Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,922
- Points
- 38
My wife's been bugging me to bone up on my affection skills, so I went to the library yesterday and checked out a book called "How to Hug". She swatted me when I got back... it was actually volume 6 of the Oxford English Dictionary.
Did you know that Hercules actually invented French Fries? He cooked them in ancient Greece.
My 10 year old son wanted a tattoo of his 10 year old girlfriend, but the artist wisely informed him that she couldn't tattoo minors. So he had one done of his mom instead.
I bought a cute little puppy for my three year old son. All my friends say that it was a very considerate thing to do, which was what I intended... now he doesn't have to wait in that hot car all by himself.
"Number 2 is the first odd prime number."
"But 2 is an even number! In fact, it's the only even prime number!"
"I know! That's what makes it so odd."
The Kellogg's factory accidentally made a load of Rice Krispies using Orphan's Rice. All the stuff will do is Snap and Crackle.
I just bought my son a stuffed alpaca toy. I've heard that dolly llamas are great for instilling religious values.
Aliens intend to invade Earth using Plan 9, which will prepare the human population for their arrival. An alternative name for this scheme is Preparation H.
I sometimes drop in on my daughter at work. She says it's terribly embarrassing, but I don't know why... I'm not doing any of the hooting and hollering while she's on the pole.
Q: Can olive oil be used as a gearbox lubricant?
A: No. It doesn't contain any trans fats.
I wanted to tell a few jokes about the noble gasses, but the punchline's argon.
"See you again tomorrow, boys. We aren't even close to being finished"... Roman building supervisor, first day at work.
It wears me out to have to report my income each year. It's a taxing experience.
"Anyone here know the penalty for bigamy?"
"Yeah. Two mothers-in-law."
Instead of breath spray, I accidentally squirted some deodorant into my mouth. Ever since, I've had a strange Axe scent.
Before Castro took over, Cuba was a favorite vacation spot. Merrymakers would send postcards home reading, "Havana, lot o' fun!"
Most web developers try to eliminate bugs, but one group is more successful than any other. They're called spiders.
A brain tends to experience more anxiety than, say, the hands or the ears. But then, it is part of a nervous system.
My dad was beaten to death by my granddad. Which is only right... sons are supposed to outlive their fathers.
Q: What do dyslexic Jedi Knights do?
A: Hunt down Shit Lords.
My sister set me up with a blind date. She told me the girl was lovely, but warned me that she was expecting a baby. Shows you how desperate I am that I showed up in a diaper, sucking on a pacifier.
Yep, I tell a lot of corny jokes. That's just how eye roll.
* * *
Did you know that Hercules actually invented French Fries? He cooked them in ancient Greece.
* * *
My 10 year old son wanted a tattoo of his 10 year old girlfriend, but the artist wisely informed him that she couldn't tattoo minors. So he had one done of his mom instead.
* * *
I bought a cute little puppy for my three year old son. All my friends say that it was a very considerate thing to do, which was what I intended... now he doesn't have to wait in that hot car all by himself.
* * *
"Number 2 is the first odd prime number."
"But 2 is an even number! In fact, it's the only even prime number!"
"I know! That's what makes it so odd."
* * *
The Kellogg's factory accidentally made a load of Rice Krispies using Orphan's Rice. All the stuff will do is Snap and Crackle.
* * *
I just bought my son a stuffed alpaca toy. I've heard that dolly llamas are great for instilling religious values.
* * *
Aliens intend to invade Earth using Plan 9, which will prepare the human population for their arrival. An alternative name for this scheme is Preparation H.
* * *
I sometimes drop in on my daughter at work. She says it's terribly embarrassing, but I don't know why... I'm not doing any of the hooting and hollering while she's on the pole.
* * *
Q: Can olive oil be used as a gearbox lubricant?
A: No. It doesn't contain any trans fats.
* * *
I wanted to tell a few jokes about the noble gasses, but the punchline's argon.
* * *
"See you again tomorrow, boys. We aren't even close to being finished"... Roman building supervisor, first day at work.
* * *
It wears me out to have to report my income each year. It's a taxing experience.
* * *
"Anyone here know the penalty for bigamy?"
"Yeah. Two mothers-in-law."
* * *
Instead of breath spray, I accidentally squirted some deodorant into my mouth. Ever since, I've had a strange Axe scent.
* * *
Before Castro took over, Cuba was a favorite vacation spot. Merrymakers would send postcards home reading, "Havana, lot o' fun!"
* * *
Most web developers try to eliminate bugs, but one group is more successful than any other. They're called spiders.
* * *
A brain tends to experience more anxiety than, say, the hands or the ears. But then, it is part of a nervous system.
* * *
My dad was beaten to death by my granddad. Which is only right... sons are supposed to outlive their fathers.
* * *
Q: What do dyslexic Jedi Knights do?
A: Hunt down Shit Lords.
* * *
My sister set me up with a blind date. She told me the girl was lovely, but warned me that she was expecting a baby. Shows you how desperate I am that I showed up in a diaper, sucking on a pacifier.
* * *
Yep, I tell a lot of corny jokes. That's just how eye roll.
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