Bottle of Merlot (joke)

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive
woman.
>>>>> >
The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the
gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.
>>>>> >
She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man,
and decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was
lingering for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
>>>>> >
The note read:
>>>>> >
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
> >
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own
in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed
him to return this to the woman. It read:
>>>>> >
"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a >
Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million
dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as
you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."

lmao great one stephy, where do you come up with these??? she got what she deserved and i bet she was biting her tongue all the way home.

isabeau

Oh I'm very lucky honey~all my friends are funny too! Glad someone liked it!
XOXO

steph said:

Oh I'm very lucky honey~all my friends are funny too! Glad someone liked it!
XOXO

Click to expand...

Cute honey! Heres another one:

Guy is walking down the street sees a sign - Make my horse laugh for $100.00-
So he knocks on the farmers door and tells him I can make your horse laugh, but I need a minute alone with him!
The farmer agrees and a minute later he comes out says the horse is laughing!
The farmer rushes into the barn and sure enough he's laughing!
So he gives the man $100.00!

A month later the same man is walking down the same road and sees a sign -Make my horse cry for $100.00-
He knocks on the farmers door and says I can do that but I need a minute alone!
Farmer says okay, and a minute later he walks out saying your horse is crying!
The farmer goes into the barn and sure enough the horse is crying!

Farmer goes to pay the man but says "Before I give you this.....I just gotta know what you did to make my horse laugh?"
The man said "Well I said my dick was bigger than his. That made him laugh!"
"So what made him cry?!" the farmer asked
"I proved it!" the man said!

Good one, Steph.


Have you seen this? I actually buy this for my S/O and I didn't have to cut 3 inches off my manhood for her!!!

Ow, that hurt my brain steph! 😀 rofl @ Illtcklu A classic.

Then I tip my derby.

Good one Steph. God, I love the classics!!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and asks, "Hey buddy, why the long face?

More of the "Classics"...

I went to the Dr. yesterday...I said, "Doc, I cant stand it. I don't sleep well & when I wake up & look in the mirror, I want to THROW UP; Doc, what's WRONG with me??!
My Doctor said, "I don't know WHAT'S wrong with you BUT Your Eyesight's PERFECT!"

Ba Dump Dump!!

Bug

See? I told you all my friends are funny too!
Glad you liked it all!
XOXO

LMAO 😛
Very funny, Steph. 😀

Heh, both jokes were pretty funny. Always an enjoyment to read.

Thanks for all the jokes, everyone, and nice image, Ray. 😀

lightninbug said:

I went to the Dr. yesterday...I said, "Doc, I cant stand it. I don't sleep well & when I wake up & look in the mirror, I want to THROW UP; Doc, what's WRONG with me??!
My Doctor said, "I don't know WHAT'S wrong with you BUT Your Eyesight's PERFECT!"

Ba Dump Dump!!

Bug

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Leave it to another Hoosier to outdo me!

The drunk was three hours late when he staggered into his house with a sheep under his arm and said to his wife "This is the pig I've been sleeping with." His wife replied " That's not a pig. That's a sheep!" The drunk replied " I was talking to the sheep!".....C'mon LightningBug what else ya got?

kered said:

The drunk was three hours late when he staggered into his house with a sheep under his arm and said to his wife "This is the pig I've been sleeping with." His wife replied " That's not a pig. That's a sheep!" The drunk replied " I was talking to the sheep!".....C'mon LightningBug what else ya got?

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Good one, Kered. 😀

Two Polish guys are walking in the woods, when one turns to the other and says, "Look, dead bird."
The other looks up in the sky and asks, "Where?"

Illtcklu said:

Two Polish guys are walking in the woods, when one turns to the other and says, "Look, dead bird."
The other looks up in the sky and asks, "Where?"

Click to expand...

Great joke! I love the classics!

At the party after the wedding everybody was getting really drunk. After about four hours the groom was staggering around the hotel looking for his new bride. At the honeymoon suite he opened the door and found his wife in bed having sex with the best man. The groom turns his head and yells down the hall,"C'mere you guys! Fred's so drunk he thinks he's me!"

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his
> wedding anniversary.
> His wife told him "Tomorrow, there better be
> something in the driveway for me that goes zero to
> 200 in 2 seconds flat".
> The next morning, the wife found a small package in
> the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new
> bathroom scale.
> Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set
> for Sunday.
>
>
>
>
> Food for thought...
>
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we
> know the batteries are getting weak?
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds"
> when they know there is not enough?
>
> Why does someone believe you when you say there are
> four billion stars, but check when you say the paint
> is wet?
>
> Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
>
> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by
> lethal injection?
>
> Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
>
> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but
> ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
> Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
>
> If people evolved from apes, why are there still
> apes?
>
> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you
> use the bubbles are always white?
>
> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
>
>
> Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator
> with hopes that something new to eat will have
> materialized?
>
> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen
> times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down,
> pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the
> vacuum one more chance?
>
> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end
> on your first try?
>
> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
> fixtures?
>
> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch
> something that's falling off the table you always
> manage to knock something else over?
>
> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as
> it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
>
> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
> The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
> four persons is suffering from some sort of mental
> illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
> they're okay, then it's you!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I like those "why" questions, steph. I see it all the time in my job. People will read the BRIDGE OUT sign on the barricade and still drive around the damn thing then try to drive over a thirty yard wide, twenty foot deep hole in the ground.