non-tickling spouses (what does one do?)

Ok, so most of you already know that my wife is not in to tickling like I am. As a matter of fact, she's not in to it at all. We've discussed the issue many times and she's known about my fetish since i started dating her.......15 years ago. We're now married over 11 years. Here's the very short version of this tragic tale:

She: Is not in to it, will not let me tickle her, will not give me any kind of outlet to tickle others, will not allow me to attend NEST (eventhough she has family in Philly, but she basically told me that if I go to NEST she'd leave me), is not crazy about the fact that I'm on this forum and that I chat with people in the chat room, not crazy about the fact that I chat with people on Yahoo IM as well, doesn't like the fact that I occasionally spend money downloading video clips (maybe like $10 at a time and maybe only once a month, when we have a household income of over $100,000/year), and will not compromise with me on any level on the issue.

I: Have at least attempted, several times and without success, to talk to her about the issue. I have attempted, again without success, to compromise with her on actually "scheduling" one day out of the month where I can tickle her. That lasted all of about a month and I never heard anything else about it. Now when I try to talk to her about the situation we end up fighting over it and that's not worth doing nor does it solve anything at all, so most of the time I just say nothing. I don't even bring the subject up hardly anymore. For my birthday, all I wanted was to be able to tickle her and all she did was complain about how cold the room was and how freezing she was. By the end of the night, it was 85 fucking degrees in the room and I was sweating like a pig.

The bottom line is basically this: I am unable to do things that I sould be able to do with the one woman that I care more about than anyone else, my wife. However, because I can't, she gives me no outlet, so I am stuck wondering what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I even asked her that one day and she gave me absolutely no answer at all. So there we are back to square 1. Now I know what you're asking: is it that she's not in to it or she's just not ticklish? Probably much of both and if she's not ticklish then so be it. I can't change that, I accept it. But still, what am I to do here??????

I don't care if your opinions are bad or good guys, be honest. If I'm being a whiny little bitch then say so, its all good. But fuck, someone tell me something!

well, falcon, i know i won't be the first to say "Compromise is necessary in any relationship", but i'll still say it. the fact that she won't sucks. i mean, in that amount of time, how much have you done for her? what compromises have you made, in any way, for her? i'm sure you've done your fair share of compromising in her favor, but how often does she return it? it seems to me, just from what you said, that it's a one-sided relationship. i'm sure i'm wrong, but that's just me.

now, there will be people saying "divorce, find a kinky chick", but that ain't the way to go. i knew a lady on this here forum that had a husband that was the same way, and it was tough for her as well. if she isn't willing to, in any way, to meet in the middle with you on that one aspect of your psyche, what can you do.

simple: stick with it. seems to me that you're bringing the subject up on occasion, and not constantly. find a moment, a time when you two aren't stressed, can relax, and bring it up. let her know your feelings. you only live once, my man, so make the most of it. but don't make it a constant, consistent badgering. she may try it, she may not. the only thing you can do is just keep on rollin', and see what happens in the future.

I can understand the frustration of not having a spouse that shares your interest. I will take exception to something however. You said that you should be able to do this with her, the woman you love and are married to. What about her right to not have something done to her that she doesn't want done? Being married doesn't grant you ownership, or special rights to do things to your spouse that your spouse doesn't want done to them. It is possible to rape one's spouse. You are not entitled to do anything to her that she doesn't want done to her. Her body is still her body and she has the absolute right to say yes or no to you doing things to her body. She did not forfiet the right to say no when she married you.
I understand the frustration and have to deal with it myself, but you do not have the right to do something to your spouse that they do not want done, and have been very clear about it. You knew when you married her that she felt this way it sounds like from your post and you chose to marry her anyway. Focus on the good things.

Hey dude. Sorry to hear about that! It's quite a predicament that you are in, I am afraid.

Why she doesn't want you to tickle her only she really knows. One can assume that either she is

A) really ticklish and just hates being tickled. If this is the case, you can work with that. Find out where is really ticklish at, and take it slow. Use it to spice up the sex life a bit. Tickle her a bit, kiss her a bit, back and forth before having sex. Make it fun, and not serious. No seriousness at all. Fun fun fun. After a while she'll get more used to it, like it a bit more, and eventually you can get her into being tied up and tickled with much better results. The fact is, a lot of people (myself included) who are terribly ticklish and be completely immune if we put our minds to it. If we don't wanna be, we won't.

B) She isn't ticklish. That sucks, cause that puts you up really a 1 way creek without a paddle. Research making people ticklish maybe?

C) She thinks the whole fetish is stupid. Refer to option A. If she still doesn't change her mind... there isn't much you can do here either.


As for her not giving any room, that's basically jealousy. Sadly, however, I can't say that it's unjustified. Considering why most of us are here, the idea of sending one's spouse off to a gather of people who will tickle/flirt/indulge in the fetish that brought them together isn't exactly on the top of every wife's to do list. Consider how you'd feel in her position, sending her off to a place full of dude's for a gathering based around a fetish.

As for the clips, however, you should take a stand there at least. If she will not allow you anything physically, then you should at least have the right to your clips. 😛

I'm terribly sorry about the situation you are in. Sadly, there are not a lot of options in such a case. The only guarantee you can go for are your clips. You're entitled to those at least. :-\ Everything else is something you two will have to slowly work out.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks guys. All good points.

CL: I think one of the biggest reasons that she doesn't give me an outlet is because she's more insecure than anything. Not really controlling. I can do other stuff whenever I want, but when it comes to tickling, she has issues with it. She doesn't want me putting my hands on other women and I can respect that. She also knows that tickling women and hearing their laughter is a sexual turn on for me. That's not really something that I can help, you know? But she's afraid that it'll be the same for the girl I'm tickling and we'll end up in bed together at some point, which is complete far from even possible. She fails to understand that I don't want to have sex with anyone else but her and that the sexual aspect of it has nothing to do with anything when I am tickling someone else. By the way, if she knwe that you had replied to this, you would immediately be labled a *****. Just so you know. She likes to use that word a little more liberally than I would like. But that's not a reflection of my thinking, I assure you, girl!

Cloud: Divorce is not an option. I'll sooner just stop going to tickle forums and such and live out the remainder of my days as a grumpy fucking asshole if that's what it comes down to. Compromise is there from me, all the time, and we do a lot for each other but like I said, when it comes to this issue, it's like I don't even exist. Before my birthday I sat down with her during lunch and we talked about it. She flat out told me that I could tickle her more often as long as I didn't go crazy on her. So I got happy and I bought a couple of tickle tools, nothing major at all (just some of those little art paint brushes from wlamart). Shortly after that she got on me about spending the money on tools and that I "misunderstood" what she said about being able to tickle her more often. So there yet, was another kick in the balls. That's the kind of shit that goes on for me.

Dna: You're absolutely correct in every single thing that you said. It made a lot of sense and I agree with you 100%. But I ask you, what outlet is she providing me? Please answer that for me if you can. Outside of this issue, which is a pretty big one for me, we really have no problems. We only have 3 days per week to spend with each other and we make the most of them, no doubt. So no worries there, we are definitely focusing on the good times, dna.

CR: Tried all of the above and to no avail. I can't tell whether she is not ticklish or just doesn't like it. Yes, I have considered myself in her position and no I wouldn't like it that much either. What I would really like for her to do is read posts about what goes on at NEST, how people felt, what they did, all the positive stuff, and have her go with me. I don't really even want to go to actually tickle anyone, I just wanna watch and observe, maybe learn a thing or two. But I'd really like to be able to bring her with me so that maybe she can see its not such a terrible thing, that the people involved are normal people like the two of us, with normal jobs and lives. Maybe that's just wishful thinking?

Thanks for the kind words of advice, guys.

I agree, Falcon, in that you're going about this properly. Your wife must either appreciate (or take for granted) the consideration you're giving your relationship in this matter. (If she is taking it for granted, then she's a very fortunate wife to be able to do so.)

I <I>don't</I> think that you should feel anything but personal confidence and freedom to engage in any activities that <I>don't</I> violate your marriage commitment (like talking on the forum, or spending money on clips if that applies, et cetera).

If you felt strongly enough to write this post on the forum, perhaps you should print it out and leave it somewhere she can read. It might help it sink in that this is real for you.

CL: I think one of the biggest reasons that she doesn't give me an outlet is because she's more insecure than anything. Not really controlling. I can do other stuff whenever I want, but when it comes to tickling, she has issues with it. She doesn't want me putting my hands on other women and I can respect that. She also knows that tickling women and hearing their laughter is a sexual turn on for me. That's not really something that I can help, you know? But she's afraid that it'll be the same for the girl I'm tickling and we'll end up in bed together at some point, which is complete far from even possible. She fails to understand that I don't want to have sex with anyone else but her and that the sexual aspect of it has nothing to do with anything when I am tickling someone else. By the way, if she knwe that you had replied to this, you would immediately be labled a *****. Just so you know. She likes to use that word a little more liberally than I would like. But that's not a reflection of my thinking, I assure you, girl!


LULZ.. Moi? *****?

Well, Whenever she's feeling froggy.. she can jump. 😉

I'm not quite sure what I said that would ellicit a response like that, so please enlighten me. One.

Two. You have been married for, 30 years..you said?

And she is still that INSECURE? You've been plowing her for that long, and sharing romantical cards, and squishy lovey dovey words..and she's STILL worried?

Simple;

She needs to help HERSELF, before you guy's can focus on YOUR legitimate issue. It's just going to continue to go around and around if not rectified.


TIME FOR SOME TOUGH LOVE, BABY!!


Now excuse me, I have a quota to fill. 😉

Thanks Coda, but I seriously doubt that. It's to the point of beating a dead horse with her now. The subject always ends up in an argument.

falcon said:

But I'd really like to be able to bring her with me so that maybe she can see its not such a terrible thing, that the people involved are normal people like the two of us, with normal jobs and lives. Maybe that's just wishful thinking?

Click to expand...

Try it. If it turns out to be wishful thinking, you may have narrowed it down to C. 🙂

CL: Its primiarily because you're a girl who likes tickling and I like tickling, too, and I chat with you on the forum. That, in her eyer, makes you a *****. No worries, I know the truth 😉 No challenging my wife to fights now, we don't need to get physical. And no, not 30 years of being married my friend, I'm only 34 years old! LOL!! We've been together 15 years, married 11 of those years. Make sense now? And yes, she is extremely insecure. Don't ask me why.

Either way, try tickling her just randomly for laughs. See if you can't get a response. If you do, kiss her. Hug her, something like that. Make it a playful romantic thing. If it is going to happen at all, you're going to have to really work at it. So take it slow. Toss out the tying up for now (you've waited this long, a few more months won't kill you) and just try to for fun, random tickles (which always end in a kiss or hug). Worst than can happen is you either make many useless attempts and just look stupid... or you scare her senseless accidentally and she punches you in the face. >_>

falcon said:

Ok, so most of you already know that my wife is not in to tickling like I am. As a matter of fact, she's not in to it at all. We've discussed the issue many times and she's known about my fetish since i started dating her.......15 years ago. We're now married over 11 years. Here's the very short version of this tragic tale:

She: Is not in to it, will not let me tickle her, will not give me any kind of outlet to tickle others, will not allow me to attend NEST (eventhough she has family in Philly, but she basically told me that if I go to NEST she'd leave me), is not crazy about the fact that I'm on this forum and that I chat with people in the chat room, not crazy about the fact that I chat with people on Yahoo IM as well, doesn't like the fact that I occasionally spend money downloading video clips (maybe like $10 at a time and maybe only once a month, when we have a household income of over $100,000/year), and will not compromise with me on any level on the issue.

I: Have at least attempted, several times and without success, to talk to her about the issue. I have attempted, again without success, to compromise with her on actually "scheduling" one day out of the month where I can tickle her. That lasted all of about a month and I never heard anything else about it. Now when I try to talk to her about the situation we end up fighting over it and that's not worth doing nor does it solve anything at all, so most of the time I just say nothing. I don't even bring the subject up hardly anymore. For my birthday, all I wanted was to be able to tickle her and all she did was complain about how cold the room was and how freezing she was. By the end of the night, it was 85 fucking degrees in the room and I was sweating like a pig.

The bottom line is basically this: I am unable to do things that I sould be able to do with the one woman that I care more about than anyone else, my wife. However, because I can't, she gives me no outlet, so I am stuck wondering what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I even asked her that one day and she gave me absolutely no answer at all. So there we are back to square 1. Now I know what you're asking: is it that she's not in to it or she's just not ticklish? Probably much of both and if she's not ticklish then so be it. I can't change that, I accept it. But still, what am I to do here??????

I don't care if your opinions are bad or good guys, be honest. If I'm being a whiny little bitch then say so, its all good. But fuck, someone tell me something!

Click to expand...

^ ...it's somewhat a symptom of a bigger problem. IMO, if a grown-up woman won't compromise on matters like this, your wife at that, there are untold backstories into it. You have to dissect her inner feelings. You can't escape that it will still have to end up in compromise.

Let me try....how about nibbling her nape with your lips sometime...? Sorry I'm not so good in giving advice.

Holy bat-crap!

When I started reading the post I thought I had written it! LOL!

It has taken a long time for my wife to be even remotely interested in tickling. She now enjoys it during our "adult time" and will even sneak in a few tickles other times too.

We have had many long conversations about me tickling other people too. While she says she does not completely understand it she is trying. See I too can tickle someone with no sexual overtones. I want to make love with one woman, and that is my wife. Yes, tickling her turns me on, but that is because we have an intimate relationship. If I tickled my neighbor I would no more want to have sex with her then I would if I tickled her husband.

Just keep talking dude. Some people are naturally insecure and others don't realize that our brains are hardwired differently that most.

I for one would never even bring up a gathering to my wife. Well, I did once. I had a dream that we went to one. I told her the next morning and in her own loving way she let me know that it wasn't going to happen in this lifetime! LOL!

So I have some tickling in my real life and some great adventures here, but its all about communication and trust.

Good luck.

~ toyou

What she doesn't know won't hurt her

Falcon, here's my story.

Before we married, my wife and I had an okay tickling life. I knew she was not the type of girl who would let me tie her down but the tickle fun we had was adequate.

However, starting on - I am not kidding here - our wedding night, my wife rejected my attempts to tickle her. After so many failed tries at stirring up some tickling, I gave up trying. We are now married ten years.

I know my wife well enough not to bring up my participation in this web site, let alone tell her about other women with whom I've tickled. She would not understand and it would hurt our marriage. (The other women I've tickled since I gave up on tickling my wife were massage parlor girls; dominatrices; a colleague with whom I worked for a year; and two fabulous women I met through this web site.)

If you can't rescue this situation with your wife, Falcon, either live with it (or more to the point, without it) or do what you can behind her back. Were the situation between my wife and me reversed, were I to find out she had secret tickling friends I know I'd understand.

Em Es said:

Falcon, here's my story.

Before we married, my wife and I had an okay tickling life. I knew she was not the type of girl who would let me tie her down but the tickle fun we had was adequate.

However, starting on - I am not kidding here - our wedding night, my wife rejected my attempts to tickle her. After so many failed tries at stirring up some tickling, I gave up trying. We are now married ten years.

I know my wife well enough not to bring up my participation in this web site, let alone tell her about other women with whom I've tickled. She would not understand and it would hurt our marriage. (The other women I've tickled since I gave up on tickling my wife were massage parlor girls; dominatrices; a colleague with whom I worked for a year; and two fabulous women I met through this web site.)

If you can't rescue this situation with your wife, Falcon, either live with it (or more to the point, without it) or do what you can behind her back. Were the situation between my wife and me reversed, were I to find out she had secret tickling friends I know I'd understand.

Click to expand...

I slightly disagree.

Crystal Light . . .

Crystal Light, of my response to Falcon, you said, "I slightly disagree." What didn't agree with you?

P.S. - I like your picture. Is it a self-portrait or did a creative photographer shoot it that way?

I never understood why people get involved with someone thats not into their fetish. that being said, id move on. plenty of fish in the sea.

Em Es said:

Crystal Light, of my response to Falcon, you said, "I slightly disagree." What didn't agree with you?

P.S. - I like your picture. Is it a self-portrait or did a creative photographer shoot it that way?

Click to expand...

Well Em, from my point of view I disagree with what you said mainly because of what falcon mentioned about his wife. He truly loves her more than anybody else and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. Going behind her back and participate in some type of tickling play with someone else other than her would CERTAINLY cause problems between them. Now, I for one am not married so I cannot give marital advice or counseling on how to change any of that. But, I have had a few meaningful relationships and I have learned that communication and compromise are absolutely key. Now here is my advice: If you love her and value your marriage DO NOT GO BEHIND HER BACK. That will most certainly cause her to lose trust in you/anger her/ or make her want even less to be tickled by you. Good luck to you Falcon, and let me know how everything goes man I'm interested to see how you handle this.

Falcon, I'm sorry to say that I don't see a solution for you. You have already been reasonable and made every effort to compromise, but your wife won't budge. If you love her enough to bear it, then you're going to continue to have no outlet.

With regard to money, she is being totally unreasonable. Your household income is clearly enough not to worry about spending, indeed even if you go so far as to say wasting, $5 or $10 on a clip or an artist's brush. If it makes you happy to waste that much money on your hobby or interest which doesn't harm anybody, it should not cause any reasonable person to be upset. Sigh.

Similar story here...

At first my wife was was up for it, and then I married her, and she stopped. Everything. So now we are divorced. I won't say it was all about the fetish, but it was part of it.

Lovestotickle . . .

Thank you for your comment. What I was trying to say was Falcon can either sneak around or live without anyone to tickle, as opposed to telling him to do the former.

Wow, thanks for all the supposrt and kind words guys. And thanks for not attacking my wife either. Not that I thought anyone would but she's really a good woman. We just can't find any common ground on this issue whatsoever. However, today over lunch we discussed NEST and she agreed to at least "consider" looking over the NEST page to view the general information about the goins on there.

Sneaking behind he rback is something I would never do, ever. Thought about it? You bet, but would I ever go through with it? Nah, it's not worth it. The whole thing isn't worth getting a divorce over. She fails to see, however, what the point of going to NEST would be if I wasn't participating (which I actually wouldn't be participating, I'd love to go just to say I went, meet people, hang out, enjoy the scenery, etc.). So I just had to explain it to her that I'd just be going to go. I even offered possible solutions as to how we could do it and she was, at the very least, attentive and listened to what I had to say. So I feel I might have made an inch of progress. Now, whether or not she actually reads the info on NEST, we'll have to wait and see. Something tells me she'll blow it off like she always does, I'll have to bring it up again and we'll end up fighting about it......once again. And, once again, back to square 1. But we'll see.

Thanks again for all your words, guys! They really helped!!

Falcon(punch) 😉

...

falcon said:

Ok, so most of you already know that my wife is not in to tickling like I am. As a matter of fact, she's not in to it at all. We've discussed the issue many times and she's known about my fetish since i started dating her.......15 years ago. We're now married over 11 years. Here's the very short version of this tragic tale:

She: Is not in to it, will not let me tickle her, will not give me any kind of outlet to tickle others, will not allow me to attend NEST (eventhough she has family in Philly, but she basically told me that if I go to NEST she'd leave me), is not crazy about the fact that I'm on this forum and that I chat with people in the chat room, not crazy about the fact that I chat with people on Yahoo IM as well, doesn't like the fact that I occasionally spend money downloading video clips (maybe like $10 at a time and maybe only once a month, when we have a household income of over $100,000/year), and will not compromise with me on any level on the issue.

I: Have at least attempted, several times and without success, to talk to her about the issue. I have attempted, again without success, to compromise with her on actually "scheduling" one day out of the month where I can tickle her. That lasted all of about a month and I never heard anything else about it. Now when I try to talk to her about the situation we end up fighting over it and that's not worth doing nor does it solve anything at all, so most of the time I just say nothing. I don't even bring the subject up hardly anymore. For my birthday, all I wanted was to be able to tickle her and all she did was complain about how cold the room was and how freezing she was. By the end of the night, it was 85 fucking degrees in the room and I was sweating like a pig.

The bottom line is basically this: I am unable to do things that I sould be able to do with the one woman that I care more about than anyone else, my wife. However, because I can't, she gives me no outlet, so I am stuck wondering what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I even asked her that one day and she gave me absolutely no answer at all. So there we are back to square 1. Now I know what you're asking: is it that she's not in to it or she's just not ticklish? Probably much of both and if she's not ticklish then so be it. I can't change that, I accept it. But still, what am I to do here??????

I don't care if your opinions are bad or good guys, be honest. If I'm being a whiny little bitch then say so, its all good. But fuck, someone tell me something!

Click to expand...

The scenario you describe would be a nightmare for me, having come from a background where I had a tickling partner from the time I was only a child. I'm not sure I could've handled the situation as well as you have thus far.

I wish I could offer some kind of useful advice, but I can't. It sounds like your wife is unwilling to meet you halfway on this, and she may simply be uncomfortable with tickling altogether. Personally, I couldn't spend the remainder of my life with someone so entirely closed to my love of tickling.

I wish you the best.