Micro Aggressions, Barely Veiled Racism, & Why Politics/ Religion are Limited on TMF

[Sunriseticklee]

Micro Aggressions, Barely Veiled Racism, & Why Politics/ Religion are Limited on TMF

So... Last week I witnessed yet another reason why it's important to vet people and to get to know people for who they are beyond our love for tickling. We all know that as adults, we have varying viewpoints on various topics. This is an unavoidable truth. And as controversial topics dealing with political beliefs and religious beliefs grew heated, most of these topics where moved to a private section of the forum. Community members had to specifically ask for access.

Still... throughout the years, there have been other topics of discussion that have caused dissention, blood to boil, hurt feelings, etc.

There is no true expectation of free speech on a moderated forum with rules put in place. This post isn't to speak against the rules of the forum. Quite the opposite. And when it comes to the chatroom, although it is not as moderated as it was in decades past, some topics and some behaviors are frowned up, some are disallowed, and some are reportable offenses.

When things happen in the chatroom that are inappropriate or unsavory, we definitely can ignore the behavior (person), leave the space, and/ or report the behavior. We can also speak out against it. In my cases (most cases), I do a mixture of it all. However, I find that simply agreeing to disagree on some topics and letting language/ behavior flow unchecked is just not enough. There are just some things I am unwilling to bend on. And when it comes to possibly sharing a public space with someone who has viewpoints that have historically and consistently placed lives in danger (destroyed freedoms and LITERALLY ended lives), I'm going to speak out again those viewpoints.

On Sunday, September 10, the conversation in the chatroom was simple enough. When I entered we begin talking about traffic in cities. I didn't much like how one person described Atlanta as "ghetto." It did give me a clue or two into the type a person he may be, but I ignored it and continued to discuss with the group until the subjects of Northerners vs. Southerners took a familiar/ unsavory turn.

I would love to say that the conversations and views that were shared in the chatroom were the first time I had to speak out against behavior and language that is supportive/ promotes bigotry, racism, discrimination and hate here on TMF, but this is not the first time I have had to speak out.

DrunkenJester: I mean, the Yankees did win, so they can move where they want lol Sorry not sorry to the South

ticklemepls: I AM NOT A SOUTHERNER hiss

Outlaw Tickler to DrunkenJester: We are ready for round 2 lol

Outlaw Tickler to ticklemepls: Yes you are! Lol

DrunkenJester to Outlaw Tickler: whistles Dixie

Outlaw Tickler to DrunkenJester: Damn good tune lol

DrunkenJester to Outlaw Tickler: Really captured the racism lol

Sunriseticklee to Outlaw: Are you now? Well... And that's where we part ways. @Outlaw Tickler and anyone else

ticklemepls: absolutely not- the way i've been treated since ive been down here- i would never willingly claim to be a southerner lol

Outlaw Tickler to DrunkenJester: Don't even go there with my bi racial behind lol

DrunkenJester to Outlaw Tickler: I done already brought it there! Lol

Outlaw Tickler to ticklemepls: What town do you live in that you get treated bad?

ticklemepls to Outlaw Tickler:i've only been in florida since the end of march- im in [redacted]..... i was in MS before

Outlaw Tickler to Sunriseticklee: What?

SamsASeamstress to ticklemepls: Fitting location name

Outlaw Tickler to ticklemepls: It's that bad there?

ticklemepls to SamsASeamstress: the irony isnt lost :wink:

Darth Sidious: Florida's an awesome state to live for the most part.

Sunriseticklee: I find it VERY disrespectful and distasteful that in a chatroom about tickling, folks are talking about having round 2 of a war when my ancestors were slaves. Racism and discrimination is a hard limit for me... So just let me know now who else I need to end communication with forever.

Outlaw Tickler: Been here all my life

ticklemepls to Outlaw Tickler: i was told to "go the fuck home" at least once a day- along with attacks on my personal appearance, even my kids - so yes

ticklemepls to Darth Sidious: so far.... lol

Elyos to ticklemepls: Gosh, that's horrible!! Some people are really such immature jerks...

Outlaw Tickler to Sunriseticklee: Just cause I'm a proud southern doesn't mean I'm pro slavery. Also, the north had slaves too, ad well as many rich blacks and others. I've done my research on that time period.


laughtilyoucry: I saw a video of an alligator on a golf course in Florida and the gator was LITERALLY 500 feet long.

Darth Sidious: I like the direction it's been going minus too many people moving in and driving prices up.

Outlaw Tickler to ticklemepls: There's assholes everywhere but that's insane. Like WTF

Darth Sidious: Yeahhhh....that would be one of the downsides for sure laugh lol. Never quite know when a big gator might show up.

Outlaw Tickler: Gators end up in crazy places down here

ticklemepls: apologies for being one of those people :wink:

[redacted- Different topic]

Darth Sidious: There are some areas where people simply want to keep things a certain way and unfortunately that can result in some aggressive conduct to dissuade anyone who threatens that.

[redacted- Different topic]

Darth Sidious: I don't mind people who add value coming...within reason...what I do mind are those who come with the idea of trying to make things like an area that got ruined. Thankfully our leadership here is good about shutting that down.

Outlaw Tickler: There shouldn't be hate though. It's dumb as hell to hate ppl for the dumbest reasons. Like skin color or liking starbucks.......well Starbucks I understand ��

DrunkenJester: Stay outa Vegas, we're full!

Outlaw Tickler to DrunkenJester: Gladly ��

laughtilyoucry: This is such a stupid topic for this chat.

Darth Sidious: Lol...yeah....Starbucks did it to themselves. I don't feel sorry for them.

DrunkenJester: I see more Cali plates than anything

Outlaw Tickler: Back to better topics

Darth Sidious: Cali's way of thinking probably has to be among the worst...they ruined their own state so badly it's become untenable. How sad.

ticklemepls: only issue i have is banning books and limiting children's resources- i do not believe that's the right approach- but i homeschool my kids so thankfully that's not my fight
:grinning:

laughtilyoucry: This is such a stupid topic for this chat.this

Darth Sidious: That's ok - whatever it takes to protect the way of life here. Might drive out some of the ones we don't want here.

ticklemepls: chat cant be tickling 100% of the time.

laughtilyoucry: You don't see how close this is to getting ugly?

laughtilyoucry: ok :smile:

Darth Sidious: Doesn't matter

DrunkenJester: We've been alright so far. If anyone takes offense, I'll gladly knock it off

Sunriseticklee: I've taken offense and clearly stated it. And I was ignored.

Darth Sidious: Eh, that's what the ignore feature is for. 1st amendment .

DrunkenJester to Sunriseticklee: I may have missed it.

Sunriseticklee: So... I'm just documenting the people circling up their wagons and talking about driving people out.

Darth Sidious: So be it :smile:

laughtilyoucry: You think you have a first amendment right that works in the TMF chat? lol, read a book

Darth Sidious: Doesn't matter - will operate as such regardless.

Outlaw Tickler to Sunriseticklee: I made a yank comment. Didn't say I wanted blacks gone. Hell, the blacks I know fly both the flags I do. So how did I offend you?


Sunriseticklee: No... this was needed. I like to know exactly who the people are who are around me. Makes for safe play. Thanks :smile:

Darth Sidious: Don't even worry about it man - some people get offended over the silliest things. That's their problem. Don't sweat it sir.

Outlaw Tickler: I won't. I love everyone till they give me a reason not to

ticklemepls: soooooo .... how bout them red sox?

Hardy191973: @Manda: Mine are blue :silly:

DrunkenJester: How dare you!!! Lol jk

Timtickle: Hello everyone

Darth Sidious: Haven't been following baseball this year, they got a good team?

DrunkenJester: Is the team BASED?

ticklemepls: no idea, was just trying to change the subject :lol;

[redacted- Different topic]

Sunriseticklee: Seems I used the block button WAY too fast. But I was sure to unblock, get what I needed. Man... It was even worst than I thought.

[redacted- Different topic]

Sunriseticklee: Also seems I'm going to have to make yet another post about racism on TMF, though. I don't know how many this makes over the course of the 20 years I have been here, but... It is what it is. People definitely have to know how unsafe it would be to potentially meet with people whose ideals could put them in a rough situation.

DrunkenJester: True

DrunkenJester: 20 years eh? Long time

Sunriseticklee: Yep... I first joined in 2002.

DrunkenJester: I think I joined in...07? I'm sure it's on my profile.

DrunkenJester: Remember TickleTheater?

SamsASeamstress: A friend of mine mentions that place from time to time. Too bad I'm still a baby and only know of this place.

DrunkenJester: I joined TickleTheater first and had a good time with the community. Migrated here eventually


Sunriseticklee: And I've been active. So when I said what I said, I wasn't playing. I was giving a warning that the talk was offensive. I didn't get ugly or argumentative. I just took down my documentation, and I will be using it in my public posts.

DrunkenJester: Hopefully some good will come of it.

Sunriseticklee: It doesn't if anything good comes of it or not. My job is to inform. I organize events and I travel to meet people in the community. I definitely do NOT want to anyone or any place where large groups of people are discriminated against based upon race, creed, orientation, or anything else.
_____________________________________________________________________

When I expressed how I felt, I was ignored. Another chatroom member spoke up multiple times before the topic changed.

This is our community, and truthfully, I do care about our community quite a bit. I've invested time, LOTS of money, sweat, and even a little tears here. I've had my share of dust ups, caused my own commotions, planned and hosted events, fought to put people together and met a fair bit of you in person as well. I've even met the love of my life here on TMF in the TMF chatroom.

It's for these reasons that I continue to speak out against behaviors that isolate members, glorify bigotry, and promote discrimination against community members. I will continue to call out actions, words, and behaviors that push people away from our community. It was clear that a group of people in the chatroom on Sunday did not care that their words were offensive, racist, and discriminatory. Did such talk/ words belong in a TMF chatroom? Do they represent what we wish for our community? Whether it is fringe behavior or not, is this what we wish for the TMF?

How welcomed or safe would you feel within such a group?

It is up to you to decide what type of community you truly desire. I will not be run off by those who believe that those who think, were raised, who love, and who live differently do not belong where they live or laugh. And I will call those out who would let their bigotry and hate hurt others under the umbrella of "pride" and "free speech" which, again, does not exist unfettered in spaces such as this.

(I'll probably have to edit for grammar... eventually.)

 

[FireAndLighting]

The problem with the internet is people have gotten so used to being able to say what they want without being punched in the face for it.

 

[dahoochman]

This is exactly why I stopped going in the chat room. I go in there to chat with others about TICKLING (imagine that, wanting to talk about tickling in a tickling chat room) and all anyone seems to want to talk about is politics, or food, or the weather, or they go in there to argue. Then there is a clique of regular self-important jackasses that are in there EVERY FUCKING DAY no matter what time of day you go in there that think they run the place. One time, I popped in there and posted that my DMs were open to talk about a specific tickling topic and one jackass called me a “creep” and said “well that’s what happens when you come in here thirsty”. Yeah I know, what friggin nerve I have to want to talk about TICKLING. In a TICKLING chat room. Now there were some cool people in there that I had nice chats with, but far too many self-important jackasses. So fuck the chat room.

 

[caps]

Where exactly is the racism..? Maybe not all context is included, but I read through the whole thing twice and didnt find much besides this:

DrunkenJester: I mean, the Yankees did win, so they can move where they want lol Sorry not sorry to the South

Outlaw Tickler to DrunkenJester: We are ready for round 2 lol

Not sure what the tone was prior to this, but the remark about yankees winning and "sorry not sorry to the south", can definitely be interpreted as a jab, and sounds kind of rude to me. So Outlaw only responded in kind to that comment. A North and South kind of thing?

 

[Wolf]

Where exactly is the racism..? Maybe not all context is included, but I read through the whole thing twice and didnt find much besides this:



Not sure what the tone was prior to this, but the remark about yankees winning and "sorry not sorry to the south", can definitely be interpreted as a jab, and sounds kind of rude to me. So Outlaw only responded in kind to that comment. A North and South kind of thing?

If someone is offended over being reminded the South lost that war...I'm okay with that.
And, the threat/promise/gentle hint that they're willing to re-engage in a war that was fought to protect slavery is pretty racist, if you think about it.

 

[robmic]

Never been to the chatroom, never will go!

 

[milagros317]

Never been to the chatroom, never will go!

Haven't been there in more than 20 years and never will go back.

 

[COOLCAT88]

I have never been to the chatroom myself

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

 

[Tickaler]

One of the many reasons I don't participate in the main chat, though I do talk to folks one on one. Individuals are nice. Groups of people can be horrible.

Reading through that transcript, it's funny how those people touting 1st amendment and joking about others getting offended, are likely to scream and go insane if something comes up in chat that *they* disagree with. Freedom of speech only when it's something they agree with lol.

 

[Toesheldback]

I didn’t read that entire transcript, but I got the gist.

It’s no surprise that a community that only shares in common a sexual “deviation” would cut across a wide swath of people’s political, religious, and socioeconomic views. I have a feeling that meeting everyone on here (not just people who go to meet-ups) would be like making a trip to your local DMV or MVD. In short, there would be a lot of people who aren’t “your kind” of people, whatever that means.

 

[kurchatovium]

I think someone hit it right. It's a tickling chatroom... not a sports chat, religion chat or political chat room. Certainly various other topics come into play but they shouldn't take over the room. The TMF pays for this so we can indulge our fetish not discuss Agrarian reform in the 16th century lol. As a former chat moderator that was usually always my goal to try to keep things centered on topic. Not that I succeeded all that often lol.

The hardest thing to moderate is an argument between a group ... You can't just ban everyone ... You can kick them but they may just come to right back. Its best to try to get the topic changed or get peeps distracted till they calm down. Aruguments alwats tend to escalate and once they do they are hard to stop.

I hope no one got to hurt by all that discussion and still feel welcome in the chat.

 

[OmahaTickler]

I never saw bigotry there, but I stopped entering it because it became too clique-ish, with the same dozen or so people monopolizing the conversations all the time, and they'd do their inside jokes with each other, and I just felt like an outsider. They weren't unwelcoming outright. It's simply that the room's club-like atmosphere had become too insular for me.

 

[dskodj]

Mehh...never mind...not sure why I even clicked on this. Going back to what I came to the site for, to see if there's anything worth jackin off to tonight lol

 

[Jezebel Lee]

I can’t help but notice that whenever POC talk about racism in this community, people always seem to accuse us of bullshitting. Every. Damn. Time.

 

[Wolf]

I can’t help but notice that whenever POC talk about racism in this community, people always seem to accuse us of bullshitting. Every. Damn. Time.

There are a couple of reasons for that.
1. Racists don't see their opinions or statements as racist;
2. They enjoy it.

 

[duderino84]

Every chat I've joined lately (or discord) reminds me of when I just had a circle of "friends" trying to one-up each other by posting shitty jokes intended to get attention at the most desperate lengths possible.

I was going to make some snarky comment about the community, but I've seen enough for one OP.

The best I can offer is remember what you visit the forum for, and if you're not finding it in chat, maybe take a break elsewhere.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

In case you have not noticed, this thread was moderated and there were posts removed from the thread when Outlaw Tickler ranted, raved, said the usual textbook statements/ talking points many racists say, randomly called out and cursed a Black man who was killed by the hand of law enforcement, and then cursed those who attempted to provide historically accurate primary resources to discount his theories.

There is more information located on my blog.

This post was simply to inform. I want our community to know exactly the kind of people you could potentially be playing with/ and or dealing with. I know there are plenty of people who feel a certain way about us, and I know that most of them are speaking from a place of hate, ignorance, and fear, BUT there is no way to predict how that hate will surface and impact those people around them. Safety is paramount!

Take heed to the other responses that remain. They are also very telling of the type of people we have within this community. I gleaned exactly what was necessary from them.

More insidious is the person who quietly pushes someone to explode and do the violence for them. They whisper about preserving their way of life and speak of aggressive actions of others as if they don't have the same ugly, racist beliefs. They pretend that since they sow seeds of discord and hate without getting their hands completely dirty, that we are fooled into thinking that they are safe. They are not.

But I appreciate your fear of me enough to remove the DM you sent me on Reddit before I ever got to see it. You think you can hide, but you are fully seen. I love the power that simply my skin, my presence, my success, my eloquence, my intelligence, my refusal to be removed triggers you just that much that you couldn't resist attempting to get at me privately. BUT thought better of it. Your fear is delicious! Our resilience is legendary. We will not be erased. Retreat back into hiding, Dark Ridiculous.

That is all.
Be informed.
Have a good week.

 

[Wolf]

In case you have not noticed, this thread was moderated and there were posts removed from the thread when Outlaw Tickler ranted, raved, said the usual textbook statements/ talking points many racists say, randomly called out and cursed a Black man who was killed by the hand of law enforcement, and then cursed those who attempted to provide historically accurate primary resources to discount his theories.

There is more information located on my blog.

This post was simply to inform. I want our community to know exactly the kind of people you could potentially be playing with/ and or dealing with. I know there are plenty of people who feel a certain way about us, and I know that most of them are speaking from a place of hate, ignorance, and fear, BUT there is no way to predict how that hate will surface and impact those people around them. Safety is paramount!

Take heed to the other responses that remain. They are also very telling of the type of people we have within this community. I gleaned exactly what was necessary from them.

More insidious is the person who quietly pushes someone to explode and do the violence for them. They whisper about preserving their way of life and speak of aggressive actions of others as if they don't have the same ugly, racist beliefs. They pretend that since they sow seeds of discord and hate without getting their hands completely dirty, that we are fooled into thinking that they are safe. They are not.

But I appreciate your fear of me enough to remove the DM you sent me on Reddit before I ever got to see it. You think you can hide, but you are fully seen. I love the power that simply my skin, my presence, my success, my eloquence, my intelligence, my refusal to be removed triggers you just that much that you couldn't resist attempting to get at me privately. BUT thought better of it. Your fear is delicious! Our resilience is legendary. We will not be erased. Retreat back into hiding, Dark Ridiculous.

That is all.
Be informed.
Have a good week.

Wow.
Really sorry that you and so others have to deal with this kind of shit from vile racists, and that so many people take pleasure in denying it even happens.

 

[Texas_Tickle]

The internet lets the worst of humanity behave as mean-spirited as they wish, knowing they are protected by a computer screen and the anonymity of a screen-name.

But these same 'internet tough guys' would be soiling their pants, if they were ever called out IRL

 

[happydarwin]

I'm sorry you had to experience this.
I went into the chatroom once and that was enough for me. Glad it's there for the people who enjoy it.

HappyD

 

[DkTwrGunSlnger]

Meh, words on a screen populated by mostly total strangers. Naturally, we won’t always tolerate each other. I’ve yet to have a typing squabble with anyone, maybe I’m the minority. No one put me in a headlock and dragged me into chat, a click to get in, if the climate’s bad, a click to get out. Oh, and every effing topic can’t be tickle related, find a willing participant and dm/pm all the tickle talk you want.