Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,920
- Points
- 38
Simba the Lion King died because he thought he was too good to provide food for his family. His pride consumed him.
Commute time can be a pain. I spent over two hours sitting in traffic this morning... got run over three times.
"I just love Italian pasta, especially spaghetti and meatballs!"
"Sorry to have tell you this, but spaghetti and meatballs isn't really Italian."
" ... you mean it's an impasta?"
We held a Gingers of the World covention; not one single soul appeared.
I built myself a vampire snowman, but it came to life like Frosty and attacked me. Now my neck's all frostbitten.
What do sharks say when one of their clan is too cowardly to make a kill?
"He turned tuna!"
While on safari, I shot and grilled an entire water buffalo. It was my greatest mist steak.
When I gave my dad his 50th birthday card, he became really emotional.
"Hey dummy!" he said to me. "One would have been plenty!"
Ship's cook: "I needs ta know how many candles ta put on the captain's birthday cake! He were in his late 70s the year afore... I told yer ta find out what his age is now!"
Cabin boy: "I asked 'im three time if he knows how old he is! All he says is, 'Aye, matey!' "
I'm a nylon fetishist and thought my new girlfriend understood that. Evidently not... looks like I've gotten off on the wrong foot.
Throughout the whole police interview, I invoked my right to take the 5th. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.
Q: What result do you get when you cross a fox with a bunny rabbit?
A: A very fat fox.
I watched a program last night called "The Amazing Race". It wasn't what I expected... I thought it was going to be a documentary Hitler commissioned about the Third Reich.
Hamlet: "To be or not to be."
Ophelia: "For the last damn time! My brother's name is not Toby! It's Laertes!"
I wanted to rent some space for my business in Barnes and Noble, but it didn't work out. All available spots were booked.
A bunch of the more famous fiends showed up at this year's Creature Convention. Dr. Frankenstein kept bragging that he was a self-made man. This really riled up his monster... he couldn't claim that distinction.
I asked the guy at the feed store why his hay is sold in bales. He told me that every cow needs three square meals a day.
The naughty kids in New Mexico get iron instead of coal for Christmas. Well, actually that only happens in Santa Fe.
My wife doesn't like the way use a hammer to crack eggs for breakfast. I say my technique is eggs spurt.
A cowboy ambles into a western town wearing chaps made completely out of newspaper. Big mistake... the marshal immediately arrested him for rustling.
I came home to my apartment complex to find the female janitor whacked out on weed. Well, of course I insisted that she be fired; I've got no use at all for high maintenance women.
According to the Bible, the number 666 represents Satan. That would mean that the root of all evil isn't the love of money after all; it's actually the number 25.8.
* * *
Commute time can be a pain. I spent over two hours sitting in traffic this morning... got run over three times.
* * *
"I just love Italian pasta, especially spaghetti and meatballs!"
"Sorry to have tell you this, but spaghetti and meatballs isn't really Italian."
" ... you mean it's an impasta?"
* * *
We held a Gingers of the World covention; not one single soul appeared.
* * *
I built myself a vampire snowman, but it came to life like Frosty and attacked me. Now my neck's all frostbitten.
* * *
What do sharks say when one of their clan is too cowardly to make a kill?
"He turned tuna!"
* * *
While on safari, I shot and grilled an entire water buffalo. It was my greatest mist steak.
* * *
When I gave my dad his 50th birthday card, he became really emotional.
"Hey dummy!" he said to me. "One would have been plenty!"
* * *
Ship's cook: "I needs ta know how many candles ta put on the captain's birthday cake! He were in his late 70s the year afore... I told yer ta find out what his age is now!"
Cabin boy: "I asked 'im three time if he knows how old he is! All he says is, 'Aye, matey!' "
* * *
I'm a nylon fetishist and thought my new girlfriend understood that. Evidently not... looks like I've gotten off on the wrong foot.
* * *
Throughout the whole police interview, I invoked my right to take the 5th. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.
* * *
Q: What result do you get when you cross a fox with a bunny rabbit?
A: A very fat fox.
* * *
I watched a program last night called "The Amazing Race". It wasn't what I expected... I thought it was going to be a documentary Hitler commissioned about the Third Reich.
* * *
Hamlet: "To be or not to be."
Ophelia: "For the last damn time! My brother's name is not Toby! It's Laertes!"
* * *
I wanted to rent some space for my business in Barnes and Noble, but it didn't work out. All available spots were booked.
* * *
A bunch of the more famous fiends showed up at this year's Creature Convention. Dr. Frankenstein kept bragging that he was a self-made man. This really riled up his monster... he couldn't claim that distinction.
* * *
I asked the guy at the feed store why his hay is sold in bales. He told me that every cow needs three square meals a day.
* * *
The naughty kids in New Mexico get iron instead of coal for Christmas. Well, actually that only happens in Santa Fe.
* * *
My wife doesn't like the way use a hammer to crack eggs for breakfast. I say my technique is eggs spurt.
* * *
A cowboy ambles into a western town wearing chaps made completely out of newspaper. Big mistake... the marshal immediately arrested him for rustling.
* * *
I came home to my apartment complex to find the female janitor whacked out on weed. Well, of course I insisted that she be fired; I've got no use at all for high maintenance women.
* * *
According to the Bible, the number 666 represents Satan. That would mean that the root of all evil isn't the love of money after all; it's actually the number 25.8.
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