Stroking delicate egos

[Adam]

Yet another venting post for the TMF. The following is based on a true story. Isn't it a true joy how some people take offense to every little thing? I love having to sugar-coat every single word that comes out of my mouth just so I don't offend someone's delicate sensibilities. It's not like I'm trying to be rude, but when I speak the truth, why do I have to be the bad guy? Surely there are others here who have experienced the same frustrating problem? Let this post be your sounding board. Peace, y'all.

 

[CrystalLight]

Be the bad guy. It's better then being a liar. You'll just have to be ready to recieve as well as deliver if things get hostile.

 

[Adam]

I know. I'd rather speak the truth than be a liar. Just that some folks, no matter how right you are, don't wanna hear it. It can be the most obvious crap, too.

 

[LeeAllure]

Yes, you're absolutely right, some people are too sensitive, and some
are too insensitive. Just be yourself.

Lee

 

[Sir Shish Kabob]

Yes, it is quite a joy that some people need their egos stroked at every change they can get. This can be for a number of reasons, whether they have a sense that they are more important than other people simply because they are themselves, or the opposite, that they are shit in some aspect of their lives, and thus want constant praise in another to compensate. It's quite sad, and I see it too often, especially when someone is constantly praised for various reasons.

And sadly, many of these people are often the kind that don't sugar coat things, thinking they're so far up that they can say what they want to anyone. And while some people are simply naturally outspoken, the formerly mentioned will quickly have a change of tune the moment that anyone speaks out against them.

So if you're going to be honest about your thoughts and opinions, do so while being willing to hear what others have to say about you, or else you're an egotistical ass too.

And actually take it to thought damnit! Don't just write it off instantly as something easy like 'jealousy' or 'bitterness'. Too many people do that and it's really annoying.

 

[Helena]

Ah, Adam. Speaking the truth rather than lying, only to deliver the answer someone does not want to hear. This is not easy.
I don't always get the answers I want to hear from others, but I would rather know the truth, however upsetting it may be, than to be lied to.

 

[Sandrock74]

Yet another venting post for the TMF. The following is based on a true story. Isn't it a true joy how some people take offense to every little thing? I love having to sugar-coat every single word that comes out of my mouth just so I don't offend someone's delicate sensibilities. It's not like I'm trying to be rude, but when I speak the truth, why do I have to be the bad guy? Surely there are others here who have experienced the same frustrating problem? Let this post be your sounding board. Peace, y'all.

I'm offended by your post. Take it back!

HAHAHAHAHA! Just kidding.

 

[Dave2112]

Yes, it is quite a joy that some people need their egos stroked at every change they can get. This can be for a number of reasons, whether they have a sense that they are more important than other people simply because they are themselves, or the opposite, that they are shit in some aspect of their lives, and thus want constant praise in another to compensate. It's quite sad, and I see it too often, especially when someone is constantly praised for various reasons.

And sadly, many of these people are often the kind that don't sugar coat things, thinking they're so far up that they can say what they want to anyone. And while some people are simply naturally outspoken, the formerly mentioned will quickly have a change of tune the moment that anyone speaks out against them.

So if you're going to be honest about your thoughts and opinions, do so while being willing to hear what others have to say about you, or else you're an egotistical ass too.

And actually take it to thought damnit! Don't just write it off instantly as something easy like 'jealousy' or 'bitterness'. Too many people do that and it's really annoying.

It's an unfortunately common double-standard. Well said.

 

[Leo tickles]

Being the bad guy is half the fun, being censored is the other.

 

[Artoo]

I feel we should all speak our minds. We can still be civil about it, and don't need to resort to either being bolshy or sugar coating what we're saying.

But if anyone gets offended by anything I have to say, that's fine. They have every right to.

 

[huskys]

I'm a truth person.
People may think I'm a little weird sometimes because of it.
You see I much prefer to be friends with everyone, but if I disagree with someone I'll let them know. But I can do that and still respect them.
That is the case with a few members on this forum. I really admire their courage when they speak out and enjoy their posts, but they may think that I dislike them because I've disagreed with them once or twice.

Confused yet??? .......................... I am!!!!!

 

[Bohemianne]

Of ego and humble acceptance of comments

It’s more than a spark of impulse to give someone a public praise, as much as there are people who have pride higher than their height to surrender to giving one. As one of the beneficiaries of sweet words, I have to admit that some of those inspire me to go on and some even leave me with butterflies in the stomach.

Being in this “hobbiz” (producing arts), people act their appreciation by buying, but outputs can make or break. Others are highly praised while others are not. It is how you fare and it’s not about whom you thwart or crash. Competitions make people better.

Given the overview above, in my humble opinion, my concern is wider than geared to a single person. Call it Machiavellian if you like. Believe me, it takes a bit of courage to stand and draw here alone, while the BIG world could throw the worst tomatoes on you once you commit a mistake, which can send you straight home without turning back. The main essence of being here is to connect, take part, lurk, express, and let your contributions take flight naturally.

As how you perceive the way people react to your sincere words… It may be “keyboard barrier.” Sometimes silence means something else and you’ll never know. This world only exists when the computers are hooked together, outside is neverland. I’d rather say, never lose your own sensibility.

 

[Flatfoot]

There's sometimes a heavily blurred line between blunt honesty, and unnecessary rudeness. VERY difficult to distinguish at times! Other times, people can misinterpret constructive criticism and take it as an insult. I've been known to not have patience for the latter, and since I don't always verbalize my thoughts well, I'll tend to stay silent on a lot of issues. I have a tendency towards cold logic.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

I have a tendency towards cold logic.

Yup. Same here. Depending on the person I'll say something and see what their reaction is. If it's pitiful defensiveness to prove their point rather than a discussion to try and understand where we're both coming from, I'll just stay quiet or switch topics.

Those people, from my experience, usually can't understand that not every discussion is an argument or an attack on them and trying to talk with them is like telling my cat not to jump up on the stove.

Useless.

I'd rather use my energy towards something else that can garner results.

 

[Adam]

There's sometimes a heavily blurred line between blunt honesty, and unnecessary rudeness. VERY difficult to distinguish at times! Other times, people can misinterpret constructive criticism and take it as an insult. I've been known to not have patience for the latter, and since I don't always verbalize my thoughts well, I'll tend to stay silent on a lot of issues. I have a tendency towards cold logic.

Yeah, I'll agree with you here. Some people may think they're trying to help but may seem cold or rude in the way they deliver it. I really don't think I was, but I suppose you'd have to get the opinion of the person in question. Fortunately it all seems to have worked out now. Thanks to everyone for the input.

 

[Leo tickles]

}---Quoted post deleted by user---{

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Go Adam! I think more people should tell the truth. Way to go dude, don't feel bad at all.

 

[ikaiyoo]

Yet another venting post for the TMF. The following is based on a true story. Isn't it a true joy how some people take offense to every little thing? I love having to sugar-coat every single word that comes out of my mouth just so I don't offend someone's delicate sensibilities. It's not like I'm trying to be rude, but when I speak the truth, why do I have to be the bad guy? Surely there are others here who have experienced the same frustrating problem? Let this post be your sounding board. Peace, y'all.

You are not the bad guy. If someone cannot handle being told the truth then the Internet isn't the place for them. I do understand your pain of sugar coating things.But you know what Screw them. life is two short to walk on egg shells. If you piss some people off over something you said and they don't want to talk to you again did you really want to talk to them in the first place?

People who get angry and upset over words on the Internet have bigger problems then what is written about them in a forum that matters about as much in the greater scheme of your life as your decision to wash your body in the shower first or your hair tomorrow morning.

So to hell with them. Tell the truth (well what you see as the truth anyways) and realize that your saving yourself a lot of grief and banging of the head against the keyboard trying to say they truth "in a positive constructive politically correct blah blah blah" way. eww just threw up in my mouth a little there.

 

[hotdog]

No sense wasting time walking on egg shells for anyone. People are entitled to their feelings on anything you may say or do, but there are some people who let their feelings control their lives. They become reactive people, getting emotional, defensive, or argumentative on a daily basis over things that are of no real importance. The only real losers in this are the people who give up control over how they feel to the thoughts and actions of others. Sucks for them. As long as you aren't overly insensitive in your honesty, I'd stick with it. Just don't let it turn into an episode of, When "Keeping It Real" Goes Wrong. We all saw what happened when Brenda Johnson decided she didn't like people playing on her phone

 

[MeleeDuck_9]

I totally agree.I'm too honest actually.It was so hard to write my letter as to why I deserve a scholarship

 

[Capnmad]

Those around whom you must walk on eggshells, or who perceive everything as some sort of insult have deep-seated self-esteem issues and probably assorted others related to that.

Run.

Unless you're a professional interacting with them in a controlled setting, it is far easier for their paranoia to bury you under unsubstantiated accusations, erroneous assumed motives, guilt, or damage to your reputation than it is for you to help them, or to even be consistently nice and civil with them.

Cost/benefit ratio doesn't bare out.

Run.

 

[Dave2112]

Couldn't agree more.

 

[Sir Shish Kabob]

Those around whom you must walk on eggshells, or who perceive everything as some sort of insult have deep-seated self-esteem issues and probably assorted others related to that.

Run.

Unless you're a professional interacting with them in a controlled setting, it is far easier for their paranoia to bury you under unsubstantiated accusations, erroneous assumed motives, guilt, or damage to your reputation than it is for you to help them, or to even be consistently nice and civil with them.

Cost/benefit ratio doesn't bare out.

Run.

Those people are to be pitied if they are completely unwilling to even try and understand where such things are coming from. But of course you have a good point, and depending on the individual, you can be sure that it'll come down to do or die. However, always running might not help you either. One needs to know when is best to avoid something, but also when it's time to confront something, to stand up for yourself. It really depends on how important it is to you.

 

[Capnmad]

Those people are to be pitied if they are completely unwilling to even try and understand where such things are coming from. But of course you have a good point, and depending on the individual, you can be sure that it'll come down to do or die. However, always running might not help you either. One needs to know when is best to avoid something, but also when it's time to confront something, to stand up for yourself. It really depends on how important it is to you.

I respect what you're trying to say, however, if the issue is with them taking offense at every little thing, that's their problem, and however much you may value the friendship isn't going to change the esteem problems and trust issues they have to deal with and either overcome or succumb to. So I will respectfully differ with you and say it depends on how important it (the friendship) is to them, and their willingness to continue to try reaching out. If they lack that willingness, persistence, and at least an effort to assume good will and good intentions from the other party, the friendship is doomed.

 

[steph]

Well, this prob won't be what some want to hear but I'm gonna put it out as per my usual me: a big believer in the old, "best predictor of the future is the past" theory. Some dumbass noob with no credibility, all of a whopping six months onboard and 200 posts will NEVER get thru to the TMF masses like someone who's been posting here for years. You have to be careful, and flexible on this slippery slope, methinks. Sometimes I'm fighting for months to get (for example) one of my amputee patients funding and for whatever reason it's not working and I might take it out on someone in a post, but when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. It's all subjective, y'see?
XOXO