Witticisms

[sole seeker]

I've decided to impart a little wisdom to the masses. Here's the first installment:

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 

[sole seeker]

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see ‘em tumble down the stairs.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

 

[sole seeker]

Is everyone feeling a little smarter at this point? Best to be sure and not take a chance... here are a few more:

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?"

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 

[Bugman]

 

[milagros317]

LMAO
Great list.

 

[jonsmith]

the last one is most true.