I think I'm having one of those life altering experiences

[MeleeDuck_9]

I think way too damn much,and now that I'm out of high school I'm technically a bum,so I have even more time. I'm a person who is very aware of myself and his surroundings.I'm TOO aware. I over analyze every choice I make and never actually make the choice.It's called "analysis paralysis" I guess.

On top of that,now that I'm technically a deadbeat (no college,no money,and no job) I have way to much time to think.In the past few weeks I've been too friggin philisophical.I'm reevaluating all my values and beliefs.
Long story short,the more I think about things the worse everything seems.

I've pondered Right and Wrong to the point where everything is grey and there is no right or wrong.Humans came up with the concept of right and wrong,and whats right to one person may be wrong to another,so there is no actual right or wrong,only what you perceive as right and wrong.

You know how fucking grey that turns everything? I've also started to think I might be a bad person.I'm apathetic to so many things,that I'm starting to not care about anyone.I don't have regret about treating other people badly.I know I'm not supposed to,but I don't.

a year ago I was doing bad enough with inability to trust people,shyness,paranoia (which the presidential election hasn't helped) and pessimism.Now I got all that and this shit.

Everything looks pretty bleak and grim to me,thats when I thought of something.the point of hope is to fool people into moving onward,because if they knew the ugly truth of reality then they would give up and nothing in the world would progress.

Everyone just says "things will get better" but they don't know that.I'm not religious so I can't be brainwashed into happiness (no offense intended toward religous people,although I don't care if your offended,another reason why I'm a bad person)

maybe I'm being an arrogant ass,but I feel enlightened,and it sucks. I feel like I know things I wasn't meant to know. I envy those who are idiotic and careless because they are happy doing it.I envy those who are dellusionally cheery and bright,because they are happy.

I need a shrink don't I? I came to you guys because I don't think the other forum I go to (http://northeastshooters.com/) would be very helpful.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I personally think you do need to see a psychologist if you can afford one of course. Other than that, you need to somehow try to get yourself together.

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Ah, to hell with shrinks. There's no such thing as mental disorder that makes you too logical. We all go through periods where we rack our brains and get depressed at the futility of it all. Those crappy depressive periods aren't the result of a chemical imbalance, they're moments of clarity. This world is bleak. No matter what you do in life someday you'll die. Trying to be remembered through accomplishments or a genetic legacy is impossible, in a few generations all that was you will disappear. What matters is the experiences you acquire until you die. Don't choose a lifelong career, don't get married until you're 30, and for the love of god don't buy world of warcraft. The reason the world is so bland to you because your surroundings and experiences have stagnated. Go back to school, or move somewhere just for the hell of it. In fifteen years from now when we're all dead from the great zombie plague, you'll be able to look back on your life with the satisfaction of knowing you have no regrets.

 

[steph]

You don't need a "shrink" as you call them~you need a LIFE. You need to have some purpose, some reason to wake up in the morning. The stories are legendary~guy retires at 65 and is dead a year later. Why? Because he had no reason to give a rat's. I loved that my grandfather still played ball with us at 103, that at 86, years after he "retired" he still came to work everyday and still sat in on meetings until the board begged him to quit it and "finally enjoy his life."
What excites you? You don't give us a clue as to how you support yourself at such a young age~did you win the lottery? Are you trustfund baby? The "bum" fantasy is cool at 25 or 30, but 20 years later, at 50 you just look pathetic to the rest of the world~is that what you want for yourself?
XOXO

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

You don't need a "shrink" as you call them~you need a LIFE. You need to have some purpose, some reason to wake up in the morning. The stories are legendary~guy retires at 65 and is dead a year later. Why? Because he had no reason to give a rat's. I loved that my grandfather still played ball with us at 103, that at 86, years after he "retired" he still came to work everyday and still sat in on meetings until the board begged him to quit it and "finally enjoy his life."
What excites you? You don't give us a clue as to how you support yourself at such a young age~did you win the lottery? Are you trustfund baby? The "bum" fantasy is cool at 25 or 30, but 20 years later, at 50 you just look pathetic to the rest of the world~is that what you want for yourself?
XOXO

Gosh Stef , don't be afraid to say what you really feel. I do agree with you though.

 

[steph]

Well, you know me babe. All shameless, bullheaded and Italian.

But seriously. Our goddess Kis likes to call it tough love. I think sometimes people think that a "real friend" won't hurt you when you're blowing it but I feel the opposite. It takes a lot of guts to tell someone things they don't want to hear. A real friend puts in on the line, because, you need to hear it sometimes, you know?
XOXO

Gosh Stef , don't be afraid to say what you really feel. I do agree with you though.

 

[Capnmad]

Okay, MeleeDuck. You and I need to talk.

We suffer from a similar ailment, and interestingly, we're both from the northeast and were both into shooting at one point (Competition Air Pistol primarily, for me, though I also shot Air Rifle, and .22)... Maybe it's the lead.

Not much into shooting anymore (it was always more my dad's thing than mine), but welcome to the land of overanalysis.

Good suggestions from everyone, but I think FireSprite's and Steph's agree with me most...

Basically, this is how I see it, brother, and excuse my infomality:

First, you're not religious. Fine. Maybe you're agnostic, maybe atheist, maybe just don't like organized religion. I get that. I didn't need it myself, but it took me a while to realize that.

It should come as no surprise that you're not perfect. Stop expecting yourself to be and join the human race. You're not God, you're not a superhero. You're just an ordinary Joe who thinks a lot. Morality isn't a fucking riddle with some great universal answer or answers. Unsettling as it is, it is simply personal, and has many shades of grey, and occasionally a furry lime green from out of nowhere. Accept that.

Now it's almost time to start using that head of yours for something useful. You get to decide what's right and wrong for you. No God's going to do it, no book, no scripture. Your friends might try to tell you, but that's what they say, and you'll probably dismiss that out of hand as another subjective view. It is. So's yours. And by all means, feel free to dismiss my own advice, because really, who the fuck am I to tell you shit? Find your own way.

Understand this: No matter how brilliantly you build your own system of morality off of empathy, gut instinct and reasoning, YOU WILL FUCK UP. Suck it up. (See: "You're not perfect.") No one's expecting you to be perfect except maybe you, so get over it. If people are expecting you to be perfect, they're idiots -- dismiss them as such. If they expect you to behave unrealistically in any way given the conditions you're in, do the same. It's not worth dwelling on what idiots say, shutting yourself off to contemplate it, and wasting your time in the process. They'll keep being idiots, and you'll keep being you. The only thing you can expect of yourself is to do your best according to what you think and feel is right, try to make things right where you fuck up, and where possible, pass on your lessons to others.

Understand: Most people won't listen to or apply your lessons, just like you may not of mine. Don't take it to heart. I've learned that most people are only good being taught skills and basic knowledge. Trying to teach them to avoid a danger -- that is, how to avoid fucking up -- is often pointless. Those lessons are best learned through experience, and not imparted vicariously -- like learning not to touch a hot stove.

Now that we know that experience is the best teacher, get some.

Get a job first. Yes, I know a job spawns all sorts of questions about what it means to be productive, and useful, and to contribute to progress, and "what is progress, really?" and... ...fuck all that and get a job.

Then join a community service group of some kind -- give back, help people out. Your job may be monotonous, but you can choose to do great things with your free time. It can give you a direct connection with the people you help, and you can feel that, even if it's small, you're doing something positive.

You could go the college route as well, and don't let me dissuade you if you're so inclined, but usually, you need some money for that, and that'd require a job anyway.

To break it down: The longer you spend thinking without doing, the longer you are repeating that pattern in your brain, and the harder it will be to break from it. Unless you want to be a hermit, or that crazy old man whose house the neighborhood children wouldn't dare go near at Halloween, I suggest you break the cycle through any means necessary, and get a job, get involved in service, got to college, or egads -- find a girl or join the military -- I don't care! The point is you need to do something, and finding the courage to stop thinking so much and actually start doing will be a start toward getting away from your overanalysis and the misery that emerges from it.


And until you actually start doing, read the transcendentalists. Start with Emerson:

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to do is increased."

"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, ‘Always do what you are afraid to do.’"


Be well, and PM me for further discussion.

All the best.

 

[Leo tickles]

Reminds me of me.

Set one single goal in your life, and fuck over anybody and everybody that doesn't benefit you until you reach it.