c7_assassin
3rd Level Black Feather
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The worst kept secret in Hollywood is now officially out: Joaquin Phoenix's 'bizarre' and 'shocking' transformation from twitchy celebrity to failed hip-hop star was actually a complete and utter hoax from start to finish.
In other news, fucking duh.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/100917/entertainment/centertainment_us_phoenix
Rumours that this was all a lame publicity stunt have been circulating ever since Phoenix revealed his coked-out unabomber-persona, and by 'rumours' I mean 'absolute iron-clad certainty.'
This metamorphosis was the fakest thing to have ever not happened in the history of everything. Let me put it this way: there are people who at this moment are having conversations with the voices inside their heads about who really killed JFK, and are lobbying the government to tell us the truth about the aliens who engineered the September 11th attacks, who took one look at Joaquin's ridiculous beard and said "How fucking stupid do you think I am?"
And this would all be fine (since when do I give a shit that an actor decides to humiliate himself, anyway?), except that he and his director, Casey Affleck (Ben's less talented younger brother...god, the contradictions keep piling up. What is less than negative infinity, anyway?) have been swearing up and down over the past few weeks that the film they shot was a legitimate documentary, that was in no way staged, whatsoever.
Just so we're on the same page about how wrong it is to do something like that, Sacha Baron Cohen didn't even try to say that Borat was 100% unscripted. He admitted he hired actors for a few of the segments. And we all knew that he was an actor playing a character the whole time. So this would be like if Sacha Baron Cohen had tried to convince the world that he actually was a guy named Borat Sagdiyev, and his film was an actual documentary. How douchey would that have been?
And the thing is, it wasn't even necessary for him to do all that, was it? We all loved Borat, and it wasn't because we thought that he was a real guy from Kazakstan, it was because we found the character funny and we found his escapades hilarious. It isn't necessary to trick audiences into seeing a good movie; I guess Joaquin and Casey decided to go for it just for the straight dick-factor. Either that, or the movie just sucks and they had no other way to sell it.
So this is my message to you, Joaquin Phoenix, and you too, Casey Affleck: fuck you. Fuck you with a life-sized stop sign. You've wasted everybody's time, you've lied to us, and you've tried to sell us a shitty product by claiming it was something that it wasn't. You're frauds, you're charlatans, and you both deserve to be raped by Frenchmen.
In other news, fucking duh.
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/100917/entertainment/centertainment_us_phoenix
Rumours that this was all a lame publicity stunt have been circulating ever since Phoenix revealed his coked-out unabomber-persona, and by 'rumours' I mean 'absolute iron-clad certainty.'
This metamorphosis was the fakest thing to have ever not happened in the history of everything. Let me put it this way: there are people who at this moment are having conversations with the voices inside their heads about who really killed JFK, and are lobbying the government to tell us the truth about the aliens who engineered the September 11th attacks, who took one look at Joaquin's ridiculous beard and said "How fucking stupid do you think I am?"
<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/joaquin%20phoenix%20letterman" target="_blank"><img src="http://i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj97/rizache/JoaquinPhoenixDavidLettermanshowvid.png" border="0" alt="Joaquin Phoenix la David Letterman Show Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>
"Joaquin, just...you can just stop it now, okay?"
"Joaquin, just...you can just stop it now, okay?"
And this would all be fine (since when do I give a shit that an actor decides to humiliate himself, anyway?), except that he and his director, Casey Affleck (Ben's less talented younger brother...god, the contradictions keep piling up. What is less than negative infinity, anyway?) have been swearing up and down over the past few weeks that the film they shot was a legitimate documentary, that was in no way staged, whatsoever.
<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/casey%20affleck" target="_blank"><img src="http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c395/sk8rchick_1987/Casey%20Affleck/192159__affleck_l.jpg" border="0" alt="Casey and Ben Affleck Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>
Casey is the one who looks like a raging douche. I mean, the smug one. Uh, the one whose face you instinctively want to punch ... Dammit, there is no way to differentiate between them!
Casey is the one who looks like a raging douche. I mean, the smug one. Uh, the one whose face you instinctively want to punch ... Dammit, there is no way to differentiate between them!
Just so we're on the same page about how wrong it is to do something like that, Sacha Baron Cohen didn't even try to say that Borat was 100% unscripted. He admitted he hired actors for a few of the segments. And we all knew that he was an actor playing a character the whole time. So this would be like if Sacha Baron Cohen had tried to convince the world that he actually was a guy named Borat Sagdiyev, and his film was an actual documentary. How douchey would that have been?
And the thing is, it wasn't even necessary for him to do all that, was it? We all loved Borat, and it wasn't because we thought that he was a real guy from Kazakstan, it was because we found the character funny and we found his escapades hilarious. It isn't necessary to trick audiences into seeing a good movie; I guess Joaquin and Casey decided to go for it just for the straight dick-factor. Either that, or the movie just sucks and they had no other way to sell it.
So this is my message to you, Joaquin Phoenix, and you too, Casey Affleck: fuck you. Fuck you with a life-sized stop sign. You've wasted everybody's time, you've lied to us, and you've tried to sell us a shitty product by claiming it was something that it wasn't. You're frauds, you're charlatans, and you both deserve to be raped by Frenchmen.
