Tickle pergatory?

[daticklr1]

I have a question for the married guys and gals who have spouses that are not into tickling. Are we doomed to live in tickle pergatory? I have decided after reading the "is tickling cheating?" thread that in my marrige, and many others, tickle play with another person would indeed be considered cheating. Tickling has no appeal to my wife and I doubt it ever will which makes me ask this question. I have definately live vicariously through many stories and discussions on this board but it is frustration to sit at a distance and observe knowing I am missing out on something that I am so drawn to. I feel as though there is a tickling void in my life. Anyone else feel this way or hava any pearls of wisdom?

 

[fecil]

Some random thoughts:

--Don't push the "tickling" part per se, but more like something you want to do, and try to find out something she wants to do.

--Figure out what her objection(s) are--is it that she's ticklish, that she thinks it's weird, that she had had bad experiences. Just saying "has no appeal" is too vague and you can't work to eliminate the obstacles until you know what they are.

--Make sure that you keep a solid balance of non-tickling activity with her, including touching without tickling. Women are quick to realize they are being objectified and will push back just for that reason, even if they really don't mind the activity.

--Figure out what level of tickle play will satisfy you and work towards that. You can't know victory until you know what victory looks like.

 

[daticklr1]

Thanks fecil. I know some of her hesitancy with it and it has been explored mildly but i am not optimistic that her feelingsabout tickle play will be lightened. I appreciate the words of wisdom.

 

[daticklr1]

I have been honest and upfront but she still isnt very interested. Perhaps it will take some time

 

[fecil]

OK, now I want to help. You mention you know some of her hesitancy. Do you want to share, or is that too private?

Is it foot tickling only, mainly, or is it just tickling all over that you want?

Do you want to tie her up and really let her have it?

My thinking is, at least from a foot standpoint, is to fall back to the tried and true massage to start with. As a great man once said "To tickle her you first have to get your hands on her."

 

[rhiannon]

I have been honest and upfront but she still isnt very interested. Perhaps it will take some time

Have you tried trading? Something she really likes in exchange for some tickle play?

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

I have decided after reading the "is tickling cheating?" thread that in my marrige, and many others, tickle play with another person would indeed be considered cheating.

Your purgatory is a direct consequence of this decision. My only advice is to reconsider it. Until you do, your only options are "cheating" or a life of wistful unfulfilled yearning.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

I would argue that the decision was choosing marriage, and therefore (ideally) a lifetime of happiness in most avenues, over choosing an act that is (relatively) limited to the bedroom. You chose love over tickling, which is a decision that a vast majority of us have undertaken. It is only in the dark recesses of our dirty minds where we feel trapped.

Whether or not you are subjected to, as my esteemed preceding poster put, "a life of wistful, unfulfilled yearning", is entirely up to you. As others have mentioned here, tickling is an activity that exists on a wide spectrum.

Will you be able to lock your wife in stocks, blindfold and gag her, and tickle her until the proverbial cows come home? I doubt it. But can you find some way of building a little bit of tickling into your life? Probably.

Talk to your wife about it. Don't babble about it, but provide her with the knowledge that you find tickling to be arousing, and that you'd like to discuss some ways of making that work. Maybe she could come to enjoy (or, at the very least, tolerate) a light tickle that keeps her shivering and giggling for a few minutes as part of the foreplay. And maybe you would be willing to offer a long sensual massage afterwards to help her relax and better put her in the mood, with (once again) light tickles mixed in for good measure.

I personally feel that there is adequate ground for compromise, so long as both parties have an open mind.

 

[ISUmark]

I feel for you guys. Personally Id never marry a woman that wouldn't let me tickle her. She doesnt have to be "into" tickling, but Ive learned over the years that someone who isn't willing to compromise and do the things you like is someone that I wouldn't want to be with. I would do the same for my SO is she liked something a little out of the box.

 

[maniactickler]

Dont complain. one should never get involved with a non ticklish woman in the first place. especially if its vitally important to you.

 

[Brattysub5]

I feel for you guys. Personally Id never marry a woman that wouldn't let me tickle her. She doesnt have to be "into" tickling, but Ive learned over the years that someone who isn't willing to compromise and do the things you like is someone that I wouldn't want to be with. I would do the same for my SO is she liked something a little out of the box.

Dont complain. one should never get involved with a non ticklish woman in the first place. especially if its vitally important to you.

I am in agreement with you guys!! Well stated!!!! If you know that tickling is YOUR thing, then try to find someone who is 1) at least ticklish and 2) will let you tickle her (him for ladies), even if they do not share the fetish!!!!

 

[mustang]

Welcome to the frustrations that most foot tickling fetishists live with. For the first so many years (I have had a foot tickling fetish since before memory, say around three or so), you live with the dread that you are the only one in the world with this strange desire and that you may be outed at some point and become a social pariah. This is especially true of those who came of age before Internet days. Then we finally learned that we have lots of company (thanks TMF...you have done what no one else could do, make us feel OK about our situation). What a relief! Then you have to work your way through the embarrassment and anguish of coming out so that you can enjoy your fetish without feeling like a sneaky perv. As far as I am concerned, I have never had any control over who I fell in love with and who eventually became my significant other. Tickling feet is an important element in my sex life, but it is not everything. None of my girlfriends knew a thing about either foot fetishism or foot tickling fetishism. I was lucky in that all of them accommodated my fetish in order to make me happy. But, life would certainly have been simpler if I were sexually 'normal'. I think of all the times that a girl may have been anticipating a night of great sex, while at the same time I am trying to figure out how I am going to approach her to tickle her feet and get a handjob while doing it. That is a tough trick, but I have pulled it off a number of times. It is just a burden being on a different 'wavelength' than 99.9% of the girls in the world when it comes to getting my yah-yahs out. I don't mind at all if people know that I have a foot fetish, but I have to take a deep breath to admit that tickling feet is my primary erogenous thrill. Admitting that it is sexual took me a long time to feel OK about, but I only divulge that with my girlfriends. But, like they say, 'It is what it is', and nothing is going to change the way it is. You just have to learn to make lemonade out of this lemon that life laid on you. That is my take, I know that some will disagree.

 

[daticklr1]

I think it is short sighted to say "Dont marry someone who isnt into tickling or ticklish" I could marry someone into tickling and it could be a miserable marrige even if I am getting my needs met. I met my wife when we were in high school and we are best friends this is simply one aspect of our relationship that is struggling. Perhaps I am just down in he dumps abput it of late butnI would never break up with my wife because she didnt like something in the bedroom

 

[RealisticSwitch]

I think it is short sighted to say "Dont marry someone who isnt into tickling or ticklish" I could marry someone into tickling and it could be a miserable marrige even if I am getting my needs met. I met my wife when we were in high school and we are best friends this is simply one aspect of our relationship that is struggling. Perhaps I am just down in he dumps abput it of late butnI would never break up with my wife because she didnt like something in the bedroom

It's always refreshing to see logic and reason in the forum. Sure, all things being equal, we'd all love our partners to have intense tickle fetishes, but some of us fell in love for the millions of other reasons that have nothing to do with the bedroom.

If your tickle fetish is so hardwired into your brain that you would never consider being with someone who didn't let you tickle them, even if that person is, in every other way, the perfect partner, then so be it. But I feel bad for you, as you might wind up alone. Or, maybe even worse, with a tickle freak who isn't as wonderful as the person you deserve.

 

[Bohemianne]

During times the times of victory and/or frustration, you can always gauge if you have the capacity to lead or influence anyone (even a spouse) halfway or even more. If not, then consider yourself a slave of your limitation, then accept your fate...

 

[piyr]

After more than 10 yrs together, I realized that for me the only option is to talk fully about it with my wife and work on some compromise together. We talked about it years ago but she had no real interest then. I bring it up occasionally but haven't had a full discussion or worked on it from a healthy marriage perspective. I'm mostly a ler but have interest in being a lee also. She knows this but is seems she has no real interest in exploring to satisfy me. I understand if she doesn't want to be a lee but for years was resentful that she wouldn't turn the tables. Then it dawned on me that maybe it's a turn off for her to see he partner as a lee. I'd know more if we ever talked about it, which I plan on doing soon. I saw a book online by marriagebuilders that discusses a concept called "love bank". I haven't read it but it seems to address the importance of give and take in a marriage. Anyway, I don't know if you're stuck or not but for me I can't go outside the marriage. I read the tickling/cheating thread also. Tickling is sexual me. I wouldn't want my wife going around tickling guys if it turned her on, or giving massages or whatever. If something floats her boat, I want to be the captain.

 

[daticklr1]

Thanks Piyr. It is refreshing to have folks that understand my prediciment. I appreciate all of the feedback.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

If something floats her boat, I want to be the captain.

This might be the best thing I've ever read in quite some time. Forgive me, but I am blatantly stealing this at every opportunity.

 

[piyr]

This might be the best thing I've ever read in quite some time. Forgive me, but I am blatantly stealing this at every opportunity.

Have at it! Btw, I also liked what you and daticklr1 had to say on why people get married. Compatibility is a complicated dynamic. I swear the hardest question my wife asked me is why I like her. I just sat there like an idiot thinking "I don't know why I like you, I just do!" Sometimes two people can maintain that bond forever. Sometimes not. Throw children in the mix and it really becomes interesting! I don't mind when people say that they wouldn't marry someone who isn't into tickling but I hope that those who say that others shouldn't have gotten married will try to understands that the reasons to marry and stay married may be different for each of us.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

I swear the hardest question my wife asked me is why I like her. I just sat there like an idiot thinking "I don't know why I like you, I just do!"

One answer is some variation of "You make me a better person" or "I'm happiest when I'm with you". Both TOTAL cop outs, but they can work from time to time.

Overall, I detest that question, and resent people who ask it.

 

[privista]

This topic is right in my wheel house. Been married almost 20 years and my DW hated to be tickled more than anything in the world.

That said, she's understood how important tickling is to me and had been willing to slowly work my tickling her into our lives.

However, it isn't purgatory at all because - as described above - our love is more than just one thing. We love each other deeply and look out for the other's interest - even at our own detriment.

Do I wish that we could tickle each other more - yes. But I wouldn't go back and change anything.

Great topic.

 

[mopug]

I'm not sure where this falls into though but my girl isn't into tickling and isn't ticklish. It works out some of the time though because she enjoys tickling the hell out of me every now and then. However, being a switch it really sucks that I can't tickle her. I'm lucky enough though that she encourages me to find other people who I would be able to have that sort of fun with and she doesn't consider it cheating (as long as there isn't any sex or things like that involved). My only advice there would be to make an ultimatum or a compromise, either you can do something for her if she can do this for you. Otherwise you'll just have to consider parting ways. It's a tough decision though, does your relationship mean enough to you that you'd be willing to sacrifice a part of your sexuality, or can you not live without tickling?

I'm kind of in something similar in that I have a foot fetish and my girl absolutely despises feet. She still lets me do things to her feet (she'd never do anything to mine) but she hates it when I do. I'm currently trying to find a balance so that we can have a normal sexual relationship without having fetishes involved (or at least just my foot fetish, she doesn't mind my tickling fetish). My relationship means enough to me that I'd be willing to try and forgo my foot fetish for us. Literally everything else in our relationship is awesome it's just my foot fetish that's a problem. Fortunately for me though, our sex is better than any fetish play I've ever had so I may be able to find a way to be turned on more often without my fetishes. Only time will tell.

But, this is your decision (a very serious one at that) and only you can make it.

 

[maniactickler]

Ive met some great women in the past, but hate feet as well. they are dead to me. im not settling and be sorry the rest of my life.