Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,922
- Points
- 38
When it comes to chickens, the breast of a rooster is particularly meaty. That's because he's spent a lot of time working on his pecks.
I don't know how people can claim that Ouija board messages are genuine. Every one of them is ghost-written.
Q: People in ancient Egypt worshiped cats and crocodiles. Their society was Animistic. So, what would you call a culture that worships parrots?
A: Pollytheistic.
All my family and friends have discovered I'm addicted to Viagra. No one's taking it harder than my girlfriend.
Iron Man used to attend really wild dance parties and would become furious when Captain America tried to drag him away. He'd become Stark raving mad.
I come from a really small town. Our high school was so small, we used to have Driver's Ed and Sex Ed in the same car.
Holstein cows have hides that are part black and part white. That's why they're colloquially referred to as moo-lattos.
The concept of "money" is hollow and meaningless. That's my two cents.
"Which service is showing 'Lovecraft Country'?"
"Gee, I'm not sure. My best guess would be C'Hulu."
My brother, a woodworker, has built a number of furniture pieces. Alas, none of them have sold... turns out they weren't poplar.
The next big TV event is going to deal with the assassination of Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theatre. To make the production extra realistic, it's being shot before a live audience.
After a long, bitter argument over which of the alphabet vowels was most vital, I had hoped I had won. But unfortunately it seems to have been U.
You'll never see a fat ninja. That's because they're extra good at their jobs.
If you ask me, farmers themselves are responsible for all the mysterious crop circles we see in wheat fields. They are, after all, protractors.
The Roman gladiator Flavius killed his opponent even after having his ankles slashed clean through. He was the first combatant to gain a victory after having been defeeted.
I took a pole recently and discovered that 100% of people voted no. Small surprise; their tent kept falling over.
Big Ben's maintenance workers are going out on strike. Well, it's about time!
Arithmetic has me beat! I just can't seem to even the odds!
Driving instructor: "So far, so good. Now I want to see you do a three-point turn."
Student: "Three? That's for beginners! Watch me do it on two wheels!"
During my last espionage mission, I kept a closer eye on the weather than I did on the enemy. It was the spy-master's fault; he's the one who told me my contact would be "in da skies".
Air quality has gotten so bad, local supermarkets have actually been selling bags of air for a $3.00. As an added buying incentive, they're throwing in a handful of potato chips.
My brother broke a leg last week. Wish I could say it's the first time, but I can't; he's been abusing me for years.
* * *
I don't know how people can claim that Ouija board messages are genuine. Every one of them is ghost-written.
* * *
Q: People in ancient Egypt worshiped cats and crocodiles. Their society was Animistic. So, what would you call a culture that worships parrots?
A: Pollytheistic.
* * *
All my family and friends have discovered I'm addicted to Viagra. No one's taking it harder than my girlfriend.
* * *
Iron Man used to attend really wild dance parties and would become furious when Captain America tried to drag him away. He'd become Stark raving mad.
* * *
I come from a really small town. Our high school was so small, we used to have Driver's Ed and Sex Ed in the same car.
* * *
Holstein cows have hides that are part black and part white. That's why they're colloquially referred to as moo-lattos.
* * *
The concept of "money" is hollow and meaningless. That's my two cents.
* * *
"Which service is showing 'Lovecraft Country'?"
"Gee, I'm not sure. My best guess would be C'Hulu."
* * *
My brother, a woodworker, has built a number of furniture pieces. Alas, none of them have sold... turns out they weren't poplar.
* * *
The next big TV event is going to deal with the assassination of Abraham Lincoln at Ford's Theatre. To make the production extra realistic, it's being shot before a live audience.
* * *
After a long, bitter argument over which of the alphabet vowels was most vital, I had hoped I had won. But unfortunately it seems to have been U.
* * *
You'll never see a fat ninja. That's because they're extra good at their jobs.
* * *
If you ask me, farmers themselves are responsible for all the mysterious crop circles we see in wheat fields. They are, after all, protractors.
* * *
The Roman gladiator Flavius killed his opponent even after having his ankles slashed clean through. He was the first combatant to gain a victory after having been defeeted.
* * *
I took a pole recently and discovered that 100% of people voted no. Small surprise; their tent kept falling over.
* * *
Big Ben's maintenance workers are going out on strike. Well, it's about time!
* * *
Arithmetic has me beat! I just can't seem to even the odds!
* * *
Driving instructor: "So far, so good. Now I want to see you do a three-point turn."
Student: "Three? That's for beginners! Watch me do it on two wheels!"
* * *
During my last espionage mission, I kept a closer eye on the weather than I did on the enemy. It was the spy-master's fault; he's the one who told me my contact would be "in da skies".
* * *
Air quality has gotten so bad, local supermarkets have actually been selling bags of air for a $3.00. As an added buying incentive, they're throwing in a handful of potato chips.
* * *
My brother broke a leg last week. Wish I could say it's the first time, but I can't; he's been abusing me for years.
