Honesty Time.

[Rectangle]

There is probably a rant coming, I hope I dont piss anyone off, I just wanna get this off my chest and the Tickling forum is the only place I know to do it.


Please dont take offense to this, I just want input from you, not a kick in the balls for what I'm about to say:

I, Rectangle, HATE the TMF.


*Pause* Full stop.

Lemme explain.



First off, I dont hate the people here, at all, by any stretch of the imagination.
You guys are awesome.
I dont post much, but I do talk to a few people here on the side, and those few (You know who you are) have been like, critical in helping me come to terms with my..fetish...

So it's not at ALL against the people here.


What I'm referring to when I say "Hate the TMF" is the whole fact that I've got to come HERE to be around people that get turned on by the same thing do.

I dont know if I like it.
Every time I sign on, I feel like I'm being defined by my sexuality, by my "Kink".

I've got to hide my laptop from my roomates when I sign on here so I wont feel like some kind of weirdo, which really pisses me off too.

You guys arent weirdos. I'm not a weirdo. Why do I have to hide?

I mean, it's tickling. It's friggin' innocent. Why am I ashamed like I am?

I've YET to meet a girl or be in a relationship where I told my GF "I like to be tickled" and her be like "Well screw you, pervert!"
Ever!
And I think I've told every girlfriend I've ever had!
So what's the big deal? Why am I so friggin' scared?


But this place..
Maybe it's because I've been lurking here since I was a teenager
(Just for reference, that "18 or older" thing at the front door does NOT stop teens with the fetish, there is at least one teenager reading this right now hehe"

..maybe its that fear I had back then of being "outed" that sizzles up everytime I get on here.
Maybe its the naked girls in the ads over in the corner that make me feel like I'm visiting a porn site.

I dont know, but everytime I sign on here, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

And I genuinely WANT to be active here, I want to make friends and have people be like "Oh, thats Rectangle, he's a cool guy" like anywhere else.

But I dont know what's stopping me.
There's just something inside me that stops me from being at ease here.


Yet I come back and lurk and talk to people because it's the only damn place I can meet people who dont think that I'm weird, even if I already know that most people wouldnt think I'm weird to begin with!


Its driving me mad, and I dont even know what I'm upset about right now but I am and I wanna scream about it but I friggin' dont even know what to scream at!


I just dont want to be seen as "weird".
I dont want to feel like I'm hiding this chunk of my life.
Seeking out gatherings and munches trying to find people like me so I'll know deep down I'm not alone.

But then again, I WANT TO! I WANT to go to munches and gatherings and meet people, but not on the basis of not being alone but because it's something I enjoy!


Does that make any sense? I dunno..


I can maybe sum it up like this.
The word "Kink".
This is our "Kink"
That makes us "Kinky"
I DONT WANNA BE KINKY!
I WANNA BE NORMAL!

But I dont wanna change either!
I like me, and this is part of me, and GRRRR




Back when I first started coming here, lurking and hiding it from the world a a teenager, I wrote up a profile that was as different from myself as possible.
(Yes Mods, teenage Reck made a fake profile)
..I said I lived in California, I was a teacher, and I was female.

IMMEDIATELY after dropping my fake "female" profile onto the TMF..
..teenage Reck got BOMBARDED with messages from "That Guy"

You know "That Guy"


He's the one who posts little comments in totally inappropriate places saying things like "MORE FEET!" or sends girls comments like "WHERE YOU BE TICKLISH? CAN I SMELL YOUR ARMPIT?"


And it almost scarred me for life. I think it did scar me for life actually.
Because my first impression of this community was that it was a bunch of jackasses that were just looking for a reason to wank-off.

And that's not me. That's not the man I want to be.
Even as a TEEN that wasnt the guy I wanted to be.


So I went years before even trying to talk to anybody from around here.
I was scared of you guys. Even when I read you guys post on the forums, and you seemed normal, I was scared.


The TMF still brings that fear up inside of me, I cant help it.


I dont want to be that creepy guy wacking off in the corner.
*Note to "That Guy", you fucking sicken me, have some respect for people*




So yeah. I hate the TMF.


But I REALLY want to STOP hating the TMF.

I want to be here as a normal guy, talking to normal people, without any shame or fear that opening myself up to this side of me is going to turn me into creepy wank-monkey guy in the corner.


I just dont know how to go about that.



I'm sorry for my rant, I hope someone makes sense of it, I just kind of let feelings fly without any coherent structure to it, please forgive me if this breaks protocol or anything around here.



Thanks for reading.

Reck.

 

[Rectangle]

Maybe I shouldnt have posted this at 3am if I wanted responses.

Well, at least it's out there.

I'm off to bed.

Thanks for reading TMF.

 

[TropicThunder]

Wow, you're kind of putting it in perspective for me.

I hated the TMF too. I deleted my account due to That Guy because he's the one that made me feel insecure about my tickling fetish. And over the years there were several 'That Guy's'

After a year or two of some serious growing up in the real world, I'm suddenly alot more comfortable in my own skin to be honest about everything. I don't announce to the world about my kinke but I don't go out of my way to hide it anymore. If someone stumbles across a website or a video on my computer, I just shrug and say "hey, it's my thing"

And no one I've ever told has ever thought I was weird because of it. I haven't told lots of people but at least the important ones.

And TMFers are some of the nicest people ever. But honestly Rectangle I don't know how to help start feeling more comfortable with it. It was just something I sorta grew into. It also helped just to learn how to avoid 'those guys' and if you don't wanna be the creepy guy wacking off in the corner, then you won't be.

 

[fightinggirl666]

Life is filled with ya "that guy"/creepy/odd ones and you get you're share of those no matter where you go. If you let them rule things for you then ya life will never go anywhere... there are also some really awesome people out there (including here) and they can defently improve ya life and be great friends.

But having said that... to me if you are feeling that "the tmf is the only place I can be normal" then you will always feel you have something to hide. The tmf has to you come to represnt the "secret in the cave" sorta of thing, if you keep thinking like that you will always feel trapped and 'not normal'. Get out there love and be you, I mean don't go and start randomly tickling strangers or carrying round feathers but if ya get in relationship then once it's established let her know that tickling is a thing for you, if it's introduced right and the girl is the right one for you then it can defently help both of you. Just go on living ya life and having fun with you're friends/loved ones - the more you can do that the better you will feel. You think tickling is the only thing that is a 'fetish', that most other people don't have some kink they find embrassing... Most people live with the fear that they will be seen as "not normal" due to some kink, but they get out there and just live life, learning to live with their fetish/likes/dislikes etc and being quite happy. Tickling is hardly the worst thing. Don't feel fear, just get out there and be you, it may be a big steep but not nearly as large as you think it is

 

[KrazieDog]

Girls get raped every day. People get killed every day. Thieves steal shit every day. Bad people do bad things every day. These creepy wankers that reside here, reside in every other aspect of life. They are at your grocery store, your church, your school, your city park, etc. It isn't the TMF or the fetish that make them anything more than what they already are. I don't know you, but if you are a standup guy in life, you are more than likely one here also. Don't associate this place or your fetish with the bad side that exists everywhere else also.

So you like tickling. Me too, along with football, tennis, movies, pool, electronics, family, etc. It's only one thing about you. You don't hide in the corner because you're weird, you do it because of the way you see your fetish. It's not the fetish making you weird. You have to eventually get to that place within your own head to release that self hating part of it. You like it, and girls that have been with you like it, and that's what matters. It's none of my friends business outside of here, so I don't feel I need to show it to any of them.

44 of us just got back from the gathering in Albany and it was almost too fun to be legal. Had you walked in on any of us, nothing looked weird or out of the ordinary. As far as the hotel knew, it was exactly what it was, a group reservation for a Superbowl party. At one point Saturday evening, housekeeping came to clean Classy and Natural Tickler's suite, and there was about 10 of us in there just hanging, a couple playing music on a laptop, some going in and out, a couple cooking and the rest in the living room with the tv on mute and just bullshitting and cutting up. At one point, Classy's mouth got the better of her and me and Natural started tickling her on the couch, and the maid (about 25 years old) that was going back and forth between the kitchen and bathroom looked over and had the biggest smile on her face and told us to keep having fun. I don't have to mention individual little poke fests in the hall and whatnot. These are all things I would have thought a few years ago to be odd in a place like that, but its not. Once I dropped the guard I had up in my own head, explored this thing I love more, and accepted it for what it is, the way I saw it changed rapidly. Had a friend of mine from outside of the forum showed up, he/she could have come hang out with us for a while and I wouldn't have felt anymore weird than if we were at anyone else' house watching movies.

So remember, this is the internet, home of masturbatory anonymity, and the creepers will ALWAYS be there. They are the same lowlifes that patrol middle school girls' you tube videos constantly asking them to do videos, under innocuous pretenses, just to whack it in the solitude of their own home. They are the predators that live in your own neighborhood right under your nose. They aren't creepy because they share a fetish with you, they are creepy because of what they want and how they choose to behave in regards to it. Don't associate yourself, the fetish, or the forum with it. Keep working on coming to terms with yourself in what you like and whether you either care what others think or whether you want them to know in the first place. Good luck to you.

 

[Rectangle]

Girls get raped every day. People get killed every day. Thieves steal shit every day. Bad people do bad things every day. These creepy wankers that reside here, reside in every other aspect of life. They are at your grocery store, your church, your school, your city park, etc. It isn't the TMF or the fetish that make them anything more than what they already are. I don't know you, but if you are a standup guy in life, you are more than likely one here also. Don't associate this place or your fetish with the bad side that exists everywhere else also.

So you like tickling. Me too, along with football, tennis, movies, pool, electronics, family, etc. It's only one thing about you. You don't hide in the corner because you're weird, you do it because of the way you see your fetish. It's not the fetish making you weird. You have to eventually get to that place within your own head to release that self hating part of it. You like it, and girls that have been with you like it, and that's what matters. It's none of my friends business outside of here, so I don't feel I need to show it to any of them.

44 of us just got back from the gathering in Albany and it was almost too fun to be legal. Had you walked in on any of us, nothing looked weird or out of the ordinary. As far as the hotel knew, it was exactly what it was, a group reservation for a Superbowl party. At one point Saturday evening, housekeeping came to clean Classy and Natural Tickler's suite, and there was about 10 of us in there just hanging, a couple playing music on a laptop, some going in and out, a couple cooking and the rest in the living room with the tv on mute and just bullshitting and cutting up. At one point, Classy's mouth got the better of her and me and Natural started tickling her on the couch, and the maid (about 25 years old) that was going back and forth between the kitchen and bathroom looked over and had the biggest smile on her face and told us to keep having fun. I don't have to mention individual little poke fests in the hall and whatnot. These are all things I would have thought a few years ago to be odd in a place like that, but its not. Once I dropped the guard I had up in my own head, explored this thing I love more, and accepted it for what it is, the way I saw it changed rapidly. Had a friend of mine from outside of the forum showed up, he/she could have come hang out with us for a while and I wouldn't have felt anymore weird than if we were at anyone else' house watching movies.

So remember, this is the internet, home of masturbatory anonymity, and the creepers will ALWAYS be there. They are the same lowlifes that patrol middle school girls' you tube videos constantly asking them to do videos, under innocuous pretenses, just to whack it in the solitude of their own home. They are the predators that live in your own neighborhood right under your nose. They aren't creepy because they share a fetish with you, they are creepy because of what they want and how they choose to behave in regards to it. Don't associate yourself, the fetish, or the forum with it. Keep working on coming to terms with yourself in what you like and whether you either care what others think or whether you want them to know in the first place. Good luck to you.

This is exactly along the lines of what I needed to hear bro.
Thanks. I hope to get to the comfort level where you see me at one of those gatherings.

 

[leafstk]

I think a lot of people can apprecaite how you're feeling, dude I've been there... and Fighter's post above is absolutely correct!

I don't feel dirty logging on here anymore or ashamed or whatever.... I choose to come here because of the wonderful friends I've made here. And honestly, if not for this site over the years, I'm not sure I would have been so bold as to introduce this kink into my previous relationships or get the bones to meet people who do "get it"... ya know?

It's completely normal and natural for you to feel the way you do... especially if all you do is lurk and check out the "tickle porn" aspect of things. This place has WAY much more to offer than that, as you yourself discovered tonight in Gen Dis... I also see you posting in Silly Stuff, which is a wonderful place to hang and meet great people

But Fighter is right... the sooner you accept yourself for who you are, the better you will feel about the whole experience and whether or not it is for you.

Don't overthink it all and don't let it take over your life either... just be you

 

[texastickler]

Man this all hit home for me. I ws a lurker here for years and then left. Came back in 2008 and made myself a new screen name. Did not start posting on a regular basis until september of last year.

I was one of those people that wanted to see what was going on. I have learned that the people here are just that, People! I will be at the largest gathering of the year in May. I have not met one soul on this forum in person but I assure you I know many of them. This community is like any other. You have outgoing people, reserved people, and creepers. I am a tickler and a ticklee. If I am asked about it I say it. I love this fetish. Sadly, this is one o the only places you can come to talk about this fetish. Yet, it is only a small part of youself. You can be who you are no matter were you go. We are always here for each other. All one needs to do is express a need. Someone here will always fill that need.

Glad you expressed yourself. Anytime you need to chat, give me a holler!

 

[Artoo]

I'm a music producer; I'm on a number of music production forums.
I'm a juggler; I'm on a bunch of juggling forums.
I have an interest in tickling; I'm on the TMF and the UKTF.

We put ourselves into boxes because we find it easier to define ourselves that way; be it our platonic or sexual interests, or whatever.

Coming here's not something weird or wrong, it's just something I do.
Course, it's a bit more than that, and I certainly used to feel differently about coming here. But things change when you get to know the real people on here, as opposed to "that guy."

If you ever want to PM, I'm only a...PM...away.

 

[Rectangle]

Wow, thanks for the kind words, and I actually feel a lot more comfortable already just having gotten all that off my chest.

Expect to be seeing more of me

Cheers!

 

[Musicroxmysox]

We have all gone through this at some point, that omg I want to be here but I don't thing. It's cool, it's a phase.

Serious props though for your effort to keep trying. As everyone else has said, this is one part of my life too. I love multiple things, but denying who you are, yea I'm not into that.

So keep doing what your doing you'll totally make friends and hopefully we can see you at something in the future.

And yea, if you ever wanna chat my PM box is too always open. Good luck.

 

[Rectangle]

I'm kind of having trouble with who I sent which PM to now hehe.

If it aint' one thing it's another

 

[DimpleToes]

we all feel that way at times. When I was a newbee here I was scared of anyone knowing. Now I don' t care. Once you get to know ppl in here you will come to find some of the best friends ever. We are all friends first and foremost and gatherings and munches is just a group of friends getting together to hang out and ticking is a bonus. You will fin when you do go to them its not a tickle orge, you hang out like you would with your vanilla friends, yeah there is some play time but not 24hrs a day.

Many of us have bad experinces in here that is when you talkto your friends, talk tothe mods who are awsome about the situation and/ or take a break for awhile to clear your head. I step back from time to time and have good friends in here who check up on me to see if I am ok with a phone call or IM message. TMF'rs ROCK. We are all human with the same likes of tickling.

 

[prestidigits]

I created a new identity and came on here, looking for fun, anonymously. And I found it. I've also found some abuse. There are mean people here! There are lovely nice people here. I hide this from almost everybody in my life.

Guess what. Everybody has things they hide. And every one of us thinks we're the Lone Ranger, that we alone are THAT sick! Turns out everybody is that sick. And that well!

I took a graduate level course in 1985--before many of you were ever born. One component of it was a couple of hours every day of intensive group therapy. Very uncomfortable. No place to hide. It was the toughest class I ever thank God I took. Because I came out of it face-to-face with the fact that there are more uglies in my soul than I ever knew. And face-to-face with the fact that everybody has as many uglies as I do.

Young as I was, I decided if we could all be open and honest with each other, we would get along well. I was an idiot. There are 'way too many people out there 'way too invested in hiding their uglies. And one of the things they do to pretend they're okay is to savage people who admit their uglies. It's a self-hatred thing. They hate it in themselves, so it's okay to hate it in you. Go figure!

ANYWAY!

Left-handed compliment that it is, Rec, you're as okay as I am. And a WHALE of a lot better than the sickies who can't even be honest enough with themselves to join TMF!

Hey, what if we're the only really healthy ones?

Hmm!!!

 

[Rectangle]

Hey, what if we're the only really healthy ones?

Hmm!!!

That's one way to think about it actually..

Hmm..I like that.

 

[fygar]

Don't really know what I can add considering you're feeling better but, glad you're feeling better.

I've been through the emotional and spiritual struggles with fetishism as well and tried running away from it and even going over-board with it and delving into things that really aren't my cup of tea until I got so disgusted with myself that I just started lashing out at others and then I dropped out of the scene for a while.

This has happened with me more than once but, ya know what? It doesn't last forever and sometimes it's healthy to take a break from it every now and then just as it can be healthy to drop in once in a while to say hello or to read some stories that you think you may be in the mood for or checkout the art section for some laughs.

Even if you watch some of the clips and find them arousing that doesn't mean you're a drooling, pervert who hides behind bushes waiting to nab unsuspecting victims and drag them back to some horrid cave to be tickled half to death.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought of myself as that potential monster over in the corner, biding it's time, waiting to pounce and secretly hating myself for it the whole time but, thank God, I found out that was just another way that I chose to beat myself up for being a loner with cold feet.

Just because we all share a somewhat unusual desire, fascination or whatever you want to call it doesn't mean that when we look in the mirror, we have to envision the boogieman staring back.

We're just as "normal" as anyone else and furthermore who is anyone of us to decide what is or isn't normal?

 

[Sandisk444]

I pretty much agree with the OP on this one, but i don't feel wrong or strange about the fetish, i realize it may be difficult for people to grasp but that can't harm anything really. But on that note i don't go letting everyone i know in on it

 

[Rectangle]

glad you're feeling better.

Yeah well, word to any other newbies around here.

Stay the hell out of the chat room.
I pretty much just had it made clear to me that I wasn't wanted or needed in there.

Apparently the kindness shown on the forums dont translate into chat.

 

[john getty]

Yeah well, word to any other newbies around here.

Stay the hell out of the chat room.
I pretty much just had it made clear to me that I wasn't wanted or needed in there.

Apparently the kindness shown on the forums dont translate into chat.

You've got a point there. I don't think I'll be going in there again.

 

[fygar]

Yeah well, word to any other newbies around here.

Stay the hell out of the chat room.
I pretty much just had it made clear to me that I wasn't wanted or needed in there.

Apparently the kindness shown on the forums dont translate into chat.

Really?? I'm not really a chat room kind of a guy so, I guess I wouldn't know. I got burnt out on chat rooms years ago after so many of the decent one's got bogged down with punks and guys that like little kids and other gross crap.

The last time I went to a chat, I ended up with all kinds of crazy spam in my yahoo mail that I had to make a new account!

So, when you went to the chat here, were people acting like jerks or were they just ignoring you?

 

[Rectangle]

Really?? I'm not really a chat room kind of a guy so, I guess I wouldn't know. I got burnt out on chat rooms years ago after so many of the decent one's got bogged down with punks and guys that like little kids and other gross crap.

The last time I went to a chat, I ended up with all kinds of crazy spam in my yahoo mail that I had to make a new account!

So, when you went to the chat here, were people acting like jerks or were they just ignoring you?

Jerks.
Absolute jerks.


As in, I was in the process of deleting my account, getting up, walking away, and punching a couple of holes in my wall when another TMFer stopped me on IM.


I'm still pissed about it.

 

[fygar]

Did you report these jackass' to a mod or administrator? I understand anger pretty well, if you ever want to talk to someone about it. I actually have punched holes in walls because of that anger. I might be able to help you find ways to calm and control it. Let me know.

 

[Canadian_Eh]

He'll be alright, he just needs to surround himself with the RIGHT people in this place!!

 

[TropicThunder]

Yeah I've avoided the chatroom like the plague. Unless of course I arrange to meet certain people on there at a certain time.

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I know the feeling well, sir, and I work here. I've come off of a weekend of "just something inside me that stops me from being at ease", although not for the same reasons you have it. But, I've had it from the fetish before, and I expect I'll have it again. I feel your pain, brother.

I often take off for months at a time because of life obligations. A few years ago, I'd come back for the fetish, because I did miss being in a place where I could feel comfortable with it. (and, too, because I'm supposed to be doing my mod job. ).

Now? I don't come back because of the tickling. I come back because of the friends I have here, and let me tell you, I am the happier for it. Coming back just for the fetish, while okay, doesn't have any satisfaction at all. Coming back and seeing people glad that you're around after a long silence? That, even if I never admit to it, is wonderful, and it seems to be what you're going for.

I've seen it said before here, and it's worth repeating. If you want to make friends here, don't box yourself in to the tickling. Think about friends you have now. Are there any close friends you have that you can only talk about one thing with? I doubt it.

The same is true here. No one here who really wants to make good friends on the TMF wants that simply to talk about tickling for hours at a time. They want to talk to a real human being. You've shown yourself to be one with this thread, methinks. Put yourself out there and be friendly. Make posts in General Discussion that have nothing to do with tickling but show that you're a real person, with real interests, and a real personality. Send a friendly PM to someone whose posts intrigue you. Folks are kind here; they won't shun a friendly face.

You are what you are, and there isn't a thing wrong with that. You're kinky. You're normal. You're into tickling. You're a veteran of the U.S.A. Armed Forces. Are you only one of those? No, you're all of them and more. One of those aspects brings you here, that's true enough, but it need not and should not define you here. Heck, look at me: I certainly was drawn here for an obvious interest initially, but now my friends are more likely to identify me with technology and computers than tickling. (Which label is worse, mind you, is another matter.)

You've hated on the creeps yourself, and they'll always be around, giving the rest of us a bad name. You don't sound like one of them, and you don't have to be one of them. There's always the impression that the guy (or girl, for that matter) who sends random PMs to folks is creepy. It doesn't have to be that way! A friendly PM that just introduces yourself, says you share interests/like what that person posts in Gen. Dis./whatever, is not creepy. How do you make friends outside the forum? Well, you introduce yourself and you talk. There's no one (well, no one worth befriending) here that says "Oh, I have enough friends, I'm ignoring everyone else." The great thing about the TMF is that you automatically know that you won't be judged for your fetish, as it is a commonality.

KrazieDog said there's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's true. A creep isn't a creep if they like tickling; they're a creep because they're a creep and oh, totally unrelated, and they happen to have a fetish. There isn't a thing wrong with you that I can see, and I've seen a lot of creeps in my years moderating.

I hope you do find the comfort here that you seek. It's no good feeling to believe you're in the wrong place when you want to be somewhere. I know that feeling all too well. Hopefully, this wall of text wasn't too painful; my rambles can be horrid. Hit me up if you need a friendly face or a sympathetic ear, and good luck to you.