Okay, so if anyone read my previous blog post, you'd know about this whole issue with my dad.
After that whole sordid ordeal, an awkward day passed. I was feeling terrible, tired, cranky and stressed out to the max. I knew that they were both still upset with me so I layed low for awhile. I kept to the schedule they gave me, except for the part about splitting Charlie's nap time in two. It just wasn't going to work, and who would really expect it to on the first day, right? So I put Charlie down for one long nap at around 1pm. And I told my dad about this too when he came home.
My internet time is for 10 - 11:30 during Charlie's first scheduled nap. Even though Charlie was still awake, I took him to the sunroom and let him play with toys so I could get back to work on the job hunting. Only I was still disconnected. So I waited, and played with Charlie and we practised walking with his little car walker. By 12:30 nothing had happened, so when I put Charlie down for a nap, I texted my dad and told him I really wanted to get some work done. I thought he was at work, but apparently he was outside so he sent me a message back saying that he would be in shortly.
I saw him and my stepmom talking out in the yard, and she was showing him something. So I waited, and went and sat on my bed. I'd left my coffee cup on the kitchen counter, and after awhile I went to retrieve it. Both my dad and his wife had disappeared to wherever they needed to be, both without a word to me.
Next to my coffee cup was an envelope with my name on it. I took it to my room and sat down to read it. It turned out to be yet another letter, this time from my stepmom. It was four typed pages of her issues with me. These issues apparently go back WEEKS.
She brings up nearly 15 different points of where I have apparently messed up. Alot of her comments in this letter were very rude, very uncalled for, and a majority of them were untrue or could be explained with simple reasoning.
Alot of the things she points out in this letter were things that I had thought I'd already cleared up with my father during our chat two nights before. Apparently I was wrong, because I know she gave this letter to my dad for approval before they both gave it to me. This just showed me that there are not only communication issues between them and I, but obvious communitcan issues between eachother.
"I'm writing all of this to you because right now, if I were to talk to you, I am angry enough that it would not be pretty. At least on paper, I can edit it and take out some of the anger as I go along."
This part irritated me. Because every single one of these issues could have been avoided if they had just talked to me in the first place. Every single one. Why can't we talk like normal adults?
"I will not tolerate lies from you, either bold faced lies, or lies of omission. We do not lie to you,"
the funny thing is, after I discussed this all with them, there were NO LIES on my part. Just serious misunderstandings on theirs. Either bold faced or lies of omission.
I think that not talking to me about these issues and acting like everything was okay between us for all these weeks is a lie of omission in itself.
"You wanted to go to Toronto for an interview, and yet we had to pay for the baby's daycare,"
WHOA. Stop right there. My father was the one who threw out the idea of daycare and offered to pay for it on the spot. If he hadn't, I would have.
"Your parenting skills with Charlie are pathetic,"
Was this really nessecary? My son is well cared for, happy, well fed and has everything he needs. Both of my parents work all day, and then are always out during the evenings. Charlie had spaghetti in his ears after dinner one time, and that contributes to my poor parenting skills. Kids get messy. End of story.
"Yesterday you asked your dad to pick you up a pack of smokes just shows how selfish you are with no regard to anyone else,"
This is where they are referring to the whole quitting smoking thing.
"That's like asking an alcohlic to pick you up a six pack. Way to give moral support. And then just throwing the money at him in the kitchen later was unwarranted."
Okay. First of all, I was stressed out. Yes, it inappropriate of me to ask my dad for a smoke. I didn't ask him to get me a back, I just sent him a text saying that I could sure use one. I was hoping that my dad, who is supposed to be quitting yet sits outside with me at 1am smoking and complaining that laser therapy doesn't work, would have used a little discretion with this one. I was wrong. My bad.
"You sit around the house and do nothing all day and you're not even making any sort of an effort,"
Really? I'm not? How would you know, exactly, seeing as how you guys are never around?
And futhermore, I have PAGES and PAGES of things written down, addresses, phone numbers people, places, things. I have an entire notebook of things that can prove that I have no been doing nothing. I know that they want me out of the house, and I've been doing my best with the only resource I have. That's just my written notes too, not to mention the 300 e-mails I have sitting in my e-mail that can also prove that I have been making the effort.
Not to mention the job interviews that I have landed. Those aren't a product of doing nothing at all. They are a product of effort.
After these 15 or so pointouts of my fuck ups is about a page and a half of pure ranting. All of the quotes above are most of the nicer things that were said. Overall, it was absolutely appalling.
For absolutely everything mentioned in this entire letter, I had an explanation, reasoning, proof and many fine examples of how alot of this was severely exaggeratted, out of context and extremely uncalled for. The whole thing was downright appalling.
Blaming me for my father's high blood pressure.
Thanks.
The fact that she just holds on to this stuff and then has to write it out to me really frustrates me. They gave it to me in the middle of the day, so that I could read it while Charlie was napping, and then not be able to respond in any way because they were both back to work.
That was a mistake. What they gave me was a chance to sit on it and think for well over four hours, and think about exactly how I was going to respond. I sent them both a text message (because that's the only way I can get through to them apparently) saying that I would like to speak to both of them before company comes over. We were supposed to be having people come stay for the weekend, and I wanted to get this cleared up before they showed up. This wasn't something that anyone wanted hanging over our heads whilst friends are visiting.
My stepmom flat outright said that she didn't want to talk. I had to text back and forth and practically beg her to. My dad simply just didn't answer me. I explained that this issue wouldn't be resolved until we talked. No more passing notes. I have six pages of notes now, and I'm not writing a god damn thing back.
She stopped answering me after awhile, and then I got really frustrated. They were both avoiding me. And to me, that just shows how juvenile this whole situation is. You can pass me notes, but you are too scared to talk to me face to face? There's something wrong with this picture.
So I explained that I just wantd to talk. I said that I wasn't going to freak out or get angry, I just wanted to explain some things.
Still no answer.
Finally when the clock hit 5:01, and it was no longer "business hours" I strolled into the basement and found my dad doing something with the landlord. I waited patiently until he noticed me and I just walked up and said
"I would like the chance to speak with you both before company comes tonight,"
Company was coming at 6:30.
My dad said okay. I went back upstairs.
I got all the letters I'd been given, and I waited.
and waited.
and waited.
Then I hear the lawnmower going outside. My stepmom has gone to go mow the lawn, and my dad is now nowhere to be found.
Now, this is the part where I really had to bite my tongue until it bled. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to get angry, but this was really pushing it. So I waited some more. Finally at around 6, they both came inside. My dad instantly went into the bathroom, and my stepmom went into her bedroom and closed the door. Well, it was mostly shut, but she had put a doorstop in it on her side.
This was getting pretty fucking ridiculous.
Finally at 10 after, I got sick of waiting. If they weren't going to come to me like I asked, and just hide out an avoid me, then I was going to go get them. I knocked on the bedroom door, waited for her to answer it and said that I would like to have the discussion NOW.
No, we have to take the dogs outside first.
Finally it's 6:20 and I get them both into the kitchen, sit them down at the table, and pull out the letter.
"Now," I said, "I'm going to be going through absolutely every single point mentioned in this letter, and I'm going to explain it. And you two are going to do nothing and say nothing until I am finished."
And so I did. I calmly, without losing my nerve or raising my voice, explained everything. I also explained that this was all unessecary and could have been avoided with better communication between the three of us. I said that these accusations were hurtful and offensive, and while I could see how they came to alot of the conclusions that they did, they should have simply talked to me first. If they want me to be able to be comfortable and discuss my issues with them, all I ask is that they reciprocate.
And you know what they did?
They agreed with me
and they apologized.
After that whole sordid ordeal, an awkward day passed. I was feeling terrible, tired, cranky and stressed out to the max. I knew that they were both still upset with me so I layed low for awhile. I kept to the schedule they gave me, except for the part about splitting Charlie's nap time in two. It just wasn't going to work, and who would really expect it to on the first day, right? So I put Charlie down for one long nap at around 1pm. And I told my dad about this too when he came home.
My internet time is for 10 - 11:30 during Charlie's first scheduled nap. Even though Charlie was still awake, I took him to the sunroom and let him play with toys so I could get back to work on the job hunting. Only I was still disconnected. So I waited, and played with Charlie and we practised walking with his little car walker. By 12:30 nothing had happened, so when I put Charlie down for a nap, I texted my dad and told him I really wanted to get some work done. I thought he was at work, but apparently he was outside so he sent me a message back saying that he would be in shortly.
I saw him and my stepmom talking out in the yard, and she was showing him something. So I waited, and went and sat on my bed. I'd left my coffee cup on the kitchen counter, and after awhile I went to retrieve it. Both my dad and his wife had disappeared to wherever they needed to be, both without a word to me.
Next to my coffee cup was an envelope with my name on it. I took it to my room and sat down to read it. It turned out to be yet another letter, this time from my stepmom. It was four typed pages of her issues with me. These issues apparently go back WEEKS.
She brings up nearly 15 different points of where I have apparently messed up. Alot of her comments in this letter were very rude, very uncalled for, and a majority of them were untrue or could be explained with simple reasoning.
Alot of the things she points out in this letter were things that I had thought I'd already cleared up with my father during our chat two nights before. Apparently I was wrong, because I know she gave this letter to my dad for approval before they both gave it to me. This just showed me that there are not only communication issues between them and I, but obvious communitcan issues between eachother.
"I'm writing all of this to you because right now, if I were to talk to you, I am angry enough that it would not be pretty. At least on paper, I can edit it and take out some of the anger as I go along."
This part irritated me. Because every single one of these issues could have been avoided if they had just talked to me in the first place. Every single one. Why can't we talk like normal adults?
"I will not tolerate lies from you, either bold faced lies, or lies of omission. We do not lie to you,"
the funny thing is, after I discussed this all with them, there were NO LIES on my part. Just serious misunderstandings on theirs. Either bold faced or lies of omission.
I think that not talking to me about these issues and acting like everything was okay between us for all these weeks is a lie of omission in itself.
"You wanted to go to Toronto for an interview, and yet we had to pay for the baby's daycare,"
WHOA. Stop right there. My father was the one who threw out the idea of daycare and offered to pay for it on the spot. If he hadn't, I would have.
"Your parenting skills with Charlie are pathetic,"
Was this really nessecary? My son is well cared for, happy, well fed and has everything he needs. Both of my parents work all day, and then are always out during the evenings. Charlie had spaghetti in his ears after dinner one time, and that contributes to my poor parenting skills. Kids get messy. End of story.
"Yesterday you asked your dad to pick you up a pack of smokes just shows how selfish you are with no regard to anyone else,"
This is where they are referring to the whole quitting smoking thing.
"That's like asking an alcohlic to pick you up a six pack. Way to give moral support. And then just throwing the money at him in the kitchen later was unwarranted."
Okay. First of all, I was stressed out. Yes, it inappropriate of me to ask my dad for a smoke. I didn't ask him to get me a back, I just sent him a text saying that I could sure use one. I was hoping that my dad, who is supposed to be quitting yet sits outside with me at 1am smoking and complaining that laser therapy doesn't work, would have used a little discretion with this one. I was wrong. My bad.
"You sit around the house and do nothing all day and you're not even making any sort of an effort,"
Really? I'm not? How would you know, exactly, seeing as how you guys are never around?
And futhermore, I have PAGES and PAGES of things written down, addresses, phone numbers people, places, things. I have an entire notebook of things that can prove that I have no been doing nothing. I know that they want me out of the house, and I've been doing my best with the only resource I have. That's just my written notes too, not to mention the 300 e-mails I have sitting in my e-mail that can also prove that I have been making the effort.
Not to mention the job interviews that I have landed. Those aren't a product of doing nothing at all. They are a product of effort.
After these 15 or so pointouts of my fuck ups is about a page and a half of pure ranting. All of the quotes above are most of the nicer things that were said. Overall, it was absolutely appalling.
For absolutely everything mentioned in this entire letter, I had an explanation, reasoning, proof and many fine examples of how alot of this was severely exaggeratted, out of context and extremely uncalled for. The whole thing was downright appalling.
Blaming me for my father's high blood pressure.
Thanks.
The fact that she just holds on to this stuff and then has to write it out to me really frustrates me. They gave it to me in the middle of the day, so that I could read it while Charlie was napping, and then not be able to respond in any way because they were both back to work.
That was a mistake. What they gave me was a chance to sit on it and think for well over four hours, and think about exactly how I was going to respond. I sent them both a text message (because that's the only way I can get through to them apparently) saying that I would like to speak to both of them before company comes over. We were supposed to be having people come stay for the weekend, and I wanted to get this cleared up before they showed up. This wasn't something that anyone wanted hanging over our heads whilst friends are visiting.
My stepmom flat outright said that she didn't want to talk. I had to text back and forth and practically beg her to. My dad simply just didn't answer me. I explained that this issue wouldn't be resolved until we talked. No more passing notes. I have six pages of notes now, and I'm not writing a god damn thing back.
She stopped answering me after awhile, and then I got really frustrated. They were both avoiding me. And to me, that just shows how juvenile this whole situation is. You can pass me notes, but you are too scared to talk to me face to face? There's something wrong with this picture.
So I explained that I just wantd to talk. I said that I wasn't going to freak out or get angry, I just wanted to explain some things.
Still no answer.
Finally when the clock hit 5:01, and it was no longer "business hours" I strolled into the basement and found my dad doing something with the landlord. I waited patiently until he noticed me and I just walked up and said
"I would like the chance to speak with you both before company comes tonight,"
Company was coming at 6:30.
My dad said okay. I went back upstairs.
I got all the letters I'd been given, and I waited.
and waited.
and waited.
Then I hear the lawnmower going outside. My stepmom has gone to go mow the lawn, and my dad is now nowhere to be found.
Now, this is the part where I really had to bite my tongue until it bled. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to get angry, but this was really pushing it. So I waited some more. Finally at around 6, they both came inside. My dad instantly went into the bathroom, and my stepmom went into her bedroom and closed the door. Well, it was mostly shut, but she had put a doorstop in it on her side.
This was getting pretty fucking ridiculous.
Finally at 10 after, I got sick of waiting. If they weren't going to come to me like I asked, and just hide out an avoid me, then I was going to go get them. I knocked on the bedroom door, waited for her to answer it and said that I would like to have the discussion NOW.
No, we have to take the dogs outside first.
Finally it's 6:20 and I get them both into the kitchen, sit them down at the table, and pull out the letter.
"Now," I said, "I'm going to be going through absolutely every single point mentioned in this letter, and I'm going to explain it. And you two are going to do nothing and say nothing until I am finished."
And so I did. I calmly, without losing my nerve or raising my voice, explained everything. I also explained that this was all unessecary and could have been avoided with better communication between the three of us. I said that these accusations were hurtful and offensive, and while I could see how they came to alot of the conclusions that they did, they should have simply talked to me first. If they want me to be able to be comfortable and discuss my issues with them, all I ask is that they reciprocate.
And you know what they did?
They agreed with me
and they apologized.
A: