Why does our opinion of tickling change when we get older?

[rhinoguy]

Back in my early teens, I went to visit a friend, who had just had a hunting accident, and was layed up on the coach. The moment I sat down next to him, his five year old niece, who I had never met before, came running up to me, sat down on the floor, and plopped her bare feet in my lap. When I asked what this was about, my friend informed me that she absolutely loved having her feet tickled, and felt bad that, because of his accident, he was not able to play his usually game with her that she normally expected from him when she came over. Thinking nothing of it, I filled in for my friend, and tickled her feet while we sat and talked. This went on for almost two hours, and she never grew tired of it, laughing hard during the whole time. Whenever I asked he if she wanted me to quit, or, at least, give her a break, she firmly said, "No!" In fact, if there was ever a time when I stopped for longer then 30 seconds, she kicked her feet against my knees, as a reminder that her feet wanted my finger's attention.

It was the same friend's birthday last week, and his wife had me and my mrs, along with a few others, over for his birthday dinner. The same niece, now about 27, was over with her husband. She was lying on the coach barefoot, and he husband asked her to move her legs so he could sit down. She refused, so he gave those defenseless soles a tickle, causing her to jump and scream. Right away she shouted at him, "YOU KNOW I HATE THAT!!!" This was the same girl, who, 22 years earlier, absolutely loved having her feet tickled, and could not get enough of it. What do you suppose causes most of us to love tickling as kids, only to absoutely hate it when we get older

 

[kcantankerous]

she grew out of it, matured most likely. Seems to be what caused the change in her perspective. I think some of us will grow out of this fetish for the most part sooner or later.

 

[RJBlue]

I'm no psychology major, but I think people who feel like something they enjoy isn't socialy acceptable or embarrassing, they tend to overcompensate for the feeling of enjoyment (they used to have) with a negative response...kinda like ex-smokers who walk around talking about how they hate smoking and smokers.

 

[Kitten_Kat]

she grew out of it, matured most likely. Seems to be what caused the change in her perspective. I think some of us will grow out of this fetish for the most part sooner or later.

Thats why we should stay away from the sin of Maturation all together.

 

[Butterfly wings]

Because some people in society as a whole still say things that we liked when we were KIDS growing up. That we are supposed to put away thoses things once and for all and act our own ages and act like adults from now on.

 

[amk714]

rhinoguy, I don't know why your friend's niece has apparently changed her attitude toward being tickled. Yes, it's possible she's matured and really does hate to be tickled now, or is overcompensating by pretending to hate it so that she isn't teased about her secret love of tickling. In any case, your story is interesting, and it shows how radically some of us change over time. There are probably some people who didn't like to be tickled as a child but love to be now that they're adults. And of course many of us on the TMF have always loved to tickle and/or be tickled and aren't afraid to say so. Thanks for sharing your experience.

 

[mark 19]

Thats why we should stay away from the sin of Maturation all together.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. I personally believe that you can only be young once but you can be immature forever! Somehow I don’t think I’ll be growing out of this fetish any time soon.

 

[milagros317]

I guess I never grew up. I loved to be tickled by girls when I was a child, and I love to be tickled by women now that I'm middled-aged.

 

[lk70]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let me know outgrow this!

 

[Limeoutsider]

Maybe a bad experience>?

 

[LindyHopper]

What an interesting story, rhinoguy! I'm about your niece's age now, and I have my own shifting-attitudes experiences, so maybe they can shed some light on yours...

I can remember being a little kid (up to six years old, maybe?), and my father tickling me into a pile of happy giggles. Then I can remember being a bigger kid (probably up until middle school), and a very uptight one at that. I was very serious most of the time, didn't laugh much, and wasn't interested in being tickled. I think of it as a control/inhibition thing - and enjoying being tickled requires some comfort with losing control.

When I hit puberty, I replaced my glasses with contact lenses, grew breasts, got a pretty face all of a sudden, and learned to flirt. I grew comfortable with boys in THAT way, and with touch in general. That was when I started enjoying tickling again, after I'd loosened up a bit.

So maybe your niece, and most people, are in that inhibited place - where having someone make you squirm and laugh uncontrollably would be uncomfortable and scary. Anyway, that's my speculation on the matter.

 

[Redmage]

I think that kids enjoy intense sensations of all sorts, and they certainly enjoy attention. Tickling offers both.

I think the change MAY come because tickling also carries in part a sense of being out of control. When a child is young they are used to being out of control - in fact they've never really been IN control. And they are used to trusting adults to exercise control.

But as people get older that dynamic works less and less well. The sense of being out of control is frightening for many adults - it literally makes them feel like a child, defenseless. If you look at the reactions of most adults who dislike tickling, it's usually some variant of fear.

I suspect that if a person is going to dislike tickling as an adult, that dislike will become evident just about the time that they begin to assert their own control (along about puberty for most of us).

 

[Avenger314]

I'd say she just outgrew it, like a favorite kids' show. I'm fairly certain I'll never outgrow tickling... it'll reside deep down in my heart. Whether it's a fountain of youth or a tumor will depend on how often I get it, I imagine.

 

[Redmage]

I'd say she just outgrew it, like a favorite kids' show.

I think there's more to it than that. I can see moving beyond a favorite show as one gets older, but that's different from coming to hate and fear something that you once loved.

 

[crydun]

ok, here's the psych. degree holder's take on this:

I think society has a big role here. As children, we are expected to run and play and squeal and do all sorts of behavior to help foster our growth and help us learn about ourselves and others. Fetishes usually show up in some form by the age of 5(approx.) As we mature, we are taught that adults must exercise self-control and all forms of frivolty must be put away. So, if a fetish is present at this time(around 16 or earlier) it is stuffed down by the individual to comply with norms that society puts on us. Then, years later, that supressed urges/behavior usually comes out in some fashion. Those of us who are open ticklephiles have merely abandoned our need for society's approval of our actions. As long as it doesn't interfere with our lives(family, friends, work, etc) there's nothing wrong with it.

 

[Redmage]

Crydun, I think that what you're talking about does occur - the emergence of kinks late in life is a common story in BDSM (growing less common with the rise of the net, but still). I'm not sure though that this is really at the root of the OP's question.

One thing that makes me think that is the number of kinky people who can't stand to be tickled. I can't tell you how many hardcore masochists I've negotiated with who set tickling as a hard limit. They enjoy things that'd turn most other folks' hair white, but tickling? Get away from me with that feather!

Social approval probably plays as big a part in the development of ticklekink as it does in any other kink. But I don't think that's enough to explain the switch from loving tickleplay to hating it that seems to hit about puberty.

 

[steph]

IMHO~overthinking these things is a mistake, but it's an interesting question. Why not just relax and enjoy it?
XOXO

 

[Redmage]

Why not just relax and enjoy it?

Some people can't, for one reason or another. That's kinda what we're talking about, I think.

 

[BigJim]

Perhaps she feels a social or personal inhibition now she's an adult? Kids are a wonderful blessing to this world because they show us miserable old fuckers just how a personality should be open and unafraid to express itself. Perhaps she picked something up as she grew that made her afraid to seem "silly" in public because some part of her subconscious is afraid of what people would think of her?

 

[sole seeker]

Perhaps she feels a social or personal inhibition now she's an adult? Kids are a wonderful blessing to this world because they show us miserable old fuckers just how a personality should be open and unafraid to express itself. Perhaps she picked something up as she grew that made her afraid to seem "silly" in public because some part of her subconscious is afraid of what people would think of her?

I agree. (I've had just enough psychology and life experience to be dangerous here.)

Based on her strong reaction - 180 degrees from her reaction as a child - I'd say she had a bad experience.

Maybe in her adolesence she had a bad experience. It didn't have to be a big thing. It could have been as simple as asking someone to tickle her feet who responded that she was "weird" for always asking to be tickled. Maybe she discussed tickling with some girlfriends who said she was "strange." Being "normal" is a big thing at that stage of our lives. Her intense shame made her reassess what was to her an innocent pleasure and feel it was a bad thing. In any case, she obviously feels it's a bad thing now.

As we get older and mature we realize that "normal" is a much broader thing than we first thought it was. (Kinky is with a feather, perverted is with a chicken.)

 

[darvon96]

Sexual guilt?

Perhaps after reaching puberty, the realization that the desire to be tickled was linked to sexual desire changed her “public” reaction to the subject. When I was a kid, I tickled my sister and cousins constantly, but the moment the sexual connection was made, the family tickling stopped. I even remember my younger cousin being upset because I wouldn’t tickle her "like I used to" during a holiday gathering in my freshman year of collage. I’m sure sexual guilt can be experienced by both sexes and her desire to be tickled may be stronger than ever, but now only expressed to a special audience.