The best skill, imo, is realizing there really isn’t one
There is no one skill or component that is magical. There are skills, tools, techniques, relationships, interactions, situations, spots, and connections. There is a lot of listening to other Lers, and what they can teach you. Listening to Lees is important and that can be a game-changer.
As mentioned above:
Using proper (and proper use) and safe bondage is important if this is how you will be playing. Once I know I’m truly secured, I can physically let loose and it’s quite enjoyable.
Know your spots. Then forget it, because pretty much anywhere can be a spot, depending on the Lee. This is where listening to the Lee is important. Beforehand finding out what they are willing to share and what they like, then listening during the session and paying attention to reactions and needs.
Unpredictability is a good one too. I don’t wanna know. Honestly, my blindfold is my favorite tool. I don’t have to worry about overstimulation with visual input. I can let my tactile nervous system take over and enjoy the sensations. Don’t be afraid to move around.
Be flexible during the session. I loved this one. Listen to your Lee. How are they reacting. Are they comfortable? Needs being met? How does their response change depending upon the light or pressure touches? Are they responding to banter?
And the mind games/banter are big too. Remember this is an interaction. Action/response. Teasing, banter, verbal battles can be a huge compontent and leads to my biggest technique: connection. The more you interaction, the more you genuinely try to get to know one another, the more you show your safety, the more comfortable the Lee will be. While anxiety can intensify the reactions, there is a difference between anxiety with the person and anxiety with anticipation.
Things are supposed to be awkward. Social skills are important. You don’t have to make small talk, but remember your Lee is human and oerson a toy. Anything can become a tool. Almost everywhere can be a spot. But until you get to know your Lee (both mind and body), you will be missing out on potential benefits and reactions. What may work with one, won’t with another. Don’t assume, ask.
The game changer is knowing that you never stop learning. Your t-word “tool box” can be endless. Something new can always be known. Don’t get set on anything specific. Fluidity. Don’t stress, enjoy the interaction and experience.
