• If you would like to get your account Verified, read this thread
  • The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us.
  • >>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
    Don't forget to include your username

Are Men at a Disadvantage in Tickling?

Redmage said:
Maybe I'm weird, but I've just never felt particularly disadvantaged. I know that there are fewer women than men, but it hasn't affected me in any way that I've noticed.
Click to expand...
That makes sense to me. I'm sure there are some guys here who have way more action than they possibly could handle as well. There are really a lot of factors at work here--including things like what someone really wants and/or requires to be satisfied, etc. And that varies all over the map.

I didn't want to imply that numbers are the only thing that matter--not by a long shot--only that they do have real effects.
 
MrPartickler said:
Since it's late and I'm a bit wasted (lol) I'll post this....
Click to expand...
Sometimes, the most sensible posts come from people who post while drinking!
MrPartickler said:
2) The most often cited statistic for the ratio of men to women who visit adult/porn sites is about 3 to 1. (I'd cite a link or two, but I'm feeling lazy now. Besides, Google works for everyone.) Is there a reason to think the TMF ratio is significantly better than the average overall? Probably not.

In fact, I'd estimate the TMF ratio is significantly worse than this. If anyone wants to better understand this trend, simply count the ratio of female login IDs to male ones on the login page. Track this number over time. (Be a little conservative/generous if you wish to account for ambiguous or gender-neutral names if you wish.) It's a sample, but my guess is that it provides a rough estimate of the actual ratio...i.e., not that great.
Click to expand...

I agree that there are a lot more active male users than female users. How can I know who is male or female by screen name alone? I frequently ask users in the chat if they are m or f, because it is so unclear, even as they begin chatting. LOL

MrPartickler said:
4) A measure of active membership is important as well. Let's say there are lots of women (and/or men) who don't post, don't respond to PMs, don't initiate PMs, or don't enter the chatroom...but they lurk. How much credit should be given for these people? Think about it: there are literally tens (or hundreds?) of thousands of posts that are scattered throughout the TMF. If none of those have provoked a response, it's highly unlikely even the most creative personal ad can eclipse them all enough to elicit their responses either. Basically, if someone's activity level is below a certain amount, they really don't count for much in this equation. Active members are just much more likely to "engage" than inactive ones. So if the active membership is heavily male-dominated, what should we realistically expect of interactions behind the scenes? Realistically, remember?
Click to expand...
I don't think enough acknowledgement is given to the good men. I am sure it can be damn near impossible to find the RIGHT lee.
MrPartickler said:
I could go on and on about this subject, but I won't. I've often thought of forming a more detailed thread post, but I've noticed that when a guy openly discusses things like this, it's usually just perceived as negativity or bitterness. So, regardless of the veracity of the claims, it often just reflects poorly on the poster.
Click to expand...
I don't think this post reflects poorly on you at all. You speak the truth.
MrPartickler said:
I can definitely sign on to one thing: we should all try to focus on things we can control. For instance, the M/F ratio isn't really controllable, but our personal interactions with others are. I do like to know something about the field too, however, as it helps me to moderate my expectations. That can be helpful for keeping frustration at bay.
Click to expand...
I never want you to be frustrated. You are a really sweet guy. This doesn't sound like a drunking rant. It's very well thought out!
 
Redmage said:
Maybe I'm weird, but I've just never felt particularly disadvantaged. I know that there are fewer women than men, but it hasn't affected me in any way that I've noticed.
Click to expand...

Hmm. Imagine that. Might this lend some credence to Steph's original post? There are a number of men on this forum who post intelligently, PM intelligently and converse intelligently. Then there are MANY MANY more who rarely post, or only post in the vid forum, who send PMs that make a woman feel creepy to read, let alone answer.

Other men could, in fact, have women lining up for them. I know that when a certain Bay area lee posts about her sessions with "her favorite ler" it always makes me want to get on the next plane. And that's because a woman of quality is singing the praises of a man who has proven himself to be of quality as well.

Bella's right- it's a tickling forum, sure, but if you want to get somewhere with me, you gotta bring something else to the table.
 
BellaRisa said:
May I ask how you know?
Click to expand...
Long time experience, really. If you look at the ratio of male to female posters, male to female gathering attendees, or even the list of online members at any given time, the results are pretty consistent.

Do you think that the gender balance of this or any other online fetish forum is anywhere close to 50/50? If so, then what gives you that idea?
 
MrPartickler said:
Since it's late and I'm a bit wasted (lol) I'll post this....

First: Yes, there is a measurable disadvantage. Yes, I've met TMFer ladies before. Yes, it is possible to succeed (eventually) anyway. That doesn't mean it will happen, even under the best of circumstances...just that it's possible.

1) The ratio matters whether we actually know it or not--unless that ratio is 1:1, which it is not in all likelihood.

2) The most often cited statistic for the ratio of men to women who visit adult/porn sites is about 3 to 1. (I'd cite a link or two, but I'm feeling lazy now. Besides, Google works for everyone.) Is there a reason to think the TMF ratio is significantly better than the average overall? Probably not.

In fact, I'd estimate the TMF ratio is significantly worse than this. If anyone wants to better understand this trend, simply count the ratio of female login IDs to male ones on the login page. Track this number over time. (Be a little conservative/generous if you wish to account for ambiguous or gender-neutral names if you wish.) It's a sample, but my guess is that it provides a rough estimate of the actual ratio...i.e., not that great.

3) Every measurable (i.e., not imagined) metric I can personally think of indicates a significant number disparity between men and women on this forum. That translates to a disadvantage. That does not mean connections (for men) are impossible; it just means they will be noticeably more difficult to make.

Now, if there is some quantifiable measure that someone propose that contradicts this assessment, that would be useful information to share. I personally prefer to work with real things as opposed to imagined ones. So any assertion that because we don't know everything, we must know nothing always strikes me as being fundamentally flawed.

4) A measure of active membership is important as well. Let's say there are lots of women (and/or men) who don't post, don't respond to PMs, don't initiate PMs, or don't enter the chatroom...but they lurk. How much credit should be given for these people? Think about it: there are literally tens (or hundreds?) of thousands of posts that are scattered throughout the TMF. If none of those have provoked a response, it's highly unlikely even the most creative personal ad can eclipse them all enough to elicit their responses either. Basically, if someone's activity level is below a certain amount, they really don't count for much in this equation. Active members are just much more likely to "engage" than inactive ones. So if the active membership is heavily male-dominated, what should we realistically expect of interactions behind the scenes? Realistically, remember?
.
Click to expand...

The 3 to 1 ratio for visitation of porn sites tends to be based upon vanilla, 'regular' porn. A forum such as this isn't the same as an anonymous T & A porn site, where women are less likely to linger and feel a sense of belonging. Furthermore, discounting lurkers makes little sense to me; the fact that someone prefers to remain silent until they have the right reason to interact, as in the right personal ad or post or what have you, most definitely doesn't mean they aren't here. Heck, as a video producer, if I only catered to those who are very vocal I'd discount many, MANY of my customers who haven't the courage or desire to speak up but are most definitely a part of this community.

The 'real' measures by which you're estimating are no more valid than the possibility of truly knowing the gender of the average quiet member.

Bella
 
Redmage said:
Long time experience, really. If you look at the ratio of male to female posters, male to female gathering attendees, or even the list of online members at any given time, the results are pretty consistent.

Do you think that the gender balance of this or any other online fetish forum is anywhere close to 50/50? If so, then what gives you that idea?
Click to expand...

The spanking forums and parties I attend have ratios that are 50/50 or very close to it, and my bi-annual spanking event tends to be about 50/50 or even 60/40. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be surprised to find that for tickling the number is more skewed toward men, I'm just saying that I believe there are far more female lurkers and guests here than some would think.

Bella
 
BellaRisa said:
The spanking forums and parties I attend have ratios that are 50/50 or very close to it, and my bi-annual spanking event tends to be about 50/50 or even 60/40.
Click to expand...
Do these events, parties, and forums make a special effort to draw in female members? I wouldn't be too surprised either way, since spanking is a fantasy that draws heavily on a number of M/F and F/M archetypes, but even so I know that Shadow Lane has had to work hard to get a reasonable gender balance at their events over the years.

The website bondage.com lists (as of today) 137,455 female profiles, 219,287 male profiles, and 15,533 couples. That's a fairly typical male:female ratio (about 3:2) for an online fetish forum in my experience. And that's with the fairly generous assumption that genderbending is no more common for men than it is for women (that is, I'm assuming that the proportion of men posting as women is no higher than the proportion of women posting as men).

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be surprised to find that for tickling the number is more skewed toward men, I'm just saying that I believe there are far more female lurkers and guests here than some would think.
Click to expand...
My guess is that the ratio here is similar to that of bondage.com - perhaps even a bit more heavily slanted toward male members. But even if there is some large underground of female members secretly lurking on the forum it doesn't much matter for the purposes of this thread: if they aren't interacting with male members to any significant degree then they might as well not exist as far as the male experience of the forum is concerned.

As I wrote in my original post on this thread, I've never felt especially "disadvantaged" here and I don't think there's any reason why male members need to feel that way. But I say this despite the gender imbalance that I think is fairly clear for all practical purposes.
 
Last edited:
There are other factors than just gender ratio. It doesn't seem to me like there is a vast majority of males here, just active males posting. There aren't near as many active females, and it seems almost like the majority of females are bi, lesbian, or even straight, and prefer talking to girls about tickling, or doing the deed itself.

It just always seemed very rare to me to come across a post from a girl talking about tickling with a guy, at least by comparison, for some reason. It's most likely not that rare, but that's just how it felt to me.

Also, I am sure this is not a male dominated fetish in general, it's just that I believe most girls that have it either don't think anything is wrong with it, or anything major, or get enough of it offline that they don't need to peruse forums such as this.
 
BellaRisa said:
The 3 to 1 ratio for visitation of porn sites tends to be based upon vanilla, 'regular' porn. A forum such as this isn't the same as an anonymous T & A porn site, where women are less likely to linger and feel a sense of belonging. Furthermore, discounting lurkers makes little sense to me; the fact that someone prefers to remain silent until they have the right reason to interact, as in the right personal ad or post or what have you, most definitely doesn't mean they aren't here. Heck, as a video producer, if I only catered to those who are very vocal I'd discount many, MANY of my customers who haven't the courage or desire to speak up but are most definitely a part of this community.

The 'real' measures by which you're estimating are no more valid than the possibility of truly knowing the gender of the average quiet member.

Bella
Click to expand...
I think any site that has such prominent banners featuring scantily clad, half-naked women tied up, camgirl ads, etc. and has the standard "18 or older" speech on the front page can safely be lumped into the adult/porn site category. I mean, I think we're really splitting hairs if that's a major dispute. So I see no reason to discount the 3:1 ratio as a guideline.

What it seems like you're saying is that the TMF population has substantially more females than an average adult site, but they never leave any evidence of their presence. (Actually, this is a notion that's already closer to religion than I personally like to tread.) Nothing gets these women to participate, either behind the scenes or center stage, yet they feel a strong sense of belonging. So they keep coming back, despite the presence so many average, boring and/or ill-mannered men. (And, at a minimum, these women are reading the threads.) If men can't somehow manage to persuade them en masse to come out of this chronic stealth mode that they're content to stay in indefinitely, then there's something wrong with the men here.

That seems far less plausible to me than concluding there are just fewer women here. The latter doesn't fundamentally change what needs to be done to make connections.

I'm not saying there aren't some lurkers out there that factor in, just that their contribution should also be considered along with their (un)likelihood of participating. This isn't an impersonal online purchase we're talking about. This is about actual, two-way interaction.
 
Well I've heard...

I have heard tell that some of the "female" members of the forum aren't women at all. Either they are men posing as strait girls (I assume because they are into men, or feel women are more likely to talk about there experiences with other women) or they pose as Bi-sexual or Lezbians because the get off on F/F stuff in a big way. Add to this that already mention factor of genderless names and inactiver "lurking" members, and it is probably impossible to know who is what and where, why, and how.
 
Perhaps I am naive but that seems sad to me - that men would present themselves as women - I am horribly frustrated being a male on this tickling forum but I couldn't even imagine doing that - I have far too much respect and consideration for our other members.
 
ticklegothgirls said:
I've sent PM's saying "I've seen you around, feel like talking?" before. That's not the same thing, right?
Click to expand...
No, but it's still not great. It still kind of implies that you want to talk to someone, anyone, so long as she's "female and breathing." When the average woman on the TMF receives such vague and impersonal messages all the time, she probably won't feel inclined to answer.

A better approach is to comment on something specific to her, like something she's posted (and preferably not her signature pic, unless it actually has to do with the choice of content). If you indicate that there's something special about her that caught your interest, she's much more likely want to engage in conversation.

lk70 said:
Other men could, in fact, have women lining up for them. I know that when a certain Bay area lee posts about her sessions with "her favorite ler" it always makes me want to get on the next plane. And that's because a woman of quality is singing the praises of a man who has proven himself to be of quality as well.
Click to expand...
:Kiss2:

And I hope you do get on that plane. We've got a lot of 'lers out here, and 'lees, too, who have praises worthy of singing! 🙂
 
I've been a part of the Bay Area community since, well, I was legal 😛 (I distinctly remember being deemed "jailbait boy" at an event we had soon after I started showing up :wavingguy). Even from the start, I really haven't had any problems when it comes to finding people to play with, or for that matter to talk with on the TMF.

Then again, I will say that I've never actually discussed tickling with anyone in any conversation over IM/PM's/email/etc. I mean, seriously, as far as conversation goes it's pretty weak stuff. Of course I like tickling, that's why I have an account on this site, and I assume that's why all the people I talk to are here also. As that's a given, I'm just interested in getting to know people.

It's really important to me to actually be friends with the people I play with, and I couldn't imagine playing with someone without starting that relationship first. For instance, I just got back from bringing one of my friends who knows nothing about the TMF/my interests there, to hang out with some friends of mine who I know through the TMF and a bunch of their non tickling friends, and we had a great time. It's transcended the level of "hey, we have this fetish in common, lets hang out," to "hey, you're really cool, let's hang out." It's so much more satisfying when the person you play with is more than just a ticklish body 😛

So I guess my advice is, look to make friends first and the tickling will follow, not the other way around 😛.
 
I can sum this up in a few words..
Men are here to find a woman to tickle..
Women are here to socialize....If a guy mentions tickling "too soon",
he's history...
 
tkl-pen said:
A little off topic here - go figure, I started the thread - but I've noticed that some of the ladies here have fabulous signature pics - Chicles, its fabulous - that girl epitomizes the perfect ticklee in my mind - Aurora, its gorgeous.

:devil2::devil2::devil2:
Click to expand...

Hey, thanks Tkl pen! :bunny:
As for the age thing, maybe this means we don't need to worry 😛
Many blessings,
Chickles:redheart:
 
Excess said:
Well the main point of that was that guys in general are seen as potentially threatening to women, regardless of age. And when I say "older", I don't just mean a few years give or take. I mean a good 20 and over years.

Unless most of you really do want guys that much older. But then...what hope is there for me to find someone until I'm about 40? :dropatear
Click to expand...

Hiya Excess :bunny:
First I want to appreciate your concern for women. And sadly it's true many of us do feel nervous around guys we don't know well. And i'm the first one to say it's totally sad and wrong, if tragically necessary. :dropatear: Especially when 99% of all guys are reasonably decent! (if you don't count the post-pee position of the potty :sowrong: 😛😛)

Anyway, thing is though, should it really matter if the guy is 5 years or 20 years older? isn't it still the heart that counts? I know an educated girl who happily married a guy 50 years her senior! yes really! and they are still happy and have two children together - and I can guarantee you there was some tickling going on there. :veryhappy

In my work i see a lot of different couples. And I guess I think it's really more about how people feel about each other that should matter. Does that make sense? :upsidedow After all, eventually a relationship ends up in togetherness or break up, but that's true regardless of any age, right?

Just another thought. 🙂

Many blessings,
Chickles:redheart:
 
Redmage said:
Long time experience, really. If you look at the ratio of male to female posters, male to female gathering attendees, or even the list of online members at any given time, the results are pretty consistent.

Do you think that the gender balance of this or any other online fetish forum is anywhere close to 50/50? If so, then what gives you that idea?
Click to expand...

Just picking up on this and Bella's comments too about male and female ratios.
One thing you guys (being long term member's) may have overlooked is that if you want to download the pictures or clips from the relevant TMF forums, you have to become a member. Thus many people (and if you don't believe this start working through the list alphabetically) join merely to download and lurk. They do not include any gender details in their profiles, nor make any posts whatsoever. Thus I am not saying either of you is correct in gender ratios, but that it is just something else to consider.
 
WheresThe Clip? said:
Just picking up on this and Bella's comments too about male and female ratios.
One thing you guys (being long term member's) may have overlooked is that if you want to download the pictures or clips from the relevant TMF forums, you have to become a member. Thus many people (and if you don't believe this start working through the list alphabetically) join merely to download and lurk. They do not include any gender details in their profiles, nor make any posts whatsoever. Thus I am not saying either of you is correct in gender ratios, but that it is just something else to consider.
Click to expand...
And if we're considering that..... then we should probably note that the vast majority of people who view pictures and clips are men. This assumption is based on the gender distribution of the people who do post in those forums, as well as our generalizations about the type of erotic material that men and women prefer.

So if I'm guessing... the actual gender ratios of men and women on the TMF are even more skewed towards men than a tour of the discussion forums would lead one to believe.
 
LindyHopper said:
And if we're considering that..... then we should probably note that the vast majority of people who view pictures and clips are men. This assumption is based on the gender distribution of the people who do post in those forums, as well as our generalizations about the type of erotic material that men and women prefer.

So if I'm guessing... the actual gender ratios of men and women on the TMF are even more skewed towards men than a tour of the discussion forums would lead one to believe.
Click to expand...

Hmmm can't really make the same link here as you are, mainly because posting I would gather to be a more aggressive masculine activity, whereas downloading & lurking would tend to be a more passive feminine one (that is of course a generalising stereotype, but hopefully you know what I am getting at). The other thing is (and this is more of a hunch thing) I would assume there is a large female contingent of the membership who are only interested in tickling that involves other women. Thus by making any sort of posts or comments on here, they would (rightly) assume they would attract the interest/attention of male members who they would rather not be discussing this with. They on the other hand are likely to be interested in downloading clips and pictures that are F/F orientated.
 
WheresThe Clip? said:
Hmmm can't really make the same link here as you are, mainly because posting I would gather to be a more aggressive masculine activity, whereas downloading & lurking would tend to be a more passive feminine one (that is of course a generalising stereotype, but hopefully you know what I am getting at). The other thing is (and this is more of a hunch thing) I would assume there is a large female contingent of the membership who are only interested in tickling that involves other women. Thus by making any sort of posts or comments on here, they would (rightly) assume they would attract the interest/attention of male members who they would rather not be discussing this with. They on the other hand are likely to be interested in downloading clips and pictures that are F/F orientated.
Click to expand...
I think our generalizations are just leading us to different conclusions.

[generalizations]Men are more visual in nature, and tend to prefer pornographic pictures and videos. Women's tastes tend more towards erotic stories, which you don't even need a login to read around here. In addition, women like to talk, so they should post in the discussion forums out of proportion to their actual numbers. Contributing to this trend is the fact that compared to places like the personals section and the chat room, the discussion forums are one of the few areas on the TMF where women can participate without drawing excessive amounts of the wrong kind of attention. And finally, most of the interest in F/F tickling is actually driven by men, not by imaginary lesbians.[/generalizations]

In any case, we're far into the realm of speculation here, and MrPartickler is quite correct that it's largely irrelevant. For all practical purposes, it doesn't matter if these women really don't exist, or if they lurk by the thousands and never make their presence known. If they aren't interacting with the men, it doesn't help their cause. The known quantities of men and women on the TMF who actually interact with each other put men at a distinct disadvantage, as the OP suggested.
 
LindyHopper said:
Men are more visual in nature, and tend to prefer pornographic pictures and videos. Women's tastes tend more towards erotic stories, which you don't even need a login to read around here.
Click to expand...

But surely recent studies (and no I can't quote any) are that women are becoming more demanding/interested in what they require in terms of erotic material and visual stimulation since the Eighties onwards (for instance could a phenomenon like The Chippendales have happened in the Sixties say). So I think it is a rather broad brush assumption to think that the only people interested in F/F material are men. Obviously the producers will know the true story from their credit card receipts.

LindyHopper said:
In addition, women like to talk, so they should post in the discussion forums out of proportion to their actual numbers. Contributing to this trend is the fact that compared to places like the personals section and the chat room, the discussion forums are one of the few areas on the TMF where women can participate without drawing excessive amounts of the wrong kind of attention.
Click to expand...

Women do like to talk to other women, this cannot however be guaranteed by using the Discussion Forum. As an analogy (and this is not in any way meant to be homophobic) but as someone who is both a lee as well as ler, I would be creeped and unnerved to have a gay man jump into a discussion thread to ask me what I like about being tickled
 
Lets be mature about this..;-)

Here's the deal as I see it. I understand that some women, especially young ones who are interested in tickling want to chat with guys (or girls) their own age. It is also undeniably true that there are more males than females interested in this crazy fetish (yes it is a fetish no matter how you rationalize it). My point is, those of us who are a bit older need to recruit older ticklees. I'm sure there are plenty of mature women who would like to experiment with some thing new and exciting, don't be caught up thinking the only place to find a wonderful ticklee is only on the TMF. Don't get me wrong it's a great forum and I am grateful for it but come on, don't limit yourself! Truth be told I would love to walk into a bar and have a sexy young 20 something tell me she has the most ticklish feet in the world and she loves older men. But the odds of that are slim. Quite frankly, I don't really believe there is a "disadvantage", but I do believe in reality, and the reality is we need to broaden our perspective when looking for potential ticklees. I have had a lot of success with honesty with women my own age when it comes to tickling. For me it's all about the feet, and personally I don't give a hoot if they are young, they just have to be ticklish...;-)
 
I come here strictly to interact with people online. I have very seldom in life been without a Ler or Lers. As a kid, I was constantly tickled by older sisters, their girlfriends, girls at school, even certain teachers. Adolescence was a dry time, but once I became an adult, I relaxed considerably and just admitted to people that I like being tickled. I've found that most women without a tickling obsession (I find the term "vanilla" rather condescending) still enjoy tickling a man who likes it, and some precious few enjoy doing it regardless of whether or not it's welcome. 😱

I guess I'm saying by all this that since I'm not here looking for tickling action, I don't feel disadvantaged as a man, more like privileged to know so many cool people.
 
Wow - I am so glad I started this discussion - I have learned a lot from all of the responses - you have all provided so much to think about - thankyou.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
What's New
10/3/25
Check out the TMF Welcome Forum and say hello!

Door 44
Live Camgirls!
Live Camgirls
Streaming Videos
streaming tickling videos on demand at the TMF!
Tickling videos on demand!
Pic of the Week
Pic of the Week
Congratulations to
*** brad1704 ***
 The winner of our weekly Trivia, held every Sunday night at 11PM EST in our Chat Room
Back
Top