Now What?

[Giggly Lily]

Some may know a couple of stories I posted a long, long time ago, but aside from that I'm merely a lurker here in the TMF. So you guys'll have to bear with me.

I have a little dilemma. A few months ago the person who introduced me to and developed my love for tickling and feet broke up with me. We'd been together for roughly 2 and half years, but had been seeing each other secretly for about 2-3 years before that. But of course, sometimes sharing something unique such as a fetish or two isn't enough for a relationship to work. So, I find myself at a loss, not only for the friend I've lost, but also the person I could physically and mentally share my desires with. And I consider it to have been an irreconcilable break up.

So, considering that I haven't been through what most have when it comes to dealing with a fetish on your own, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I know plenty have had to deal with being stuck in an environment where they can't act upon what they feel or want. Growing up wondering if there's somene else out there like you. Though, needless to say, I've no problems admitting or opening up to other people the fact that I love tickling and feet and that they turn me on. Sometimes I've even lost friends and gotten into trouble with friends of friends for not being careful with who I talk about it in front of.

It just seems like there's a gap. I mean, I've moved on, for the most part, from the relationship itself. I don't want to have a relationship with him again. And I've even started seeing someone new, who has next to no idea about my loves. But it just feels like I've been given this gift and been taught a way of life for so long only to suddenly have it disappear.


Now, getting to the point. As I'm sure the last thing any of you wanted to read was some sod down under pouring her heart out and complaining about being lonely. So, for those who have had a similar experience, how did you deal with it? Did you go into hiding and become a raider of tickling websites? Did you try to 'forget' about tickling/feet altogether? Did you try to find someone like you?

Anyway, any thoughts would be nice. Thanks for reading

 

[DJ Tickler]

I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out but hopefully it will lead you to bigger and better things

Now back to your predicament; I'm sure like most of the people on here it is very difficult for us to explore our desires fully because not everyone can understand our likes. The best we can do is get a quick tickle where we can, find a partner who enjoys/tolerates our fetish, or pay for a professional.

From what I read you said you were "Down Under" which means you are in the same boat all us Australians are in...we cant even go to gatherings because none exist. Not only that but we are so spread out it is ridiculous LOL

Because tickling is a sexual thing for me, whenever I "do the deed " I always use it as a form of foreplay or during sex. Sometimes I get lucky and find a girl who WANTS to be tied up LOL.

All I would suggest is to maybe try incorporating tickling into your play, or even if you feel comfortable enough, straight out tell him you enjoy it.

Hang in there and hope everything works out for the best

DJ Tickler

 

[KrazieDog]

You have to understand, for most here, they've had it their whole life. So what you have been experiencing just lately, a lot having been dealing with for years. It's just a part of you now, so need to run away from it or hide. If it's something sexual for you, you may not want to run around feeling the need to tell everyone about it. I love my vanilla friends, but I don't feel the need to share it with any of them. People can be odd in their reactions to it. Other than that, we'd all like to find a soulmate from the community, but it doesn't always happen that way.

Approach your relationships like you would any other. As you have mentioned above, tickling and feet are not enough to sustain a relationship on. They are merely one part of you, as I'm sure you have many sides, many passion, many likes and dislikes. You can mention it to someone you are getting involved with, or playfully incorporate it into your horsing around with them, or just come right out and say it if you are so comfortable with it when the two of your are mentioning things you are into. Either way, don't be intimidated, or go into hiding with it. Be happy you get joy/pleasure from something so simple and fun. Just take it all one step at a time and good luck to you.

 

[Giggly Lily]

The best we can do is get a quick tickle where we can, find a partner who enjoys/tolerates our fetish, or pay for a professional.

From what I read you said you were "Down Under" which means you are in the same boat all us Australians are in...we cant even go to gatherings because none exist. Not only that but we are so spread out it is ridiculous LOL

Because tickling is a sexual thing for me, whenever I "do the deed " I always use it as a form of foreplay or during sex. Sometimes I get lucky and find a girl who WANTS to be tied up LOL.

Thanks so much for your advice, DJ Tickler, I really appreciate it! I suppose some of it's about being able to determine who'll be open minded enough to tolerate our fetish, right? Because the last thing I'd want is to scare away somebody who in other ways is compatible with me.

And I noticed that as well, both while I was in my last relationship and afterwards, there are no groups or communities of Aussie lers/lees. Are we really that rare here? I suppose in answer to my own question, it's not like they're professing themselves in the street or anything.

Again, another thing I'm not sure how to deal with. My love for tickling and feet were developed in sexual ways. I only really associate them with sex. I think that's why I've found it so difficult to be without it. I guess I'll just need to work out some sort of way of introducing them...

You have to understand, for most here, they've had it their whole life. So what you have been experiencing just lately, a lot having been dealing with for years. It's just a part of you now, so need to run away from it or hide.

Thank you as well KrazieDog, I understand that I've only experienced a portion of what others have suffered their whole lives. And it's in this way that I also see that what I had for those 4/5 years was something to be cherished as some people don't ever find somebody to express their desires to. And you're right, it is a part of me now. Though I should explain, it's hard not to want to try and run away or hide. Mainly because I still associate tickling and feet (at least having my feet tickled/played with especially) with him. So in that way, I find myself confused and lost because I'm not sure how to introduce or ask somebody new to do those things with me.

 

[Morpheus72]

I find myself confused and lost because I'm not sure how to introduce or ask somebody new to do those things with me.

You introduce it just like you would another "sexual" interest. Sharing details of what you enjoy with your partner, some guidance, and positive reinforcement work wonders. Most men who care about their partners would know what to do with "tickle me, would you? I really enjoy it like this...." I'd avoid the word "fetish" -- unless you're going for more shock value -- at the beginning.

Like you, I found it difficult (not to mention embarassing) at first to ask that tickleplay be involved in a relationship, but it gets easier. Now it's just something that gets brought up as important to me. As far as associating tickling with the ex, that can get thorny, but I'm sure the prospect of tickleplay with a new partner will get you through that.

Morph

 

[OmahaTickler]

Keep this in mind, and I don't mean to be so frank about it: You can't expect any new people you date to just accept and become a foot/tickling fetishist like we are. I inferred that from your post, that you think this is possible. Likely, it is not. It's something that's hard-wired at an early age, especially with ticklers. With ticklees, there is much more of a chance that someone can discover they enjoy being tickled, at least from anecdotal evidence on this site. But as a tickler who knows many on this site, we all pretty much became this way in early childhood. Same with ticklees, but there's a sizable percentage of ticklees who were turned on to it by a boyfriend/girlfriend later in life.

The good news is, there are online communities like this where you can meet people like us. I didn't have that until I was 26, and I suspect you're younger than I am. Consider yourself lucky in that regard.

Good luck

--Frank

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Sorry your feeling blue.

The best thing you can really do is just be patient. I know not something you want to hear. If your with someone new try just experimenting. You don't have to tell them so much as maybe show them a little. You'll know when the time is right and what to do.

Furthermore, just because you've broken up with someone is no reason to not still be part of the community in any way you want. I don't think your planning on doing that, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

 

[Giggly Lily]

Most men who care about their partners would know what to do with "tickle me, would you? I really enjoy it like this...." I'd avoid the word "fetish" -- unless you're going for more shock value -- at the beginning.

As far as associating tickling with the ex, that can get thorny, but I'm sure the prospect of tickleplay with a new partner will get you through that.

The last thing I want to do is cause a shock to his system, Morph! But I guess the main message is take it slow, right? Introduce it in small doses.

Hm, again, perhaps you're right. Replacing old memories with new ones might do the trick.
Thank you so much for your advice Morph

Keep this in mind, and I don't mean to be so frank about it: You can't expect any new people you date to just accept and become a foot/tickling fetishist like we are. I inferred that from your post, that you think this is possible. Likely, it is not.

The good news is, there are online communities like this where you can meet people like us. I didn't have that until I was 26, and I suspect you're younger than I am.

Oh no, I don't expect it to just be accepted, Frank. If anything, it's certainly what I would hope for - to have someone new accept my fetishes - but I'm more afraid that it'll scare new people away.
I understand that I've been lucky to have had the experiences that I did, in comparison to some people who've grown up with fetishes all lives and been unable to share them with anyone. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with, at least not yet.

And I'm certainly thankful to have the TMF community here to share this with and ask advice from. So thank you, Frank, for your I guess, frankness and honesty.

Oh, and your suspicions would be correct. I'm relatively younger than you.

Furthermore, just because you've broken up with someone is no reason to not still be part of the community in any way you want. I don't think your planning on doing that, but I just wanted to throw it out there.

Thank you so much for your advice MRMS, I really appreciate it But you definitely sense correctly. I've contemplated trying to forget all that I've discovered and developed within myself. Tried to shut myself off that way. But I don't think I can do it.