My boyfriend likes to tickle... (gay post)

[footcurious]

Please help.

I am a 32-yo gay man in a relationship that has been strained. I have struggled with the lack of sexual initiative my partner has shown, but we have a great relationship otherwise. He initially told me he wasn't that interested in sex, and that he had never had sex. I have been patient, and hoping that he would open up to me. He told me of his foot fetish a few months ago and I have tried to accomodate his desires but it didn't seem to help that much.

Anyway...I sat him down last night and talked it out of him. He likes to tickle. He wants to explore this fetish, and expressed interest in an open relationship where he could do this. He said he likes to tickle as a form of domination, and mentioned ejaculation control as well.

I am ticklish. Apparently he has tried tickling me some in our encounters, and I had a negative reaction (I said "no...don't" or something like that). I don't even remember these encounters because until now I haven't considered tickling in a sexual context. He said he felt sexually rejected and lost interest after this.

I have been thinking about this today, and actually excited by the prospect of him tying me up and tickling me. I am submissive sexually, but usually I am very vanilla in bed. I want to explore this with him, but I have no idea how to gain his interest again, or to initiate this kind of activity myself. Might anyone be able to help?

Thank you!

 

[Bugman]

Anyway...I sat him down last night and talked it out of him.

I think you answered your own question.Time for another talk.It could be just that simple.Good luck.

 

[aurora5150]

i'm wondering if when you said "no ...don't" it was more of a typical statement when someone tickles another person. when i'm being tickled i say that too. but i don't mean it. if you did say it (since you can't remember if you actually said it or not) i agree with bugman and sit down with your guy and just be honest. i think if you bring it up with him and tell him of your interest in tickling it will at least get it out in the open.

good luck and i do hope things work out for the best.

 

[footcurious]

Wow, this is an active community! Thanks very much for the replies.

I am okay with talking about it, but this is so foreign to me I am afraid I might offend him or think I am taking it lightly. I want to be armed with enough information that he will be open to sharing his passion with me.

Is tickling supposed to be funny? In other words, is making the ticklee laugh the goal? Or is it a domination thing? Is there a general consensus on this?

I would love to surprise him with exactly what he wants, but I am not sure that is possible.

 

[Bugman]

In other words, is making the ticklee laugh the goal? Or is it a domination thing? Is there a general consensus on this?

There is no one answer as you suspect.It can be a combonation of many things to many people.Some find it very sexual,some not at all.The only way to find out for sure is to talk about it.You could of course suprise him by being in the bedroom with some restraints attached to the bed and see where it goes from there,but i would only suggest this if there is complete trust between you both.

 

[Tamia78]

There's a whole lot of reasons why people like tickling....sometimes it's the laughter, sometimes it's the domination, sometimes it's just plain ole' fun!

When I want to get someone's attention about my love for tickling...I flirt. I might poke them playfully, trying to get them to tickle me. Kind of a subtle way to let them know I'm interested. He might appreciate it since he's already into tickling.

But yeah, I agree with what everyone else is saying, time for another talk. Just be sincere about it, that's probably all he wants, so he doesn't think you're just taking it lightly.

Good Luck!

--T

 

[purpletickle]

play and take it slow

I'd would say to start by kind of playing and tickling each other in a flirty way. See how you both react to it and see what spots you like to tickle on each other or enjoy being tickled. As well as how you like being tickled. If you do it this way, it will be a way of showing him you really are interested in sharing this passion with him and you don't intend om making fun of it, but are sincere about it. However, one tip of caution, never tickle in public. Since it's sexual for him, it may be very embarrassing for him to tickle or be tickled in public and it will most likely upset him if you initiate that. Just be sure to play around when you are alone and feel comfortable about the situation. Also, the more you play around with each other, the more the trust will build up. I actually have this thing with my boyfriend that we call tickle trust. We pay close attention to each others reactions and make sure to keep the tickling nice and not evil unless we say to. Also, we stop when the other person first says it. Put it this way, the more comfy you get doing this stuff with each other, the easier it will be to slowly get into wanting to tie each other up and dominate one another. And if you ask me, when you said "no...don't" that was probably just a natural reaction to it and you ought to let your boyfriend know that so he doesn't feel offended if you end up saying that again without realizing it. Basically, allow yourselves to be open with one another and experiment with tickling. Before you know it, you'll both be laughing and enjoying yourself and totally loving it!

 

[aurora5150]

first off take a deep breath and calm down. it's awsome to see how enthustiac you are but i think it'd help you out if you calmed down a bit.

tickling is different for everyone. for some people it is a turn-on and may lead to sex. for others it's just a fun playtime with no sexual content.

i would suggest that you sit down with your boyfriend and ask him what tickling does for him and why he enjoys it.

when i'm tickled i laugh. others have different reactions like screaming, yelling, swearing even. just let it happen naturally. if he tickles you and your natural response is to laugh then laugh. but talk to him. the best thing is to figure out what works for the two of you. maybe even check out the forum together and see how things go. but definately try to relax and take some of the pressure off of yourself. this should be fun not stressful.

 

[Ayla ny]

Just wanted to tell you how cool I think it is that you care enough about your partner to keep an open mind and stay sensitive to how important something this deeply personal might be to him.

It can be incredibly hard to talk about. And, as unfair as it might seem, little “testing the water” things, like seeing how they react to a quick, playful tickle, can be big brave steps that, if not played out exactly as we had hoped, might make us even more hesitant to try again.

Yeah… I guess some of us (not me, of course!) have a few insecurities when it comes to what we want sexually.

Unfortunately, tastes in this little thing of ours seem to vary. A lot!

Keep reading and looking into it but be aware that his take is his take. Some of ours might come close (or at least help you understand this a little better)… but, in the end, it will depend on you listening to him (in words and… stuff).

Good luck! I hope he is as attentive to your needs as you seem to be to his.

 

[footcurious]

Thanks!

Thank you everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it!

 

[MrPartickler]

And, as unfair as it might seem, little “testing the water” things, like seeing how they react to a quick, playful tickle, can be big brave steps that, if not played out exactly as we had hoped, might make us even more hesitant to try again.

That's the truth.

I've been burned on the "testing the waters" thing. It's something I still often do (although I've learned to do it well in advance of any committed relationship). When I was pretty new to tickling and I tried it, my g/f's reacted negatively and I lost interest too. And it did take a long time to try again. I did eventually try--ultimately talking to them (that's always hard)--and sometimes things improved. Some were more receptive to "obliging me" than others, but I think they all tried to some extent. I appreciated it, but I always felt a little guilty for it too.

The problem was, that I never believed they really enjoyed it. Because they'd already responded negatively by instinct, I never believed they could suddenly start enjoying it just because we'd had a long talk. Consequently, even if they offered, it always felt like I was asking them for a huge favor--e.g., to basically put them through an hour of hell until we got to the more traditional stuff they actually liked. So eventually, I asked less and less (testing the waters again in a way, I suppose) and they mentioned it even less of course, until there was hardly any tickling at all.

I sometimes wonder what they could have done to show me that they actually did want to be tickled after they'd failed "the test." And I'm not sure I know the answer to that. However, a good start would've been showing me they'd taken the initiative and made a post like yours to a forum like this. I think that would've been pretty unexpected--in a good way. It might've let me know they were genuinely interested in tickling enough for themselves (as opposed to just for me) to give me renewed interest in wanting to explore it with them.

Good luck!

 

[CurtWild]

nothing relevant to say but.....


1. the (gay post) part of the thread title made me crack up for some reason...

2.it`s pretty awesome what you are doing...good luck!

 

[Lea28]

You're half way there...

Since he has a foot fetish, start by sucking his toes in bed and ten start to tickle his feet as you do this; make sure your feet are near his face so he can suck your toes or tickle you back; it's pretty close to a done deal then... and at least for me its extremely arousing, excellent foreplay... and if you have been following threads here, most guys say they like to be tickled during sex, so why not stroke / tickle his feet as you blow him> i love to do this.

You are very close to making this a great relationship; a very sexy one.

But that's a girl's view (who loves guys)

Lea

 

[kis123]

This has been an interesting thread; there was a time a gay man would catch hell for posting around here. Glad to see more open-minded folks giving responses to this man's dilemna.

I'm in the early stages of my relationship with my SO. He doesn't know our world but loves to tickle. Between that and the "tickle talk", I'm about to go mad......but I digress!

Everyone here has given great advice and I hope you work with all of it to meet your situation. Be honest about how you feel about being tickled and assure him that your "stop", "no", and "don't" are natural responses to being tickled. I do the same thing even though I don't really mean it but even though I like to be tickled (sometimes), my body naturally reacts to the tickling by wanting to make it stop.

Take things slowly to gain trust between you both. Maybe the passion will ignite from the tickling (it has a way of doing that, you know). Have lots of fun and check back in to let us know how things went. Oh, and relax and take it easy....don't spook him!

 

[WorkInProgress]

In harmony with what others are writing, the thing I would toss in is that I think generally, ideally, the best way to approach any question of what kind of physical intimacy to share with each other is best addressed in the context of reaffirming and reinforcing the emotional intimacy of the relationship. After all, it seems to me, the point of physical intimacy is to physicalize the emotional intimacy and carry the intimacy to a higher plane where the emotional and the physical are blended together as one. That transcends worrying about this or that act. It's about feeling comfortable with each other's selves, including but not limited to each other's bodies.

Best wishes with this relationship. And you too, kis123, with yours.

 

[kis123]

In harmony with what others are writing, the thing I would toss in is that I think generally, ideally, the best way to approach any question of what kind of physical intimacy to share with each other is best addressed in the context of reaffirming and reinforcing the emotional intimacy of the relationship. After all, it seems to me, the point of physical intimacy is to physicalize the emotional intimacy and carry the intimacy to a higher plane where the emotional and the physical are blended together as one. That transcends worrying about this or that act. It's about feeling comfortable with each other's selves, including but not limited to each other's bodies.

Best wishes with this relationship. And you too, kis123, with yours.

Why, thank you!!

I really like this one and there's some work involved, but I think he's worth it!

 

[lk70]

I'd just like to re-emphasize what Ayla said. Some of us ticklephiles take tickling VERY seriously Meaning we get all insecure and paranoid when the topic comes up.

If he interpreted your initial reaction to his tickling advances as negative, it might be very very difficult for him to "go there" with you again. Somehow you need to make him feel that you're not just indulging him, but that you're actually attracted to the idea yourself.

Of course I could be wrong. Best wishes to you both.

 

[footcurious]

Update

Several months ago I posted my first message asking for advice from the community on making my boyfriend feel comfortable with the idea of tickling me. Background is, he told me he liked to tickle, and told me he was embarassed to tell me.

I tried to take it easy with him, and assure him that I was not only okay with him liking to tickle, but that the thought of being tickled excited me, especially with him (I always love to laugh with him!).

So a couple people asked me to check back in later to let you know how it went. He never brought up the subject again. In fact, he became more and more distant and eventually broke up with me at the end of January, never having tickled me. So that's that. I am not over it, but the funny thing is I feel like I've been discriminated against. Lots of people on this forum talk about wanting their partners to be open to tickling, but if they were open to it and it wasn't their fetish, would that be enough?

 

[Ayla ny]

I’m so sorry! I really liked your attitude.

I’m going on my own experience here… but it could be that he has been seriously burned. I am living with someone I met because of my tickling fetish, but believe it or not, I still find myself feeling insecure about it at times. I know that it’s stupid. He loved tickling LONG before he even met me but the damage that my ex-husband did still rears it’s ugly head sometimes.

Honestly, I don’t think I could date someone who wasn’t into it before they met me. Your guy could just be damaged goods like me.

I’m glad you posted an update. Wish it had been better news.

 

[the wiz]

Different Sex - same problems

Same Sex - Same Problems