Personal Ads Should Be PERSONAL :-)

[SteelJaw]

Ok, brief rant:

There's a very good thread going about the possibilities of a tickle-dating site. I would love to see such an outlet get off the ground, I think it would be both fun and functional .

BUT, just like the personals section of 'this' forum, such a site will never be truly successful until folks learn how to write an ad. I was just perusing the personals sections here, and I'm wondering once again what guys are thinking when they write these things; in fact, are you thinking at all? Fellas, seriously: what woman do you think is going to want to meet you based on nothing more than your location, your age, and the mere fact that you like tickling?? Honestly, this is what I saw over and over:

Hi, I'm 19 and I live in Oaklahoma and I'm alive and I like tickling 'lees. If you're a 'lee please write me.

Um, yeah.

There is so little personality to distinguish one ad like that from another that it's no wonder I hear constant bemoaning about how no one answers the ads. They're usually about as captivating and eye-catching as dryer lint. In real time, a girl rarely goes out with a guy simply because he's in front of her and breathing. He has to be charming to her in some way. With an ad, you have the chance to be just as charming, unique even, and you can proof-read before she sees it! Try that at a bar

I've answered a few ads in my time, in fact one led to a long term relationship. The ads I've answered always told about the person behind the personal: what he liked to do for fun besides tickling, what he liked to read, his idea of a fun evening with me BEFORE the rope came out. I know, novel concept A woman is looking for an experience with a 'ler, and if you're nothing more than Joe Random Guy With Fingers no one will want to meet you, because there doesn't seem to be someone worth meeting behind the ten words you wrote. If you can't take the time to write a decent ad, why would I think you'd spend a decent amount of time on me?

Guys, honestly: good ads can work. But if you don't distinguish yourself from the pack, you'll be ignored along with them. You're a great person-tell a girl why!

Bella

Ya know, your right, hmmm well what the heck Ill give it a shot, see what happens, u bring up very good points. This seems to be needing a test run.

 

[dvnc]

Damn... Mighty fine thread, Mama B.

Personals are a great single point of reaching out, but there's limitations to 'em same as real life.

1) If you're unknown, that's questionable, for either side.
"Hm, great ad, but that fellow/lady has only single-digit posts. What's the threads they've touched?"
Another simple pitch to MEET PEOPLE SOCIALLY. No date. Part of why we gather. It's social.

2) If you're unclear, that's questionable.
Like Bella said, a short ad says nothing comforting. Take a moment. Explain. In SMALL, clear paragraphs.

3) If you get to where you meet people, for the love of all things pure, DON'T GET HAMMERED!
Honestly, I hear way too much about this.

Guys, there are SINGLE women here. Women I know. Cool women. Attractive, cool, intelligent women. They're smart enough not to date me, event.

You HAVE to show them who you are, or they ain't gonna play. A headshot don't do it. A body shot don't do it (though some will pause to admire).

You gotta TELL them about you. This is ESPECIALLY true if you don't have a million threads here showing you.

Oddly, Bella's pickled-beet-eatin' man's about the coolest cat on the planet. Personally, I think she posts it that way to keep women off the man.

 

[Iggy pop]

I've heard from a lot of guys, some that have written pretty good personal ads, who did not get any responses. I think there are few problems here.

1)Too many men. There are probably about 10 men for each woman and those odds are not good.

2) Bad behavior of a lot of men. Many women have already had to deal with it, and this probably makes them less likely to get involved with someone on this forum. I think the problem with #1 makes this a worse problem and actually leads to bad behavior on men's part.

3)Women are less hardwired with tickling in their sexuality. This is not to say that women cannot find tickling an erotic and fun activity, but for men it is essential. You will see many post for men having crisis or looking outside their relationship because ethier their significant other does not enjoy tickling or is not ticklish. You don't see this in women as much. They may want to get significant others into tickling, but if it does not work out they can live with it.

 

[minerva]

2) Bad behavior of a lot of men. Many women have already had to deal with it, and this probably makes them less likely to get involved with someone on this forum. I think the problem with #1 makes this a worse problem and actually leads to bad behavior on men's part.

hmmm, would you mind explaining how bad behaviour on men's part relates to #1? It's only some of them after all, I'd always guessed it was a character/personality thing.

In general - I personally have to say, ads dont do much for me. I do understand that one has to start somehow, but I'd rather go for post history. Not talking about hundreds of posts here, but seeing how someone interacts, argues, jokes, ... in a couple of posts already, tells you a lot more about what kind of person they are IMHO.

 

[BellaRisa]

hmmm, would you mind explaining how bad behaviour on men's part relates to #1? It's only some of them after all, I'd always guessed it was a character/personality thing.

In general - I personally have to say, ads dont do much for me. I do understand that one has to start somehow, but I'd rather go for post history. Not talking about hundreds of posts here, but seeing how someone interacts, argues, jokes, ... in a couple of posts already, tells you a lot more about what kind of person they are IMHO.

Actually, some of the coolest members ever I've met real time have VERY few TMF posts and don't even get into arguments/debates and such, simply because they have lives and aren't fooling around online very often(I know, blasphemy ) A gentleman who writes a good ad and is too busy doing other things to have very many posts isn't a bad thing

As for Iggy's comments: women don't give up on all men (at least not permanently ) simply because some of them are idiots. We've had to deal with badly behaved guys since preschool, it's part of being a girl. A woman who's looking for a tickling partner and has access to the TMF is going to at least peruse the personals for her area, in the hopes that there might be an intelligent ad that she finds appealing. Add that to the fact that there likely 'are' many more men than women on the forum, and you have all the more reason to make sure you aren't lumped in with the masses. I honestly don't think the numbers matter; if a woman is hoping to find someone, she'll look for an ad that appeals to her. If the majority of them are boring and don't have enough info, it doesn't matter whether there were 10 of them or 1000, the ones that are well written are the ones that have a chance at being answered.

Bella

 

[minerva]

Actually, some of the coolest members ever I've met real time have VERY few TMF posts and don't even get into arguments/debates and such, simply because they have lives and aren't fooling around online very often(I know, blasphemy ) A gentleman who writes a good ad and is too busy doing other things to have very many posts isn't a bad thing
Bella

Never said it was a bad thing at all and wasn't talking about very many posts - thats why I explicitly said: 'Not talking about hundreds of posts here' and '...in a couple of posts already'

I fully agree with your original post, btw and I'm definitely not saying ads are a bad thing or useless or anything at all.

Just I - personally - believe, seeing someone interact with others - and also I'm not necessarily talking about arguments/debates, though watching them tells you a lot about a person as well - gives me a better picture than any ad ever can.

 

[BellaRisa]

Never said it was a bad thing at all

I didn't think you did, sorry if it seemed that way ! It just jumped out at me a bit because I know a lot of very good and cool guys (many of whom will be at NEST btw ) who don't post much at all. But what you said makes a whole lot of sense, thank you for that! And, one thing you definitely see frequently on this and other forums are posters who tend to be crass, judgemental and/or very argumentive in various threads and then honestly wonder why women aren't paying them much attention Women *do* look at a poster's history, it's more important than guys might think.

Bella

 

[kis123]

One thing everybody knows is that women hate to be talked down to. What's not so publicized is that guys don't like it any more than women do. Just as most women have no interest in some overbearing macho guy telling them how women should act all demure to make them more attractive to guys; most guys have no interest in some high and mighty woman talking down to them, speaking on behalf of women everywhere telling them "well, you need to be acting this certain way, if you ever expect to get anywhere with 'us women.'" Neither gender needs to be dictating to the other how to act, in my opinion.

Hmmm.....I guess it's a matter of personal intrepretation because I don't see "some high and mighty woman dictating" to anyone. When I read the OP, I saw a light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek post that provided some insight that a guy could use in his quest to find a friend and possible tickle partner. Some fellas appreciate the advice and I'm sure there are some who think that a woman can't advise them about anything. To each his own I guess. Personally if it points him in the direction of someone who he could befriend and even possibly partner/play with, what difference does it make where the information comes from?

And there are so many men who don't always know what women (generally speaking) think, so this was a good way of finding out. Besides, she's right, I want to see someone who put thought and personality into his ad. I'm the type of person who isn't as concerned over how a guy looks as how he thinks. And I do watch posting habits where I know his personality shows up; anyone can BS around in an ad, but posting history is hard to fake and issues and character flaws can abound. A lot of men contact me based solely on reading my posts; if I can attract someone's attention, anyone can!

 

[drew70]

Hmmm.....I guess it's a matter of personal intrepretation because I don't see "some high and mighty woman dictating" to anyone. When I read the OP, I saw a light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek post that provided some insight that a guy could use in his quest to find a friend and possible tickle partner.

I guess it is a matter personal interpretation at that. I saw a rather condescending sexist post, out of the blue, giving "advice" for which nobody asked.

Some fellas appreciate the advice and I'm sure there are some who think that a woman can't advise them about anything.

Then again there are those of us who do appreciate a woman's advice but simply prefer to choose which women give it to us. Of course when advice is requested on a public forum, once doesn't choose his advisors, but I don't recall seeing such a request.

Personally if it points him in the direction of someone who he could befriend and even possibly partner/play with, what difference does it make where the information comes from?

I guess it will make as much or as little difference as the "information" itself will make a difference for them.

And there are so many men who don't always know what women (generally speaking) think, so this was a good way of finding out.

Oh really? So you too presume to speak for all women, "generally speaking"?

Besides, she's right, I want to see someone who put thought and personality into his ad.

What you personally want has no bearing on how right or wrong she was. Perhaps you both are looking for the same type of guy, but that doesn't mean all women are.

I'm the type of person who isn't as concerned over how a guy looks as how he thinks. And I do watch posting habits where I know his personality shows up; anyone can BS around in an ad, but posting history is hard to fake and issues and character flaws can abound. A lot of men contact me based solely on reading my posts; if I can attract someone's attention, anyone can!

I admire your technique and have been attracted to some of your posts as well. But your testimony seems to support posting history as a much better indicator of personality and character than anything clever he can throw into a one paragraph ad. What could he put in his ad that's going to change what you already think of him based on that history?

Here's another thing about too much information in an ad. Let's say a guy includes in his ad that he likes X-Men and Greenday. That has just as much chance of creating a negative connotation as a positive one. "Oh yuck! My wife-beating ex-husband liked X-Men and Greenday." Others might respond with "X-Men and Greenday?? Oh my God, can anybody say 'geek'?" In other words, the more specific information you provide in an ad can just as easily work against somebody as can work for them. Maybe it just makes better sense to hold off on the specifics and see if there's any chemistry first. And anybody looking for chemistry in a one paragraph ad is looking in the wrong place. You need some kind of two way interaction...talking or even writing.

I wouldn't have a problem with Bella stating what she personally looks for when perusing the personals, although to start a thread in tickling discussion about it sort of pushes envelope a little. But to tell all the guys this is what they need to be doing, because this is what women everywhere want....well, isn't that just a tad presumptious?

 

[kis123]

I guess it is a matter personal interpretation at that. I saw a rather condescending sexist post, out of the blue, giving "advice" for which nobody asked.

Then again there are those of us who do appreciate a woman's advice but simply prefer to choose which women give it to us. Of course when advice is requested on a public forum, once doesn't choose his advisors, but I don't recall seeing such a request.


I guess it will make as much or as little difference as the "information" itself will make a difference for them.

Oh really? So you too presume to speak for all women, "generally speaking"?

What you personally want has no bearing on how right or wrong she was. Perhaps you both are looking for the same type of guy, but that doesn't mean all women are.

I admire your technique and have been attracted to some of your posts as well. But your testimony seems to support posting history as a much better indicator of personality and character than anything clever he can throw into a one paragraph ad. What could he put in his ad that's going to change what you already think of him based on that history?

Here's another thing about too much information in an ad. Let's say a guy includes in his ad that he likes X-Men and Greenday. That has just as much chance of creating a negative connotation as a positive one. "Oh yuck! My wife-beating ex-husband liked X-Men and Greenday." Others might respond with "X-Men and Greenday?? Oh my God, can anybody say 'geek'?" In other words, the more specific information you provide in an ad can just as easily work against somebody as can work for them. Maybe it just makes better sense to hold off on the specifics and see if there's any chemistry first. And anybody looking for chemistry in a one paragraph ad is looking in the wrong place. You need some kind of two way interaction...talking or even writing.

I wouldn't have a problem with Bella stating what she personally looks for when perusing the personals, although to start a thread in tickling discussion about it sort of pushes envelope a little. But to tell all the guys this is what they need to be doing, because this is what women everywhere want....well, isn't that just a tad presumptious?

No, I don't know all women so I don't speak for all of them; never have and never will so you can find somewhere else to throw that tired arguement to. But I've been a woman long enough to get a GENERAL idea of what makes us tick! I see nothing wrong with the previous statements I made; whether or not you approved of them is your business and opinion to possess. Actually, your statement about me speaking for all women is no more than an accusation, that is unless I personally announce that I speak for all women. Now did I say that drew, or are you just assuming? She didn't tell "all the guys", only the ones who clicked on her post. If you didn't want to know her thoughts on the issue, you could have easily ignored or moved on.

You're making a lot of assumptions here, and what I've also noticed is that you're the only one who is making them. Others are asking questions, getting additional advice, or simply moving on. Just why are you so bothered by it is beyond me. It looks like your envelope is the only one that got pushed.

I've been through the personals section and to say it lacks originality would be an understatement. That's the main reason why I don't read them. And yes, before I'd let someone touch me, I'd like to know some things about him first. Nothing wrong with reviewing posting histories before dealing with a man. I don't like obnoxious people; if I see that's basically how he posts, I have little conclusion to come to than it's probably a personality issue I don't want to deal with.

Why don't we simply just agree to disagree as opposed to playing the point-and-counterpoint, infinity dragging posting that usually follows these differences of opinion? Neither of us is going to change the other's mind on the issue so let's just move on.

 

[lk70]

Ok, I'll chime in with more than smart ass comments.

Of course Bella doesn't speak for all women, but I'll speak up and say I think her post was great and I'm glad she posted it. One line ads- there is just absolutely no way I would ever answer one. I've seen longer ads that bemoan the fact that the poster hasn't been able to find a mate but still don't say anything about that poster at all except he wants to find a mate. Not for me.

I've never answered an ad and I don't check them regularly but I do look once in awhile and I'd probably answer one if it appealed to me on some level.

And I have also met guys who never post (mostly at NEST) and by golly, they are nice fun guys! But I still wouldn't answer a one line ad. I would and have, however, answered PMs from guys who don't post.

 

[Iggy pop]

I guess it is a matter personal interpretation at that. I saw a rather condescending sexist post, out of the blue, giving "advice" for which nobody asked.

If this had been man giving advice about women's personal ads, and if a woman called him "sexist" then I would say she is probably over reacting, and that she should probably lighten up. So, you over reacting, and lighten up.

 

[Iggy pop]

hmmm, would you mind explaining how bad behaviour on men's part relates to #1? It's only some of them after all, I'd always guessed it was a character/personality thing.

In general - I personally have to say, ads dont do much for me. I do understand that one has to start somehow, but I'd rather go for post history. Not talking about hundreds of posts here, but seeing how someone interacts, argues, jokes, ... in a couple of posts already, tells you a lot more about what kind of person they are IMHO.

The fact that there are so few women here makes men more willing to "pounce" after a woman. If the ratio of men to women was reserve, then you might still see bad behavior, but I don't think it would be as rampant. Desperation would play less of role.

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

At last, a thread where we can put a personal ad. Here's mine:

'guy wants to meet females to tickle them to death, no mercy shown, and you must be willing to travel'

 

[BellaRisa]

The fact that there are so few women here makes men more willing to "pounce" after a woman. If the ratio of men to women was reserve, then you might still see bad behavior, but I don't think it would be as rampant. Desperation would play less of a role.

Y'know, you're totally right; but for the life of me I'd expect it to be the other way around. You'd think that knowing how many hopeful men the ladies have to choose from, the gentlemen would be on their best behavior to stand apart from the pack (or maybe even because they were raised correctly ) Seriously, as a female vid producer I get a staggering amount of email and PM's. The ones I answer are the polite ones, and the emailers that actually become friends and not just fans are those who seem to actually see me as a human being, not just feet with a few girlie parts attached There's really nothing wrong with being eager IMO, it's being crude and weird or ultra generic that keeps a girl from responding.

Incidentally, for the record I really think there are *way* more ladies lurking and reading than we think, but that's just me

 

[simulated]

Was looking through some posts today, and if anyone wants to know what a good personal ad looks like - http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=106330

 

[lk70]

Was looking through some posts today, and if anyone wants to know what a good personal ad looks like - http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=106330

Agreed. That's very nice. Sadly, it's from 2003 which makes him 25 now and still too young for me. Oh and 3000 miles away. Bummer.

 

[Puddy]

Agreed. That's very nice. Sadly, it's from 2003 which makes him 25 now and still too young for me. Oh and 3000 miles away. Bummer.

Thanks for the nice words! I just wanted to clarify that while 2003 is my join date, I did put that up just a couple days ago.

You know, just in case someone interested should be reading...

 

[kis123]

I was inspired by this thread and posted an ad a couple weeks ago.

My ad is on the long side. Probably a little too much information, but general consensus on here was that more information was better, so I ended up with something that looks like a singles ad you'd post on a dating service.
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=105659

The ad directly below mine is from a guy in the same area. He kept it short and sweet, but it's a good ad in my opinion.
http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=105562

In the two weeks that the ads have been up, neither one has gotten more than 40 hits. I don't know about him, but I didn't get a single reply either...

Informative Vs. Non-Informative doesn't really seem to be an issue.

Actually, a F/'ler post from a few years ago that got stirred back up has received more action than ALL of the posts on that page added together.

So I guess that leaves me wondering... Are there any women --aside from the ones that have commented here-- that even look at the personals?

Both of your ads are nice; now if only you lived closer to my state....

 

[50greg]

Both of your ads are nice; now if only you lived closer to my state....

How much should I blab about myself, kissy?

 

[penny lane]

Was looking through some posts today, and if anyone wants to know what a good personal ad looks like - http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=106330

Exactly. This is what a good personal ad should look like. It has the basic information- A/S/L, along with a little bit of information about yourself and what you're looking for. In my opinion, you don't really need to mention how much you love tickling...you're posting the ad on this site, right? It's obvious you enjoy it, otherwise, you wouldn't be posting an ad on this site! All you need to say is if you're a lee, a ler, or both, and leave it at that.

Also, I think if you do respond to someone's ad, try to keep it clean... G-rated at first. To me, it's a huge turn-off to have someone reply to your ad for the first time by saying, "I want to tickle your feet and cum all over them." Maybe I'm too prudish, but that's gross and there's no way in hell I'm going to write them back.

 

[Ace Riley]

Heh, what I love is the way most people talk online period.

...when I IM people, or hot the chatline it's just the most awkward compliation of 1 word posts before they hit send.

so you a girl
yah
rlly?
Maybe
you in tx
yah, austin
o wow im in dallas
lol cool

I don't know, maybe I'm being the biggest prude in the world... and maybe it's because I've been online and hooked up to this substance called the internet since I was 11 (I'm 24 now, guess what kind of internet was around then).

I just wish people would be meaningful when they post. It's a piece of text, it exists and LINGERS... people can go back and see your way of speaking. If you could go back in time to everytime you talked to someone and fix those dumb quips that messed you up, or got you into an arguement... wouldn't you want to?

This is a slow paced world, one that you can use to make a statement about yourself and who the hell you are, take advantage of it. Learn from it. In no way does it replace real world engagement, but quite frankly if you can't take the time to type out a few sentences on the static world of the internet, then I wonder just how interesting you are as a person.

...I don't know, it's just awkward that what Bella writes, to me sounds like common sense. Maybe it will come to people in time.

 

[Ace Riley]

Also, I think if you do respond to someone's ad, try to keep it clean... G-rated at first. To me, it's a huge turn-off to have someone reply to your ad for the first time by saying, "I want to tickle your feet and cum all over them." Maybe I'm too prudish, but that's gross and there's no way in hell I'm going to write them back.

I'm sorry... because if someone wrote that to you, it is so obviously rude it's disgusting...

...but I laughed my ass off at that. LOLOL Are you for real? That's ridiculous!

...jees man, are some guys deranged?

 

[NeitherSparky]

"I want to tickle your feet and cum all over them."

Someone said something nearly identical to that to me once, on a different forum. It wasn't the *first* thing he said, it was in like the 3rd PM, but needless to say I didn't respond anymore at that point...And this was *after* he told me he understood that I wasn't interested in sex. I guess I should have been more specific. (Seriously, I guess I should have. Saying you're not interested in sex itself on a fetish forum is kind of vague I suppose.)

 

[SteelJaw]

Ok, brief rant:

There's a very good thread going about the possibilities of a tickle-dating site. I would love to see such an outlet get off the ground, I think it would be both fun and functional .

BUT, just like the personals section of 'this' forum, such a site will never be truly successful until folks learn how to write an ad. I was just perusing the personals sections here, and I'm wondering once again what guys are thinking when they write these things; in fact, are you thinking at all? Fellas, seriously: what woman do you think is going to want to meet you based on nothing more than your location, your age, and the mere fact that you like tickling?? Honestly, this is what I saw over and over:

Hi, I'm 19 and I live in Oaklahoma and I'm alive and I like tickling 'lees. If you're a 'lee please write me.

Um, yeah.

There is so little personality to distinguish one ad like that from another that it's no wonder I hear constant bemoaning about how no one answers the ads. They're usually about as captivating and eye-catching as dryer lint. In real time, a girl rarely goes out with a guy simply because he's in front of her and breathing. He has to be charming to her in some way. With an ad, you have the chance to be just as charming, unique even, and you can proof-read before she sees it! Try that at a bar

I've answered a few ads in my time, in fact one led to a long term relationship. The ads I've answered always told about the person behind the personal: what he liked to do for fun besides tickling, what he liked to read, his idea of a fun evening with me BEFORE the rope came out. I know, novel concept A woman is looking for an experience with a 'ler, and if you're nothing more than Joe Random Guy With Fingers no one will want to meet you, because there doesn't seem to be someone worth meeting behind the ten words you wrote. If you can't take the time to write a decent ad, why would I think you'd spend a decent amount of time on me?

Guys, honestly: good ads can work. But if you don't distinguish yourself from the pack, you'll be ignored along with them. You're a great person-tell a girl why!

Bella

Bella, just wanted to say thanks for this, I think your right, I tried a little something diff, lol hasnt helped a whole lot, but thats mainly cuz MA is a bit scattered lol. But thats for the tips anyway.