You just said exactly what it is that you and others do. Wallow. Because you are used to feeling that way. it’s a hard crutch to get away from. But it can be overcome over time.
You just have to work at it every single day.
There are others crutches too like anger. Overeating. Undereating. Gambling. Sex… Rp… I’ll get to the latter part later here...
Laughing at ourselves is a good thing. We all do it. But… there’s a limit. Self debasing humor is a self made wall to avoid getting hurt. It’s a mask. It’s time to take it off.
There are quite a few comedians that have committed suicide. Robin Williams suffered from Depression for many, many years. Now… while he probably killed himself over his Parkinson’s diagnosis… depression was a huge factor. For whatever reason... a lot of comedians use self debasing humor to hide their pain. It’s a temporary fix because if one can make someone laugh… it makes us feel good. But in reality.. while it feels good in the moment… the feel good high wears off. And you are left with remembering why they laughed in the first place. At YOUR EXPENSE. And at the comedians life. But meanwhile they/ you continue to hurt. That’s a bandaid or crutch too. Small amounts are ok… but… you have to confront your pain first. The fact you wanted to kill yourself and tried to… you can’t run from this anymore. Don’t even try. It’s anything BUT funny what you are going through. And that usually does not translate well to others. If you told me a joke about this… your disorder… I wouldn't be sitting here laughing at you or with you. I might FAKE a laugh though. Just to feel like I’m giving you what you need. A momentary fix. But that’s wrong. It’s those little white lies we give each other to avoid discussing the real problem. We never want to hurt someone. But… we sometimes do things that are nowhere near in the best interest of our friends. Your friends may laugh at your jokes while they are in your presence… but… they’re not going home thinking these jokes are really funny. They are sad for you in what you are having to go through. They’re trying to be good friends... giving you your fix of momentary relief from your disorder. That means they do care. But… these little white lies and bandaids aren’t actually helping you. Please stop that. There are a whole host of things to laugh about in this life. It’s time to find those things rather than use yourself as the act. You’re not a joke. Your disorder isn’t a joke. That’s not helping you. Its making it worse. STOP.
One of the things I laugh at myself about (especially lately) is I am a total CLUTZ. Like I mean… I have bruises and walk into things CONSTANTLY. I drop things. I break things. I am constantly getting myself hurt because I for what reason have ZERO grace in this house lol. Now that bothers me but it doesn’t bother me to the point that it affects my self image. I don’t beat myself up over it. I WISH I was more graceful. (And I certainly don’t like the bumps I take which can be very painful.) But I accept that about myself. And can laugh at that easily now. And make jokes easily. Because here again… I don’t look at myself in the mirror and think… “I should die because I am so clumsy.” There’s a big difference in what I am doing… in comparison to what you are doing. My issue is a small potato. Your issue is a big potato.
At some point.. you may and probably WILL be able to laugh at your disorder (and make jokes) But only once you have improved your self image. And are more in control of your disorder. Until then… and you’ll know it when it comes… stay away from that. Right now… you must take this seriously and start being proactive in how you deal with it. And live with it. Your mind is far too vulnerable to be laughed at right now. Even by YOU.
I’m sure you could use some tickling. And it's wonderful to want to be more of yourself here. I encourage that. But not tickling sessions.
Here again you are trying to find bandaids to feel better. You are avoiding the real issues you have to face FIRST. You are too vulnerable right now to do that. As part lee… when I get tickled.. It's wonderful. But… sometimes I crash afterwards. It’s called sub drop. The high only lasts so long… Now sometimes I am fine until the next session. But… sometimes I miss that feeling so much that I get depressed. A lot of people here are using rp or a session as a temporary bandage from the loneliness they feel. But it doesn’t fix the problem. It doesn’t fix the YEARS of depression you have had and still have.
Even I was using rp as a temporary fix because I wasn’t tickled at home. And tickling stories. And tickling porn. So I stopped ALL OF IT. (There were plenty of other reasons why I stopped as far as RP but…this was one of the biggest reasons. It hurt me to put myself into a fantasy I wanted to live out in real life. After an rp was over. It felt good for a bit afterwards. But when that high wore off… I was back to square one. Depressed over not getting tickled at home. My Bf was in a similar spot. Avoiding me. Getting lost on Fb and his video games. Even his job. It's only now we are starting to fix our issues. After over an entire year + of bedroom related problems. For myself: Essentially… RP was encouraging me to stay angry. Frustrated. And SAD. I WANTED an excuse to be sad. I was addicted to being sad… addicted to being angry over not getting what I wanted. I just didn't realzie what I was actually doing to myself. Prolonging the issues... prolonging the pain. So we ended up in counseling. Which was the best thing we could have done. And now we are finding ways to be together to get both of our needs met.
We have a long way to go. But we are finally on the path together.
Let’s say I get into accident. And I have a 10 inch by 10 inch hole in my arm. Glass just ripped a whole section off of my arm. (Later skin! Send me a postcard! lololol) Well, common sense tells me I should go to the hospital and have it stitched up. The wound cleaned. And given antibiotics to avoid any infection or germs that could have infected it. But… if I sit here and just go “Well, I’m gonna go home and just put a bandaid on it or wrap it up myself.” - I may have just given myself a bad path to having my entire arm amputated. Quite possibly even death. Why? Because I didn’t do what was right for me in the first place. I didn’t do the steps in order to get better. Temporary solutions are just that: TEMPORARY.
I don’t know how to fly an airplane. Would you trust me to give me the keys and fly you somewhere? Because I TELL you I THINK I am ready? “Where are your credentials”? Me: “I don’t have any.”
I have no credentials. You would tell me no right? Gotta learn to fly first with an actual instructor before you fly yourself. You are not ready yet to face the realities that can come with a tickling session. And don’t rp. Take everything off the table except for masturbation itself. Masturbation rocks and fantasy rocks. But actual tickling interactions such as these may actually be depressing you further. You need to wipe the slate clean of anything that can trigger depression. Realities include rejection. You just said you have not met anyone yet for regular rp sessions. You have done one night stand rps essentially. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. You WILL be disappointed. It’s already happened right? Just focus on talking in the main chat where all the pressure is off of you. Going into pms is practically like going into a job interview. Just enjoy chatting with us.
It may be hard at first but we all understand the various issues that go along with Tickling. You are not alone. It’s time to come of the tickle pm closet. I know what I’m talking about with this. Please listen to me.
Yes that is sad. But what's sadder is that you were suicidal. And your disorder. Not what you did. Your pain comes before anything else right now. It’s time to focus on it. I’m happy you learned your lesson. It is indeed one of the hardest to learn. But now over the next week you are STILL going to be thinking about her. And what you did. Don’t tell me otherwise. You may have learned the lesson… but you’re still inviting the pain in. It's time to LIVE THE LESSON. I suggest you sit in front of the mirror and actively forgive yourself face to face. “I forgive myself for: X. And don’t stop doing it until you BELIEVE it. Until you can truly smile from the relief you will feel. You need to literally fall in love with yourself as if you were dating yourself. No one else can like or love you… until you like and love yourself. And I also suggest you do the same with accepting your tickling fetish. “I have a tickling fetish. And I enjoy it. I love that about myself. How cool is this?” Say it… till you MEAN IT.
But first things first. One step at a time. Start with the forgiveness of yourself. Over everything that upsets you about yourself. One issue at a time.
Every time she comes up in your mind… you walk over to that mirror. And get a seat. Sit down and have that one on one time. “I forgive myself. I messed up but I’m a good man. And I am going to show others what a good man I am.” And MEAN IT. It will be true right? If you LET IT BE TRUE.
This is exposure therapy too. You are exposing yourself… to YOURSELF. The mirror reflects the lies you are telling yourself. Then take a nice shower. Get dressed. And get ready to enjoy your day. Sometimes when we are depressed we tend to sit around in our pajamas and wallow in self pity. You’re done with that now. Active recovery. That's the name of the game now.
[QUOTE}You've made me realize I can't really go back and that it's over. As hard as that is to think about. I hope I meet more people I can connect with because that's what I really want. Schizophrenia and depression complicate these things because you have to find somebody who can handle both of those things. But I feel like it could happen.