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What would motivate a man to propose to his g/f?

G

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh

4th Level Orange Feather
Joined
Apr 24, 2005
Messages
2,769
Points
36
I watch Dr. Phil quite often and for some of the program spoke to this woman who had been living with her boyfriend for at least ten years. She was at the point that she wanted to marry him and he was still reluctant even after all that time. I think she was in her late thirties and wanted to have children. I don't mean any male bashing here but I kept thinking to myself, what is wrong with this guy? :Grrr: I mean he's been living with her for TEN YEARS! You'd think that he would want to finally take their relationship to the next level. Dr. Phil really didn't understand that either and I think he had to CONVINCE him to propose to her & I think he did. She said if he didn't, she was going to break up with him.

Look forward to replies.
 
GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
I watch Dr. Phil quite often and for some of the program spoke to this woman who had been living with her boyfriend for at least ten years. She was at the point that she wanted to marry him and he was still reluctant even after all that time. I think she was in her late thirties and wanted to have children. I don't mean any male bashing here but I kept thinking to myself, what is wrong with this guy? :Grrr: I mean he's been living with her for TEN YEARS! You'd think that he would want to finally take their relationship to the next level. Dr. Phil really didn't understand that either and I think he had to CONVINCE him to propose to her & I think he did. She said if he didn't, she was going to break up with him.

Look forward to replies.
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Perhaps the guy simply views the institution of marriage as antiquated? I mean, you can be madly in love with someone and constantly improving your relationship with them without having some piece of paper saying so.

I think the idea of 'getting married' can be pretty cool, but not proposing isn't necessarily not 'going to the next level.'
 
Yeah he may feel that way Paranoid. However, if that's what's important to his g/f, it should be important to him.
 
Frankly after ten years one would hope the chick would realize he's probably not going to propose and that it's time to move on. He's fine with keeping things as they are ad if she wants more but he won't give it it is time to find some one who will. Clearly he's not interested in anything more and to find a way to make a guy propose is crazy. How do you know he is serious if you force him? It won't make for a healthy or happy relationship. All she can do if find some one that has the same goals for a relationship.
 
Without hearing his reasons or having seen the show it's hard to say but not everyone sees marriage for what it truly represents. Perhaps her reasons didn't agree with his or perhaps she was unable to understand his reasons for NOT getting married. Either way, ten years IS a LONG time which begs the question, why was she still with him? If getting married was THAT important to her and NOT getting married was THAT important to him then that couple seems to have issues that go deeper than any piece of paper or a shrink can fix.
 
I was with my ex wife for 3 six months before I proposed. I knew her for 6 years prior. We were engaged for two years before marriage. I took my time. I did not want to make a mistake that would hurt either of us. I was the one that got hurt in the end. I believe if you have been with someone that long you either shit or get of the pot. Did these two discuss their feelings about this?
 
Not everyone wants to get married or sees marriage as part of the journey a relationship takes. If both people are on board with this, great. But if one person thinks that the other will eventually have a change of heart and will want to get married, there's the problem.
 
sasaxrah said:
Not everyone wants to get married or sees marriage as part of the journey a relationship takes. If both people are on board with this, great. But if one person thinks that the other will eventually have a change of heart and will want to get married, there's the problem.
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I agree with this. I also think some people get married because of social pressure. They feel it is something you have to do because that is just the way life goes. Not for me thanks :D
 
TKLMAN said:
Well , that's your first problem , right there. :p



If not getting married is what's important to him , it should be important to his girlfriend.
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First, Dr. Phil is awesome. Second, can you elaborate on your latter statement or are you just being devil's advocate? :)
 
GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
what is wrong with this guy?
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Probably nothing. There are alot of people who don't believe that you have to be married in order to be in a healthy, long-term/lifelong relationship. A friend of mine and her boyfriend have been together for almost thirty years, have two children and live together. They are, for all intents and purposes, married (she even calls him her husband sometimes -- which was extremely confusing for me when I was just getting to know her and she talked about her husband AND her boyfriend :confused:) but they just haven't made it "official" or "legal" or whatever. Subscribing to that school of thought is not wrong.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
You'd think that he would want to finally take their relationship to the next level.
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For some people, all marriage does is put what you're already feeling into writing, and isn't necessary. Signing a paper saying he's going to spend the rest of his life with his girlfriend isn't increasing his personal level of commitment to her, so to him perhaps there is no "next level".

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
he had to CONVINCE him to propose to her
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Well THAT was a fantastic idea :rolleyes:

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
She said if he didn't, she was going to break up with him.
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That's not exactly wrong either. While I think ultimatums arer't the best way to go about things, as much as it's not wrong for him to not want to get married, it's not wrong for her to want to get married and to pursue a relationship that is heading down that path. This is probably something they should have discussed seven or eight years ago.

GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
However, if that's what's important to his g/f, it should be important to him.
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TKLMAN said:
If not getting married is what's important to him , it should be important to his girlfriend.
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What the other person wants should always be important, but neither of them should be expected to give up what they want to make their partner happy. If we're talking about, "I want to see this bloody, disgusting action movie." "Well I want to see this sappy, girly, coming-of-age chick movie." Okay, somebody can give in to make the other person happy. But when you're talking about getting married vs not getting married, I really wouldn't want somebody to just go "Oh fine, let's do it YOUR way this time, but next time I get....oh wait...."
 
GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
She said if he didn't, she was going to break up with him.
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Then he should have said "I'll miss you." and see if she would actually do it. If they were together for 10 years, and the weren't married by then, and that is what she wanted, then she should have left him after the first 2 years. She had nobody to blame but herself, and no buisness trying to push him into it. If they do get married he is going to be miserable, and probably end up cheating.
 
Some guys are just afraid of commitment,or maybe he just doesn't want to get married because of personal reasons.
I mean does he really have to be the one to propose,she could do it if she really wants it that bad.
 
GirlWhoLikes2Laugh said:
I watch Dr. Phil quite often and for some of the program spoke to this woman who had been living with her boyfriend for at least ten years. She was at the point that she wanted to marry him and he was still reluctant even after all that time. I think she was in her late thirties and wanted to have children. I don't mean any male bashing here but I kept thinking to myself, what is wrong with this guy? :Grrr: I mean he's been living with her for TEN YEARS! You'd think that he would want to finally take their relationship to the next level. Dr. Phil really didn't understand that either and I think he had to CONVINCE him to propose to her & I think he did. She said if he didn't, she was going to break up with him.

Look forward to replies.
Click to expand...

Ten years is long time to go with such different thought processes. She wants to get married and he doesn't. They should have discussed this a long time ago about why she wants to get married and why he doesn't.

If marriage is so important to her and it's not for him, then she should've cut ties with him a long time ago because forcing him into marriage will only sabotage their relationship.

BrightEyes1082 said:
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? ;)
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I never did understand that phrase. :idunno:

ViperGTS said:
An unexpected pregnancy.
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Lol. I'm taking this as you being sarcastic funny, but seriously, an unexpected pregnancy doesn't guarantee a marriage proposal anymore. At least I don't think it does in today's world.
 
Lol. I'm taking this as you being sarcastic funny, but seriously, an unexpected pregnancy doesn't guarantee a marriage proposal anymore. At least I don't think it does in today's world.[/QUOTE]

it doesn't but for the sake of the child,maybe it should. Of course that presents a whole separate argument
 
Several folks have said what this woman 'should' have done a long time ago. I can understand that, it sounds like common sense on paper and when it's not you...but in reality a *lot* of couples end up like this because one or both of them keep thinking they'll do it when: when they have more money, when they're at higher levels in their careers, when he or she or they both feel "the time is right"...and before they know it a decade or even two have gone by. Same thing happens with having babies, folks just keep chugging along on the daily grind of life and suddenly they (usually she) realizes they'd better hurry up. And then it can sometimes be too late. All I'm saying is that "why didn't she get out earlier?" is very often not because of stupidity or blindness but simply because often life comes at you fast when you're in the middle of it.
 
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