Should I ask her to marry me?

[moose]

Well let me start from the begging. My Girlfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half and she moved in about 4 month ago. I love her to death and I don't know if its to early to ask. I don't want to make her feel unconfortable. So what do ya guys think?

 

[commander]

If you have to ask total strangers about it, you're not ready. You must be willing to propose when all your friends and family say no, and you will defy them because she is the one.

 

[drew70]

Here's how I see it. If you "pop the question," and she's not sure, the default answer is "no." I would first begin to feel her out with regards to marriage. Maybe something like, "Hey, did you hear that Jim and Evelyn are getting married? What do you think about that?" You know, fish for information on how she feels about marriage in general. If it's favorable, then at some other point in time, let her know that you've been thinking about it, and ask her if she ever thinks about it.

I know it's cliche as hell, but communication really is your best friend in any relationship. The important thing in my opinion is not to ask her in such a way as to present an ultimatum, but gradually ease in the idea and see if it takes hold.

Good luck, man!

 

[the wiz]

As a strong advocate against marriage until you 50+, you have to ask yourself some key questions.

• Personality conflicts - Is this how she’s going to be 1, 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now? Not physical, but personality wise. Everyone personality changes about every 5 years in one way or another. Do you really know what in her heart do she knows what in your? are you love blind and can’t truly see what’s in front of you. Will your personality be something that she will be able to deal with in that same span of time
• Control of the home - there always a issue with control, I know everyone will say that when your marry you both have 50 – 50 control over everything. This is not true, she is going to control things or you will, there will be some give and take on little issues, but a 50 – 50 control over the direction of the household is like having 2 presidents of the united states it don’t work.
• Insecurity issues - are either of you insecure about yourself or your mate? Do you need to have her next to you every waking moment, do you need to phone her everything you get out of the seat to use the bathroom? This is one of the biggest problems with marriage, so when your dating you love to be with each other every second of the day. But that usually ends when marriage is added. Do either of you have problems letting the other go our without you or your choice of friends. You need to know before getting marry.
• Personal alone time - do you or her enjoy your alone time at home, time you like to spend by yourself? Everyone has or needs this time. Just to keep your self sane. Will you or her have a problem with not being under the other? Will she leave you alone when you watch your shows that she don’t like, and vise a versa?

These are just a few of the issues you need to understand before diving into marriage. Marriage can be a wonderful thing, or hell on earth it’s not something you should just dive into just because you’re having a few months of happiest.

I say talk to her candidly get this issues on the table, notice I didn’t say out of the way because they will never be gone. But at least you both have an ideal what you might be facing down the line.

Love only goes so far, compatibility will take you the rest of the way.

 

[Deadsea7777]

Well let me start from the begging. My Girlfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half and she moved in about 4 month ago. I love her to death and I don't know if its to early to ask. I don't want to make her feel unconfortable. So what do ya guys think?

Ask her first about having a child, if she say yes when there you go you are in for marriage.......In my experience it does help to carry a diamond the size of a coconut. Like penguins men has to give some rocks to the female to convince her to pair forever.....

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Here's how I see it. If you "pop the question," and she's not sure, the default answer is "no." I would first begin to feel her out with regards to marriage. Maybe something like, "Hey, did you hear that Jim and Evelyn are getting married? What do you think about that?" You know, fish for information on how she feels about marriage in general. If it's favorable, then at some other point in time, let her know that you've been thinking about it, and ask her if she ever thinks about it.

I know it's cliche as hell, but communication really is your best friend in any relationship. The important thing in my opinion is not to ask her in such a way as to present an ultimatum, but gradually ease in the idea and see if it takes hold.

Good luck, man!

I agree with Drew. Good advice sweetie.

 

[maniactickler]

Well let me start from the begging. My Girlfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half and she moved in about 4 month ago. I love her to death and I don't know if its to early to ask. I don't want to make her feel unconfortable. So what do ya guys think?

How old are you? i wouldnt recommend marriage until your in your 30s at the minimum.

 

[Scinsor]

Its your decision man, none of us can help you with it. You should probably ask people close to you (friends, family) before you go and ask anonymous people over the web (a tickling forum probably isn't the best place to ask).

 

[Ethical Edward]

Jerry "The King" Lawler said last week, "you don't know true happiness till you're married...and by then it's too late!"

 

[asutickler]

Sit down and think long and hard about all of the downsides of marriage: Shared credit, finances, and assets. The lack of freedom and the lack of absolute control over your own life. The inevitable fights, heartache, and angry moments that occur when two people are together constantly. The potential for losing your ass in a messy divorce. The idea that, if your marriage lasts, you won't have sex with another woman, EVER. I'm sure that there's more... That's just a quick sampling.


If you still want to do it after considering the potential downsides, then spend some more time and think about your motivation for doing so. Are you doing it just to fit in? Are you doing it because someone is pressuring you for some reason? Are you doing it because society seems to say that unmarried people can't possibly be happy? Basically, you shouldn't be marrying someone out of anything but a deep, burning desire to commit your life fully to this one person and be with them forever, come Hell or high water, to the bitter end and beyond.


Seriously, spend a few days or even weeks contemplating this: It isn't a decision to be made lightly. If you still want to do it after considering everything, then by all means do it. True, unadulturated love is a rare, precious thing... Just make absolutely sure that you have it before you commit to it.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

I am confused. One of the top five most important decisions you can make in your life and you are asking us??? That makes no sense. That is almost as crazy as someone coming out here asking us if they should fire an employee ( which, in fact, was asked of us several months ago ). If you need us to answer that question for you then maybe she doesn't deserve you. If you can't make such a decision on your own then what will happen when someone ( like a child ) needs you to make a quick decision and their life depends on it??? Are you going to come out here and ask us that too??? I am not trying to be rude here, but you need to make decisions for yourself. We can't tell you how you feel about the lady. We don't sleep with or live with her. You do. So how can we even answer this question for you??? If you really need our help in answer this question, then maybe I can come to Philadelphia and pop the question to her for you.

 

[Ethical Edward]

The last 2 posts were hard hitting but right on. If you need to ask a fetish board whether or not you should spend the rest of your life with someone then by default the answer is no. It's like asking us whether you should have a child or not.

 

[The Sean Man]

The last 2 posts were hard hitting but right on. If you need to ask a fetish board whether or not you should spend the rest of your life with someone then by default the answer is no. It's like asking us whether you should have a child or not.

Indeed. If you're basing your decision on what complete strangers tell you, I'd guess you're a WAYS from being ready for marriage.

Personally, marriage is not for me. I've seen far too many friends and family members get divorced. If you've got a great relationship, enjoy it. Don't get sucked into the pressure to "tie the knot", "make an honest woman out of her", or "settle down".

 

[the wiz]

People ask strangers important questions every day, you go to a marriage counselor if you having problems with your marriage, she don’t know you from a can of paint yet set get paid for it. You go to a doctor for a 2nd opinion when you get bad news about your health, I believe they don’t’ know you either. You go to a lawyer for legal matters………

Maybe he’s looking for advise and that’s it. He maybe confuse, his friends say no, his mother say yes, it good to have a 3rd party someone that have not stake in the matter. If we all just think about our actions for a moment we would not get trouble as much as we do.

I am confused. One of the top five most important decisions you can make in your life and you are asking us??? That makes no sense. That is almost as crazy as someone coming out here asking us if they should fire an employee ( which, in fact, was asked of us several months ago ). If you need us to answer that question for you then maybe she doesn't deserve you. If you can't make such a decision on your own then what will happen when someone ( like a child ) needs you to make a quick decision and their life depends on it??? Are you going to come out here and ask us that too??? I am not trying to be rude here, but you need to make decisions for yourself. We can't tell you how you feel about the lady. We don't sleep with or live with her. You do. So how can we even answer this question for you??? If you really need our help in answer this question, then maybe I can come to Philadelphia and pop the question to her for you.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

People ask strangers important questions every day, you go to a marriage counselor if you having problems with your marriage, she don’t know you from a can of paint yet set get paid for it. You go to a doctor for a 2nd opinion when you get bad news about your health, I believe they don’t’ know you either. You go to a lawyer for legal matters………

Maybe he’s looking for advise and that’s it. He maybe confuse, his friends say no, his mother say yes, it good to have a 3rd party someone that have not stake in the matter. If we all just think about our actions for a moment we would not get trouble as much as we do.

So here go one guys ( wiz you met Sadira ) should I marry her??? Now if I get an answer, what are you basing it on??? You don't know if we argue. You don't know if our sex life is good. You don't know if we get along with each other's family. In fact, you don't know if we get along with each other. We could have all kinds of issues you know NOTHING about. Yet I can still love her. Yet do you know how she feels??? When you get one side to the story, you usually get in trouble. You may go to other people for advice ( I would NEVER go to a marriage counselor ) but that does not mean this opinions or advice you get is right. Go with your gut. If your gut says yes, then do it. That is the only way to make a decision. If your head and your heart say yes, then ask your gut. It will likely give you your answer.

 

[the wiz]

So here go one guys ( wiz you met Sadira ) should I marry her??? Now if I get an answer, what are you basing it on??? You don't know if we argue. You don't know if our sex life is good. You don't know if we get along with each other's family. In fact, you don't know if we get along with each other. We could have all kinds of issues you know NOTHING about. Yet I can still love her. Yet do you know how she feels??? When you get one side to the story, you usually get in trouble. You may go to other people for advice ( I would NEVER go to a marriage counselor ) but that does not mean this opinions or advice you get is right. Go with your gut. If your gut says yes, then do it. That is the only way to make a decision. If your head and your heart say yes, then ask your gut. It will likely give you your answer.

You asking me if you should marry her, I would say the same thing I posted earlier. It depends on certain criteria, but it ultimately it’s up to you. People have gut feeling that leads them in the wrong directions, that why you have friends to ask if you going too far. If you don’t have any you can trust, than I don’t see anything wrong with ask others general questions also long as the advise is also in general

As for a counselor I don’t believe in them either, but that also my point of view. Some people do they use them like pastors or priest it’s all speculation and opinions that all.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

You asking me if you should marry her, I would say the same thing I posted earlier. It depends on certain criteria, but it ultimately it’s up to you. People have gut feeling that leads them in the wrong directions, that why you have friends to ask if you going too far. If you don’t have any you can trust, than I don’t see anything wrong with ask others general questions also long as the advise is also in general

As for a counselor I don’t believe in them either, but that also my point of view. Some people do they use them like pastors or priest it’s all speculation and opinions that all.

If you think your gut is wrong then you don't, in fact, trust yourself. And if you don't trust and believe in yourself then how can you expect someone else to trust and believe in you??? People have been asking people to marry other people long before the internet. Why complicate things now??? I asked my first wife to marry me. I believed in myself and her to ask her the question. If you are asking people who are strangers if you should marry someone without frames of reference then how do we make the right decisions for them??? I mean, everyone likes a happy ending. So, of course, people out here are going to say "go for it". "We are happy for you." But we have nothing to go on except that they are living together for four months and he is madly in love with her. Does she love him??? Is the sex good from both parties??? What is their financial situation??? How old are they??? Do they want children??? There is more to life than " should I marry her? ". I am trying to open his eyes to the fact that we CAN'T properly answer his question without knowing them. That is a fair assestment that people will not bring up. I am not trying to pour cold water on the question. I am trying to inform him that we can't help him because we know nothing about him or her.

I would not be friend out here if I wasn't being true to myself. I don't want to damper his happiness. If I came out here and said, " yeah go and marry her. Congratulations and all the best." Then I wouldn't be much of a friend. This is something they should be talking with each other about. I talk to Sadira about marriage all the time. When we are ready, we will marry. But until then we are set for the moment. And here is something else to think about: A marriage license does not mean you love somebody more. It just means they are entitled to half or more on the exchange if you get divorced. That is also something else you MUST throw into the equation. Marriage is a responsibility. Not just something to do.

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

Well let me start from the begging. My Girlfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half and she moved in about 4 month ago. I love her to death and I don't know if its to early to ask. I don't want to make her feel unconfortable. So what do ya guys think?

Now here is the question guys. We have no idea if the question is going to make her feel uncomfortable.

In response, I would never ask a question like this here. But at the same time the advice from those who are or aren't married and their reasons for it might help him in the end make the decision for himself.

As long as moose isn't basing his decision on the opinion of those on a fetish website but more of less looking for outside advice that might stimulate him to think more cleary about his situation I see no harm in it.

My advice for moose? Listen to your heart. If your heart says "yes" then sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith. But only you know that. Look closely... then take a few steps back and look from a distance. Hopefully you'll see your way.

I agree with you kitten. But he has not stated if he will use the advice or what. In fact, we have nothing to work with here. He is basically saying he doesn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. What are we going to say to make her feel comfortable when we don't know her or even him for that matter. I just think this is something that him and his other half should be talking about. That is only my opinion. But I actually liked your advice at the end Kitten. It is sound advice.