What Don't You Understand About the Opposite Sex?

[Artoo]

I was once given a book titled, "What men know about women". It was blank on all inside pages. A somewhat unamusing joke, based on man's inability to read womens minds, and whatever trivial thing it is that they want.

Thing is, though; there's no "What women know about men" book. And it's not because we're that easy to read.

 

[kis123]

Getting an opinion in order to guide yours is one thing, relying on it to make your judgements for you is QUITE another. I've seen more of the latter in relationships. People distrust their instincts and personal preferences just to go along with the popular consensus.

This is a maturity issue, not a gender one, IMO. I remember guys having crushes on me in high school and college; their friends disapproved of me because I was a big girl so they never pursued me in public. Never took the time to get to know me personally, and judged me strictly on their perception of my looks. I thought that was the most immature thing even back then and it still is now.

I don't see what is so non-controversial about people who form their opinions solely based on others approval? If we, as individuals, are basing our judgments on social consensus instead of our own judgment, then we are in a LOT of trouble. Just to give a macro example, it wasn't too long ago bigotry against homosexuals was a opinion people fed into each other. They'd say "this persons is gay, don't hang out with them". If we would have used this social logic, we would still be a country of homophobic bigots.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what people do; they judge and expect you to fall in line with their marching orders. Some sort of societal pecking order that dictates who is/isn't acceptable-who's cool and who isn't. It takes a person who's grounded, mature, and confident to march to their own tune. I never let people make friends for me; if you didn't like them that was your personal problem. I raised my children that way and I haven't changed either.

When I was dating my husband, my friends and family thought I was crazy; he was white and signifcantly older than me (16 yrs my senior). They didn't see who I saw; a man who loved me and became a father to a child that wasn't his own. They just thought he wasn't right for me because of the exterior-they didn't know him the way I did. When we split up, I got the "I told you so's" but they still couldn't tell me why things didn't work out--they just "knew" it wouldn't. That's a whole lot of horse crap to me; us not working out had nothing to do with his age or his race. It had everything to do with why 50% of marriages fail--that's all. Besides, I got a wonderful daughter out of the deal and my son still calls him "dad"-in that respect, I have no regrets.

I hope this answers your question.

 

[solescratcher99]

Skip, I was referring to how you took my question out of context and send it off in another direction.

It's also a bit childish to try and be snobby with these "sigh" posts as though the example I was making was ignorant. I was trying to make a point about people (women specifically) who simply go along with the crowd instead of listening to themselves. I rarely see women gathering their own opinions about their partners. They're usually just blindly following their crowd.

I mean, if you honestly think its cool for women to have a herd mentality instead of listening to themselves, that's fine. But this isn't something that's completely obvious and a dead issue. Quite frankly, its pretty dangerous to just listen to your friends and go along with what they say instead relying on your own judgment. From my personal experience other people simply do not know whats best for an individual. Never have, never will.

This is a maturity issue, not a gender one, IMO. I remember guys having crushes on me in high school and college; their friends disapproved of me because I was a big girl so they never pursued me in public. Never took the time to get to know me personally, and judged me strictly on their perception of my looks. I thought that was the most immature thing even back then and it still is now.



Unfortunately, that is exactly what people do; they judge and expect you to fall in line with their marching orders. Some sort of societal pecking order that dictates who is/isn't acceptable-who's cool and who isn't. It takes a person who's grounded, mature, and confident to march to their own tune. I never let people make friends for me; if you didn't like them that was your personal problem. I raised my children that way and I haven't changed either.

When I was dating my husband, my friends and family thought I was crazy; he was white and signifcantly older than me (16 yrs my senior). They didn't see who I saw; a man who loved me and became a father to a child that wasn't his own. They just thought he wasn't right for me because of the exterior-they didn't know him the way I did. When we split up, I got the "I told you so's" but they still couldn't tell me why things didn't work out--they just "knew" it wouldn't. That's a whole lot of horse crap to me; us not working out had nothing to do with his age or his race. It had everything to do with why 50% of marriages fail--that's all. Besides, I got a wonderful daughter out of the deal and my son still calls him "dad"-in that respect, I have no regrets.

I hope this answers your question.

Thank you for answering without being sarcastic or talking down to me in the process.

And, yes, I can definitely see people being emotionally abusive by laying guilt trips like "I told ya so" just for not listening to them.

I read your post and have honestly no clue what it has to do with the OP..

What're you trying to say?

I was asking why people in relationships (typically women) take advice from others about their relationships instead of relying on their own judgment. I mean, its pretty obvious no one else knows what you personally want, so why would people allow their friends to make their decisions for them? Sounds pretty dumb to me. Even when I was younger and around the immature age range (as Kris was alluding too) I didn't understand this type of female mentality. (Of course, I realize men do it too but definitely not as often.)

 

[Flatfoot]

This is gonna sound really dumb, but I'm gonna say it anyway, because it's something I don't understand and have no way to relate to. I don't understand why women find men attractive. I'm certainly not complaining! I just don't get it. I understand lesbians, because women are hot! They're all curvy, pretty, and I dunno, FEMININE? That's attractive to me. Men are always muscular and square. What's hot about that? I just don't get it.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

I was asking why people in relationships (typically women) take advice from others about their relationships instead of relying on their own judgment. I mean, its pretty obvious no one else knows what you personally want, so why would people allow their friends to make their decisions for them? Sounds pretty dumb to me. Even when I was younger and around the immature age range (as Kris was alluding too) I didn't understand this type of female mentality. (Of course, I realize men do it too but definitely not as often.)

I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. If you've just started dating the person, then your friends are making quick judgments about someone they don't know, which I think usually stems from jealousy. You have someone new in your life and they're afraid you want have time for your friends anymore.

If you've been dating for awhile, your friends can see things about girlfriend/boyfriend that you don't because you're in love with them.

From personal experience, my brother dated this girl and at the beginning she was sweet and nice. However as they got more serious and they had been dating for awhile, we (family and friends) started seeing his girlfriend for who she truly was. She would be sweet to my brother, but she would cop an attitude to his friends and family. She once went as far as telling a close female friend of my brother's that she couldn't be friends with him anymore.

We tried telling my brother that she was bad for him, that she was treating him horribly but he couldn't see it because he was in love and blind to her faults. He made excuses for her. It took a long time before he started seeing what we were seeing and ended the relationship.


---

As for the OP, why are men so afraid of women being breadwinners? My boyfriend will get into moods because he's having difficulty finding a job, but I don't have a problem helping him out when he needs a little help.

 

[c7_assassin]

As for the OP, why are men so afraid of women being breadwinners? My boyfriend will get into moods because he's having difficulty finding a job, but I don't have a problem helping him out when he needs a little help.

That's an insecurity thing...but can you blame us? We take pride in being able to take care of the women in our lives. We like to buy you nice things, take you out places, pamper you...it makes us feel special. If we don't have that, then what are we good for? You already have vibrators.

 

[solescratcher99]

That's an insecurity thing...but can you blame us? We take pride in being able to take care of the women in our lives. We like to buy you nice things, take you out places, pamper you...it makes us feel special. If we don't have that, then what are we good for? You already have vibrators.

Not me. She can take care of me all she wants. I'll do the cooking and cleaning. Screw those arbitrary social roles.

 

[sasaxrah]

That's an insecurity thing...but can you blame us? We take pride in being able to take care of the women in our lives. We like to buy you nice things, take you out places, pamper you...it makes us feel special. If we don't have that, then what are we good for? You already have vibrators.

Bahaha.

What guys don't understand is, most women don't want to be alone. They want someone in their life that they love, and loves them. Sure, some women want to or expect to be provided for. But this has fallen out of fashion. You can pamper a woman without spending a lot of money.

 

[Lucid Insanity]

What is it about girls constantly falling in love with guys who are total dicks? Guys who will obviously cheat on them, treat them like shit, mess with their lives and then break their hearts? Seriously, what is that?

This.
My closest friend is female, so i understand much about them. However this is the one question that has never been answered. I have see her enter relationships with guys and they have so far always ended the same way.

Though urban dictionary provided a good answer:
"Because nice guys make the best friends, and the worst possible lovers"

There it is, the internet telling me i'm going to be crap in bed again.

 

[YoungMuscle]

Bad boys are exciting. The end.

What about good boys who are kind of thinking about being bad. LOL

 

[goddess_nemesis]

That's an insecurity thing...but can you blame us? We take pride in being able to take care of the women in our lives. We like to buy you nice things, take you out places, pamper you...it makes us feel special.

Yeah but I like doing those things for my bf too. I like treating him and all that. He does what he can and I love him for it.

If we don't have that, then what are we good for? You already have vibrators.

Vibes are nice only for so long. I rather have the real thing.

 

[kered]

I pretty much don't understand anything about the opposite sex.

 

[Adam]

Plenty. But currently, it's the inability to make up one's mind. Both sexes can be equally guilty of that, but God almighty, it irks me when I'm told one thing... then another... and another. But you can't get frustrated. Because then, no matter what, you will be labeled the bad guy.

 

[Excess]

You should have called it "What DO you understand about the Opposite Sex?". It'd be a much simpler, shorter process. I could spend days going on about how totally insane women are and how I'll never understand anything about them other than that they have this strange obsession with shiny things.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

and how I'll never understand anything about them other than that they have this strange obsession with shiny things.

No we-

Oooh, something shiny!

 

[adrenalayna]

Haha, these are all funny. I don't get why...wait...actually men aren't all that confusing. It's really just individuals here and there that I don't get. As for why we like their "hairy bumpy bodies," well, let me ask you this. What exactly do you like about boobs? They're two lumps of flesh and whatnot on our chests, and yet they're inherently attractive. So it's kind of the same thing, it's just an instinct thing, that's the only answer I could give to that. : )

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

What about good boys who are kind of thinking about being bad. LOL

LOL I dunno that I'd say exciting, but cute

 

[meangry]

I don't get how you have all these guys sitting there saying they are 'good guys' in response to 'bad guys'. Hear that shit all the time. It's such a damn misnomer. Anyone who has to sell themselves as a good guy probably isn't a good guy; rather, he's just good at disguising his Hannibal style obsession with fucking.

 

[Bugman]

I pretty much don't understand anything about the opposite sex.

What he said.

 

[desdemona]

What he said.

Really ? You'd think you old timers would have a clue by now....

 

[c7_assassin]

I also don't understand the obsession with boy bands. They're all clearly gay. Flamingly gay. Why are girls in love with them?

 

[Aimee]

I also don't understand the obsession with boy bands. They're all clearly gay. Flamingly gay. Why are girls in love with them?

I never understood why you weren't in one! hahaha

 

[chicago]

I think the obsession with boy bands is only acceptable of girls under the age of 17. After that, it becomes borderline psychotic and disgusting.

Luckily, the era of boy bands seems to be almost over.

 

[c7_assassin]

Luckily, the era of boy bands seems to be almost over.

Two words: Clay Aiken.

 

[chicago]

Two words: Clay Aiken.

I don't know anyone that listens to or likes him. I don't think he has come out with any new music in the last five years aside from whatever he's done with Spamalot. Aside from that, coming out as being gay, and adopting a child, he is damn near out of the radar completely.

I can only hope Adam Lambert follows this path.