Re: Oh, bummer...
AffectionateDan said:
It's a shame I missed it. That's too bad. Who was 'slamming' you? That's not cool.
No, it wasn't cool. Just a few people in the chat room right after I had posted it. I had written 6 pages (12 point type) of stuff. It wasn't mostly about the actual tickling that I fear so much. It was about 70% what goes on in my mind as I play out the fantasy in my head. The remaining 30% was what was actually going on. For me tickling is a VERY psychological event as well as physiological and physical.
Most of it dealt with the psychological battle that I know would be going on in my head if I ever end up being able to be tickled again before I die. Sadly, judging from the reaction I got in the chat room I don't think it's ever going to happen. I think most people want ticklees that are either not as ticklish as I am or that aren't so scared of the ordeal.
They were merely quoting from the text and laughing about it. I was so embarassed that I could only bear to read two or three responses before I closed the window and went through and systematically removed every post I've made.
This is the first I've really written about my reaction. I didn't reply to anyone in the chat room once the teasing started. I'm sure that no harm was intended and I'm not offended or surprised that I caught some hell for having posted something so personal. I should have asked if anyone was interested in seeing that close of a look into my mind first. What I wrote was, in exact words, my worst nightmare. Of course tickling was involved.
I like the intimacy that comes with tickling. Sexual needs are easy to satisfy. But intimacy is hard to come by these days.
So, that in mind, I'm a bit hyper sensitive to being teased about liking to be tickled and about being teased because I am scared to death of it. There's my religious background that interferes with it as well. See, although I find watching tickling to be arousing, BEING tickled isn't arousing at all for me. But it is quite intimate. With helplessness for me comes genuine fear.
I'll send you a copy of the text via email but PLEASE don't post it here. I'm embarassed enough about having had my picture available to people to view and then having them find out just how petrified I am of tickling. I've removed my pic as well out of embarassment.
I want to reiterate that I have taken no offense to what happened and that I probably am just too sensitive to handle having my private emotions related to tickling shown. The nerves that run those emotions are a bit raw in part because I so desperately want a merciless tickling.
Oh, and anyone reading this needs to remember - I'M A GUY. Not a woman. I just like the handle TickleLee and I'm not trading it in.
I still love all the people here as well. I just have to be smarter about sharing such deeply intimate views into my psyche.