Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,921
- Points
- 38
Q: Why won't you find "Mud" on the Table of Periodic Elements?
A: Because you must always wash every time you come to the Table.
As a joke, I ran a bar-code reader over my buddy's features to see how much he would cost. The look on his face was priceless!
Type-A women demand no-nonsense sex. It's a hard and fast rule.
I've developed a new fragrance for hermits... it's called Leave Me The Heck Cologne.
Q: Antman's abdominal pain was so bad, he was unable to shrink down far enough to fit through a keyhole. How did he get past the door?
A: He used ant acid.
This Valentine's Day, I plan to take my girlfriend out. Can anyone recommend a good replacement?
Mafia stooge: "Hey boss, some guys from that Jehovah church are at the door."
Mafia boss: "I told you before, dummy: no witnesses!"
My neighbor, a shepherd, came over to visit and brought 15 of his sheep onto my lawn. He seemed confused when I told him that he could stay but he had to get the flock out.
With regular flu, you do a lot of sneezin'; with coronavirus, you get both sneezin' and coffin.
I went to Wuhan, and all I got was this crummy t-shirt! God, I hope so anyway...
Q: How does James Bond ring a doorbell?
A: Dong. Ding Dong.
I missed my brother's birthday party, but he saved me a piece of cake. Just my luck... I got the one with PP on top.
Q: What did Pikachu say when he heard about Donald Trump's acquittal?
A: "Pikachu!"
Racers always hope for a strong tailwind. That's why beans is their recommended diet.
We'll never be able to fix global warming, and here's why: why.
My son just came out of the closet. Damn, I really need to fix that lock!
Q: Which fast food franchise should use Jack the Ripper as its mascot?
A: Chick-fil-A.
Jack the Ripper was more of a ladies' man that Casanova; he knew it's what's inside that counts.
The EU's looking pretty slim right now. I understand it lost a few pounds.
Batman won't travel to Nepal, but Cat Man do.
Both my neighbor's parents have a fair complexion, freckles and red hair. He's a ginger bred man.
My brother came home from the store last night to find that his porch light bulb had burned out. So what did the dummy do? Instead of going for his step ladder, he up-ended the 12-pack of soda he'd just bought and tried to change it from on top of that. Needless to say, it was too rickety; he toppled off, falling hard onto the concrete and breaking his leg. Moral to the story: it's a big mistake to get high on Coke.
A: Because you must always wash every time you come to the Table.
* * *
As a joke, I ran a bar-code reader over my buddy's features to see how much he would cost. The look on his face was priceless!
* * *
Type-A women demand no-nonsense sex. It's a hard and fast rule.
* * *
I've developed a new fragrance for hermits... it's called Leave Me The Heck Cologne.
* * *
Q: Antman's abdominal pain was so bad, he was unable to shrink down far enough to fit through a keyhole. How did he get past the door?
A: He used ant acid.
* * *
This Valentine's Day, I plan to take my girlfriend out. Can anyone recommend a good replacement?
* * *
Mafia stooge: "Hey boss, some guys from that Jehovah church are at the door."
Mafia boss: "I told you before, dummy: no witnesses!"
* * *
My neighbor, a shepherd, came over to visit and brought 15 of his sheep onto my lawn. He seemed confused when I told him that he could stay but he had to get the flock out.
* * *
With regular flu, you do a lot of sneezin'; with coronavirus, you get both sneezin' and coffin.
* * *
I went to Wuhan, and all I got was this crummy t-shirt! God, I hope so anyway...
* * *
Q: How does James Bond ring a doorbell?
A: Dong. Ding Dong.
* * *
I missed my brother's birthday party, but he saved me a piece of cake. Just my luck... I got the one with PP on top.
* * *
Q: What did Pikachu say when he heard about Donald Trump's acquittal?
A: "Pikachu!"
* * *
Racers always hope for a strong tailwind. That's why beans is their recommended diet.
* * *
We'll never be able to fix global warming, and here's why: why.
* * *
My son just came out of the closet. Damn, I really need to fix that lock!
* * *
Q: Which fast food franchise should use Jack the Ripper as its mascot?
A: Chick-fil-A.
* * *
Jack the Ripper was more of a ladies' man that Casanova; he knew it's what's inside that counts.
* * *
The EU's looking pretty slim right now. I understand it lost a few pounds.
* * *
Batman won't travel to Nepal, but Cat Man do.
* * *
Both my neighbor's parents have a fair complexion, freckles and red hair. He's a ginger bred man.
* * *
My brother came home from the store last night to find that his porch light bulb had burned out. So what did the dummy do? Instead of going for his step ladder, he up-ended the 12-pack of soda he'd just bought and tried to change it from on top of that. Needless to say, it was too rickety; he toppled off, falling hard onto the concrete and breaking his leg. Moral to the story: it's a big mistake to get high on Coke.
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