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Personal Lifestyle Responsibility And Tickling
- Thread starter P50
- Start date
I don't think it's necessary to have all your personal affairs in order before thinking about a romantic relationship, a tickling relationship, whatever. After all, who here has their whole life in order? No matter where we are currently, we should have some goals and some kind of roadmap for where we want to be in ten years.
I think character is more important in a relationship. Take the guy who has no car. Is he saving up for a car, or spending his whole paycheck on beer, pot, and the latest video games? If the person has a vision and commitment to improve his/her position, I don't believe that a relationship is necessarily a roadblock. If he/she is content to stay where they are, then I guess they'd be okay with somebody who has equally slim aspirations.
I'm ashamed to say that for many years I had no aspirations. I was content to do the same job for the rest of my life and continue renting instead of buying. When I met the lady I ultimately married, that all changed. She motivated me. Not by any derision or unfair comparisons with others. She truly believed me capable of much more than I did myself, and I began to believe her. I was no longer content where I was. I ventured into new areas far outside my comfort zone. I took management positions, the idea of which was previously a complete anathema to me. In the space of just a couple of years, I doubled my salary. I now own a nice house on 2 wooded acres in a protected rural community.
My point to all this is not to boast, but rather that sometimes the right person can help you out of whatever financial slump you're in, if....and this is a big IF...you're willing to change...to take a chance and venture out into something new and unknown. If I took a snapshot of my life now, and took it back in time to 11 years ago, that Drew would have had a hard time believing such a future was possible. Part of me still has trouble believing it. I would never have come this far but for her. She truly is the best part of me.
I think character is more important in a relationship. Take the guy who has no car. Is he saving up for a car, or spending his whole paycheck on beer, pot, and the latest video games? If the person has a vision and commitment to improve his/her position, I don't believe that a relationship is necessarily a roadblock. If he/she is content to stay where they are, then I guess they'd be okay with somebody who has equally slim aspirations.
I'm ashamed to say that for many years I had no aspirations. I was content to do the same job for the rest of my life and continue renting instead of buying. When I met the lady I ultimately married, that all changed. She motivated me. Not by any derision or unfair comparisons with others. She truly believed me capable of much more than I did myself, and I began to believe her. I was no longer content where I was. I ventured into new areas far outside my comfort zone. I took management positions, the idea of which was previously a complete anathema to me. In the space of just a couple of years, I doubled my salary. I now own a nice house on 2 wooded acres in a protected rural community.
My point to all this is not to boast, but rather that sometimes the right person can help you out of whatever financial slump you're in, if....and this is a big IF...you're willing to change...to take a chance and venture out into something new and unknown. If I took a snapshot of my life now, and took it back in time to 11 years ago, that Drew would have had a hard time believing such a future was possible. Part of me still has trouble believing it. I would never have come this far but for her. She truly is the best part of me.
Wow, Drew--that was really beautiful!!
(Just to clear up a little, I wasn't trying to brag either--we struggled for a REALLY long time to get to the place we're at now.) My point is that "ready" is kind of a subjective term, I think. It's like having ENOUGH money, being in good ENOUGH shape, being cute enough--how do you know when you get there? And who gets to decide? I mean, it's different for everybody, yes?
Oh, all this thinking is making my head hurt...
XOXO
(Just to clear up a little, I wasn't trying to brag either--we struggled for a REALLY long time to get to the place we're at now.) My point is that "ready" is kind of a subjective term, I think. It's like having ENOUGH money, being in good ENOUGH shape, being cute enough--how do you know when you get there? And who gets to decide? I mean, it's different for everybody, yes?
Oh, all this thinking is making my head hurt...
XOXO
OMG...
Sorry to hear that. For what it's worth...
I'm so hearing Twilight Zone music in the background! He smokes too (yuck) and occasionally does harder drugs but for the most part, the idiot friends have a hookup so they usually get it for cheap, he shows up after the fact, whatever. I drink but burned out on the rest of that crap back in college, thank God. He gained 100 lbs since we got married, which I don't mind (I like big guys) but he feels awful about it, and mopes around about it, yet never exercises. He's younger than me but acts like he's about 80. He knew when he got involved that I'd be, um, "hard to tame" which he loved then but a few years back decided I should change that. I asked him just the other day, "When did you turn into my grandfather?"
He wanted the big job, with the big paycheck and didn't listen when I warned him about the big headache that came with. Now he comes home exhausted and cranky and bitching about the house not being spotless. I'm sorry, but I work a 10 hour day and commute another two hours, I spend all day keeping it together for people whose lives are falling apart, I have more important things on my mind than a few dishes in the sink, give me a break...
XOXO
Sorry to hear that. For what it's worth...
I'm so hearing Twilight Zone music in the background! He smokes too (yuck) and occasionally does harder drugs but for the most part, the idiot friends have a hookup so they usually get it for cheap, he shows up after the fact, whatever. I drink but burned out on the rest of that crap back in college, thank God. He gained 100 lbs since we got married, which I don't mind (I like big guys) but he feels awful about it, and mopes around about it, yet never exercises. He's younger than me but acts like he's about 80. He knew when he got involved that I'd be, um, "hard to tame" which he loved then but a few years back decided I should change that. I asked him just the other day, "When did you turn into my grandfather?"
He wanted the big job, with the big paycheck and didn't listen when I warned him about the big headache that came with. Now he comes home exhausted and cranky and bitching about the house not being spotless. I'm sorry, but I work a 10 hour day and commute another two hours, I spend all day keeping it together for people whose lives are falling apart, I have more important things on my mind than a few dishes in the sink, give me a break...
XOXO
To Steph and Flatfoot;
In a word...
Whoa!
I commend you both for your patience. I've always said that love is not an emotion, it is a decision. And, just in case you wondered, it's okay to get tired of the crap. After so many years of marriage, growth and maturity must take place. If not, one is growing, and one is stagnant or immature. Two people cannot walk together except they agree. I mean being able to emotionally keep in step. That immature spouse will drag you to the ground because he/she is scared that you'll leave. If you don't learn how to deal with the emotional mess that's been created, you'll end up like I was for many years; bitter, exhausted, and playing mother to someone else's adult child. It'll wear you out and eat you from the inside out to deal with an immature spouse. And I ought to know, because he's 15yrs my senior, and even after a five year separation, is still the most irresponsible and immature person I've ever met.
I don't say to leave your spouse. I say start assessing your life and start dealing with the issues that are tearing your relationship apart. Work on healing yourselves because you can't control the actions of your spouses. And I wish you both the absolute best in your journey.
In a word...
Whoa!
I commend you both for your patience. I've always said that love is not an emotion, it is a decision. And, just in case you wondered, it's okay to get tired of the crap. After so many years of marriage, growth and maturity must take place. If not, one is growing, and one is stagnant or immature. Two people cannot walk together except they agree. I mean being able to emotionally keep in step. That immature spouse will drag you to the ground because he/she is scared that you'll leave. If you don't learn how to deal with the emotional mess that's been created, you'll end up like I was for many years; bitter, exhausted, and playing mother to someone else's adult child. It'll wear you out and eat you from the inside out to deal with an immature spouse. And I ought to know, because he's 15yrs my senior, and even after a five year separation, is still the most irresponsible and immature person I've ever met.
I don't say to leave your spouse. I say start assessing your life and start dealing with the issues that are tearing your relationship apart. Work on healing yourselves because you can't control the actions of your spouses. And I wish you both the absolute best in your journey.
Thank you sweet Kis~
Nothing you said offended me, you know (I think) how special I think you are and how much I respect your opinion. I am always amazed by the number of people here who have walked in these shoes and if they're sitting in judgement, they hide it well.
There are a few who judge me, but they are, by huge majority those who have NEVER been in our place. I've occasionally received criticism from people who've NEVER been married who so lamely feel qualified to say, "Just walk away, it's not working, blah, blah, blah..." The fact of the matter is, this is someone who's part of me now, we're good friends and I do care about him. We've been thru a lot. I wish I could say it'd be easy to leave but it's not. I made my bed and for now, will have to lie in it. I accept total responsibility for what it is...
XOXO
Nothing you said offended me, you know (I think) how special I think you are and how much I respect your opinion. I am always amazed by the number of people here who have walked in these shoes and if they're sitting in judgement, they hide it well
. There are a few who judge me, but they are, by huge majority those who have NEVER been in our place. I've occasionally received criticism from people who've NEVER been married who so lamely feel qualified to say, "Just walk away, it's not working, blah, blah, blah..." The fact of the matter is, this is someone who's part of me now, we're good friends and I do care about him. We've been thru a lot. I wish I could say it'd be easy to leave but it's not. I made my bed and for now, will have to lie in it. I accept total responsibility for what it is...
XOXO
