Need a dating advice, folks

[MiG31]

Hi guys,

I'm writing cause I so badly need some dating advice right now. I'm a 26 y/o guy who's been single for three months after a 6 years relationship, and well, you can say I kind of lost the use of dating after all these years, and now I'm getting crazy over a certain situation, and this is the only place where I can ask for help, because it's closely related to my (and this lady's) tickling fetish.

I talked a great deal about my experience with a lovely girl called Mindy (borrowed name) here if you'd like to have the whole story: http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?256657-Eight-years-and-worth-the-wait-!-m-f

But to make a long story short, after my ex and I broke up I decided to return to a tickling forum I used to go before I met her (not this one), and that's where I started to chat with this girl, Mindy, who happened to live about an hour's drive from my place (and my town being kind of a s**thole, that was a miracle). She told me she was the shy type and although she'd had tickling sessions with other members before, she was "paranoid" (her own words) and would not go for a session with a guy before she'd known him for months. I reassured her I wasn't the kind to push her into one, then I suggested we meet IRL. We'd talked for hardly a few days, and she said yes, and we met for a dinner, a rather awkward dinner, she seemed kinda nervous and so was I. She's a lovely girl who's 5 years younger than me and definitely the shy type, but after we broke the ice we went on to chat and joke and things were pretty friendly between us.

I was shocked to find out (I asked) that she would be totally okay to have a tickling session with me, even though we'd chatted for only a few days and met only once. Still I kept cool and didn't pester her about it, we met a second time with no tickling involved, I took her to a Japanese restaurant - she'd never tried sushi before and she liked it - and we found out we have things in common, like we both like to write stories and we're both completely into our respective passions (she's into horseriding and I'm into metal, and we even found out there are things in common between those two worlds !)

We had a session a week after that, and it went on like a dream, when it was done I gave her a back and foot rub and she loved it. Then we cooked dinner together and she even asked me to stay and rub her feet a bit more before I left.

***********************

So that was last month, and the situation as it is today is that we haven't been able to see each others since then, as she's been so busy with her job and her moving to a new apartment. But we've been texting, not everyday but quite often, mostly talking about the stories we're writing and then we started teasing each others. I hinted at a possible second session, she seems to be totally up for it, she said she wants to teach me to ride a horse, and last week she even called me because she had trouble with her TV and felt more comfortable asking me than other people she knows for help. I found it cute and told her she could call me anytime if she had a problem.

We were supposed to meet up and go riding next Monday, but she just pushed it back to the week after because she was too busy at work, so I suggested we have dinner sometime next week in the meantime, and she just said yes!

Okay, so, first I'm sorry for the length of my post, but I really need opinions here because I feel the situation is getting quite ambiguous. Considering how nervously I've been checking my messages for her reply, it's clear to me I'm having feelings for her. Question is, how is it from her side? Based on what I wrote, would you say I may have a chance with her, or are we just gonna be friends and tickle buddies? Robmic told me to keep cool and not to rush things, but if she's interested in me as well, won't she think I'm not interested if I don't try to, like, kiss her when we meet up next week?

 

[Myriads]

It sounds like you guys are communicating well, and have a lot in common, have a physical attraction, and enjoy each others company. You are also busy folks with lives with lots of stuff happening in them, but have worked around that, and maintained connectivity while other things took up time.

So far it sounds as if you are building a good relationship, and the only question is does she see it as a friend/play one, or a possible "more" one? And this questions answer will answer your question about a kiss.

There is no real way for you to know if you should kiss her or not, because you are lacking key information. I'd say odds are good that progressing towards that side of a relationship seems quite possible here, but you'll need to judge things on the ground, and of course know what you yourself desire.

Myriads

 

[MiG31]

Thanks for the advice Myriads.

Yeah, I got to say I may be getting confused about my own feelings as well. Thing is, she is the first girl I've had a session with, and therefore the first girl who knows about my fetish and is okay with it, which is totally new to me. And since a tickling session involves a level of physical intimacy and trust that's not found in normal friendship, I feel like being play partners AND having stuff in common and a good relationship outside of tickling really blurs the line between a friendly relationship and a "more" one, if you see what I mean. I wonder, has it occurred to you folks to have play partners turn to dates and maybe more? Would love to hear from your experience.

 

[Scared]

You could . . . actually ask her, rather than a group of strangers?

"Hey, Mindy, I enjoyed playing with you a lot, but I also enjoyed just spending time with you. Are you just looking for a play partner right now, or might you be interested in seeing if we could have more of a dating relationship?"

Yes, talking to people you like is harder than talking anonymously to people who wouldn't recognise you if you passed on the street. It's especially hard when talking about stuff that you're embarrassed about feeling. Talking directly to a partner, however, is a major requirement in a successful partnership.

 

[MiG31]

Yeah, sure, but as you said it's difficult, especially since this situation is pretty new to me, I mean dating a girl I first met as a play partner, so I first wanted to, you know, "decipher" her signals in a way, and have an external view on the subject, see if I wasn't overanalyzing things and stuff. I suck at seeing if a girl is interested in me, and in a fetish situation this is even more ambiguous, so that's why I'm interested if others have been through the same thing and how it went.

 

[Scared]

You dated her before playing with her. As far as deciphering signals goes, I am probably the worst person available to advise on that; I'm so bad at it that I react to almost everything as if it were a threat of imminent violence. Part of the problem, though, seems to be telling whether she is "sending signals" or using words to actually mean what she says. I would tend to interpret, "I can't go riding with you because stuff came up at work." to mean "I can't go riding with you because stuff came up at work." rather than "I just realised that you're really icky and I'm making excuses to avoid seeing you again."

Then again, I once mistakenly interpreted, "I'm bisexual but don't worry; I won't hit on you," to mean that the woman in question had no interest in hitting on me. Several years later, she told me that saying that she wouldn't hit on me actually constituted hitting on me. So take my ideas with as many grains of salt as you feel is appropriate; I still can't figure out that one.

 

[Myriads]

Then again, I once mistakenly interpreted, "I'm bisexual but don't worry; I won't hit on you," to mean that the woman in question had no interest in hitting on me. Several years later, she told me that saying that she wouldn't hit on me actually constituted hitting on me. So take my ideas with as many grains of salt as you feel is appropriate; I still can't figure out that one.

This is an easy one to explain Scared.

By telling you she was bisexual, she indicated that she was open to interaction with you, and the whole statement she said is a basic line, which offers you the opportunity to reply favorably. "Oh I wouldn't mind if you did!" if you had interest. Basically it was an indicator of interest comment that was sounding out your position by how you responded.

To the OP. Yes, it's complicated. But given all the two of you share and enjoy, it's not unreasonable to ask, as someone above indicated, "Hey, what are you seeing this as and going?" You'd do the same with someone you had a few good dates with, regardless of a sexual aspect, so why not here?

Getting on firm ground on where the relationship stands will prevent issues and misunderstandings.

Communicate.

Myriads

 

[chicago]

Ive found guessing games and deciphering clues to always be misleading and possibly detrimental to a relationship of any kind versus direct communication.

 

[dumbledore]

I'd say you have a chance. She wouldn't have agreed to dinner if she wasn't interested in you.

Have a great time, be relaxed, enjoy yourself! Good things will happen, I'm sure.

 

[mabus]

First off, a question I've always wondered but have no idea how to do it - How do people meet people on here that's close to where they live?

Is there a search button for that - I literally have no clue, except to manually look at 100,000 profiles and hope I get a hit somewhere around B or C!

....................................................................................................................................

I think you are lucky and of to a great start.

From someone who is divorced and jaded, let me give you the same advice chicago and Scared did - COMMUNICATE. Just do it - you can be shy when bringing it up,
but totally communicate in the beginning, which is now for you.

Take a look at any dating sites, want ads - what do 80% of the people say? "I don't want someone who will play games."

Just speak, write it down if you're nervous, but you can't read minds, and neither can she.

But you should say that exactly in the beginning, and ask her to fully communicate with you, because if I'm ever in a relationship again, I WILL have that conversation very soon
into the relationship.

"I can't read minds, babe, so you better tell me if you angry, why your angry, if I can fix it, with SPECIFICS, because otherwise, I'm going about my business totally oblivious to your rage.."

I'm going to let her know in the beginning I love pantyhose, nylons, what kinds, I like tickling, I like super hero movies, etc.

I have no intention of being that guy who's all nervous and hope my WIFE (how do you even make it that far?) realizes when I'm watching a Three Stooges episode featuring tickling
that I like tickling because I'm too nervous to tell her - because she won't.

I've spent years reading about guys on here who are way deep into a relationship, and their significant other doesn't even know they like tickling,
or on the pantyhose forums, where the guys lament their wives have never even wore a pair of nylons, so they get all their satisfaction from low quality pics on a
forum...how depressing.

The fact that you found someone awesome, who actually has a tickling fetish, puts you in the upper percentile of lucky guys here, so you should celebrate!

I hope you guys stay together for a long time and enjoy much happiness.

 

[MiG31]

First off, a question I've always wondered but have no idea how to do it - How do people meet people on here that's close to where they live?

Is there a search button for that - I literally have no clue, except to manually look at 100,000 profiles and hope I get a hit somewhere around B or C!

Well, I didn't meet her on this forum but on a local one, and my country is much smaller, so that helps. Still, that was a huge stroke of luck to find her, she had just posted a message saying where she lived and that she was up for meeting people, and I replied when I found out how close she was to me.

Thanks for the advice, guys. We met again last night, had a pleasant evening, I tried to show her my interest with little things putting a hand on her back while walking, and although she didn't seem to mind me doing this, she didn't quite show anything at all herself. She told me before she was the shy type, and I can see why now, because we can be teasing and flirtatious through text messages, when in person she's way more reserved, and that's hard! We'll meet up again in a few days, at her place, so I think I'll try to be a bit more explicit and talk to her, and see what comes up

 

[MiG31]

It took a lot from me, but I finally managed to communicate and we sorted this out: turns out she likes me and enjoys being tickled by me, but just not on a romantic level. I feel a bit disappointed, but a lot better now that we've made this clear, we can now continue being friends and play partners without stress or uncertainty.

Thanks a lot, guys !

 

[3tsahdgas1]

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