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Things you can't say with a Hallmark card... (funny)

ticklkitten

2nd Level Violet Feather
Joined
Sep 3, 2004
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I think 14 and 15 are my personal favs...

1. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the ..@..@.. was I thinking?"

2. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

3. "How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"

4. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

5. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you."

6. "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

8. "As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"

10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

11. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

12. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Life like!"

13. "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

14. "We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

15. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

16. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

17. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

18. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday-so we're having you put to sleep."

19. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky)
 
On the day that you were born, the angels got together...and tried to figure what went wrong.
I just want to wish you a happy birthday...the other 364 days are your problem.
 
"Congratulations on becoming life partners! Too bad no one likes the one you chose."


"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are bigger than mine."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."


"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
 
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

Sorry! Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

I've always wanted to have
Someone to hold,
Someone to love.
After having met you,
I've changed my mind.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay
 
Good job Kitten. Now, why weren't you sleeping? LOL. :p This was funny Kitten. Have you gotten these thoughts by observing Sadira's and my relationship? :shock: Didn't you say number 12 to me about a month ago? I know that is what other people were thinking.
 
ticklkitten said:
7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."
19. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky)
LMAO! Hillarious! Thanks a bunch for sharing this. :jester:
 
venray said:
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay!

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
I missed these first time around. LOL LOL LOL! You poor, sick bastage... you damn near made me snort pepsi through my nose!
 
ticklkitten said:
5. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you."

This one's my favorite. :devil:
 
sole seeker said:
I missed these first time around. LOL LOL LOL! You poor, sick bastage... you damn near made me snort pepsi through my nose!


No No....It is Coke you're supposed to snort through your nose...no Pepsi... :veryhappy
 
I disagree. It's always milk. Though I managed to squirt apple juice out my nose.
 
ticklkitten said:
19. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky)

This just reminds me that even though I was raised in KY, I insist on reminding people that I wasn't born there. So it is not true for me... it can't be.
 
"I keep counting down the days when we see each other again. So I can beat the hell out of you"

"You're a winner to me, but only if you're in the Special Olympics"

"You're always in my dreams. Ever have one of those dreams where you can't run?"

"After all you've been through in your life, let me be the first to say I hope you go through much more"

"All of us at the office signed this because we all wanted to say: You seriously need to take a bath"

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All of these are mine. You can use them if you want. I mean, I would sue you if I could, but I can't.
 
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