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It burns because you're wicked.

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If you've never had the chance to see "Freak", see it. Leguizamo is great.

I've spent the weekend contemplating driving off of a cliff. Aside from being given "deadlines" to return phone calls and various other harassing words being thrown at me, I'd say it's been a bit of a long weekend.

My mother wants me to go see the broads at Battered Women. Think I've been verbally abused and etc. Now that I'm away from it all, I can kinda see what she's talking about, but what am I going to do at one of those things?

Sit around with a bunch of other women and commiserate about what was and why it should or shouldn't have happened?

It helped her cope, but I deal a little differently. Like-- not at all.

I'm making an appointment to see an attorney. That should be fun! Especially after I told him about this and he threatened to take full custody because he's not going to pay child support. He said he'd rather quit his job then do that because he's been "supporting my ass for 3.5 years."

Funny how there's a convenient moment of forgetfulness about the fact that it was me who bought the first apartment. Or that it was me who basically furnished it with the SS money from my asshole father. Or that it was me who carried the bulk of the bills for 7-8 months.

Ah well. Boys will be boys, clearly.

I saw a cool note on a women's desk the other day. Never been truer, I'll say.

Friends:

"It's not about who you've known the longest, it's about who has come and never left."

Ah. Irony.


- Jo.

Comments

Only one person can choose to live, to be alive, to feel alive, to work out, to change. All starts with you babe, and I know you have the strength to do it and I believe in YOU. <3
 
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You are seen, hon. I agree with Jay. You are a lot stronger sometimes then you would ever know.

There's always a light shining somewhere. I know wholly that you'll find it. :redheart:

ILY.
 
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Am I losing my ability to love? Have I lost my humanity?

I really don't know why you feel that way but it's making me sad. :(

It seems like you are going through a rough time, but try to look at it from a positive viewpoint; the sun can't shine ALL the time. You need the rainy days, or the world around you will suffer from drought.

On another note, when you're feeling down it's how you deal with it that matters. After seeing you post on TMF I have only got positive things to say about you. If you can be such an awesome person even when feeling down, then that's a true sign of good character.

To use a favorite quote of mine: "People are like stained glass windows: they sparkle when the sun is out, but once darkness sets, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."

Keep on rocking, and I hope things get better for you. :)
 
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I'm struggling with some of those same feelings babe. It's really hard and sometimes it feels completely hopeless. I strongly recommend seeing a therapist if you have the means. My PCP (primary care physician) prescribes my meds, and I've been on zoloft since I was 13. I went on the max dosage about 4 months ago, and now it seems like it isn't enough. I'm thinking of trying a mood stabilizer. These hopeless feelings are often caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. The medication corrects the imbalance, and you begin to feel better. Just something to think about. :) :ily:
 
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CrystalLight
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