Im in a wondering

[A's tcklr]

I have a girlfriend who has been kind enough to explore my bondage and tickling fetish, ive been with her for 2 years, 1 of which we have open about our sexual fantasies. now she lets me tie her up once in a while, but she doesnt like it. she claims she "likes the mood it puts me in" and thats why she likes it. but she hates the tickling and i can really tell she doesnt like bondage. theres also a lot of things i feel if sacrificed for her, things i want to buy that she doesnt agree with (street bike) and she also rags on me a lot about my money spending habits and not saving a lot. Im 20 years old with a full time construction job, pays ok, but im young, fun is in the budget.

recently ive been hanging out with this other girl, just a friend of a friend, and we got to talking, very openly for an acquaintence about sexual things. and she mentioned she wanted to try bondage. now yesterday we were just hangin out with another friend of mine i wrote about it in the story section. http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=108267 and we had a little innocent and playful fun time. which turns out she really liked it and wants to do it again.

now my wondering is, do i want to be with a girl i can get a long with, and "pretend" she likes what i like. or experiment elsewhere.

Ive read a lot of things on this forum, and all of you have a lot of good points and advise, i just wanna know if anyone on here would want to be with a girl they love, and not get to really express the bondage tickling side of life, or would they want someone who is in to bondage and tickling, and will express it with them. thanks for your time.

-B

 

[Excess]

Ask yourself this, and try searching your soul to find the honest answer; Do I really care about this girl enough that I'd be willing to sacrifice such a thing to be with her? If you answer yes, then you may just want to try and work it out. If no, then you either don't really love her that much, or are just being selfish, which only you can really know.

Now that said, you've been with her for 2 years, which is a long time for a relationship, and if you aren't sure how you feel about her then you may want to take a break and possibly see other people. Of course, it's not always that simple since she may not be so agreeable with that, but overall, again, only you can really know. Just go with whatever you feel would be best and hope for the best.

 

[Bugman]

now my wondering is, do i want to be with a girl i can get a long with, and "pretend" she likes what i like. or experiment elsewhere.

It seems to me you two have issues that go beyond the bondage/tickling.You are the only one who can decide how much a part of your life that is.It might be time to move on,your current lady might decide at some point she is no longer willing to indulge you.I don't want to get to personal here,but until you decide what to do i hope you are using some method of birth control.It sounds like a baby would not be in anyones best intrests right now.PM me if you want to talk,and best of luck to you.

 

[maniactickler]

Time to move on my friend.

 

[Strider]

First of all, decide how stable your current relationship is and whether it's something you'd like to keep, if it is, then don't be afraid to subtly broach the idea of seeking out play partners who are more on your wavelength as far as certain things go. If your girl isn't open to that, then you should probably sit down and ask yourself whether or not kink is something you need to be happy in a relationship, if it is, you might be better off moving on.

 

[steph]

I think the best measure of any relationship worth having is not the FOCUS on your differences, it's whether or not you can ACCEPT and LIVE with them. My 2 cents. True in love, true in friendship, true in your business contacts. Example: My childhood best friend, who I met at 13 and I are super tight almost THREE decades later! No shit. I've moved from the west to the east, back again. Here's what's really wild~we agree on practically NOTHING. Completely different people. Different sense of style, different political views, different lives entirely. And yet, we've NEVER had a fight. Not one. That's a relationship that's special. Weigh it out and see what ya come up with~some relationships are worth keeping no matter what.
XOXO

 

[A's tcklr]

you all are great, thank you for the advice, and thanks for not leaving a negative reply, i know theres some on here that are pretty brutal. thanks again, im really starting to enjoy this place

 

[simulated]

I have a girlfriend who has been kind enough to explore my bondage and tickling fetish, ive been with her for 2 years, 1 of which we have open about our sexual fantasies. now she lets me tie her up once in a while, but she doesnt like it. she claims she "likes the mood it puts me in" and thats why she likes it. but she hates the tickling and i can really tell she doesnt like bondage. theres also a lot of things i feel if sacrificed for her, things i want to buy that she doesnt agree with (street bike) and she also rags on me a lot about my money spending habits and not saving a lot. Im 20 years old with a full time construction job, pays ok, but im young, fun is in the budget.

recently ive been hanging out with this other girl, just a friend of a friend, and we got to talking, very openly for an acquaintence about sexual things. and she mentioned she wanted to try bondage. now yesterday we were just hangin out with another friend of mine i wrote about it in the story section. http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=108267 and we had a little innocent and playful fun time. which turns out she really liked it and wants to do it again.

now my wondering is, do i want to be with a girl i can get a long with, and "pretend" she likes what i like. or experiment elsewhere.

Ive read a lot of things on this forum, and all of you have a lot of good points and advise, i just wanna know if anyone on here would want to be with a girl they love, and not get to really express the bondage tickling side of life, or would they want someone who is in to bondage and tickling, and will express it with them. thanks for your time.

-B

Why not try to see both of them?

 

[Mistress Aura]

You know, this is a "deja vu" discussion for me, so please--allow me to include an opinion here.

Why not try to see both of them?

Hmmm, that might be asking for bloodshed, Simulated. Most of the females I know get their tails all up in the air over things like that and the balancing act can be tough with a potential to lose them both during the eventual potential explosion...certainly, there are some women who are mature enough to recognize there's a difference between "dating" and "married" (VERY few, I've found) unless those cards are laid on the table, her head held directly over them and she is forced to read them aloud; you know that very young girls can mistake having a guy ask for a phone number at a party as a deep commitment, so dear God, tread carefully if you go this route! I know several men who like to "overlap" like that (I gave birth to one of them ) -- you know, give the new vehicle a good test drive before you trade the old on in..? I've witnessed the fallout that came from it (gave me a perfect opportunity to teach him the "Decisions and Consequences" lesson ), which is why I relate it here.

While Steph has made many valid points (as she almost always does! ), the only one I have to respectfully disagree with is what I read as a suggestion to "settle", unless I misunderstood. The rules for long-standing friendships seem to differ from love relationships, IMHO...

A's, if you have unfulfilled needs with a barely tolerant partner, I PROMISE you, you're going to look elsewhere to try and have them met. You're dealing with fetish, which throws a sweeter flavor of "forbidden fruit" into it; now add "the other woman", which will most likely make what was merely sweet downright addictive.

The entire purpose of committing to someone is to find the other piece of yourself, the one whose soul can talk to yours, the one who sees every area, every facet of all that you are and provides unconditional love and mutual enjoyment in sharing those things, not merely tolerance and possible future emotional manipulation by "submitting" to your wants and needs.

Can you make it work with your girlfriend? Sure, if you want to sacrifice enough. But...why would you want to if you don't have to? You'll both end up miserable and what might be a minor fire if you break up now could easily turn into "Dante's Inferno" the more time that passes.

No matter how you look at it, by running down the path you're currently on, she's going to be hurt one way or another--so do her a favor. Hurt her by letting go, not by "cheating" or letting the seeds of resent that are in the process of being planted on both sides sprout into relationship-strangling vines. Those are a great deal harder to kill. In reading your post, some of the seeds have already sprouted...and the only way to kill something, in fact, the only way to kill ANYthing, is to simply not feed it.

Mistress Aura

 

[steph]

Thanks love!
I'd like to hear more from you on this though~as I do not feel that accepting my girlfriend and our differences is settling at all..."Settling" to me implies a sort of...giving up, as it were? I don't feel this is like that at all. We go years sometimes without seeing each other and have a lot of other people in our lives that take precedence but everytime we get back to each other and party, it feels like time never passed...I don't know how else to explain it. If I lost her tomorrow, it'd feel like I'm missing a body part, I'm pretty sure. I for one hope I never find out. But then again I'm so blessed, I feel that way about a lot of my friends, some of them are members here!
XOXO

While Steph has made many valid points (as she almost always does! ), the only one I have to respectfully disagree with is what I read as a suggestion to "settle", unless I misunderstood. The rules for long-standing friendships seem to differ from love relationships, IMHO...

 

[Mistress Aura]

Thanks love!
I'd like to hear more from you on this though~as I do not feel that accepting my girlfriend and our differences is settling at all..."Settling" to me implies a sort of...giving up, as it were? I don't feel this is like that at all. We go years sometimes without seeing each other and have a lot of other people in our lives that take precedence but everytime we get back to each other and party, it feels like time never passed...I don't know how else to explain it. If I lost her tomorrow, it'd feel like I'm missing a body part, I'm pretty sure. I for one hope I never find out. But then again I'm so blessed, I feel that way about a lot of my friends, some of them are members here!
XOXO

Steph, I do apologize for not expressing myself more clearly--that is so my bad!

Under no circumstances was I referring to the situation you have with your friend, that's what I meant when I said "the rules for long-standing friendships seem to differ from love relationships". I absolutely understand the kind of friendship you have with her--I have had one of my own just exactly like that (operative word is "had"), and when I did lose him, it was exactly like losing a body part. In fact, it left a gaping hole in my heart that only recently stopped its slow hemmorhaging, thanks to Redscript.

What I was alluding to was in regards not to friendships but to a committed, romantic-type relationship that A's states he's having trouble with; I meant it sounded like you were perhaps suggesting he stick with his girlfriend to see how it played out and simply overlook her distaste for his preferences, just in case it would actually be a great relationship other than that. Just that one small point I was disagreeing with--in most cases, that really doesn't seem to work, even if the girl is an angel in every other aspect (which he's indicating she isn't). I offered only an opinion both from experience as well as from witnessing the misery of people close to me in the same situation. That's why I recommended he spare both the girl and himself the future agony and not to "settle"--just let her go now and keep looking before further resent builds up...

Thank you for not getting upset by it!

Mistress Aura

 

[steph]

Oh, LOL!
It's no problem honey~I was concentrating more near the end where he described her as someone who he "loved"...
And I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. Lost a few like that m'self...It sucks like nothing else.
XOXO

 

[A's tcklr]

aura, thank you for your advice. i didnt say she wasnt an angel, let me set the scene, i am 20 years old, i still live at home, i pay for my own truck 500 a month with insurance. i have my bills to pay. she goes to university of washington, on her parents dime, driving her parents car, their insurance. she has no bills to pay other than gas, which we all know is quite the wallet vacuum. her mom consumes a lot of alcohol, and is hard to deal with at times, she wants to move into an apartment, half and half. now real estate is climbing, the cost of houses is ridiculous for first time buyers, my goal is to get enough work under my belt, save my money and get myself into my own house. im in construction so a fixer upper is all i need. as i said, she wants an apartment, but i really dont want to waste my money on rent, id rather pay mortgage. so naturally i agreed to try to move out, thats what dumb guys do. the moving out isnt really going well, money saving isnt going well with the car payments, work is slow etc. shes starting to push me into getting a place when im not ready. she gets angry when i spend my money. i spend cuz there is really no motivation to get out of the house right now.

in a nut shell, she wants to get an apartment, im not ready, shes pushing me to be ready and gets mad when i spend money.

everything else in the relationship is amazing. she treats me good, respects me. we get along and have fun everythings great. some little pet peaves and such are in the relationship, but thats always going to be there.

the other thing, this girl ive been talking to and hangin with, my gf hates, with a fiery passion. she made me promise not to talk to her or hangout with her, and like the weenie i am i promised. now im sick of being ordered around like this, we are not married, so ive been talking to her and hanging with her. is this an a$$ hole thing to do, or am i ok in going against her wishes?

 

[Nightfall]

in a nut shell, she wants to get an apartment, im not ready, shes pushing me to be ready and gets mad when i spend money.

everything else in the relationship is amazing. she treats me good, respects me. we get along and have fun everythings great. some little pet peaves and such are in the relationship, but thats always going to be there.

the other thing, this girl ive been talking to and hangin with, my gf hates, with a fiery passion. she made me promise not to talk to her or hangout with her, and like the weenie i am i promised. now im sick of being ordered around like this, we are not married, so ive been talking to her and hanging with her. is this an a$$ hole thing to do, or am i ok in going against her wishes?

I hate to sound like an old fuddy duddy, but you're 20 years old and you shouldn't be in a big hurry. This girl sounds like she wants to set up house with you, and you can either let her push you into it now and fight later or be honest and tell her you're not ready for that level of committment right now.

As to your original question, if you want this girl to remain your girlfriend, then you should respect her wishes ahd leave the other girl out of your life. But decide what you want out of this current relationship first, THEN decide what to do about the other girl. It's not fair to leave your girlfriend because something better looks like it might have come along. If the relationship you're in is working for you, then work on it, otherwise cut ties for real reasons (see above about not being ready etc.) and then worry about something new. They are two separate people, treat them that way.

 

[kis123]

the other thing, this girl ive been talking to and hangin with, my gf hates, with a fiery passion. she made me promise not to talk to her or hangout with her, and like the weenie i am i promised. now im sick of being ordered around like this, we are not married, so ive been talking to her and hanging with her. is this an a$$ hole thing to do, or am i ok in going against her wishes?

Your current girlfriend hates this woman for a reason and you're falling into it! You're very young and you're setting yourself to learn a huge life lesson: If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you! What you are doing is cheating whether you think so or not. You're having physical contact with a woman who isn't your girlfriend. Would you ask your question above if the situation were in reverse and it was your girlfriend having bondage tickleplay sessions with a guy that you hated and told her not to hang around? Women are extremely intuitive and they know who the relationship enemies are; she told you to stay away from her for a reason, and looks like she was right.

Also, you're dealing with a child of an alcoholic and there are many issues to deal with that she probably even isn't aware of. I'm not saying to make those your issues; I'm only bringing this to the table for you to consider. She's extra clingy and desparate to hold onto whatever and whoever can get her out of her parent's house and give her some peace. I'm not saying it's right, but it's real!

Being a child of an alcoholic, I understand just where she's coming from even if it's from a bad place. I've done things to make guys happy that I didn't like just so they'd stay because I looked to them for salvation instead of God and myself. I got married to get away from my mother's house (she wasn't the alcoholic but married two of them so she was quite the co-dependent). I made huge mistakes because of what my father put me through during my childhood; I simply didn't know any better way to live back then. Any of what I've just described to you starting to sound familiar????

Now that I've given you the heads up and you do seem to care about her to some level, do your homework and decide if you can help her through her issues or gently let her go. If you just jump up and leave and start dating and having sex with her enemy, you may break her spirit, and it's hard as hell to recover from that kind of hurt. If that's okay with you, then go ahead; always know that what goes around comes around and you can get a taste of your own karma medicine-it's pretty bitter from what I understand.

And you shouldn't spend your money so frivilously anyway; there's nothing wrong with saving while your young. In today's information age, you're in a generation that is going to be left with a lot of government debt to pay; taxes are going to bury you. Never be too young for good financial management; it'll pay off in later years long after all of your "stuff" has faded, broken down, gone out of style, and been wasted.

Her world is crumbling around her and I'm not saying it's your responsiblity to save her; she'll have to learn to do that herself. But if you're going to do this, be respectful and leave her with her dignity intact.

 

[A's tcklr]

youre points are good, I havent cheated, there is no physical contact with this other girl. we simply share interests, and get a long great. no bondage and tickle sessions, i was hoping to, but have enough control to not. there was just the incident at a friends house, just goofin, no different than looking at a cute girl in flip flops at the mall. and yes everything you described does sound very familiar, her being clingy and depending on me to be her safe haven. and i do my best to keep her happy, but im only human. Im young i see otehr girls around and get interested, ive put myself in a long term relationship that im not sure im ready for. ive thought about karma too, but i havent really done anything really to hurt her, other than go against her wishes and hangout with a friend who ive known for a long time. which as a couple i dont feel is a fair promise. i would not call my spending frivilis, its nececity, i need a truck, i need insurance, i need gas, tools etc. work is slow, and saving is hard, simple as that. i do see your points and i thank you for your response.

youre right, if she was hanging with a guy or someone i didnt like, i wouldnt like it. she wouldnt though, mainly because i am her only escape, and really the only guy who has treated her with respect, or so i was told. i am what makes her feel happy and gets her away from her house. Im just a very confused individual.

i juss dun got myself into a pickle.

 

[kis123]

youre right, if she was hanging with a guy or someone i didnt like, i wouldnt like it. she wouldnt though, mainly because i am her only escape, and really the only guy who has treated her with respect, or so i was told. i am what makes her feel happy and gets her away from her house. Im just a very confused individual.

i juss dun got myself into a pickle.

I don't want you under the impression that I'm beating you up; you got some very good solid responses in this thread and I was just providing a different POV based on personal experience. I know you care about her or you would've left by now; her behavior has to be wearing you out at this point which is why you're looking at other women in the first place. I just felt I should shed some light on her behavior and you just write her off as a crazy possessive female; there are reasons behind her actions. They're not good reasons, but legitimate ones.

Once again, it's not your job to save her; she'll have to learn how to make it on her own. Maybe suggest al-anon or some other support group for her in the future. But don't make that the focus of staying; she has to learn to stand on her own. If you're going to leave, do it soon and leave her with some dignity; then you've done your part.

You say you haven't cheated, but I say you have because you're spending time with this woman and you've had your hands on her-that's physical to me. You've broken a huge relationship taboo with your current girlfriend and you might have opened Pandora's box by doing so. I say either stop seeing the woman or end your relationship with your current girlfriend and explore the new relationship. Any other way is cheating and both of them can end up hurt.

I wish you well and hope you make a decision that will draw this drama to a conclusion and leave the least amount of emotional damage behind. Thank you for sharing your concerns on this forum instead of doing this by yourself.

 

[A's tcklr]

I wanst accusing you of beating me up about this, if i wasnt open to some constructive critisism i wouldnt have posted here. ive read plenty of other peoples posts, and there are a lot of brutal people on here. i expected the worst. as for cheating, obviously our opinions are different. i can see where youre coming from, this girl is definetly an interest of mine, so i want to see her, obviously outside of a friendship boundry not necessarily physically or sexually resulting in an mental phsycological type of cheating. but i dont really consider that cheating. my definition of cheating is a sexual contact, such as kissing, making out etc.. yall know the bases. these of which have not been explored.

i know i have a problem with my current girl. i have a need or desire to make people happy, anyone, anyway possible. ive had troubles girlfriends in the past with parent problems. i like the way they come to me for comfort, it makes me feel important in their lives. but my girl now is wiping me out. she stays with me everyweekend to stay away from her house, i dont mind that so much. but its the other things she does while shes here, comments she makes, crying for no reason, getting mad at me for small stupid things. yet im too nice of a guy to let her go because i know that will hurt her more.

I really apreciate youre replies. ive been lurking on thie forum for quite some time and finally got up the guts to post a personal problem of mine. its an addicting place. i dont get critisized here for things i say, everyone has their own opinions and expresses them, without a lot of angry dissagreement from others. im sure i will make a lot of friends on here. thanks all for your comments.

-B

 

[Bugman]

her being clingy and depending on me to be her safe haven. and i do my best to keep her happy, but im only human. Im young i see otehr girls around and get interested, ive

Its time for you to fly my friend,you are much to young to get dragged into something like that,and staying with her will only make both of you unhappy in the long run.....best of luck to you.Get out there and live your life,you will never have the chance again.

 

[A's tcklr]

I like it straight to the point. im really having fun on this forum. as much as this is stressin me i really enjoy talking about it with you all. thanks for your advice.