back, frustrated, but his face soon brightens.
"Say," he starts, "I'm willing to bet you don't have a dental appointment too!
I read "Ulysses" last month, but my English teacher insists I read it again for her class. Hey, why not! I'm always happy to re-Joyce!
Blonde: "So, do you have any kids?"
Brunette: "Yes! I have one that's just under two!"
Blonde: "Hey! I may be blond, but I still know how to find 'one'!"
Well, I was just thrown out of mime school! Why, you ask? I don't know; must have been something I said.
Contrary to popular belief, Tokyo's defense forces don't battle giant monsters because they're destructive. In reality, the blood of these creatures is a highly prized, highly marketable source of nutrition and hydration. The product isn't sold outside of Japan... even so, its name will likely be familiar: kai juice.
My wife is very proud of her soprano range. Every time she breaks into song, I throw open all the windows and doors so the whole neighborhood can see and hear everything! It's not so much that I'm eager to share her gift... I just want everyone to understand that I'm not strangling her.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road in England?
A: To visit his flat mate.
He: "Here, darling! I want you to have this! It once belonged to my mother!"
She: "Oh, what a lovely bracelet!"
He: "Nobody deserves it more!"
She: "And I see it's engraved: 'Do not resuscitate...'".
* * *
I went to school in a bad area of the city. How tough was it? Our first class assignment was to write a report: What I Want To Be If I Grow Up.
* * *
Hear about the blond Mormon? He heard it took a woman nine months to make a baby; he therefore got himself nine wives so it would only take one month.
* * *
I could never become a window washer. I don't mind heights, but I understand the pane is endless.
* * *
Brunette: "Get help! I'm tripping on mushrooms!"
Blonde: "Dang, are they growing in the hallway now? We really need to clean this place!"
* * *
Why wear loafers? Why knot!
* * *
Q: MMA contestants never do anal before a big fight. Why is that?
A: They're saving it for makeup sex.
* * *
I always go to our local bar on Paraplegic Ladies Drink Free night! The place is crawling with women!
* * *
Q: Which invention represents a key turning point in history?
A: The lock.
* * *
Father Merrin arrested Pazuzu and took him into custody. The charge: possession of heroine.
* * *
CHP Officer: "I've had my lights and siren going for five minutes! I know you saw me; why didn't you pull over?"
Driver: "Officer, I have an excuse. You see, my wife just ran off with a cop."
Officer: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Driver: "I thought you might be bringing her back!"
* * *
Have you seen the new cartoon series about a police pup who's transferred to the bomb squad? It's called "Ker-Bluey".
* * *
She: "You promised you'd give me an orgasm!"
He: "And you got one! It's not my fault you spit it out!"
* * *
Contrary to reports, I haven't written a tree-hugging testament. I only contributed the pro log.
* * *
A couple turn in for the night; the husband starts to get intimate, but his wife stops him.
"Sorry dear," she insists. "I have a gynecology appointment tomorrow and I want to stay pristine for the examination."
The man settles back, frustrated, but his face soon brightens.
"Say," he starts, "I'm willing to bet you don't have a dental appointment too!
* * *
I read "Ulysses" last month, but my English teacher insists I read it again for her class. Hey, why not! I'm always happy to re-Joyce!
* * *
Blonde: "So, do you have any kids?"
Brunette: "Yes! I have one that's just under two!"
Blonde: "Hey! I may be blond, but I still know how to find 'one'!"
* * *
Well, I was just thrown out of mime school! Why, you ask? I don't know; must have been something I said.
* * *
Contrary to popular belief, Tokyo's defense forces don't battle giant monsters because they're destructive. In reality, the blood of these creatures is a highly prized, highly marketable source of nutrition and hydration. The product isn't sold outside of Japan... even so, its name will likely be familiar: kai juice.
* * *
My wife is very proud of her soprano range. Every time she breaks into song, I throw open all the windows and doors so the whole neighborhood can see and hear everything! It's not so much that I'm eager to share her gift... I just want everyone to understand that I'm not strangling her.
* * *
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road in England?
A: To visit his flat mate.
* * *
He: "Here, darling! I want you to have this! It once belonged to my mother!"
She: "Oh, what a lovely bracelet!"
He: "Nobody deserves it more!"
She: "And I see it's engraved: 'Do not resuscitate...'".
