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Words Women Use (Joke)

SmileyTkls

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Just another attempt to bring a little non-tk humor for your Friday. Enjoy, and if you don't...stick of gum?

Smiley

Words Women Use
> FINE. This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
> FIVE MINUTES. This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
> NOTHING. This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
> GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows). This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing," and will end with the word "Fine."
> GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows). This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine," and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
> LOUD SIGH. This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing."
> SOFT SIGH. Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.
> THAT'S OKAY. This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead." At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
> PLEASE DO. This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
> THANKS. A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
> THANKS A LOT. This is much different than "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
 
lol, may I continue?

'AND WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?': Do not panick, but you maybe about to die, depending on how slurred you're speach is at the time it is uttered. It is often accompanied by "Raised eyebrows" and regardless of whatever answer you give will be followed by a "Fine" mingled with a "Loud Sigh". After that, be afraid....
'I HAVE A HEADACHE': If women actualy had a headache every time they said they had a headache, many would be incapable of doing anything ever. Be cautious when this is said, but don't enquire any further on the matter, lest you receive a "Nothing" and an ominous glare.
"OH, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!' :Read: 'About bloody time you feckless moron.', unless it is accompanied by a 'Thanks' (but not a 'Thanks alot').


No offense intended here.:D
 
OMG you guys are funny! My face hurts from laughing. :blaugh:

Admiral, is your quote from "Withnail and I"? I tried to ask you about this privately, but you have an unlisted email. :( Write me if you like-- I really love that movie.

Toni aka TickleGal
 
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