HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

[kis123]

To all of my dads........Happy Fathers Day to you!

To my dads that are struggling....please keep the faith and don't give up

To my dads who haven't been making the mark, it's time to step to the plate before your kids get old enough to make decisions for themselves.

To my sons and daughters who have been struggling; if your dads are still alive, throw that olive branch just one more time. If they don't respond, set yourselves free; you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make "him" drink. It's his loss, and one day he will have to be accountable for his actions. Forgiveness is not for him, it is for you so you can keep it moving forward. If he's deceased, please just let it go; I've been where you are and you can't control his decision making. It's not your fault so don't adopt his issues. But when it's time for you to raise children, learn from the mistakes and don't bring them onto your children.

I didn't mean to rant and I'm not standing on a soapbox. I just know that there are some who are hurting and I just want you to know that someone understands your pain.

Take care, remain blessed, contemplate your circumstances, and make changes wherever possible.

I wish you all well and bid you peace and have a great Father's day.....

 

[Saeria]

Very well said... If i may be permitted to add to this.

I'd like to give a personal Happy Father's Day to the accidental Fathers.. the father's that had no idea they ones, even if they're not called dad. In a second grade classroom, alot of dad's and one Mr. Alligator sat in tiny chairs with their knees up to their chests and listened to the children sing a song for them, and read to them, and share "two tiny donut holes.. that was it!" These are the ones that find love where someone else failed to and without trying filled in a gap in a child's life.
He's the one who wakes her each day and gets her off to school and the first face she sees when she comes home. That's a dad, if even not in name... So i'm calling it Mr. Alligator day instead.

 

[Mitchell]

kis, thanks, but.. no. We've talked about my father earlier in the year. Since my last post about him, I've sent my father very reasonable communication about how to resolve all the personal, and financial issues, that are hanging over both he and I right now, and he has not responded. I'm done with olive branches. What he will get from me on Father's Day is just what he deserves, silence.

There have been Father's Days in the past that I've heard from him, although not recently. If that happens, I will read what he has to say, think about it, and respond appropriately.

I think he might surface before the end of the day. My mom says he wont. I'm prepared either way. I havent spent Father's Day with him since 2002, when I killed myself to run back and forth to New York from here on the train for the day, a more than three hour trip each way. He gave me just a lovely day, not focusing on his and my relationship as he should, but rather, how I should see his family. He is just pathetic. The next year, 2003, I couldnt go, because I had to take my mom to the hospital. This was when she had her cancer scare, which Thank God turned out to be a false alarm. After I had spent most of the evening, and night, in the hospital with her, on Father's Day, not to mention that I was getting over my own flu then, and couldnt travel three hours each way to go see him in one day, because of how I felt, he had the audacity, after what I went through that day, to berate me for "Not spending Father's Day with him". I was prepared to make it up to him a week or two later, but he waited more than five months to make time to see me, and we then had what turned out to be our last visit, in November, 2003. I havent seen him since. He is a sick,. pathetic, creep! He now has a stepdaughter to spend it with, as he has for nine of the past twelve Father's Days. Let him be there. I know that in the long run, I'm better off.

Mitch

One final thing: in 2006, I talked to him for one whole year, after unwisely grabbing the phone from my mom's hands when she was speaking to him at the end of 2005. I repeatedly asked to see him that whole year, and he turned me down. It's clear that he has other priorities than me.

My father has always made a huge deal out of "Father's Day". His belief is that one should kiss a parent's ass on Mother's Days, and Father's Days, even if the parent treats the child like dirt. I'm of the belief that those days are a celebration of parents who treat their children well all year long, as parents should. His beliefs get him nowhere with me, but he doesnt care.

 

[kis123]

kis, thanks, but.. no. We've talked about this earlier in the year. Since my last post about this, I've sent my father very reasonable communication about how to resolve all the personal, and financial issues, that are hanging over both he and I right now, and he has not responded. I'm done with olive branches. What he will get from me on Father's Day is just what he deserves, silence.

There have been Father's Days in the past that I've heard from him, although not recently. If that happens, I will read what he has to say, think about it, and respond appropriately.

I think he might surface before the end of the day. My mom says he wont. I'm prepared either way. I havent spent Father's Day with him since 2002, when I killed myself to run back and forth to New York from here on the train for the day, a more than three hour trip each way. He gave me just a lovely day, not focusing on his and my relationship as he should, but rather, how I should see his family. He is just pathetic. The next year, 2003, I couldnt go, because I had to take my mom to the hospital. This was when she had her cancer scare, which Thank God turned out to be a false alarm. After I had spent most of the evening, and night, in the hospital with her, on Father's Day, not to mention that I was getting over my own flu then, and couldnt travel three hours each way to go see him in one day, because of how I felt, he had the audacity, after what I went through that day, to berate me for "Not spending Father's Day with him". I was prepared to make it up to him a week or two later, but he waited more than five months to make time to see me, and we then had what turned out to be our last visit, in November, 2003. I havent seen him since. He is a sick,. pathetic, creep! He now has a stepdaughter to spend it with, as he has for nine of the past twelve Father's Days. Let him be there. I know that in the long run, I'm better off.

Mitch

Mitch, I told you in your thread that at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you. If you feel you've done your best, then forgive and let go. The unforgiveness and bitterness wears your soul out, not his. He's probably not losing one minute of sleep over it and neither should you.

There are other forum members that have father issues that I'm speaking to as well. Hell my father's been dead since 2001 and I still struggle with unresolved issues. It never completely goes away Mitch, but things do get better with time. Besides, one day you may become a father; if nothing else, you know what not to do with your children should that time ever come.

Enjoy the rest of your day; I hope you truly find peace.

 

[Mitchell]

kis, I have done my best. Let go. Yes, I agree with you about that. Forgive. I dont think so. I hope I reach a point where I dont have to think about him at all. I do agree that he probably isnt losing a minute of sleep over it. He probably just says to his cronies for appearances sake something like "I feel very sad that Mitch isnt in my life, and doesnt spend Father's Day with me". Deep down, I know he doesnt give a damn.

I'm sorry to hear that you still struggle with unresolved issues about your dad.

I definitely agree with you that I know what not to do with my children. I will be nothing like him. No emotional abuse, of course, but also, I will never base my relationship with him, on say, how they treat their other relatives, which is what he does with me. My relationship with them is theirs and mine.

Thanks. I'm trying to find peace.

You have a good day, too.

Mitch

 

[unclebill]

Thanks, kis. My daughters took me out for breakfast this morning, and I had a wonderful time. And this afternoon I will spend some time with my father, who I still have a great relationship with. Its all good.

 

[kis123]

Thanks, kis. My daughters took me out for breakfast this morning, and I had a wonderful time. And this afternoon I will spend some time with my father, who I still have a great relationship with. Its all good.

Glad to hear you're having a good time today, and I'm glad your dad's still here to spend time with. Have a great rest of your special day.....

 

[chicago]

I took the day off to hang out with my dad. In a few minutes we'll be leaving to go to an AA meeting together. He's been sober for about 3 years now and went from attending meetings to being a chairperson at some.

We'll probably get something to eat after and then later tonight we're going to a comedy club. Should be a good day.

 

[BlackestLily]

I'm going to my dad's today with one of my sisters and we're going to have a bbq at their house. I bought a card and some lotto tickets because I know how much he likes to play them. I did the same thing for my grandpa too because I know he's going to be there. I'm bringing the fruit salad and homemade apple pie! Yee-haw.

 

[Helena]

I called my dad this morning to wish him a happy father's day. I know he struggles with his own personal demons, and hasn't really been part of my life. After the phone call, I felt like all my energy was drained for about half an hour. He and I have had a tough road, and I've had to distance myself from him to become a more healthy and happy person.

I accept my situation. It took some work, and I still struggle with my feelings for him; but now I actively seek out healthier people and thank god for the good things in my life. My dad is 68 now, and we will communicate by email, the occasional phone call and at Christmas.

It can be a holiday I dread. I must admit that. I wish I could say it gets easier with time, but I think I just cope with it better today. The hurt doesn't leave.

 

[kis123]

Annie Hall, I'm glad your dad is sober and that you have relationship with him. I hope he continues getting better and your relationship with him gets stronger every day.

Purrbast, your plans sound great--save me some pie will ya?

Helena, I'm glad you found yourself and have accepted your father's limitations. I tell my children on a regular basis that they don't get to pick their parents; learn to love us where they can and let the rest go. It may never get where you deserve to have it, but as long as you're being realistic about it you'll continue to grow. I wish you the best........

 

[BellaRisa]

Bill just took the girls to their best friend's birthday pool party; while they're swimming he and I will enjoy having the house to ourselves (and do exactly what you think we're gonna do ) and mess with the shiny new big-deal fancy charcoal grill we got for (my 4th of July weekend!!) him yesterday and listen to Woody Allen's stand-up on the CD player. Eventually we'll call his dad and see how he liked the Capitol Steps CDs I sent and chill watching the Venture Brothers on DVD

 

[Capnmad]

Some good quotes for the day.

 

[Flatfoot]

My father's in Florida, and I'm way up in Ohio. For Mother's Day, my sister flew my mother up to Jersey like she normally does, and we surprised her by showing up with her grandson she hasn't had a chance to see since he was a few months old. Without financial help from my sister, we probably couldn't have made the trip at all. After closing on a new house, I kinda feel bad that I can't do much for my dad besides a phone call that won't last for more than a few minutes since neither of us are very good conversationalists. I'm honestly reluctant to call him because I feel like crap about it.

Then there's my father-in-law, who lives right down the street. He's helped us out on numerous occasions, whether it's been with money, groceries, or miscellaneous things, like helping us get settled in the new house, installing a garage door opener he bought us as a gift, etc. His job may force him to retire, since he's had one medical problem after another in sequence, these past few months, and he's run out of personal days/hardship time. Medical insurance is gonna be a nightmare for them when he retires and has a new mortgage to deal with. I'm gonna be helping him move stuff outta his old garage to their new one, today. I wish I could do more for them, since they're starting to run outta money, but I'm on a tight budget.

Today's kind of an anxiety day for me.

 

[venray]

Thank you Kis.....wonderful thoughts for the day...

 

[tommee]

Thanks Kis, I picked my daughter up last night, She will be spending the week down here with me.

 

[Mitchell]

Bill, glad you had a nice morning with your daughters. Hope you enjoy your afternoon with your dad.

Mairead, that's wonderful about your dad getting sober, so that you can now have good times with him. I'm sure your presence at his AA meeting today will be a good source of support for him.

Helena, I'm sorry to hear about your difficult phone call with your father.

Flat, I hope your day turns out to be less stressful then you thought. Good Luck.

tommee, I hope you enjoy your week with your daughter.


Mitch

 

[goddess_nemesis]

What Makes A Dad

What Makes A Dad
God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,

The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,

Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... Dad

~ Author Unknown


Right now I'm not hanging with my dad as he is in the cities attending the final day of 'Back to the 50s' car show, but I sent him a text message wishing him a happy father's day.

Happy father's day to all the fathers on TMF. To the men who are there for their children (biological or not), who step up to the plate and do not back down.

 

[kis123]

Bella-I know you'll read this later as I'm sure you and Bill are busy "celebrating!"

Capnmad-the quotes are wonderful even though I can relate to none of them. Thanks anyway.

Tommee-have fun with that little princess. Try not to spoil her too much; she does have to go home eventually.

Ray-what else is there to say?? Have a great time today and try not to get in any trouble........

Flatfoot-congratulations with your baby and just be the best son and son in law that you can be. I'm sure that's a great enough gift to them.

nemesis-great poem; wish I could relate but it is very heartfelt

This is turning out to be a very nice thread.

 

[Aimee]

Today ... I had to meet my dad's future "fiance".
She's nice, I guess. Whatever.

 

[Mitchell]

Ugh, sorry Aimee. That must not have been too appetizing.

On Father's Day 1997, my father announced his marriage to me, after lying to me the week before that the woman he was seeing was just someone he knew for a few months, and was "No one". At the time he said she was "No one" I didnt think much of it, as he had dated another woman for four years, and it didnt lead anywhere.

I've never met my father's wife, for many reasons that I wont get into. She's a major troublemaker, and, from what I've heard, is probably at least 50% of the reason why he and I are estranged. My favorite one is when men get married, and expect that children, grown or small, are going to make their new wives to be closer to the children then the children's own mother, like my father told me he thought was going to happen. Not!

The whole "Parents getting married again" thing can be a big obstacle, and it is nice if the parents can understand that, and show their children sensitivity, knowing that it isnt easy for the child. I'm sure some parents do understand this, but some, like my father, are clueless, and have no idea at all. This can serve to make it worse for the child, no matter how old they are, and for the child's relationship with the parent.

Mitch

 

[Gothika]

happy daddys day fathers hope its a good one drink lots of beer hehehehe

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Happy Father's day to everyone on the TMF, especially the dads.

 

[giantfan121262]

Thanks Kis.

My fathers day was great. Judy made me favorite breakfast (an egg bake with ham and cheese) and my son and daughter each made their own cards for me. Matthew made a balloon of a dog (I love dogs)

My dinner was at the Outback ith the whole gang. Judy, the kids, mom. myself, my father in law and Judy's two sisters.

After dinner, my mother gave me the flag that was draped on my fathers coffin when he passed in 1993. My mother put the flag in a glass frame. I was moved to tears. We are trying to decide where to put it after Iget the proper hardware to hang it on the wall.

All in all, an excellent day.

 

[kis123]

Aimee-just try to keep an open mind-she might be the right one. Besides, you did say she was "nice" right??

Mitchell-thank you for another perspective. I'm glad that Father's Day has been happy for most of us anyway.

Goth-you're probably the greatest alligator dad a little girl ever had...if you need confirmation, ask your lady!

Musicroxmysox-thanks for keeping it simple (kis)---anyone know who's acronym that is???

Giantfan-you know you can throw out the baby with the bathwater and burn the barn down and you'd still be all right with me. You've been through so much and I'm glad you're happy and that you had a great Fathers Day.