Sketcher92
TMF Poster
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2016
- Messages
- 114
- Points
- 0
Hi. Anyone who reads this, hope you're well. Also, sincere apologies for going on a tangent.
I'm an artist, hoping to "make it" and begin a career out in Los Angeles (so, in other words, I'm a total dumbass). Of course, I'm not having much luck - God knows how difficult it is to break into the entertainment industries. So for the past few months, in order to supplement my income, I thought I would try coming on this website for the first time and offering my services as a fetish artist. Besides, I'd had a tickle fetish for as long as I could remember, and was aching for a way to express it with other people, not just be trapped alone with it.
Thankfully, it's gone very well. But possibly too well.
Tons of generous people have paid me to draw tickling stuff for them, especially once I was dragged into the FurAffinity community (that last part either makes complete sense or is deeply unfortunate, depending on who you ask. I'm not a furry, but I've somehow gotten pretty popular over there, and relatively quickly. Hey, go where you get opportunities, right?) Now, I love drawing tickling, I'm very thankful for the business, and I've made some genuine online friends and met great people in the past few months because of all this. But make no mistake: I initially started doing this because I was desperate for money. And it's worked. It's helped me survive out here. However, this also concerns me.
See, as you might reasonably guess, this place is my double life. I keep my fetish as locked-away from my everyday living as possible. No one can know about this. Many of you can understand. And the more popular my tickling art gets, the closer I come to my two lives colliding. Sooner or later, a fan of my tickling work is bound to come across my portfolio, or the webcomic that I'm attempting to get off the ground, or anything else like that, and realize who I am. And that terrifies me. My career could be ruined before it starts. The shame and embarrassment of being "outed" would be unbearable.
And here's the other thing - I know that this is stupid and selfish, but I don't want to be some nobody artist working on storyboards for other people for the rest of his life. I want to be somebody. I want to be another Tim Burton or Frank Miller and create something that leaves a mark on the world. And I typically don't think very highly of myself, but some delusional part of me really believes that I could be a successful and well-known artist if given the chance to prove it. I'm ambitious, not an egomaniac.
On the slim off-chance that this ever happens, it's extremely likely that a client will recognize my work. And the longer this goes on, the more likely that becomes.
On the one hand, I'm desperate and need to support myself financially in any way possible. But on the other, this just becomes more and more of a risk every single day. I feel trapped, nervous, and unsure of what to do. I guess what I'm trying to ask is...have I already gone too far? Was this a mistake? Should I be ashamed of this? Should I stop?
You can nuke your webpages out of existence as hard as you want, but nothing on the internet disappears forever.
Although, Rebecca Sugar drew blatant child pornography, and she still miraculously has a job/created Stephen Universe, so perhaps I have nothing to worry about.
(As a side note, this fear is also why I haven't uploaded any pictures of myself or other info to this website. Which is really hindering my ability to meet up with other people who share my fetish. I'd love the opportunity to openly share this important part of my life with someone, but I'm terrified of what will happen if I post my face here. And that's kind of an important step when proving to other people that you're not a creep. Attempts to use FetLife have been unsuccessful. Not that any of this is relevant.)
What do you guys think I should do?
...Sorry. I'm such a selfish dickhead.
I'm an artist, hoping to "make it" and begin a career out in Los Angeles (so, in other words, I'm a total dumbass). Of course, I'm not having much luck - God knows how difficult it is to break into the entertainment industries. So for the past few months, in order to supplement my income, I thought I would try coming on this website for the first time and offering my services as a fetish artist. Besides, I'd had a tickle fetish for as long as I could remember, and was aching for a way to express it with other people, not just be trapped alone with it.
Thankfully, it's gone very well. But possibly too well.
Tons of generous people have paid me to draw tickling stuff for them, especially once I was dragged into the FurAffinity community (that last part either makes complete sense or is deeply unfortunate, depending on who you ask. I'm not a furry, but I've somehow gotten pretty popular over there, and relatively quickly. Hey, go where you get opportunities, right?) Now, I love drawing tickling, I'm very thankful for the business, and I've made some genuine online friends and met great people in the past few months because of all this. But make no mistake: I initially started doing this because I was desperate for money. And it's worked. It's helped me survive out here. However, this also concerns me.
See, as you might reasonably guess, this place is my double life. I keep my fetish as locked-away from my everyday living as possible. No one can know about this. Many of you can understand. And the more popular my tickling art gets, the closer I come to my two lives colliding. Sooner or later, a fan of my tickling work is bound to come across my portfolio, or the webcomic that I'm attempting to get off the ground, or anything else like that, and realize who I am. And that terrifies me. My career could be ruined before it starts. The shame and embarrassment of being "outed" would be unbearable.
And here's the other thing - I know that this is stupid and selfish, but I don't want to be some nobody artist working on storyboards for other people for the rest of his life. I want to be somebody. I want to be another Tim Burton or Frank Miller and create something that leaves a mark on the world. And I typically don't think very highly of myself, but some delusional part of me really believes that I could be a successful and well-known artist if given the chance to prove it. I'm ambitious, not an egomaniac.
On the slim off-chance that this ever happens, it's extremely likely that a client will recognize my work. And the longer this goes on, the more likely that becomes.
On the one hand, I'm desperate and need to support myself financially in any way possible. But on the other, this just becomes more and more of a risk every single day. I feel trapped, nervous, and unsure of what to do. I guess what I'm trying to ask is...have I already gone too far? Was this a mistake? Should I be ashamed of this? Should I stop?
You can nuke your webpages out of existence as hard as you want, but nothing on the internet disappears forever.
Although, Rebecca Sugar drew blatant child pornography, and she still miraculously has a job/created Stephen Universe, so perhaps I have nothing to worry about.
(As a side note, this fear is also why I haven't uploaded any pictures of myself or other info to this website. Which is really hindering my ability to meet up with other people who share my fetish. I'd love the opportunity to openly share this important part of my life with someone, but I'm terrified of what will happen if I post my face here. And that's kind of an important step when proving to other people that you're not a creep. Attempts to use FetLife have been unsuccessful. Not that any of this is relevant.)
What do you guys think I should do?
...Sorry. I'm such a selfish dickhead.
Last edited: