tickling me

[sarah84]

My mom has a friend who is in his 50's and I'm 18. We often tickle
each other and tease each other, but these last 2 days he's been
saying we shall have tickling competitions and tickles me all over
and has actually moved his hand under my trousers and practically in
between my thigh and my private area.
He runs his hands up and down my back,legs,arm and even down my
cleavage! and then gets me to tickle him. He often does this when ,y
mom has gone out or has dissapeared and when shes around he stops. He
also comes up behind me, grabs my stomach and pulls me up against
him, tickling me again and is always slapping my bum and squeezing
it. And has even stuck his tongue in my belly button to 'tickle' me
and started licking my belly button!

Is he just being friendly and i'm being too sensitive or is there
more to it? It doesn't upset me because i love being tickled but it
is confusing me
please help
Sarah

 

[lrtk36]

reply

don't think so, if he stops when mom is around, i'd keep an eye on him, think it's more than just tickling he wants

 

[Haltickling]

I agree with lrtk, there's definitely something fishy. You should talk to him first, telling him that you don't mind being tickled, but your private area is off-limits. If he balks or doesn't listen, talk to your mom. I she doesn't believe you, get some professional help (teacher, some other relative you trust, a therapist you know of; not the police at first, only in case of rape).

 

[Dave2112]

Sounds icky to me. It seems that your "tickling competitions" are inching toward sexual contact if they haven't already. This may cause problems, but you're going to have to talk to your Mom about it. It won't cause any more problems than if things go farther later. You don't even have to broach the subject roughly, or even mention that you have fears of his sexual intentions if you think that it will not be taken well. You could just skirt it by saying the tickling is bothering you. "Mom, could you ask so-and-so to stop tickling me so much? He's stronger than he thinks and it hurts sometime. I don't think he's aware of it." Something like that. You have a better feel for the dynamics of your family's relationship boundaries than we do, so you may have to modify it somewhat.

If it's worse than you're letting on here, though, I'd take immediate steps. It sounds like a stepping-stone for this guy.

Good luck.

 

[dtrell]

.

 

[JPie1]

Sarah, please speak with your mom or someone else you totally trust as quickly as possible. This mans intentions don't seem right. If he only does this without adult supervision then it feels to me he is into something more. Please trust your own gut feelings!!! If you are even slightly uncomfortable then it isn't right. Please give this some real thought, again trust your gut feelings!


JPie

 

[suikoden]

Hi Vicki

I don't care what two people get up to together in private and have only one stipulation. They are BOTH comfortable with it and they BOTH WANT to do it.

Clearly this is not the situation in your case and the fact you have posted here illustrates this. 50 y/o man tickling an 18 y/o girl in the manner you have described when her mother isn't around rings big alarm bells for me.

Trust your instincts (check out Gavin De Becker's books on personal safety.) He could be using tickling to set up something more. I'm not trying to scare you here but I don't want you to end up in a bad situation either.

Dave 2112's suggestion about asking your mother to speak to this guy first seems like a good place to start. When girls I know have received unwanted attention they sometimes do gross things to deter the guy like picking their nose or belching loudly, snorting and wiping their mouth with the back of their hand.

I hope this all works out for you.

 

[lightninbug]

RED FLAG!!!

Vicky-
I must echo all the rest of these folks:
1) This concerns you ENOUGH to ask for help & guidance.
2) This 'gentleman' doesn't seem so bold when your Mother is around.
&
3) Lines ARE being crossed that make you uncomfortable.

ALL these Red Flags point to much needed action being taken now. Your Feelings are ALL the Guideposts you need...Tell your Mother; if it feels uncomfortable & unwanted then by all means protect yourself.
Bug

 

[TickledToDeath]

This is NOT Good at all! What he is doing is simply sexual assult. He is "copping a feel" when you two are alone. What WAS a mere playful tickle between you two has been turned into something cheap and sexual to HIM and for HIM.

Time to cut him off. Turn yourself into the tickle natzi. NO more tickles for him. IF he persists, tell your mom. In fact, tell her anyway. This needs to be ended and addressed NOW before it gets Way out of hand and heads towards rape.

TTD

 

[Cactus John]

Every body else has already said what needs to be said, but I just want to add my nam to the list. This is far beyond friendly tickling. This guy is using it to lead to something else. PLEASE put a stop to this before something VERY bad happens.

 

[Darkknight]

I'm with dtrell.

"..."

 

[sarah84]

thanks

Thanls you guys for helping me make up my mind, i think it mite be best if i have a word with my mom then.
Btw i would like to clear up some confusion that he wasn't touching my private parts but getting very very close!

Again thanks for the advice, i agree now, it could be a prelude to something worse..

Sarah

 

[robmic]

questionable tickling ...

The thing that bothers me the most is that he doesn't do this around your mom. That would tell me right away that she wouldn't approve. The fact that he hasn't actually touched your private so far tells me that he may be testing your response. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, there's a lot of ticklish areas around your private parts, but I would put those areas under the sensual department, which would be reserved to loving couples, not an older friend and a young gal. And the other part of the equasion is that you seem to like to be tickled, too. With those things said, maybe you could have a straight talk with him and express your concerns. If he agrees to respect them, maybe you can still have your fun and not have to worry that he has an ultierier(sp?) motive. If he shows no respect for your concerns, then by all means talk to your mother. I really hate it when someone abuses a situation like this. You may have enjoyed the light hearted tickling, but when he got close to your private areas, it spoiled the whole thing!

 

[dtrell]

thank you darkknight.

 

[Darkknight]

I felt ya on that dtrell. No prob.

DK

 

[talons]

I believe you said you are 18? If so, you are now an adult and should be able to handle this problem. If you don't like what he is doing tell him to stop if he doesn't report him to the police its as simple as that. You can also get a restraining order against him if need be then he can't even come anywhere near you.

 

[starfires]

Is he just being friendly and i'm being too sensitive or is there more to it? It doesn't upset me because i love being tickled but it is confusing me

For the past 18 years, society and media have been teaching you about the way things are supposed to be. According to them, this guy is doing something people aren't supposed to do to you. When someone touches you that way, you're supposed to get offended and upset, and make sure he never does that again. The problem (and the source of your confusion) seems to be that you aren't getting offended and upset the way you're supposed to. Congratulations, you are a non-standard human being. If I am totally off the mark, please ignore the rest of my bullshit. Otherwise, you've got choices: follow the socially accepted behavior pattern, or follow your instincts.
This guy seems to be pushing the limits one step at a time, seeing when (and if) you'll get uncomfortable and tell him to back off. In a perfect world, you would figure out where your limits actually are (as opposed to where they are supposed to be) then you could let him take this as far as you are willing, and stop there, even if you are willing to move a bit (or a lot) into the sexual realm.
In the real world, at your age, that's probably a bad idea. The standard behavior patterns have their merits: people have been following them for a few hundred years, and their collective experience is at your disposal. You have access to movies, books, parents, and therapists, who will all tell you what to do and how to solve most of your problems. If you choose the path less traveled by, you are on your own. Not many people will give you any advice besides "kick this dirty old man out of your life and tell him to never come back". At 18, you are supposed to be an adult, capable of making it on your own, but are you really?

 

[Knox The Hatter]

"...and has actually moved his hand under my trousers and practically in between my thigh and my private area."


Vikki, I'm not going to tell you what to do, or how to do it. Starfire's right, the decision is ultimately yours. I'm going to tell you this though...I already hate this guy, and if I was your mom, and I found out about it one way or the other, I'd throw him out on his ass and tell him that if he ever came near my house again, he'd walk away trying to figure out how to extract a car bumper from the dispensing end of his digestive processes.

 

[drew70]

It all depends on how you feel about it. If you like what he's doing, then enjoy. If not, then tell him to knock it off. I see no reason to involve Mom. Why complicate things?

 

[WorkInProgress]

It sounds to me as if the problem is, there's a part of it you like (being tickled) and a part of it that you don't (the invasion of boundaries). Since they're coming as a package deal, it sounds like breaking off contact is the only way to stop the intrusions. By the way, you did make it clear in the initial note that he was not touching your private parts, but only going near them. That's bad enough.

 

[P_Bustleton]

I agree with just about everybody else here that it's probably gone too far, and you should say something to the guy.

Where do you live, Sarah?

I'm curious because I'm also your age. You don't have to post your location - you can email me at [email protected].

 

[sushi854]

.

In light of a request I received, I have decided to withhold my input on this thread for the time being.

 

[Roseblossom]

Talk to your mom about it...

hell, I see lots of really good reasons to get mom involved.

This guy is messin with her young daughter, in her home.

And as for 18 being an adult, most of the 18-year-olds I know are still inexperienced, anxious kids.

Sounds like this 50-year-old "friend" is exploiting his power and position of trust for his own gratification.

~Rose~

 

[Mitchell]

This sounds to me like very inappropriate behavior. I know all others have said it to you Sarah, but I guess I'll add my "two cents" so to speak. First off, there is something inappropriate about a 50 yr old guy tickling an 18 year old girl, unless the two are in a consentual tickling and or boyfriend/girlfriend sexual relationship, which would be rare considering your age difference. Second, the fact that his advances are making you uncomfortable, and he is getting near your private area sounds quite serious to me. Third, the fact that he does it when your mom isnt around suggests to me that even he knows something is wrong with it, and your mom wouldnt approve. My suggestion to you is to first tell him to stop if you havent already. and if he doesnt, tell your mom. There can be a fine line between tickling playfulness between parties and non consenting sexual harrassment or assault which inflicts inappropriate physical touching and or emotional distress on the person it is happening to. Considering what he did, your reaction, and the fact that is makes you uncomfortable, I would say it's time for you to put a stop to what this guy is doing.

Mitch

 

[dtrell]

sushi, i think youve got the idea that DK and I are positing.