Relationships For Dummies... Aka Men!

[Sunriseticklee]

For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

Simple Duties:

You make the bed: +1 point
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pllows: 0 points
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1 point

You leave the toilet seat up: -5 points
You leave the toilet lid down -10 points
You leave the toilet lid down late at night after the lights are out: -30 points

You replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty: 0 points
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex: -1 point
When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom: -2 points

You go out to buy her heavy duty maxipads with wings: +5 points
But instead, you return with beer: -10 points

You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 points
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 points
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 points
You pummel it with a six iron: +10 points
It's her father: -20 points

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party: 0 points
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2 points
Named Tiffany: -5 points
Tiffany is a dancer: -10 points
Tiffany has implants: -15 points

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0 points
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5 points
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +10 points
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -20 points

The Big Question:

She asks, "Do I look fat?": Automatic -5 points
You hesitate in responding: -10 points
You reply, "Where?": -35 points

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable potbelly: -15 points
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it: +10 points
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -30 points
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too": -800 POINTS

GRRRR... Don't EVER do that. LOL

Ok.. that's the last joke of the day. Hope you all enjoyed!
Live, Laugh and TICKLE
Sunriseticklee

 

[Strelnikov]

Making the bed...

Pillows

Until I obtained good taste, I thought the proper number of pillows for a bed was one per head. It's embarrassing to think how wrong I was. Thanks to the help of a professional decorator, my bed now has fifteen pillows. Six of them are big honkers that look very impressive until they are thrown on the floor at night. Four of them are decorative pillows featuring the cheerful faces of various dogs; those go on the floor at night too. One pillow is a log-shaped thing called a bolster; it has no purpose that I can discern. Two are "Bucky(tm)" pillows that support one's neck should that become necessary on an emergency basis. When not in use, they go on the floor with the bolster.

And then there are two pillows that can be used for - of all things - your head. Those stay on the bed.

The bedspread somehow transmogrified into something Frenchy-sounding, called a duvey or doovay or something like that. It is so heavy that I put a lump of coal under it and I check its progress every few days. You can't actually sleep under it, especially on warm California nights, but it sure is pretty. That goes on the floor too.

Thirteen pillows plus the doovay are strewn around the bedroom floor all day. I fantasize about someday making the bed just to see what it would look like. Or maybe I'll just spend that same energy building a full-scale replica of Stonehenge.

I am delighted with my cornucopia of bedding because I know that should those beautiful items somehow find their way from the floor to the bed, the sight would make even the most jaded observer step back and say, "Wow. It must be a pain in the ass to have that many pillows."

Ripped off from Scott Adams by

Strelnikov

 

[Double T]

Those are the rules! Oh my God! *Doing quick total on calculator* It doesn;t go that low! (Talk about demanding! Sheesh!)

Just kidding, sweetheart. You know I love you. Wouldn't use my 100th post on anyone else!

*Sigh* Only 900 to go!

 

[milagros317]

Very funny, Sunrise! One question:

How many negative points does a husband have to accumulate to find himself sleeping on the living room couch?

 

[giggleygirl25]

hmmmm i think that -800 should be enough to make the hubby sleep on the couch...but i dunno not being married

 

[maverick83]

A related question, if I may...

Why do women (most that I've known, anyway) complain about "typical" men, but only seem to go for said "typical" men? This has perplexed me for some time.

At any rate, good post, Sunrise.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Re: A related question, if I may...

Why do women (most that I've known, anyway) complain about "typical" men, but only seem to go for said "typical" men? This has perplexed me for some time.

At any rate, good post, Sunrise.

Thanks Sweetie... and by the way... I never go for that typical man. The last guy I fell for, I think the only guy I have ever truly loved, was WOW, completely awesome. Typical, ordinary... those adjectives don't even come close. My biggest problem was, he was my best friend and for 4 years I was too afraid to tell him how I felt.

Maybe lightening will strike twice. Who knows?

Live, Love and TICKLE
Sunriseticklee


Guys with -600 points sleep on the couch.... -800 sleep in the car... -1000 sleep at their mother's house and will NEVER get sex again. Heehee... Actually, I have NO idea. I am sooooo single. Heehee

Congradulations DOUBLE!