Question: Has anyone ever been hit with depression after a breakup?

[BigBrownEyes]

I'd like to pose a question for forum members. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome and appreciated. On it's face, this may seem like an obvious question, but I'll explain.

Has anyone here ever had a breakup that left them with a lingering feeling of depression? I'm not talking about a situation in which you were dumped, or one of the parties cheated, or a big knock-down-drag out ensued.

The situation I'm talking about is one that just didn't work out. One person was in love, the other wasn't. One person needed space, the other didn't want to give it. One person/or both had certain needs that the other didn't understand and couldn't meet. The result being two people, who cared a lot about each other, had to end the relationship. The fall-out being that a void is left because you lost a close friend.

Can anyone relate to this situation?

 

[lk70]

Good God yes. Not willing to discuss here. Catch you in email.

 

[crydun]

I'd like to pose a question for forum members. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome and appreciated. On it's face, this may seem like an obvious question, but I'll explain.

Has anyone here ever had a breakup that left them with a lingering feeling of depression? I'm not talking about a situation in which you were dumped, or one of the parties cheated, or a big knock-down-drag out ensued.

The situation I'm talking about is one that just didn't work out. One person was in love, the other wasn't. One person needed space, the other didn't want to give it. One person/or both had certain needs that the other didn't understand and couldn't meet. The result being two people, who cared a lot about each other, had to end the relationship. The fall-out being that a void is left because you lost a close friend.

Can anyone relate to this situation?

yes I can, BBE. I've had my heart broken a lot in my life. The sad thing is, in the relationships that ended such as you discussed, I still care deeply for that person, even though I know we're not compatible. It does hurt. It hurts a lot. Probably 1/3 of the poetry I've written deals with feelings of this nature.

BBE, you know I'm your friend and I know you know I care about you. Anytime you need a friend or someone to talk to, I'm here. Just wanted you to know that. You are a very nice and sweet person. I think you're tops. I can't wait to get those pits!!!

All the best,

your friend,

Crydun

 

[aun_existe_amor]

I'd like to pose a question for forum members. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome and appreciated. On it's face, this may seem like an obvious question, but I'll explain.

Has anyone here ever had a breakup that left them with a lingering feeling of depression? I'm not talking about a situation in which you were dumped, or one of the parties cheated, or a big knock-down-drag out ensued.

The situation I'm talking about is one that just didn't work out. One person was in love, the other wasn't. One person needed space, the other didn't want to give it. One person/or both had certain needs that the other didn't understand and couldn't meet. The result being two people, who cared a lot about each other, had to end the relationship. The fall-out being that a void is left because you lost a close friend.

Can anyone relate to this situation?

Yep, I'm going through exactly that right now. I know we both care about each other but we can't be together. I make him unhappy. I'll always love him. I'm glad he realised he wasn't happy with me before we got married. It seems that I'm single now. I took an overdose last monday because I was so depressed and thought that everyone would be better off without me. I obviously didn't do it right because I'm still here even though I never got any medical help or told anyone. The good thing is that last monday was the lowest i've ever been and now the only way is up. He was taken into hospital a couple of weeks ago and I was so scared for him that I smothered him. I was blaming his medication for the way he was treating me but the truth is that it was me causing him to treat me that way. He is a good man. I don't know if we'll ever be able to be friends because it hurts me too much. This is the most weird break up I've ever had. It will take time to get over it. A lot of time. We always feel like we'll never get over something like this but we always do. I hope you can find some comfort in the knowledge that you're not the only one going through it, I know I do. If I can help you in any way, I will. I know how it feels from both sides. Try to be strong. Everything happens for a reason but we don't always know what that reason is until a long time after when we look back and realise that if this didn't happen then something else couldn't have happened. I'll be thinking about you and hoping that you are ok.

 

[BigBrownEyes]

Thank you all for your responses and your kind words! It's appreciated more than I can express at this moment.

I was guessing that I wasn't the only one. I was with someone for quite for a long time, who became my best friend, but no longer my lover. Although, she was never anything but nice to me, I wasn't happy in the relationship and probably stayed in it too long. To have to sit down and tell someone you don't want to see them anymore, when they really didn't do anything wrong, is gut-wrenching. The next day, she said she still wanted to be friends, and she kept her promise. But it's hard looking at her knowing that I really hurt her. She didn't deserve that, but it seems like life has nothing to do with what we deserve sometimes. Then again, we're not done yet...

Amor, your situation sounds more severe. I'm glad you're still here with us!
I agree that everything happens for a reason. But it's hard when you don't see the reason for a long time. The depression kind of comes and goes. I'm not even sure what triggers it. But when it grabs you, it grabs you!

I see now that nasty break-ups are much easier to deal with. I think I'd rather have someone call me a dirty rotten so and so, then try to smash a vase off my head. At that point, you're just so happy to get away that all you can feel is joy!

Thank you again for your responses

 

[isabeau]

aun hon..... shoot me a pm, please? i had no idea the two of you broke up... and BigBrownEyes.. same applies to you, my pm box is open.. i've been thru depression.. i know all too well what it does to a person.

isabeau

ps aun... never try anything like that again. please? pm me first, whenever you feel that way.

 

[tickledorange]

All I'm going to say is yes, and there's nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.

 

[Strider]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

 

[phfttklr]

Been there and yes it sucks. Depending on how long you were together, I would say you'll probably need about a year to get it mostly out of your system. Everybody has their own time allowence but this is just an estimate.
Biggest thing is let it get through you for a while because fighting it will only make it last. Listening to a song and making it fit your dilemma ( even though it doesn't ) seems to be only natural and kind of acts as a release. I agree with you about fighting would make it easier but if you love the person, it wouldn't matter. I fought with my last g/f at the end and it didn't make it any better, in fact almost made me feel more guilty, because I think that I'm a better person than that and I now fully realize how much her parents screwed her up.
You have a lot of people on this board to talk to, so feel free to get in touch any time.

 

[kered]

Yes I have, a long time ago. You'll get better.

 

[unclebill]

Get a puppy. Your problems will be solved.

 

[BigBrownEyes]

Everyone's responses have really helped! I guess I shouldn't be surprised that many others have been in a similiar situation and have experienced the same feelings.

Unclebill, I recenly adopted a cat and, although it's a nice cat, it ain't helping...

Thanks to all who responded. It's wonderful to know that I'm not alone.

 

[LadyCat]

My 2 cents...

The only way that you "wouldn't" be depressed... is if YOU were the one doing the break up... and well... since that's never been me.... I should own stock in Prozac!